However, that sentiment can be difficult to convey in 90 minutes with characters we’re just meeting. Thus, film franchises can often play to nostalgia with ease, as the characters have already been developed, so we can get right to the plot, as is done in the upcoming American Reunion movie. However, establishing a film franchise isn’t as easy at it sounds, so many of the most memorable (good, bad, or otherwise) reunion films are stand alone, taking us back to high school, college, or even grade school.

These are their stories.

(cue Law & Order music)

The Big Chill

Perhaps the ultimate reunion movie, this film brings back together a gaggle of college friends 15 years later for the funeral of a friend. Characters from many different stations in life all get together to reminisce about the old days.

The name says it all. High school reunions are often dreaded by those who were once popular and now aren’t, as well as those who weren’t popular and still aren’t. In fact, the only people that really should like reunions are the rags to riches story, but they’re generally above the competition having achieved success later in life.

While Romy and Michelle certainly didn’t become world beaters, they want to convince everyone that they are, even claiming that they invented Post-It notes for 3M, which is pretty damn funny. Of course, their resiliency pays off, and they end up with the reunion of their dreams, even flying off in a helicopter.

And, of course, the whole thing is soundtracked with some killer 1980’s songs. This film is worth it for the “Time after Time” interpretive dance alone.

I’m still a huge fan of Adam Sandler‘s good movies, but this is… this is just… he’s just doing this to f**k with us now. No word yet on plot or returning cast, but let’s face it. The entire cast will return. This is only good news for David Spade. (Variety)

Right about now, numerous online hacks like myself are working on editorials decrying Sandler for his lazy, brainless films (this coming from people who write “lists” all day). Many of these editorials will try to figure out why Sandler continues to churn out such shitty films. The real question is why in the world should he bust his ass and put out a quality product when it’s sure to be met with lukewarm box-office numbers. On the other hand, he can cram Kevin James and a bunch of poop jokes down our throats, and we’ll throw money at him like there’s no tomorrow. Sandler’s critical successes (all four of them) have brought in less than $200 million. On the other hand, his critical failures have brought in close to $2 billion. Yes, billion with a ‘b’. And of his 12 films that have grossed over $100 million, not one has been above 50% on RottenTomatoes.com. Clearly, he’s just giving the people what they want, and apparently, they want shitty, shitty movies. Take a look at the infographic below and see for yourself.

(Click the image to enlarge…)

Graphic by Jame Gumb and Noah Griffith

It’s pretty much common knowledge that the People’s Choice Awards are a joke. Every year, you laugh at the nominees, and then laugh even harder when you read about the winners. But when was the last time you actually sat down and watched the entire ceremony? You probably can’t remember. After all, what kind of asshole would subject themselves to that kind of torture? Well, last night, I was that asshole.

I watched the entire show from start to finish so you didn’t have to, and a more sickening display I cannot recall. I knew it was going to be bad, but I was utterly shocked at just how bad. But even in a sea of horrible moments, I managed to find a few islands of pure awfulness that somehow stood out. I give you the worst moments from The People’s Choice Awards.

Queen Latifah as Host
It’s bad enough to watch a meaningless award show, but it’s a thousand times worse when your host has all the charisma of a drugged-out homeless woman. Listening to Queen Latifah shriek her way through the show was about as fun as watching her shriek her way through a Queen Latifah movie.

Although she was bad throughout, the intro takes the cake. Watching an unenthusiastic crowd forced to wave their right hands in unison while Latifah sang “Dynamite” was like watching some sort of bizarro Nazi rally at Nuremberg, except for the fact that the Nazi’s were better dressers.

Conan O’Brien Wins
Conan winning for Best Talkshow Host was one of the high points of the show. But watching someone with actual talent in a room full of shills was depressing in its own special way.

During his acceptance speech, O’Brien made a crack about the mic stand being too short. “I can’t believe I have to crouch this low.” Neither can I.

Prodding the Audience to Keep Voting
Throughout the show, presenters asked the audience at home to keep voting, as if it could determine the winner. This was insulting on so many different levels. First of all, all of the winners are told ahead of time, so what’s the point? Second, I was watching the show on the West Coast. It had already aired everywhere else. If I sent enough texts, were they going to drive over to Kid Rock’s house and take his award back?

Oh, by the way; Kid Rock won the People’s Voice Award. F*ck me.

Voter Turnout
Early on, the show bragged about receiving over 175 million votes, the highest turnout in its history. That fact is even more impressive, considering that only about 90 million people cast votes in the 2010 election.

Granted, people can vote multiple times for the People’s Choice Awards, but the same can be said for congressional elections, depending on the district.

Adam Sandler/Grown Ups
Adam Sandler took home the award for Best Comedic Actor, while his film, Grown Ups, took home the award for Best Comedy Film. As if to highlight the injustice, Sandler, who was sporting a black eye, told the following “joke” during his acceptance speech.

“I wanted to go see the Black Eyed Peas, and the lady thought I said, ‘Black Eye, Please!’” I’m not even a Sandler hater, but holy sh*t.

No Suspense
As I mentioned earlier, the award winners are notified beforehand, so none of the other nominees want to show up just to lose. I can’t say I blame them. This causes a problem for viewers. Any time you see a celeb, you can be 99% sure they won an award. And whoever was directing this sh*t show had a nasty habit of cutting to a shot or interview of a celeb about ten minutes before their category was announced, which killed what little suspense there might have been.

Elton John Has Gone too Far
I know Elton John is a champion for gay rights, but slowly morphing into a Lesbian woman is taking it too far. Looking like Hillary Clinton isn’t going to win you any friends in the flyover states, Sir Elton.

Viral Video of the Year
And the viral video of the year goes to…”Single Ladies?” WTF? Where is “The Bed Intruder Song?” I’d even settle for “Double Rainbow.”

Movie of the Year: Twilight
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse won for Best Film. Yeah, it’s not surprising, considering kids are probably the only ones who vote for this trash. After all, kids are stupid. But that’s why we don’t let them make decisions.

If your kid rubbed its shit on the wall, you’d clean it up, and tell no one about what happened. On the other hand, the producers of The Peoples Choice Awards would broadcast it for the world to see, and have celebrities pretend to get excited.

Blatant Product Shilling
I have no problem with sponsors on broadcast television. It’s a small price to pay for free entertainment. But Jesus Christ, The People’s Choice Awards would have tattooed an ad for CVS Pharmacy on to Queen Latifah’s tits if the company would have asked.

And Jesus, CVS Pharmacy? I go there to buy toilet paper and condoms. I had no idea it was actually a high-end beauty boutique.

That’s because Grown Ups, a film that currently has a 10% rating at Rotten Tomatoes*, won the People’s Choice Award for Best Comedy Film of 2010. Adam Sandler also took home an award for Best Comedic Star, which would make total sense if the year was 1997. But it’s not, god damn it!

Look, I understand that the whole point of this award show (aside from selling sh*t) is to give “the people” a say, rather than a bunch of critics and Hollywood insiders. But if Grown Ups is honestly the best “we the people” can come up with, it’s a damn good thing we’re not allowed to vote for president. Zing! With that sort of bland, inoffensive commentary, I’m well on my way to winning a People’s Choice Award of my own!

*See, a snob would have used Metacritic!

I used to get pissed off when I’d hear someone say that. First of all, it should be “Sandler’s movies,” not “Sandler movies.” Not that I’m a grammar Nazi, but come on! Second, what‘s not to like?

When pressed, most Sandler haters would reply with something along the lines of “his movies are stupid.” Of course they’re stupid. Most comedies are. But Sandler’s don’t pretend to be anything more. If you want something “intellectual,” go whack off to Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I prefer to laugh.

But after seeing the painfully unfunny trailers for Grown Ups earlier this year, something changed. The previews looked so downright depressing that I began to question my loyalty. That’s when it hit me. I hadn’t seen a Sandler movie in a theater since Punch Drunk Love, and that‘s not even a comedy. To complicate matters, I hadn’t even rented one of his films since then, and the few I’ve caught on cable have been awful. Looking back, it seems there wasn’t even a loyalty for me to question. As it turns out, I would rather whack off to Vicky Cristina Barcelona than sit through The Longest Yard. Jesus Christ! What the hell happened?

The Easy Answer: I Grew Up

I was in high school when Billy Madison came out. Now I’m over 30. I’ve got a wife, 19 kids, and my own reality show on TLC. I’ve become a responsible adult who spends his time working, changing diapers and watching shitty sitcoms (“Modern Family” is my fav). My tastes have matured. The fart jokes I used to find funny now seem childish. I no longer drink Natty Light, and I no longer like Adam Sandler’s films. Case closed.

But wait a minute! That can’t be right. I spend my days writing dick jokes and photoshopping tits onto Steve Buscemi. Just last week, one of my children almost drowned in the bathtub while I was stoned out of my mind watching “Tim and Eric: Awesome Show, Great Job!” (I defy you to find a more immature show that’s not geared toward children). Hell, I even laughed out loud at Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (A Happy Madison production). In my defense, I was wasted, but so help me God, I still laughed. Clearly, my tastes have not matured to the point where I can no longer appreciate stupid humor. So what the hell happened?

The Easier Answer: Sandler Got Old

I hate to bitch about a guy whose dickhead is more successful than I will ever be. After all, who in the hell am I to judge anyone? Well, right now I’m the guy who’s getting paid $12 to write this article about Adam Sandler, and you can’t write an accurate article about Adam Sandler without acknowledging that almost every comedy he’s made since The Wedding Singer has been a turd. And I don’t think that’s an accident. 

Before The Wedding Singer, Sandler made Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, arguably his funniest films. In fact, some might say they were his only truly funny movies. Both were filled with juvenile humor, but they also contained some hilariously absurd moments: sniper Steve Buscemi, seemingly dead clown, and the ghost of Abe Lincoln, just to name a few. More importantly, in both films, Sandler plays a character who, for lack of a better word, is an asshole. That’s not to say the characters weren’t likeable, but Billy and Happy were rude, selfish pricks. At the end of the film, they may have gotten the girl and shown minimal signs of self improvement, but they were still assholes, and that’s why we liked them.

Then came The Wedding Singer (we’ll go ahead and forget about Bulletproof). In the film, Sandler played a character who was a genuinely nice guy, not an obnoxious man-child. The role allowed him to branch out beyond his typical young-male audience and achieve mainstream success. I remember being slightly horrified upon hearing my mother talk about how much she liked the Adam Sandler movie she saw during a plane ride to visit my grandma. But she was right. It was a decent movie that could appeal to both young men and middle-aged women.

From that point on, you can see a dramatic shift in Sandler’s films. Sure, from time to time he’d still play a goofball character (Little Nicky, The Waterboy) or an asshole (Anger Management). But for the most part, Sandler’s movies have tried to appeal to women and, or families: 50 First Dates, Click, Big Daddy, etc. Even his character in Mr. Deeds was an all around nice-guy rube rather than a bull-headed prick. After The Wedding Singer, his core audience of childish douche bags was forced into the background in the name of box office returns. While the move has proved extremely profitable, the resulting films have been shit.

When it comes to comedies, critical reception can often be ignored. But when 50 First Dates is one of your highest rated films on Rotten Tomatoes (44% positive), there’s a problem. Friggen MacGruber (48%) has a better rating than Grown Ups (9%) Chuck and Larry (14%) and Bedtime Stories (24%) combined. Yeah, MacGruber! And yes, Funny People (67%) is the exception, but you could stick Larry the Cable Guy in an Apatow film and it would at least clear 50%.

So Did I Grow Up, or Did He Grow Old?
While the real answer is probably somewhere in between, the negative reception of Sandler’s films is due mostly to the fact that Sandler turned away from his core audience. Sure, the juvenile humor is still there, but rather than pushing it to the absurd, it gets tapered with romantic comedy clichés and forced family fun.

If anything, nostalgia caused people, myself included, to defend his films as they became more and more indefensible. The fact that Sandler himself seems to be a genuinely nice guy who takes care of his friends (Rob Schneider) only adds to his likeability. That’s why it’s nice to see him show up in a decent movie like Funny People. But anyone who claims that his waning popularity is simply a matter of his audience getting older is missing the point. Most of us would still pay to see something as stupid and childish as Billy Madison, as long as it was funny. But just because we’ve grown up doesn’t mean we’ll sit through f*cking Grown Ups.

Toy Story 3 ruled its second weekend at the box office, bringing in $59 million. An estimated 57% of its revenue was from 3D screenings.

The film easily crushed its closest competition, Grown Ups ($41 million) and Knight and Day ($27.8 million) thanks in no small part to the fact that Toy Story had a more substantial plot and more realistic, likable characters. Get it? It’s ironic because Toy Story is a cartoon about toys!

Ugh, never mind. (Empire Online)

Maria Bello is the blonde indie MILF from next door, as she has shown in past matriarchal roles in A History of Violence, Auto Focus, and The Cooler. With Grown Ups opening this week she may be playing second banana to Adam Sandler and his crew but she gets to have a couple of great boob popping moments as Kevin James’s homegrown wife, Sally. She just can’t seem to keep those things holstered.

A word from Maria: “I like having sex on the stairs.”

But how will people get to the second level of your home? You should really think these things through first.

More enticing pics of Maria after the jump.

Grown Ups
PG-13, 98min., 2010
Cast: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schiender, Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, Maya Rudolph, Colin Quinn, Tim Meadows and Steve Buscemi
Directed by Dennis Dugean
Screenplay Adam Sandler and Fred Wolf
 
Throughout the 98 minutes of Grown Ups your brain keeps nudging you to just repeat these words: “It’s no surprise, because it’s an Adam Sandler movie.”
 
Here we have a full-fledged cast of comedians from Sandler, to Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, and yes, even the forever slave to Sandler movies, Rob Schneider counts as a comic, telling no jokes and just delivering kick to the balls or pie in the face moments.
 
It’s no surprise because it’s an Adam Sandler movie.

MORE AFTER THE JUMP…

 
Even real actresses like Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, and Maya Rudolph are given very little to do other than speak a line every 10 minutes and then have breast milk shoot at them or have toilet paper get stuck to their butts.
 
It’s no surprise because it’s an Adam Sandler movie.
 
Cameos by SNL cast members Colin Quinn, Tim Meadows and even Steve Buscemi offer little help to punch up the material, though Meadows and Rock get into a quick scuffle, providing one of the movies only few good laughs. Which is what people want from a Sandler movie: a good laugh here and there, but here it’s just a bunch of endless dick and fart jokes.
 
It’s no surprise because it’s an Adam Sandler movie.
 
The movie looks very expensive from all of the extras and large set pieces – from a New Hampshire lake house to a mammoth-sized water park and a huge 4th of July picnic at the end. The movie was just an excuse to go on vacation and get paid at the same time for Sandler and his crew.
 
It’s no surprise because it’s an Adam Sandler… Time Out. Stop this madness.
 
Why has Sandle taken the money and run? We’ve seen Sandler make unapologetic critic-proof movies since the the mid-90s, but somewhere when his movies started to make money–throwing the middle finger at Big Daddy–they’ve become some of the most blandest and forgettable comedy movies of the past decade.
 
Not including Punch Drunk-Love, Reign Over Me, or Funny People, which all may be another excuse for him to go back and make these kind of money burning movies.
 
Kids growing up back in the mid-90s of the Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore days could quote Sandler left and right, “Stop staring at me swwwan”, “Sooo hot want to touch the hiney, ouwww!” It was stupid but funny. Now, I can’t think of one line from Click, I Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, or even 50 First Dates worth shouting at my friends at an inappropriate time. 
 
By the end of Grown Ups, your brain is hurting from repeating these excuses, you’ve realized that you have officially ‘grown up’ from these “kind of comedies," yet all you want to do is run out of the theater like a scared little kid.

Grade: D-

Salma Heyek is always a hot babe you can see at the movies whether its art house period drama Frida where she sports a unibrow, or action packed thrill ride Desperado. She can flex her drama and comedic talent with her two other well known assets. She’ll be seen next as Adam Sandler’s wife in the vacation reunion comedy Grown Ups. Kate Beckinsale in Click and now Salma. Lucky bastard…

A word from Salma: “I think it’s not a femme fatale when someone is not doing it to manipulate men or be like a black widow. She loves him. She does it out of love. She wants him so badly to stay with her.”

Who in God’s name is running away from you?! He should be dragged through the streets and beaten. And then I will slowly move in as his replacement.

More of Salma’s finer things after the jump.

THE BIG CHILL

The ultimate before they were all rich and famous reunion movie, even the dead body was played by a then unknown Kevin Costner. The soundtrack has plenty of soul and doo-wop power to help you get through its more melodramatic moments. If dancing to "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" in a kitchen was cool, these characters would so have their own reality show.

THE WOOD

This semi-sweet MTV movie divides its story between the lives of three best friends growing up in 1980s Inglewood and the marriage day for one of them. Omar Epps, Richard T. Jones, and Taye Diggs were a trio of unknown African-American stage actors when this movie became a sleeper hit of 1999. The best of the best in the best friend wedding movies that came out around the late 90s.

GROSSE POINT BLANK

Its never easy returning home, especially if you’re a trained killer out to do one last job. John Cusack stars as Martin Q. Blank, a hitman in the fit of an existential crisis returning home to face old sweethearts, burned-out friends, crooked FBI agents, and a team of organized hitman. The madcap fun is kept under control by Cusack’s cool tone and swagger, while Dan Aykroyd adds a lot of the humor between the bullets. Classic 80s tunes from The Violent Femmes, Elvis Costello, and Joe Strummer put the final touches on this dark comedy reunion movie.

GARDEN STATE

Writer/Director/Producer/Star Zac Braff guided by a hipster soundtrack led by The Shins and Nick Drake brings out a somber piece about returning home and dealing with life’s skeletons. Braff is helped with charming performances by Natalie Portman and Peter Sarsgaard, all creating a fine mix of touching comedy and drama.

RETURN OF THE SECAUCUS SEVEN

The little indie film that started it all for reunion flicks, The Big Chill without any movie stars, this 1979 John Sayles movie was his first "blue collar filmmaking" effort that continued with classics like City of Hope and Lone Star. David Strathairn also gives one of his first memorable performances as the townie Ron.


A GUIDE TO RECOGNIZING YOUR SAINTS

Robert Downey Jr. and Shia LeBeouf give equally powerful performances as the past and present character of Dito Montel, the movie’s writer/director/producer. Montel, in his directorial debut, recreates the sweat and steam neighborhoods of Queens, New York in 1983. While the movie supports itself with the all-star cast of Rosario Dawson, Eric Roberts, Chazz Palminteri, and Diane Wiest, it’s the childhood friends, Channing Tatum in a surprisingly intense performance as Antonio, Montel’s doomed childhood friend, and Melonie Diaz as Montel’s girlfriend, that are the spark of the movie.

ROMY AND MICHELE’S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION

The seminal chick flick of reunion movies, Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino star as the titled best friends, who after 10 years of working in retail department stores decide to return to their high school reunion the successful inventors of Post-Its. The hilarious and neurotic performances by Jeneane Garofalo and Alan Cumming score one for the freaks-and-geeks reunion movie.

^{Rock and Spade watching playback.}

Last summer, Adam Sandler decided he wanted to take a New England vacation with his buddies and stare at Salma Hayek’s cans all day. A film crew tagged along and now we have Grown Ups.

The film assumes the very believable premise of five guys who were childhood friends but haven’t seen one another since they were twelve years old, so they decide to get to know one another again thirty years later. This isn’t very different from the teaser we already saw. They just made more room for pee jokes. The movie opens June 25th and stars SNL’s cast circa 1992 with the notable busty additions of Salma and Kevin James.

Watch Kevin James make a sissy after the jump.

Grown Ups — Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

_{We’re making money right now. Hahahaha!}

Adam Sandler and the rest of his friends are starring in the movie Grown Ups, adapted from a Dockers commercial. I’m sure a lot will get lost in translation though, like the humor, so we’ll have to watch a bunch of formerly hilarious comedians fishing instead of personable model-types. In all honesty though, why the hell wouldn’t this group make this movie? They’re guaranteed sh*tloads of benjamins, and they get to hang out, laugh, and swing from ropes all day.

Sure, Chris Farley is throwing a tantrum in heaven over the sight of Kevin James playing a role clearly intended for him, but I think we all know digitally placing him in the film wouldn’t have worked out any better.

The ground breaking concept of Grown Ups is about five good friends reuniting for a Fourth of July holiday weekend thirty years after thei high school graduation. No, it’s not The Big Chill. I know, but no.

Check out the teaser trailer after the jump.

Grown Ups Teaser Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos

Cast: Adam Sandler, Selma Hayek, David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Rob Schneider

Synopsis: Thirty years after thei high school graduation, five good friends reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend.