Screen Junkies » Goonies http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Mon, 11 Aug 2014 15:35:37 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 ‘Bon Appétit’ Made An Inventory Of All The Food Chunk Eats Or Talks About In ‘The Goonies’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/heres-an-inventory-of-all-the-food-chunk-eats-or-talks-about-in-the-goonies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/heres-an-inventory-of-all-the-food-chunk-eats-or-talks-about-in-the-goonies/#comments Mon, 14 Apr 2014 15:49:55 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=261048 He's still not as bad as a self-described "foodie." Ugh.

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Bon Appétit, in their fervent pursuit of food and truths about food, assigned a writer to discuss everything that the portly character Chunk ate or spoke of eating in his time onscreen during The Goonies.

Why? I don’t know. Bon Appetit probably has an office full of food journalists, and sitting around waiting for food to make headlines could be pretty frustrating, so maybe they have to put together their own stories. The story can be found right here, and below I’ve listed a few interesting aspects about the piece/premise of the article:

  • The writer had never seen The Goonies before this assignment, which is surprising, until you see that her name is Rochelle, at which time you come to the realization that you don’t expect people named Rochelle to have the same life experiences us regular folk have.
  • The piece contains prose like this in discussing the Truffle Shuffle: “There are neither ganache-covered chocolates nor foraged fungi; the only shuffling is of Chunk’s ample belly.” The only shuffling is of Chunk’s ample belly. And that thought is preceded by a semicolon. This writer clearly doesn’t want to be a web writer for much longer. I bet Rochelle does her first drafts with ink and quill.
  • I don’t know what I was expecting, but after clicking the tag “truffle shuffle,” I was a little disappointed that there weren’t any other Bon Appetit articles with that tag. I would have been happy with just some Truffle Shuffle steak fries or Truffle Shuffle vinaigrette.
  • If these quotes and my memory are to be trusted, Chunk, in his ramblings about ice cream, brings up grape. Grape ice cream. And then apple. Where the hell is this kid getting cravings for grape and apple ice cream?
  • Chunk’s mom greets him after his rescue with Domino’s pizza, “his favorite.” Even if they managed to go on a pirate adventure and singlehandedly save the community from Troy’s dipshit dad, they’re still kids. And kids don’t know the first thing about good food.
  • The writer, the lovely Rochelle, ate during her screening of the film: “Two glasses of rosé, half a kabocha squash, an entire head of kale (I am not ashamed), and a handful of pecans.” First of all, this means that not only could Rochelle and I never get married, but probably never even be friends. Not because of her taste in food (which seems like the diet of a wealthy rabbit), but because she’s the type of person that makes eating a head of kale seem like a transgression that requires explaining. “Ugh. I had two rice cakes today. I’m such a cow.” I bet in job interviews, she lists her biggest weakness as being a “bit of a perfectionist.” Also, if you’re conveying what you’ve eaten today, and you list a “handful” of anything, I won’t like you ever again.

This list does beg the question of how you you follow up such a great character with his (supposed) re-appearance in a (supposed) sequel. The real Chunk is skinny these days (see?) So maybe they have to give him some other fun indulgence, like sex addiction, bulimia, or cutting.

I think America, in an effort to shed its reputation for unbridled decadence, would clamor to see a former child actor cut himself onscreen just so he can feel like he’s in control of SOMETHING.

Nah. Give him a big blueberry milkshake to spill on his skinny little head. You’re out of blueberry ice cream? Ok. Just give him some grape.

 

 

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‘Goonies’ Director Richard Donner Says There Will Be A Sequel With Original Cast http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/goonies-director-richard-donner-says-there-will-be-a-sequel-with-original-cast/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/goonies-director-richard-donner-says-there-will-be-a-sequel-with-original-cast/#comments Sat, 05 Apr 2014 21:13:29 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=260885 The guy who played Sloth, an actor named George Clooney, hasn't confirmed this yet.

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The Goonies will be back, or so says original director Richard Donner, whom TMZ accosted while he was signing autographs. In no uncertain terms, Donner says in the video, “We’re making a Goonies sequel.”

When asked if the stars will return, he responds, “Hopefully, all of them.” Sure. Good luck fitting it into Corey Feldman‘s filming schedule these days.

CAUTION: You have to put up with some stupid incendiary babble from the TMZ video guy to get to the point.

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11 Classic Deformed Movie Characters http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/11-classic-deformed-movie-characters/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/11-classic-deformed-movie-characters/#comments Thu, 03 Mar 2011 20:05:59 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=31391 Beastly is basically the retelling of Beauty and the Beast, except the beast in question is just a bald dude with a bunch of facial tattoos. I'm not sure that really qualifies as beastly. People pay to have that sh*t done.

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The main character in Beastly is a handsome young man who is deformed by a witch’s curse. It’s basically the retelling of Beauty and the Beast, except the beast in question is just a bald dude with a bunch of facial tattoos. I’m not sure that really qualifies as beastly. People pay to have that shit done. If the producers of the film had done their homework, they could used anyone of these classic deformed characters as inspiration.

Sloth – Goonies

Sloth is a heavily deformed member of the Fratelli family, a group of fugitives hiding out in the Pacific Northwest. Due to his ghoulish appearance and mental problems, Sloth is treated as an outcast by his family, who chain him in front of a television set in a secluded room. But as Chunk, a member of the Goonies, finds out, beneath Sloth’s outward appearance is a kind-hearted hero. Kind hearted or not, Chunk probably shouldn’t have agreed to let Sloth live with him at the end of the film. It’s only a matter of time until one of them ends up dead. My money’s on Chunk.

Pluto – The Hills Have Eyes

Figuratively speaking, family vacations are usually a horrific struggle for survival. But in The Hills Have Eyes, that is literally the case. When a group of travelers become lost in the Nevada desert, they find themselves being hunted by a pack of cannibal mutants. Pluto, one of the mutants in question, was played by actor Michael John Berryman, who was born with 26 birth defects as the result of hypohidrotic ectodermal dysplasia, a condition that left him unable to grow hair or fingernails. His unique appearance was a perfect fit for the film.

Freakshow – Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle

What can you say about Freakshow? He’s kind, helpful, and he loves Jesus. Also, he’s very accommodating, so much so that you’re probably more than welcome to bang his ridiculously hot wife. Just don’t make comments about his hideous boils. He can hear everything you’re saying.

Rocky – Mask


EMBED-Inappropriate Laugh Track – Mask – Watch more free videos

In Mask, the main character (Rocky) suffers from craniodiaphyseal dysplasia, a bone disorder that causes a buildup of calcium resulting in sever facial disfigurements and early death. But as the clip above demonstrates, that didn’t stop old Rocky from having some laughs. Ugh, I’m going to hell.

Justin Mcleod – The Man Without a Face

In The Man Without a Face, Mel Gibson plays a teacher who was badly disfigured in a tragic car accident. At the time, the film received favorable reviews. However, looking back and knowing what we know now, Gibson’s story is probably just a metaphor for Jews controlling the financial industry.

Quasimode – The Hunchback of Notre Dame

If you’re looking for famous cinematic deformities, you can’t do much better than Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. In case the title wasn’t clear, it’s about a hunchback who lives at the famous French cathedral. Charles Laughton plays the titular character in the classic 1939 version of the film. The role was also performed by Lon Chaney in an even early rendition.

John Merrick – The Elephant Man

This David Lynch film tells the story of an Englishman named John Merrick (a.k.a. The Elephant Man) who suffered from horrifying deformities. As a result, he was forced to join a freak show as a means to support himself. Eventually, he ended up living out his days at a hospital under the care of a sympathetic doctor. And in case you were wondering, he was not an animal.

Ephialtes – 300

If you had the misfortune of being born with a deformity in ancient Sparta, chances are you you weren’t going to last very long. The Spartans had a nasty habit of killing babies that were born with physical defects. Ephialtes wasn’t killed at birth, but was an outcast none the less. Out of resentment, he betrayed the Spartan people by giving secret information to the hated Persians. And in the film 300, he did it all in super-cool slow motion.

Dawn O’Keefe – Teeth

Outwardly, Dawn O’Keefe doesn’t seem to have any deformities. But as the old saying goes, it’s what’s on the inside the counts. Specifically, the inside of her vagina.

Erik, The Phantom – The Phantom of the Opera

Lon Chaney stars in this cinematic retelling of Gaston Leroux classic novel about facially deformed creature who lives in the shadows of a Parisian Opera House. All and all, he’s not a bad guy. Just don’t take off his mask, or things will get ugly.

The Whole Damn Cast – Freaks

As the title suggests, Freaks is a film about freaks, and it stars honest to goodness freaks. If you’re looking for deformities, this film has the mother-load.

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Captain Lou Albano, Wrestler, Actor, Dies at 76 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/captain-lou-albano-wrestler-actor-dies-at-76/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/captain-lou-albano-wrestler-actor-dies-at-76/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 If you watched old school WWF, "The Super Mario Bros. Super Show" or a Cyndi Lauper music video from the 1980s, then you've experienced the force of nature that was Captain Lou Albano. WWE issued a statement announcing that Captain Lou passed away today at the age of 76. No cause of death has been cited at the time of this post. You will be missed, Captain Lou. We at Screenjunkies will don Hawaiian shirts and attempt to adorn our facial hair with your trademark rubber bands as soon as we can grow beards. Here are today's top links: Flowchart To Determine Your Halloween Costume (HolyTaco) Girl Fight! Soccer Style (TotalProSports) The Diving Horses Of Atlantic City (TheChive) Behind The Scenes Iron Man 2 Video (FilmDrunk) 15 Most Beautiful American City Skylines (SuperTremendous) 5 Hottest Children's Television Personalities (Pajiba) Leona Lewis Got Punched In The Face (CelebJihad) January Jones Isn't Buttoned-Up (Unreality) How I Got Caught Stalking Val Kilmer (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage) Chrysler After Government Buyout (RegretfulMorning) Design Your Own Tequila Bottle (MadeMan) Charlotte Crashes (AllLeftTurns) Ass Whoopin In A Winter Wonderland (NothingToxic) Megabot In Teen Superhero Rehab (Atom)

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If you watched old school WWF, "The Super Mario Bros. Super Show" or a Cyndi Lauper music video from the 1980s, then you’ve experienced the force of nature that was Captain Lou Albano. WWE issued a statement announcing that Captain Lou passed away today at the age of 76. No cause of death has been cited at the time of this post. 

You will be missed, Captain Lou. We at Screenjunkies will don Hawaiian shirts and attempt to adorn our facial hair with your trademar rubber bands as soon as we can grow beards. 

Here are today’s top links: 

Flowchart To Determine Your Halloween Costume (HolyTaco)

Girl Fight! Soccer Style (TotalProSports)

The Diving Horses Of Atlantic City (TheChive)

Behind The Scene Iron Man 2 Video (FilmDrunk)

15 Most Beautiful American City Skylines (SuperTremendous)

5 Hottest Children’s Television Personalities (Pajiba)

Leona Lewis Got Punched In The Face (CelebJihad)

January Jones Isn’t Buttoned-Up (Unreality)

How I Got Caught Stalking Val Kilmer (Asylum)

Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage)

Chrysler After Government Buyout (RegretfulMorning)

Design Your Own Tequila Bottle (MadeMan)

Charlotte Crashes (AllLeftTurns)

Ass Whoopin In A Winter Wonderland (NothingToxic)

Megabot In Teen Superhero Rehab (Atom)

 

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