Empire Magazine sat down with director Shane Black and co-writer Drew Pearce to discuss Iron Man 3 in their latest podcast, which is SPOILER-HEAVY, and some interesting bits came to light. Apparently tired of freaky Wonder Woman sex, Pepper Potts strayed from Tony Stark’s bed and the result was caught on tape. Says Black:

“Pepper, in one draft, slept with [Aldrich] Killian because he was so pheromonially enhanced with this extremis that she couldn’t resist him and she was angry with Tony and so she sleeps with Killian and then he makes a sex tape and broadcasts it in Home Depot.”

That tyrant! Using Home Depot to besmirch Pepper’s reputation would make her look like a total whore in the eyes of migrant workers and women who want new cabinets. Is his evil boundless?

Ted Haggard made a delightful name for himself as a hypocrite a few years back when, as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, he had an affair with a male prostitute and did a bunch of crystal meth.

YOU’RE MY BOY, TED!

Gary Busey, of course, is a clinically insane person who used to be an actor but now just scares people with his teeth.

While these are two rather inspired choices, we would like to see the producers spread their wings and put up some other celebrities that will add an unpredictable element to the reality television show. Here are five such couples that would make Celebrity Wife Swap appointment television.

5. Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox

Little did BAG know, Megan Fox has been playing her own game of Wife Swap for a while, most recently with Transformers costar Shia LaBeouf. I would like to see this couple on the swapping block if only to see the look of unmitigate glee when the other party’s husband (in my mind it’s Morgan Freeman) finds out that he’s getting Megan Fox for the experiment.

I mean, they say there’s no f*cking the other guy’s wife or husband in Wife Swap, but come on. ABC reality producers aren’t going to keep me from banging MY WIFE. Hell, the National Guard isn’t going to keep me from banging Megan Fox if she was my wife.

Ugh. Did that come across as rapey? I feel like that came across as rapey.

4. Chris “Mad Dog” Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow

These two are just annoying people. The wife would wake up to Chris Martin just staring at her, sipping some sort of herbal tea he came across in Sri Lanka.

“I wrote you a song about a rainbow!”

Meanwhile, Gwyneth would channel her GOOP darkside, filling the children’s brown paper lunch bags with vegan paella and telling the kids they don’t get to practice tai chi until after they meditate.

Cut back to Chris, who wants to call the whole thing off because he’s convinced that the new family’s dog stole his favorite scarf. To make matters worse, Gwyneth sends him a letter saying that she won’t be returning to her original family, and that he can keep Moses and Apple because those are stupid names for children and she is going to kick it with her new adopted children Cody, Madison, and Kevin.

But he does anyway with these character posters for Contagion, which I’m just going to start describing as “Outbreak-but-better.”

We’ve got posters here for Matt Damon, Marion Cotillard, Laurence Fishburne, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, and Kate Winslet. There’s acknowledging that you’ve got a great cast, then there’s bragging about it, and right now director Steven Soderbergh is toeing the line. Seriously, though, this cast looks lights-out.

It’s not clear if the film will be as scary as the posters would lead us to believe, but I have hopes that it will be every bit as good as the hype that surrounds it.

Contagion opens September 9th. If we even last that long with this, this THING out there.

Jane Fonda

Jane Fonda talking with dad, Henry Fonda

Screen legend Henry Fonda has two famous children, Jane and Peter. Jane became interested in acting at seventeen, when she performed with her dad at the Omaha Community Playhouse. She studied with Lee Strasberg before returning to Hollywood. She started as the female lead in movies in 1960 with Tall Story and was a dominant presence in film through the 1980s. She won both her Oscars, for 1971’s Klute and 1978’s Coming Home before dad won his in 1981 for On Golden Pond. Since he was unable to attend, Jane gave his acceptance speech. Jane Fonda certainly earned her own place in the pantheon, just as her dad did during the studio era, in roles from The Grapes of Wrath to 12 Angry Men.

Angelina Jolie

Angelina Jolie hugging father Jon Voight

Although Oscar winner Jon Voight separated from Angelina Jolie’s mother, Marcheline Bertrand, before their daughter was a year old, he did give her a start in the biz with her screen debut in 1982’s Lookin’ To Get Out. Voight may have helped, but since her incendiary performance as the drug-addicted model Gia (1998) and her 1999 Oscar for Girl, Interrupted she has been a full-fledged famous actress in her own right. Her tempestuous personal life garners worldwide attention, and she has now surpassed Voight in fame and fortune. Their relationship has been rocky at times, but the pair played onscreen father and daughter in 2001’s Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow with parents Blythe Danner and Bruce Paltrow in New York

Although Paltrow likes to credit her own hard work and talent for her success, she was certainly helped in the early years by family friend Steven Spielberg when he cast her as Wendy in 1991’s Hook. She is the child of TV producer Bruce (St. Elsewhere) and actress Blythe Danner. She quickly earned critical raves for her performances in Emma while also being a tabloid cover girl for her personal relationships with fellow movie stars Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck. In 1998, she won the Oscar for Shakespeare in Love. Paltrow has focused more on family in recent years, since marrying Coldplay front man Chris Martin in 2003 and having two children, Apple and Moses.

Tatum O‘Neal

Ryan O'Neal kissing daughter Tatum O'Neal

She still holds the record for the youngest person to win an Academy Award at age ten, but the troubled life of Tatum O’Neal gives pause to early glory. In later years, Tatum attributed that early attention and fame for driving a wedge in her relationship with dad, Ryan. The older O’Neal had been a top box office draw since 1970’s Love Story. By the late ’70s, both of their film careers were fading but they have both remained tabloid fixtures for their drug use, personal lives and relationships. In 2011, Ryan and Tatum appeared together in Ryan and Tatum: The O’Neals on the Oprah Winfrey Network. The reality series documented their reunion and reconciliation.

Isabella Rosselini

Isabella Rosselini with mother Ingrid Bergman in 1976's "A Matter Of Time

Like her mother, Ingrid Bergman, Isabella has a taste for film directors. She was married to film director Martin Scorcese and was in a longtime relationship with David Lynch. Since her leading lady days in Blue Velvet and her fourteen year tenure as the face of Lancome, Rosselini has focused much of her time on conservation efforts.

Now, the question of why Coolio has a cookbook (or an awesome Internet cooking show, for that matter), is a whole different story. While I don’t have a definitive answer, I think a coworker of mine who once worked with the rapper put it best when he said “Coolio needs food money.”

Whatever his motives for pimping “Ghettalian Garlic Bread,” he’s far from alone. A ridiculous amount of celebrities have tried their hand at writing a cookbook. While it must be insulting for an actual cook to see a bunch of amateurs using their fame to get a cookbook deal, it’s a thousand times better than when celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse used his fame to get a sitcom deal, so let’s just call it even.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at the worst offenders.

Tony Danza – Don’t Fill Up on the Antipasto: Tony Danza‘s Father-Son Cookbook
Did you know that Tony Danza is Italian? I guess you probably did, since every character he’s ever played is a walking Italian stereotype. And what better way to further showcase his Italian heritage (a.k.a. squeeze blood from a turnip) than with an Italian cookbook. I guess he could have started doing Olive Garden commercials, but that might have cheapened the legacy of “Who’s the Boss?” Eh, fuggetaboutit!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Eva Longoria – Eva’s Kitchen: Cooking with Love for Family and Friends
This book doesn’t come out until April, but I’m sure it will be great. Of course, in my mind, it will consist mainly of pictures for recipes like “Eve’s Latin Ass Cake” and “Naked Titty Pie.” In actuality, it will probably be filled with bitter musings about her cheating husband. Try the ‘How To Kill Your Ex’ Cajun Chicken. I hear it’s delicious.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Gwyneth Paltrow – My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrating Family & Togetherness
They should have titled this book My Father’s Connections: Easy Ways to Break Into Hollywood and Cookbook Publishing. Just kidding! She’s a good actress. Even so, that title is really schmaltzy. I would have gone with “Delicious, Easy Recipes From the Woman Who Got Her Head Cut Off in Se7en.”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Cooking With Regis & Kathie Lee
A lot of you are too young to remember this, but there was a time when Regis Philbin and Kathie Lee Gifford were on the same show. This book should be required reading for all students so that future generations may never forget the evil that man is capable of inflicting on his fellow man.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Dom Deluise – Eat This .. It’ll Make You Feel Better
Considering Dom Deluise passed away about a year-and-a-half ago, the title of this book doesn’t add up. Unless, of course, Dom didn’t follow his own advice. Which is it, Dom? Are you a hypocrite, or a liar? Answer me!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Carnie Wilson – I’m Still Hungry
This isn’t exactly a cook book. It’s more the harrowing tale of an obese woman’s life and death struggle with weight loss. But it does have a few of Carnie’s favorite dessert recipes, so I’ll count it.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ted Nugent – Kill It & Grill It: A Guide to Preparing and Cooking Wild Game and Fish
I’d love to go out and blow a deer’s head off, but I just don’t have the slightest idea about what to do with the carcass! Luckily, washed up rocker and rugged outdoors man Ted Nugent is here to help. Of course, his book leaves out the part about illegally baiting animals, or hunting them in a fenced-off area from which there is no chance of escape. But what else do you expect from an ass hat like “The Nuge.”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Kenny Rogers – Cooking with Kenny Rogers
If you’ve got a special someone who’s big fan of “The Gambler,” this book is a must have. Of course, anyone who’s a big Kenny Rogers fan is probably in a nursing home without access to a kitchen. But even so, it’s the thought that counts. And the pictures will remind the reader of a simpler time, when “Coward of the County” ruled the airwaves, and it didn’t hurt to take a piss.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Miss Piggy – In the Kitchen With Miss Piggy: Fabulous Recipes from My Famous Celebrity Friends
I love the Muppets, and I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I make fun of Miss Piggy. But there’s something genuinely unsettling about a pig telling you how to cook. I can’t imagine the sections on pork chops and frog legs were easy to write.

I may not be the target audience for Country Strong, but all I could think was it’s no Crazy Heart. It is another story of a has-been alcoholic country singer, but Country Strong just revels in the show of tragedy to show off some “intense” performances.

Kelly Canter (Gwyneth Paltrow) is getting out of rehab. Her sponsor Beau (Garrett Hedlund) is a country singer who plays small bars but seems happy with the crowd. James Canter (Tim McGraw) gets his wife out of rehab a month early to embark on her comeback tour, but Beau knows she’s not ready.

This movie really only exists so that an actress can play all the darkness of alcoholism. To be fair, it’s accurate. Addicts just keep going, but this is exploiting the disease to showcase a performance. I can’t blame Paltrow for being attracted to the opportunities Kelly presents, but it’s too obvious.

James is pretty obvious too. He’s a fixer who thinks he can control everything if he just orchestrates Kelly’s comeback just right and if Kelly just does everything he says down to taking the exact right combination of pills. He’s got the Ron Silver look with the beard and suit, he’s the Ron Silver type but he is no Ron Silver.

The film goes for shock value because it has no human drama. Kelly gets a package with a bloody baby doll and a note that reads “Baby killer.” You’d think an alcohol related miscarriage would have inherent drama, but the movie only uses it to set Kelly off drinking and crying.

When Kelly breaks down on stage, she starts talking crazy. It would be disturbing to hear her talking about how the stars in the sky could take care of you. The movie’s not bold enough to go full on crazy though. They’re just waiting for Kelly to start crying with a jumbotron close-up on stage behind her.

Kelly just happens to wander into the studio while James is recording her new song with young upstart Chiles Stanton (Leighton Meester). That happens, again, just so Kelly can cry about it. She dances on the bar at Miss Kitty’s and vomits backstage, although it’s all sound. Paltrow didn’t commit to the chunks.

The dialogue is full of clichés. James tells Kelly, “When I first heard your voice, I thought that’s what angels sound like.” He sounds sincere though. I really believe that guy is so unoriginal. Kelly asks James, “Will you remember me like I was?” because she’s so ashamed of what she’s become. Not rock bottom enough to clean up, but enough to mope. Beau says, “I don’t think fame and love can exist in the same place.” That’s just some B.S. they threw in as a message. Fame wasn’t what corrupted Kelly. You can be famous and sober.

Along the way Beau falls for Chiles. Why? I guess because they played beauty pageant together and he messed with her flash cards. Yeah, that’s a subplot but it’s not the real problem of the movie.

On the plus side, you get to see Paltrow in some mighty scanty outfits. She looks fabulous in a tiny black dress, and wears nothing but a towel in two scenes. Her final performance in a red dress and boots is hot, plus two more costume changes.

I guess there’s a good soundtrack if you like country music. Kelly’s final performance is basically a medley of numbers that will all be available for 99 cents each on iTunes. Maybe if you love the music it doesn’t matter what the story is, but it does show irresponsible lack of restraint dealing with serious drama.

The trailer for Country Strong has strummed its way into our Internets, and I seriously think somebody needs to check out Gwyneth Paltrow’s Netflix rental history. If The Blind Side and Crazy Heart are on there side-by-side, then I call shenanigans. Between the similarities to those films, and the scenes where people cry so hard they fall on their butts (I counted two), this is such an obvious ploy for an Oscar or a Grammy. In truth, they’d be lucky to get a Razzie for this. Hasn’t Sandra Bullock had enoug taken from her?

Watch Paltrow do her best Lurleen Lumpkin after the jump…

Country Strong Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos

^{"Now you put your fingers between my fingers…"}

Believe it or not, M. Night Shyamalan has a secret film project in the works that’s so revolutionary it would kill you if you knew anything about it. Literally (probably not literally). It’s reported today that Shyamalan is attempting to drum up funding for a new project before his latest starts air-bending in theaters on July 1st. It’s also said that his muse Bruce Willis, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Bradley Cooper are attached to the mystery project.

No details are known about it at this time (because it would kill you). In fact, the project is so hush-hush that only a few executives have read it while under the supervision of Shyamalan’s assistant, which must have been awkward. If it was anything like his recent slate of masterworks, the execs probably skeptically rolled their eyes upon finishing and exclaimed, "GAAAYYY!!!!" (THR)

_{‘The world is a fine place and wort fighting for.’ And it looks awesome in Blu Ray!}

David Fincher’s Se7en is getting the Blu Ray treatment, meaning you’ll soon see the bloated corpse of the fatass who ate himself to death in high definition, as God the father intended.

The disk will be loaded with extras, including audio commentaries, alternate endings and full motion video details of "John Doe´s" creepy notebook writings. No word yet on the case, but hopefully it will resemble the box with the severed head. I think that’d be neat!

Se7en on Blu Ray hits stores September 14th. (DreadCentral)

These links won’t fight back.

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