The main character in Beastly is a handsome young man who is deformed by a witch’s curse. It’s basically the retelling of Beauty and the Beast, except the beast in question is just a bald dude with a bunch of facial tattoos. I’m not sure that really qualifies as beastly. People pay to have that shit done. If the producers of the film had done their homework, they could used anyone of these classic deformed characters as inspiration.

Sloth – Goonies

Sloth is a heavily deformed member of the Fratelli family, a group of fugitives hiding out in the Pacific Northwest. Due to his ghoulish appearance and mental problems, Sloth is treated as an outcast by his family, who chain him in front of a television set in a secluded room. But as Chunk, a member of the Goonies, finds out, beneath Sloth’s outward appearance is a kind-hearted hero. Kind hearted or not, Chunk probably shouldn’t have agreed to let Sloth live with him at the end of the film. It’s only a matter of time until one of them ends up dead. My money’s on Chunk.

Pluto – The Hills Have Eyes

Figuratively speaking, family vacations are usually a horrific struggle for survival. But in The Hills Have Eyes, that is literally the case. When a group of travelers become lost in the Nevada desert, they find themselves being hunted by a pack of cannibal mutants. Pluto, one of the mutants in question, was played by actor Michael John Berryman, who was born with 26 birth defects as the result of hypohidrotic ectodermal dysplasia, a condition that left him unable to grow hair or fingernails. His unique appearance was a perfect fit for the film.

Freakshow – Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle

What can you say about Freakshow? He’s kind, helpful, and he loves Jesus. Also, he’s very accommodating, so much so that you’re probably more than welcome to bang his ridiculously hot wife. Just don’t make comments about his hideous boils. He can hear everything you’re saying.

Rocky – Mask

EMBED-Inappropriate Laugh Track – Mask – Watch more free videos

In Mask, the main character (Rocky) suffers from craniodiaphyseal dysplasia, a bone disorder that causes a buildup of calcium resulting in sever facial disfigurements and early death. But as the clip above demonstrates, that didn’t stop old Rocky from having some laughs. Ugh, I’m going to hell.

Justin Mcleod – The Man Without a Face

In The Man Without a Face, Mel Gibson plays a teacher who was badly disfigured in a tragic car accident. At the time, the film received favorable reviews. However, looking back and knowing what we know now, Gibson’s story is probably just a metaphor for Jews controlling the financial industry.

Quasimode – The Hunchback of Notre Dame

If you’re looking for famous cinematic deformities, you can’t do much better than Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. In case the title wasn’t clear, it’s about a hunchback who lives at the famous French cathedral. Charles Laughton plays the titular character in the classic 1939 version of the film. The role was also performed by Lon Chaney in an even early rendition.

John Merrick – The Elephant Man

This David Lynch film tells the story of an Englishman named John Merrick (a.k.a. The Elephant Man) who suffered from horrifying deformities. As a result, he was forced to join a freak show as a means to support himself. Eventually, he ended up living out his days at a hospital under the care of a sympathetic doctor. And in case you were wondering, he was not an animal.

Ephialtes – 300

If you had the misfortune of being born with a deformity in ancient Sparta, chances are you you weren’t going to last very long. The Spartans had a nasty habit of killing babies that were born with physical defects. Ephialtes wasn’t killed at birth, but was an outcast none the less. Out of resentment, he betrayed the Spartan people by giving secret information to the hated Persians. And in the film 300, he did it all in super-cool slow motion.

Dawn O’Keefe – Teeth

Outwardly, Dawn O’Keefe doesn’t seem to have any deformities. But as the old saying goes, it’s what’s on the inside the counts. Specifically, the inside of her vagina.

Erik, The Phantom – The Phantom of the Opera

Lon Chaney stars in this cinematic retelling of Gaston Leroux classic novel about facially deformed creature who lives in the shadows of a Parisian Opera House. All and all, he’s not a bad guy. Just don’t take off his mask, or things will get ugly.

The Whole Damn Cast – Freaks

As the title suggests, Freaks is a film about freaks, and it stars honest to goodness freaks. If you’re looking for deformities, this film has the mother-load.

If you watched old school WWF, "The Super Mario Bros. Super Show" or a Cyndi Lauper music video from the 1980s, then you’ve experienced the force of nature that was Captain Lou Albano. WWE issued a statement announcing that Captain Lou passed away today at the age of 76. No cause of death has been cited at the time of this post. 

You will be missed, Captain Lou. We at Screenjunkies will don Hawaiian shirts and attempt to adorn our facial hair with your trademar rubber bands as soon as we can grow beards. 

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