Dolphin Tale, inspired by a true story, is about how a young boy’s friendship helped save a dolphin’s life. It’s like Free Willy, but with a title that’s not as easy to make dick jokes out of. The film stars Morgan Freeman, Ashley Judd, Kris Kristofferson and Harry Connick Jr. Dolphin Tale is designed to warm your heart, and the studio even purchased the Heart-Warmulator 9000 super computer to ensure victory over your appropriate cynicism.

Oh man, so many great moments in the trailer: the slow turning of a sad, tail-less dolphin, Morgan Freeman slowly palming his face, a group of adults and children anxiously watching a dolphin’s odd-looking health monitor, a bunch of heads turning… slowly. Studio execs who read this might think I’d never go to see their movie on September 16, but then again, I haven’t met Winter yet.