Screen Junkies » hasbro http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Thu, 28 Aug 2014 18:33:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 ‘Hungry Hungry Hippos’ Movie Moves Forward. Somewhere, An Angel Dies. http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/hungry-hungry-hippos-movie-moves-forward-somewhere-an-angel-dies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/hungry-hungry-hippos-movie-moves-forward-somewhere-an-angel-dies/#comments Thu, 04 Oct 2012 22:52:28 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=251303 The balls will be played by Andy Serkis.

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First off, I’m not entirely sure that “hippos” doesn’t have an “e” at the end of the word, but news about a movie with a premise this thin doesn’t deserve spell check, or even competent journalism.

In news that the world met with a resigned “Why the fuck not? This might as well happen,” Hasbro announced that Hungry Hungry Hippos and Action Man were being adapted, twisted, and just generally warped and mangled in order to become works resembling movies. Producer Mark Emmett conveyed that he would like to spend less than $100 million on the story of four plastic hippos that eat marbles.

That last sentence ought to demonstrate just how far we as a people have backslid. None of us deserve to live. Not even our grandparents. ESPECIALLY not our grandparents. They had every opportunity to stop this from happening.

Though the plot is not divulged (and possibly doesn’t exist, nor ever will), I’m hoping for an origin story. WHY are these hippos so hungry? What motivates them? The American dream? Will they get disillusioned? Are there Willy Loman parallels here?

The answer to all those questions and more is:

“Ugh.”

 

 

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‘Transformers 4′ Sets The Bar Really High By Promising New Robots http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/transformers-4-sets-the-bar-really-high-by-promising-new-robots/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/transformers-4-sets-the-bar-really-high-by-promising-new-robots/#comments Thu, 13 Sep 2012 22:08:20 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=250922 Remember Bumblebee? Well this is Caterpillar. He's mischievous and fun. Buy his toy.

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Upon speaking to the type of people that populate toy-industry conventions, Hasbro president Brian Goldner promised the audience toys based on new characters in the fourth installment of the curiously-tolerated action franchise.

I’m not naive enough to think anything other than money is guiding the hands behind this film series, but do they need to be so crass about it? I mean, announcing this Transformers news at a toy convention? Because sales of the Dark of the Moon‘s character’s toys were so slow? Ugh. At least have Michael Bay fax a pre-written press release from his yacht in Turk and Caicos or something.

These new characters will be hitting the screen at some point in 2014, by which point we will probably dead of our own hands. But if not…

…new Transformers characters. Yaayyyyyyyyyy?

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Adam Sandler To Star In And Write ‘Candy Land’ Movie, Because F*ck You, That’s Why http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/adam-sandler-to-star-in-and-write-candy-land-movie-because-fck-you-thats-why/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/adam-sandler-to-star-in-and-write-candy-land-movie-because-fck-you-thats-why/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 23:31:12 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=244178 Adam Sandler sucks. That's it. That's my excerpt.

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My hope is that Adam Sandler is conducting some sort of Kaufmanesque social experiment, but I think we all know he’s just got really bad taste in films.

Columbia Pictures has announced that they are taking a stab at a film adaptation of the beloved (does that word mean anything anymore?) board game, with Sandler attached to star, and the wretched Happy Madison banner producing.

I was holding out hope that Candyland would serve as a canvas for baroque production design and artful direction. The director selection (the dude who did Enchanted) elicits a profound “gunh!” from me, and the Sandler news brought nothing but a single solitary tear. Rather than getting those things I was hoping for, I will get Princess Lolly sounding like Sandler’s Jewish Grandmother character, and the Gingerbread People will be Sandler’s buddies that he keeps working with no matter how much they detract from a film.

I’m looking for a silver lining here, and I guess that it’s this: I don’t have to see this film and neither do you.

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7 Hasbro Properties Reimagined As Horror Films http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/7-hasbro-properties-reimagined-as-horror-films/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/7-hasbro-properties-reimagined-as-horror-films/#comments Fri, 21 Oct 2011 19:43:11 +0000 Noah Griffith http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=233234 It's only a matter of time...

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There are many things that will go down in cinema history.  Citizen Kane, Casablanca, and yes, the epic Hasbro movie deal that now includes Transformers 4 and 5. With the Ouija, Monopoly, and Stretch Armstrong movies in the works, it’s no surprise they’ll soon be scraping the barrel to adapt their other properties.

Seeing how Paranormal Activity 3 was just released today in the heat of the Halloween season, let’s take a look at some other Hasbro properties that could easily be reimagined as horror films.

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‘Ouija’ Scares A Writer Into Penning A McG Movie http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/ouija-scares-a-writer-into-penning-a-mcg-movie/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/ouija-scares-a-writer-into-penning-a-mcg-movie/#comments Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:47:21 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=207843 Spooked by the prospect of being best known for writing 'Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie', Evan Spilotopoulos has taken a gig scripting the McG/Michael Bay Ouiji board movie.

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Spooked by the prospect of being best known for writing direct-to-DVD Disney masterpieces like The Lion King 1 1/2 and Pooh‘s Heffalump Halloween Movie, writer Evan Spiliotopoulos ha taken a high-profile gig scripting Ouiji for Universal. A movie based on a board game? Likely to be bad. A movie based on a board game directed by McG? Spiliotopoulos will probably beg Disney to let him write Mulan 4: Space Mulan after he’s done with Ouija.

Michael Bay and Hasbro execs are producing Ouija, and I assume top-quality storytelling is at the top of their to-do list. Plot details are still murky, though it’s been described as “a four-quadrant supernatural adventure centering around a family.” If there’s one thing movie-goers care about, it’s marketing quadrants. Ghosts care about them too. It’s why when Universal executives were considering the project, they asked the ghosts of film legends past via Ouija board, “does this movie hit all four quadrants?” The ghosts spelled out, “S-T-O-P… R-U-I-N-I-N-G… M-O-V-I-E-S…” (Hollywood Reporter)

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Ridley Scott’s ‘Monopoly’ Is Still A Thing http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/ridley-scotts-monopoly-is-still-a-thing/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/ridley-scotts-monopoly-is-still-a-thing/#comments Tue, 08 Mar 2011 03:03:27 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=102730 Everyone's excited about Ridley Scott's 'Prometheus', which is why Hasbro wants to spoil the fun and remind you that Scott is still attached to the Monopoly movie.

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Everyone’s really excited about Ridley Scott‘s quasi-Alien movie Prometheus, which is why Hasbro wants to spoil the fun by reminding you that Scott is still attached to direct a feature length version of Monopoly. The movie’s been in development for what feels like forever, just like playing a game of Monopoly with your family. After assuring the film was still happening, here’s what Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner said about the story in a recent interview:

“It’s a very human and personal story. It’s not really ‘Wall Street,’ not at all,” he explained. “It’s a fictionalized story of a family, and there’s a lot of intrigue in the story. Suffice it to say, it’s a story about a family with a history, and we’re projecting that into current times. But it’s not ‘Wall Street.’ It’s more about property ownership and of the play-pattern of the game.”

So it’s gonna be just like Wall Street. Got it. Production will start… uh, sometime. When Scott is ready to pass go.

With all these board game adaptations coming out, like Battleship and Risk, I’m already getting bored with board games – and the movies haven’t even come out yet. I wish toy companies would leave the movies alone, or instead make more board games based on movies. I’d play Saw: The Board Game. It’d be like Mouse Trap, but with deadlier traps, like a pit of needles. That’s some serious win as far as I’m concerned. (MTV News)

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‘GI Joe 2′, A Movie About Toys, Will Make Sense Even If You Haven’t Seen The First One http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/gi-joe-2-a-movie-about-toys-will-make-sense-even-if-you-havent-seen-the-first-one/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/gi-joe-2-a-movie-about-toys-will-make-sense-even-if-you-havent-seen-the-first-one/#comments Wed, 23 Feb 2011 05:51:04 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=29265 If you didn't see 'GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra', not to worry - Hasbro still wants your money.

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If you didn’t see GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra, not to worry – Hasbro still wants your money.

From what I gathered by watching the commercials, the first GI Joe was intricately plotted and very sophisticated, like that scene where the thing blows up. If you didn’t watch the first one, but decided to catch the currently-in-development GI Joe 2, how would you know that things blew up? According to a recent interview, Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner “made sure” that the script for GI Joe 2 wouldn’t require any knowledge from the first one. He’s proud of the script, penned by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (Zombieland).

“We have a really good script and we’re right now talking to a number of directors.”

“In many ways, it’ll be great for the people who saw the first one, but you don’t need to have studied every element of the first one to enjoy the second. We’ve made sure that that’s the case.”

I hope you won’t need to have seen GI Joe 1, but you will need to have memorized the GI Joe animated movie from 1987, and if you haven’t, you are totally boned. Or should I say Roadblock-ed? Nah, I’m going with boned. Yo Joe! (Screenrant)

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Taylor Lautner Gives ‘Max Steel’ The Hand http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/taylor-lautner-gives-max-steel-the-hand/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/taylor-lautner-gives-max-steel-the-hand/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Taylor Lautner has too many toys in his sandbox. After yanking both Mattel's Max Steel and Hasbro's Stretch Armstrong away from his peers while screaming, "Mine!", his Hollywood parents told him to make a decision. Lautner decided on Stretch, throwing Max back to the less fortunate, uglier, smellier kids to fight over.   An insider who carries Lautner's bag of wet wipes and binkies told Vulture, "When you sign on to make a movie with Hasbro, you know it will be in theaters a year later." Well said, overbearing Hollywood stagemother. I would assume Lautner would want to play a sweet futuristic character like Max Steel over a man with skin issues, but maybe he has opposing thoughts about what is cool. Or daddy demanded he abide by his decision or get the belt again.

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Taylor Lautner has too many toys in his sandbox. After yanking both Mattel‘s Max Steel and Hasbro‘s Stretch Armstrong away from his peers while screaming, "Mine!", his Hollywood parents told him to make a decision. Lautner decided on Stretch, throwing Max back to the less fortunate, uglier, smellier kids to fight over.   

An insider who carries Lautner’s bag of wet wipes and binkies told Vulture, "When you sign on to make a movie with Hasbro, you know it will be in theaters a year later." Well said, overbearing Hollywood stagemother. I would assume Lautner would want to play a sweet futuristic character like Max Steel over a man with skin issues, but maybe he has opposing thoughts about what is cool. Or daddy demanded he abide by his decision or get the belt again.

 

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