So while he can continue to prattle on about Han shooting in self-defense, let’s look at nine other elephants in the room that demonstrate that these galaxies far, far away don’t adhere to the same strict moral code that we here in present day ‘merica do.

8. Using An Army Of Clones

How are the Jedi OK with this? Aside from the fact that no one really knew who made the clones, doesn’t Yoda have any qualms about the fact that these soldiers were raised in pods and have life outside of battle? It’s one thing to raise an army. It’s another to use a bunch of slaves you made in a test tube.

7. Animal Abuse

Killing a savage bounty hunter is totally verboten in Lucasland, but picking off womp rats is just innocent “boys will be boys” fun? That’s crap. Luke Skywalker‘s predilection towards killing animals should indicate that not only is he not fit to lead a rebellion, but probably shouldn’t be someone you’re hanging out with in any capacity. And let’s not forget Han Solo’s total disregard for the life of his poor Tauntaun.

Why is George Lucas holding on to this clearly false view? And what is he hiding? Screen Junkies investigated, and found these nine other George Lucas denials.

The Existence of the Skywalker Ranch Ghost

Visitors to Skywalker Ranch may notice some strange occurrences. It’s not uncommon to catch a glimpse of movement out of the corner of your eye or feel a presence behind you when walking the hallways at night. Though when you turn, there is no one there. Some eyewitnesses have reported seeing an opaque, glowing woman pleading for help. George Lucas explains that this is just test footage for Princess Leia‘s hologram transmission to Obi-Wan Kenobi. But it just doesn’t add up.

The Holocaust (On Alderaan)

Though there is clearly filmic proof of the Death Star firing upon Alderaan and killing its entire population, George Lucas has been an outspoken Holocaust (on Alderaan) denier. “The Holocaust (on Alderaan) didn’t happen,” claims Lucas. “The explosion of the planet was an inside job which the Empire had no hand in.” He also purports there is a conspiracy in the Cloud City of Bespin that Lando Calrissian has stockpiled thousands of plastic bins alleged to be used for the mass burials of suspected rebels.

Chip Double-Dipping

Deny. Deny. Deny.

That’s George Lucas’s top three rules when called out for the double-dipping of a cracker, chip, or baby carrot while at functions that offer hummus or ranch dip. It’s not even worth accusing him anymore as he can use Industrial Light & Magic to digitally cover up any wrongdoing. Best bet is to just get to the dip before him and ration out your own amount, or avoid it entirely.

The item that is absolutely the Millenium Falcon is thought to be 197 feet wide and is submerged in 250 feet of water, with track marks of upturned sea floor 1,600 feet long, indicating that the object crashed. You know, like a spaceship would.

Many are speculating what could be inside the Millennium Falcon, but I’ll save everyone from the suspense. You’re going to find a regular-sized skeleton wearing a black vest and a giant skeleton with a bandolier over its left shoulder.

With that mystery solved, we should probably get to work on cloning them, no?

Is it just me, or does this sound like EXACTLY the type of thing that a Portland nudist would have an issue with?

If the notion of stuffing yourself inside a bloody animal sounds familiar, it’s probably because Han Solo stuffed Luke Skywalker inside a dead Tauntaun to keep him warm in Empire Strikes Back.

Lottin shot the horse (it was 32 and already scheduled to be euthanized, if that helps) and crawled inside it so that she could be “one with the animal.” Well, I hope she achieved that after replacing the horse’s intestines with her own, warm, naked body.

Don’t get me wrong, I like cute naked girls covered in horse blood, it’s just that this seems a little “on the nose.” It’s probably the guts and the fact that she crammed herself inside a dead f*cking horse.

Click the image below for more pics…

(A.V. Club)

Arbitrary Dialogue Changes Too Numerous to Count

One thing Lucas loves to do every time he edits Star Wars is to change dialogue in seemingly arbitrary ways. It’s not really clear why “Blast it, Wedge, where are you?” gets changed to “Blast it, Biggs, where are you?,” nor what difference having C-3PO say “and” before “do take care of yourself” makes, but apparently it’s a big deal to George.

Title Changes

Back in the day, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope was known simply as “Star Wars.” Of course, back in the day, Star Wars was just a fun movie to watch and an excuse to use Whiffle bats as light sabres. Somewhere along the line George Lucas started seeing his work as some kind of socially relevant epic. Accordingly, he not only started giving the films incredibly pretentious names, he actually went back and changed the titles of previously released films.

Greedo Shoots First

This was the irritating change for nearly a decade. Somewhere along the line, Lucas decided that Han Solo was a noble knight instead of a charming rake. Accordingly, he couldn’t dare shoot first at a bounty hunter trying to claim him for a disgusting space worm. This change isn’t minor or insignificant. It completely alters the character of Han Solo. Why not have him tell Leia “I love you, too” while we’re at it?