Screen Junkies » gif recaps Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 15 Aug 2014 17:45:16 +0000 en hourly 1 Boilin’ Denim And Bangin’ Whores: ‘Always Sunny’ Gif Recap (S7E1) Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:00:53 +0000 Penn Collins In which the best-laid plans fall to a "touch of consumption."

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Welcome back to Paddy’s Pub for a new season of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

In case we had forgotten about the types of people we’re dealing with at Paddy’s, the cold open reminds us in short order. We begin with Dee and Charlie on the phone, ordering a pit bull intended to bite people so that patrons may leave Paddy’s with a “great story.” Naturally, this marketing tool is met with skepticism by Dennis, who quickly abandons any effort to dissuade them, eventually just stating, “I DON’T understand.”

Well, he won’t need to, because that storyline is quickly dropped as Frank walks in, sucking face with a whore. Andddddddd, we’re off with our A-story. Frank declares, after pounding two shots of Jameson, “I’m gonna make that whore my wife.”

Sunny certainly has a way with making despicable characters uniquely despicable, and Frank’s whore Roxy is no exception. While she may appear to be your run-of-the-mill drunk whore, she has a language all alone, often referring to people in her presence with colorful phallic imagery, such as “cocks” or “dicks.” Frank wants her to stop banging other dudes (including, apparently, Tiger Woods), and the only way that’s going to happen is if he takes the plunge.

The gang eventually decides that they need to go all Pretty Woman on Roxy and clean her up a bit. But not quite yet, because Mac comes strutting in plus his 50 pounds of “bulk” (fat), eating a chimichanga, and his new carriage doesn’t not escape the group’s notice.

Dennis ascertains that with Frank’s devotion to a whore and a Mac’s gluttony, the gang has lost their way. He decides to help Mac restore his form and health of earlier days, while Dee is tasked with turning Roxy into less of a disgusting whore. While Frank and Charlie are doing whatever it is Frank and Charlie do (boiling found denim from under a bridge), they decide to try and find Frank a woman who will love him for who he is. Tall order.

Dee quickly gets the impression that, despite the rough façade, Roxy may be living a glamorous life, as she is able to stand up to snotty boutique salespeople by flashing a wad of cash in their face. No sooner does Dee start fawning than Roxy has to go meet a client, Mr. Tiger Woods. But not before she has to dig some crack rocks out of her ass.

While Dee tries to determine what the hell is going on with this semi-glamorous whore, we get to revisit a never-fail gag Sunny gag: Charlie incognito. He’s back in character as the Texas oilman, which we haven’t seen since season 4’s transcendental “The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis,” while Frank is a limo driver hoping to benefit from a bait-and-switch with a kind lady who has no idea what she’s in for.

As Charlie’s plan is to bow out gracefully to Frank with “a touch of consumption,” he oversells the ailment a bit by projectile vomiting mercilessly on the unsuspecting women for what felt like a good 70 or 80 minutes. She doesn’t stick around to be consoled, and we’re left with a sight gag that is over-the-top (and hilarious) even by Sunny standards.

One downside to the approach the premiere has taken is that very little humor is drawn for the minds and personalities of the characters. While sight gags abound, the characters seem to take break from being themselves. Sure, Mac is still oblivious, Dennis vain, and Charlie enthusiastic and misguided, but the characters seem to be more conduits for physical humor than the folks we’ve spent the last seven or so years with. However, after last year’s flat “Mac Fights Gay Marriage,” perhaps they felt inclined to lead with a more surefire approach. It works for an episode, but let’s hope they get back to the paradigm that takes the show from good to great.

In the final act, bows are placed on the three duo’s storylines as Dee learns that Roxy’s life is every bit as awful as one would assume, but doesn’t pass up an offer to make $500 from a foot fetishist, beginning her transformation to sassy hooker-woman. Dennis embraces Mac’s devil-may-care attitude, gorging on chimichangas until he decides that what he really wants is some crack, which he can get from Roxy. Frank goes through with his proposal, only to watch Roxy die in response to his question. The gang lays her in the hall, makes an anonymous 911 call, and we realize that Frank was right; people don’t really change.

Dead hookers, projectile vomiting, and a grossly fat Mac. Yup, it’s a new season of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

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Gif Recap: ‘Wilfred’ – Doubt S1E11 Fri, 26 Aug 2011 23:47:41 +0000 Jame Gumb Dwight Yoakam has never looked better.

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Last night’s episode of Wilfred was bizarre, even by talking dog standards. In case the title of this piece wasn’t enough, it involved doubt. Specifically, it revolves around Ryan’s doubt about his relationship with Wilfred. After all, it would be hard not to second guess yourself when your best friend is now a six-foot talking dog.

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As we begin, Ryan has stopped smoking pot, found a date via an online dating service, and is now trying to tidy up the house. This causes Wilfred some anxiety, since all the hair he left on the basement floor is now missing. Things only gets worse when the vacuum is brought out.

Later, during a trip to the park for a Yoga class, Wilfred stops for a moment to enjoy the bouquet of smells available to him.

Meanwhile, while talking to his sister, Ryan notices a strange man who seems to be watching his every move. Later, the man in question, Bruce (Dwight Yoakam), makes contact with Ryan again, claiming that he is also able to hear Wilfred’s speech. Apparently, he and Wilfred used to have a similar friendship, until Wilfred eventually ruined his life by poking holes in his condoms.

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Gif Recap: ‘Cornered’ – Shotgun S4E6 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 19:36:44 +0000 Jame Gumb Another good title would have been "Meth Head with a Shotgun!"

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A few weeks back, Breaking Bad opened with a shot of Mike waiting patiently in the back of a refrigerated truck. Before long, the sound of drug cartel henchmen shooting the driver filled the air, as an unphased Mike positioned himself for the attack. No sooner than the henchmen had opened the door, Mike had shot them both to death. Apparently, the cartel has learned it’s lesson, because this week they were taking no chances.

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The show began with a similar shot in the back of a refrigerated truck. In fact, for a moment I thought I was watching a rerun. But soon enough, I realized that Mike was nowhere to be found, and two hired goons has taken his place. That’s lucky for Mike.

As expected, the cartel attacks the truck, killing the driver. But unlike their previous attempt, they weren’t taking any chances. Rather than opening the doors and risking a bullet to the face, the henchmen decided to reroute the truck’s exhaust into the trailer, lock the doors, and wait for anyone inside to expire.

And despite the fact that they had no trouble wasting the driver, the cartel thugs weren’t about to let the driver’s lunch go to waste.

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Gif Recap: ‘Wilfred’ – Compassion S1E9 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 18:11:19 +0000 Jame Gumb Mary Steenburgen...doggie style...

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Ryan: “I’m not crazy!”

Wilfred: “Said the man to the dog.”

That pretty much sums up last night’s episode of Wilfred, which deals with the root of Ryan’s “mental problems.” True, there were two episodes last night, but I’m gif recapping “Compassion.” Why? Because that’s the one I watched.

The episode begins as it usually does, with Jenna having to leave Wilfred with Ryan for some contrived reason or another. Even Ryan remarks that she sure does travel a lot. This week, she’s going to Vegas to try and patch things up with her boyfriend. Wilfred is unhappy at the prospect of being alone, especially since he’s been forced to wear a cone because he won’t stop biting at his “hot spot.”

Meanwhile, Ryan has received a call from a mental institution in Ojai, CA, where his mother, Catherine, is a resident. Apparently, she was checked into the facility for observation, but decided to stay for 20 years, a fact that still haunts Ryan. Wilfred is also unimpressed with the prospect of meeting Ryan’s mom because he has a problem with menopausal women. He’d much rather run around and threaten to kill ducks.

Once inside, Ryan discovers that his mom, played by Mary Steenburgen, wishes to transition back into the society, and needs a place to stay. At first, Ryan and Wilfred are both reluctant, but once Catherine is able to sooth Wilfred’s hot spot, the dog convinces his master to bring her home.

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Gif Recap: ‘Breaking Bad’ – Shotgun S4E5 Mon, 15 Aug 2011 23:15:54 +0000 Jame Gumb A drive in the desert? This will end well (no, really).

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When we last saw Breaking Bad’s Jesse Pinkman, he and Mike were headed out to the desert for reason unknown. If you’re involved with drug dealers, and you’re being driven out to the desert against your will, chances are you’re not being taken on an all-expenses-paid trip to Vegas. So understandably, Walt was concerned for the life of his young protégé, even if Jesse himself was not.

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With Jesse in trouble, Walt sprung into action, racing down to Los Pollos Hermanos to confront Gus. Unfortunately, Gus was nowhere to be found, and Walt was helpless to save his friend.

Back at the lab, Jesse’s absence was undeniable. Walt might be a whiz at cooking meth, but he’s a novice at operating heavy machinery.

As time wore on, frustration finally boiled over, and Walt refused to work, claiming the job was a two man operation. But rather than relent and produce Jesse, Gus simply sent one of his cronies to help Walt.

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Gif Recap: ‘Breaking Bad’ – Open House S4E3 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 18:45:32 +0000 Jame Gumb Jesse's party pad is getting a little out of control. By "out of control," I mean it's a meth-head flop house.

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Last night’s episode of Breaking Bad, “Open House,” was a little on the slow side. Granted, when the first episode of the season is as brutal as “Box Cutter,” almost anything is going to seem tame by comparison. But when the bulk of an episode involves a paralyzed man lying in bed and a plot to undermine a car wash, chances are it’s not going to be the most riveting television.

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That’s not to say that last night’s episode was bad or devoid of story. And I’m not suggesting that the show should insert violence for violence’s sake. I’m just saying that is was relatively calm for a show about drug dealers.

Jesse Pinkman

Things are not going well for Jesse Pinkman. At work, he assures Walt that everything is going fine, and even suggests that the two hit up the Go Kart track to let off some steam. When Walt declines, Jesse goes alone, but doesn’t seem to enjoy himself all that much, unless, of course, you feel that driving around a track while screaming in rage is enjoyable.

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Gif Recap: ‘True Blood’ – I Wish I Was The Moon S4E6 Mon, 01 Aug 2011 17:53:53 +0000 Jenna Busch Sookie and Eric finally do the deed.

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Oh, yes.  It’s finally happened!  Sookie and Eric!  Well, that is until King Bill walks in on them.  Damn it Bill!  Royal or not, you have crappy timing!  We wanted to see some Sookie/Eric sex!  And really, Sookie shouldn’t have stopped Eric from staking Bill with that poker.  Instead, Eric kneels before his liege.  Oh, that isn’t going to end well.  Did you all see the True Blood trailer from Comic Con?  Yikes!

Check out more gif recaps HERE.

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Gif Recap: ‘Wilfred’ – Conscience S1E6 Fri, 29 Jul 2011 19:12:24 +0000 Jame Gumb Wilfred is starting to come into its own.

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Due to Comic-Con, I wasn’t able to catch last week’s episode of Wilfred. But this week’s episode caused me to do something that no previous episode had managed to do. It made me laugh. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always enjoyed the show, and previous episodes have been humorous, but I always found myself acknowledging the show’s humor in my mind without actually responding to it. However, last night was different, and I was laughing out loud without having to think about it. In my opinion, the show is really starting to find its rhythm.

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As has been the case from day one, Ryan is still infatuated with Jenna. When the episode begins, he is admiring her from afar while she sunbathes in her yard. His creepy leering is interrupted by the entrance of Drew, Jenna’s meathead boyfriend from Wisconsin. As Wilfred is quick to point out, Drew carries Jenna off “like a Viking on a rape quest.”

While Ryan may not like the fact that Jenna is dating Drew, it’s Wilfred who seems the most upset. As such, he constantly hounds (get it) Ryan about getting Drew out of the picture, going as far as to Skype Ryan while Drew and Jenna are having sex with the hope that it will make him jealous.

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Gif Recap: ‘Breaking Bad’ – Thirty-Eight Snub S4E2 Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:50:03 +0000 Jame Gumb I hope you like delusion and self-loathing...

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Last week’s episode of Breaking Bad (Box Cutter), ended on a rather calm note, all things considered. After watching Gus rip Victor’s throat out in a fit of calm rage, Walt, Jesse and Mike worked together to dispose of the body, and then stopped by Denny’s (sans Mike) for a nice breakfast. Everyone seemed oddly at peace with the way things had played out.

But as you’ll see in the following Gif Recap, that peace was quickly shattered, and we learned just how troubled Walt, Mike, and Jesse really are. For example, Walt has become completely paranoid, and chastises his wife for leaving mundane phone messages involving completely legal business plans. Not to mention the fact that he is now packing an unregistered handgun, and has taken to practicing his draw. Clearly Gus has gotten inside his head.

Jesse, on the other hand, is retreating from the real world. He’s using his ill-gotten gains to make useless purchases, filling his home with over-the-top stereo equipment and robot vacuums. I’m not exactly an expert in the field of psychology, but I think it’s going to take more than just a Roomba to help Jesse forget that he murdered a man in cold blood.

And then there’s Mike. He’s dealing with things the same way he seems to have been dealing with them for years: sitting at a shithole bar and drinking alone.

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Gif Recap: ‘True Blood’ – I Hate You, I Love You S4E5 Mon, 25 Jul 2011 19:19:06 +0000 Jenna Busch Wild sex dreams and the kiss you've been waiting for.

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True Blood fans!

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Gif Recap: ‘Breaking Bad’ – Box Cutter S4E1 Mon, 18 Jul 2011 19:05:37 +0000 Jame Gumb 'Breaking Bad' is back with a vengeance.

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This is a Gif recap, but in case I need to spell it out, spoilers ahead.

The season premiere of Breaking Bad begins with our old friend and meth-lab assistant Gale Boetticher wielding a box cutter. Given the season 3 finale, which saw Jesse shooting(?) Gale in cold blood, we can immediately assume we are witnessing a flash back to a happier time…a time when Gale still had the back of his skull intact.

During the course of the flashback, Gale gleefully sets up his new lab. He looks like a kid in a candy store, and boasts about how the equipment would be at home with any of the larger pharmaceutical companies. But when the topic turns to Walter White‘s meth, the boasting comes to a halt, and Gale humbly admits to Gus that his own product is nowhere near the purity of their competitor’s. The admission seems almost pathetic, considering we know that Gale has just inadvertently signed his own death warrant.

Flash forward to the present day. Jesse has just shot Gale in the face, and concerned neighbors are milling about outside the apartment, waiting for police to arrive. Victor arrives instead, and confirms that his employer’s scientist has been killed.

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Gif Recap: ‘True Blood’ – I’m Alive And On Fire S4E4 Mon, 18 Jul 2011 16:35:31 +0000 Jenna Busch Amnesia Eric continues to amuse us.

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Oh my god, I love Amnesia Eric!  There is really no other way to start off this recap.  We begin where we left off last week, as Sookie tells him, “You drank the whole fairy,” as if she’s some sort of Slushee.  Well, a Slushee spiked with some serious booze because fairy blood makes vampires drunk.

Yes, Amnesia Eric is drunk as a skunk.  He zips around at vampire speed, pinches Sookie’s butt and runs off into the sun after attempting to bite her.

Very interesting to note that even wasted, Eric says he’ll never hurt her.  After attempting to find Eric and failing, Sookie calls in her knight in shining…um…silver fur?   It’s Alcide to the rescue.

(Check out more of our Gif Recaps HERE)

So, let me pause a moment here.  Is anyone else feeling like this season’s official poster is wildly accurate?  Sookie is all about flirting with all her admirers…equally.  Not sure how I’m feeling about that.  Nothing wrong with it, but it’s making her seem a bit wishy washy.  I mean, I get how mind-numbingly hot these three men are, but she just seems to be floating through it.  Please let me know your feelings in the comments.

After Pam dresses down King Bill after being grilled about where Eric is, we head over to Hotshot for one of the most disturbing story lines ever.

Poor Jason is still tied to the bed and he’s being raped by woman after woman.  The one he shoves off says that her brother/husband…brother, husband!…just bites her on the back of the neck and holds her down until it’s over when he screws her.  She cries and says Jason is the best she’s ever had and yells, ”next.”  Then they send in a little girl.  Jason convinces her to let him go and she does.  But…I have to say this here.  I was more than a little disturbed by my own (and my viewing companions’) reaction to this scene.  It’s awful.  It’s gross.  I’m also fully aware that if it was a woman in that same situation, I’d be even more horrified.  I really hope the writers let Jason experience the aftermath of mass rape the way they would with a female character.  Please weigh in below.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Over at Castle Bill, Nan is trying to find out what happened to Eric.  We see exactly how hardcore Nan is here as she dismisses Salem as a bunch of puritans who needed to get laid.  The real info here though is about a massacre that happened 400 years ago in Spain “by a single witch with a reason to hate vampires.”  She says that necromancers aren’t they same as they used to be.  I’m wondering if she was involved.  In fact, I’m wondering why she’s so single minded.  I’m dying to find out her history.

In Marnie’s store, she’s deep in a dream…of the Spanish Massacre.  A powerful witch is being burned at the stake while clergy joke about how to torture her.  Marnie witnesses the entire thing and learns a chant from the witch…who is the woman possessing her.  Uh oh.  Powerful witch with a “reason to hate vampire” possessing a powerful witch in the present.  I’m sure we’re going to get more info on this one.  Did anyone else notice the hooded figure?  Vampire?  And can anyone figure out what the chant translates too?

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Gif Recap: ‘Wilfred’ – Trust Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:11:41 +0000 Jame Gumb Episode two is the real test for a series. Especially one about a talking man-dog.

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Last night marked the second episode of FX’s new sitcom, Wilfred. And for a show with a premise as strange as this one, the episode two is the real test. Sure, week one was funny, and overall, it had decent ratings. But is the “talking dog” shtick something that can carry an audience for a entire season?

Click here to check out our previous Gif Recaps.

We begin with Ryan relaxing in his back yard, cyber-stalking an ex-girlfriend on his iPad, when Wilfred comes crashing through the fence with an ax.

When confronted about his behavior, the dog turns the tables on Ryan, convincing him that his real anger stems from his inability to be happy in a relationship, and his habit of finding excuses to dump his girlfriends. Ryan dumped the girl from his iPad after she touched his ass without asking, claiming he would never be able to put a ring on her finger.

From there, the topic turns to matters of trust and loyalty. Wilfred claims that Ryan could never be as loyal as a dog. When Ryan protests, he is asked to put his money where his mouth is, proving his loyalty by taking his new friend to the beach. Despite his reluctance, Ryan concedes, and ends up with a $300 ticket. Wilfred, who is thrilled with the opportunity to kill pelicans and bother beach goers, thinks it is money well spent.

Once his anger over the ticket subsides, Ryan and Wilfred end up having a great day at Venice Beach. They check out girls, go for a bike ride, and even hit up one of the many medical marijuana dispensaries.

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Gif Recap: ‘True Blood’ – She’s Not There S4E1 Mon, 27 Jun 2011 17:35:52 +0000 Jenna Busch It's that time again. We're heading back to the decadent deep South and the small town of Bon Temps.

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True Blood fans!  It’s that time again.  We’re heading back to the decadent deep South and the small town of Bon Temps.  Back to the sultry evenings, sexy vampires, werewolves, shape changers, fairies and witches.  Oh right.  And sex.  After last season’s backwards head coupling, who knows what we’re going to get!

(Check out more of our gif recaps here)

Now, many of you may have seen the first 8 minutes of the season, since it’s been posted just about everywhere.  How many of you found your nose wrinkling and eyebrows lifting by the end, thinking things like, sure, we knew there were fairies at the end of last season, but wow, they live in a shiny place?  Wait…these are evil fairies that feed people fruit that glows.  Hold on, Sookie’s granddaddy Earl is that guy from Office Space?  “I’m going to have to go ahead and ask you to stay in the fairy realm and eat lumieres this Saturday.”  But hey, Stephen Root was on the show too.

Well, we’re certainly in for a change up this season.  Not only is Gary Cole living with the fairies, but Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter is a witch!  I’ll be recapping True Blood for you this summer, and as I’ve said in my earlier pieces, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.  I read them all and I do respond.  So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, let the blood bath begin.

Sookie and her fairy godmother Claudine (who really hasn’t helped very much…I mean, she’s been in mortal danger every other episode for years now) appear in the land of Fairy, where everyone is stunning and dresses like they’re sexy aliens in a episode of classic Star Trek.  Sookie runs into Barry the bellboy and fellow telepath with his male model/fairy godmother. They’re offered glowing fruit of light (sounds like something you’d eat in D&D for a +1 to health or something), which makes our fair lady nervous.  And suddenly she spies…granddaddy Earl, who thinks he’s been hanging with the pretty people for a few hours.  Well, it’s actually been 20 years, granddaddy.

When she tries to communicate telepathically to Earl that this is a big ole trap, Queen Mab (who you may remember from a certain Romeo and Juliet speech) shows up to blame Sookie for letting a vampire into their realm.  You see, fairy blood is like vampire crack and the bloodsuckers almost destroyed the entire fairy race.  You’d think they’d come out with True Blood: Fabulous Fairy Flavor.  They’d make a killing.  Anyway, now they’re harvesting humans and trying to close the portal between realms.  Sookie’s power turns Mab back into her…less moisturized form and transports them to some sort of desert.

Fairies may not be all that attractive when they’re not glamoured, but they can shoot glowing attack balls out of their hands.  One friendly fairy (the brother of Claudine, Sookie’s godmother…which makes him the very, very hot Claude from the books…not seeing it yet) helps Sookie and Earl escape, bringing them to the lip of a portal/canyon.  This is still looking like a Star Trek episode to me.  Anyone else?  While Mab blows balls of fire and starts to collapse the portal, Claude tells them that, only Sookie can go back because she’s on a no glowy fruit diet and he wants to be able to go back to the human world, which used to be theirs too.  They jump…

…and land in a graveyard.  Ah Earl.  We hardly got to make any Office Space jokes before you gave Sookie a watch for Jason and croaked!  But, we finally get to see Eric and Bill…for a second as they realize dessert, I mean Sookie, is back.

And how long has our time traveler been gone?  Remember what happens in Fairy?  Sookie comes home to find her house being repaired.  Jason (in cop clothes, but still hot) tells her she’s been gone thirteen months!  Everyone thought she was dead and her house is up for sale.  Jason doesn’t believe her fairytale (yes, I meant to do that) until she gives him the watch.  He tells her to keep her mouth shut because everyone will think she’s crazy if they learn the truth.  Yes, because a world with vampires and a town that was possessed by a maenad would totally think that fairies were super out there.

And then, at long last, the vampires show up.  Bill is all mopey about the fact that he couldn’t feel her for so long.  Also, everyone thought he killed her.  Eric (drool) shows up and tells Sookie that everyone else lost hope…everyone but him.  (Oh, please weigh in on whether or not you’re Team Eric, Bill or Alcide!)  He leaves, and Sheriff Andy shows up, pissed off that our lady’s disappearance cost him a safe town plaque.  Bill covers for her…anyone else notice that we’re half way in and no one’s gotten naked?  After a tearful goodbye, he leaves.  And we find out that Andy is using V!  Wait, what?

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17 Awesome ‘Game of Thrones’ Animated Gifs Wed, 22 Jun 2011 19:30:02 +0000 Jame Gumb The bloodiest and boobiest examples I could find from our weekly Season 1 "Game of Thrones" Gif recaps.

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Season 1 of “Game of Thrones” has come and gone, and now we must wait an entire year for Season 2 to arrive. And while we could go out and do something rash, like read the next book in the series, I’d like to urge everyone not to turn down the dark path that is literature. Instead, I encourage you to simply pass the time until next season staring intently at the pretty moving pictures I’m about to provide.

The following 17 Gifs are the bloodiest and boobiest examples I could find from our weekly “Game of Thrones” Gif recaps. If you like what you see, check out our previous entries as well as our Gif Recaps from other shows.


Jory Cassel Dies

Poor Jory. He shouldn’t have taken his eye off the prize. But at any rate, at least the last thing he saw before the fight was a nice rack (see the next gif).

A Random Blond Prostitute Flashing

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Gif Recap: ‘Game Of Thrones’ – Fire and Blood Mon, 20 Jun 2011 20:37:09 +0000 Jame Gumb Short of Ned's ghost having sex with The Imp, I was pretty much ready for anything.

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I’ve never been big fan of the fantasy genre, but I must admit that “Game of Thrones” has me hooked. And now that the season finale has come and gone, the fact that I have to wait another year to get my fix has me sick to my stomach. It wasn’t my favorite episode of the season, and nothing in it really shocked me, at least not as much as I was anticipating. But in all fairness, I think that has more to do with the quality of the previous episodes. After being kicked in the crotch for the past five weeks, culminating with Ned Stark’s beheading, I’ve been pretty desensitized. Short of Ned’s ghost having sex with The Imp, I was pretty much ready for anything.

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The episode begins right where the previous one had left off. Ned’s bloody head is still being held aloft for all to see, and Yoren is doing his best to spare Arya the sight of it. He pulls her away, takes her in a back alley, and cuts off her hair. His plan is to disguise her as a boy, and take her north with the Night’s Watch “recruits.”

As it turns out, one of the men headed north is King Robert’s bastard blacksmith son who Ned discovered early on in the season. How many bastards are in this show?

If you’ve been wondering what Bran’s three-eyed raven dream was about, wonder no more. The raven has been pointing him to the family crypt, where he’s been seeing visions of his father. Anxious to see what is actually down there, he orders the captured wildling girl to carry him. They are confronted by an angry direwolf belonging to Rickon, the often absent and youngest of the Stark children. It turns out they both boys have been having the same dream, and once they are given the news of their father’s death, they realize why.

At King’s Landing, Joffrey is up to his old tricks, and by old tricks, I mean acting like a complete asshole. After cutting out a tavern musician’s tongue for insulting his mother, he forces Sansa to view her father’s severed head, promising to add her brother Robb’s to the collection.

The girl almost works up the courage to push her future husband off a wall, but unfortunately, The Hound steps in and prevents her from doing so. Even so, Joffrey’s days may be numbered. Because of his idiotic behavior (killing Ned), the Lannisters have lost their main bargaining chip with the Starks. As such, Tywin decides to send Tyrion to act as hand, in order to reign in the boy king.

Meanwhile, Robb has been declared King of the North by his men, who now feel no loyalty to the those who would sit on the Iron Throne. Lady Stark has other matters to attend to. She visits the captured Jaime Lannister, and bashes his head with a rock. He eventually confesses to the attempted murder of Bran, but refuses to divulge his motive.

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Gif Recap: ‘Game Of Thrones’ – Baelor Mon, 13 Jun 2011 20:18:00 +0000 Jame Gumb Whoa, didn't see that one coming.

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Last night’s episode of “Game of Thrones” was entitled “Baelor,” in reference to an ancient king and religious figure in the world of Westeros. Personally, I think a better title would have been “Shit Happens, People Die.” Of course, that title could apply to most episodes of the series, but the deaths in question have never been this shocking.

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We begin with Varys paying another visit to poor Ned Stark, who is still stuck in a dungeon awaiting his fate. Although it’s hard to gauge the motives of a man with no balls, Varys seems to genuinely want to help Ned. His advice is to plead for mercy, and hope that Queen Cersei and the new king will grant him exile with the Night’s Watch. Ned isn’t trilled about the idea, but considers it, if only to spare the lives of his daughters.

Meanwhile, Robb and the men of Winterfell are marching south with the hope of rescuing Ned and the girls. However, to get where they are going, they must first cross the river controlled by Lord Frey, a man they trust so little that they kill any messenger ravens coming from his castle out of fear he may contact the Lannisters.

Because they fear he will take Robb prisoner, Lady Stark heads in to bargain with Frey, who she has known since she was a child. Speaking of children, Lord Frey seems to have a thing for young girls, since he’ taken one as his wife.

The bitter old man only agrees to let the Starks cross in exchange for marrying off his children. Robb is less than thrilled with the prospect of marrying one of the ugly Frey girls, but he has no choice.

Across the narrow sea, things aren’t going well for Khal Drogo. His cut from last week’s episode has become infected, and it is thought that he hasn’t much longer to live.

In a last-ditch effort to save her husband (and her role as Khaleesi), Dany brings in the “doctor” (a.k.a. witch) from last week’s show, who begins to perform a “blood magic” ceremony in which “the dead will dance.” This doesn’t go over well with the others, who generally discourage the dead from dancing in their camp. At any rate, the Khal’s horse is used in the ceremony, and eventually shipped off to the glue factory.

When some really strange sounds start coming from the Khal’s tent, one of his men gets fed up and heads in to kill the witch. When Dany tries to stop him, she is pushed to the ground. Jorah Mormont steps in to protect her, and although he is less skilled with a sword, his armor allows him to perform the obligatory head slice. Soon after, Dany is in labor, and apparently the only one who can deliver the child is the witch, which is probably a bad thing, since she’s busy conjuring the dead.

Of all the characters that could have died, safe money was on the Imp. After all, when you force a three-foot man onto the battle field, things are not going to end well. It seems Tyrion didn’t like his chances much either. He commandeers another man’s prostitute, tells her sad stories about his first love, and asks her to bang him like it’s his last night on earth.

But despite the odds, the halfman survives. At the beginning of the battle, he was accidentally knocked unconscious. When he awoke, it was over, and the Lannisters (with the help of the tribesmen) were victorious. Or so it seemed.

In fact, the Starks had tricked Tywin’s army, sending only 2000 men, and sending the other 18,000 to capture Jamie Lannister. With Jamie in custody, it would seem that Robb now has the bargaining power he needs to win the release of his father.

Although that may prove difficult, now that Ned Stark is without his head. After agreeing to confess to treason in exchange for his life and the lives of his family, Ned is double-crossed by King Joffrey, who went against the wishes of his mother and inner-circle. Both Sansa and Arya are in attendance for the beheading, although Arya is hiding in the crowd.

And with that, another week is behind us, and only one episode remains for this season. Already, some fans of the show are complaining about the fact that the main character has been killed off. To them I say, what the hell do you want HBO to do about it? It’s based on a book. If they let him live, the hardcore fans would mutiny. Somehow, I also don’t think George R. R. Martin would sit by and watch as his work is butchered just so Sean Bean could keep getting a paycheck. Besides, wouldn’t you rather watch a show where anything can happen? I’m sad to see the character go, but I appreciate the fact that I never saw it coming.

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Gif Recap: ‘Game Of Thrones’ – The Pointy End Mon, 06 Jun 2011 17:58:29 +0000 Jame Gumb How does one take a show that's already filled to the brim with violence and nudity and make it even better? Add zombies, or course.

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In my previous gif recaps, I’ve made no secret of my love for HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” To me, the show is satisfying on both an intellectual and emotional level. By that, I mean it features both boobies and beheadings. So, how does one take a show that’s already filled to the brim with violence and nudity and make it even better? Add zombies, or course. And that’s just what last night’s episode, “The Pointy End,” did.

We begin with the aftermath of last week’s power play by the Lanisters, or should I say the failed power play by Ned Stark. Poor Ned has been thrown into the dungeon and branded a trader, a title that elicits little sympathy from others, with the possible exception of Varys the eunuch. In fact, “The Spider,” as he’s known, goes as far as to visit Ned in prison, bringing him water, and giving him information on what has happened to his family. Unfortunately for Ned, the news is all bad.

All of Ned’s men who were with him in King’s Landing have been butchered by the Lanisters. Ned’s daughter Sansa is being manipulated, pleading for her father’s life in exchange for help in convincing the other Starks not to attack. Arya, on the other hand, manages to escape, thanks to the help of her instructor Sirio. Using only a wooden sword, he holds off four well-armed Lanister men while Arya retreats. However, his sword is eventually cracked in half, and his fate remains a mystery.

Before Arya hits the road, she stops off to grab her sword. And when some fat kid threatens to take her to the queen, she ends up using it. While it was strange to watch a little kid stabbing another little kid in the stomach, I take solace in that fact that the kid on “the pointy end” of the sword was fat, which makes it OK.

When Jon Snow learns of his father’s fate, he’s understandably upset. Although sympathetic, the captain of the Night’s Watch warns him not to do anything stupid. Apparently, Jon wasn’t listening, because he immediately tries to stab Alliser Thorne over a disparaging remark. In the aftermath of the event, Snow is confined to quarters.

I guess when you’re in the Night’s Watch, “confined to quarters” means “go where ever the hell you want.” When Jon’s wolf starts freaking out, he follows it to the Captain’s room. Here, he is confronted by the reanimated corpse of a dead Night’s Watchman. Despite cutting off his arm and running him through with a sword, the thing won’t stop coming. But like my dad used to say, when all else fails, light the son of a bitch on fire. My dad was an arsonist, FYI.

Meanwhile, Tyrion is having problems of his own. Granted, he’s not faced with a zombie uprising, but even so, issues have come up. After leaving the Eyrie, he and his new friend Bronn are set upon by the hill people. They look a lot like you’d expect hill people to look, and they’re also about as friendly as you’d imagine hill people to be. But Tyrion being Tyrion, he manages to convince them to spare his life in exchange for help in unseating the house of Arryn.

Considering the house of Arryn is in total disarray, that might not be as hard as it seems. Lord Robin is only interested in sucking on his mother’s tit. It’s OK for me to type that, because it’s 100% accurate. And his psychotic mother Lysa has no interest in anything other than hiding in her castle, despite the fact that the Lanisters have killed her husband and taken her brother-in-law hostage. Her sister, Lady Catelyn, is forced to leave empty handed.

While her sister may be afraid of a fight with the Lanisters, Lady Catelyn’s son Robb is wasting no time. Once he receives word about his father’s capture, he immediately calls in 20,000 men to march on King’s Landing. When one of his commanders (Greatjohn) gets too big for his britches, Robb’s wolf puts him back in his place by biting off two of his fingers. But Greatjohn seems to take it in stride, laughing off the injury as if it was a simple paper cut. I’m not a military expert, but that seems like the type of guy you want on your side.

With that, the Stark clan sets out from Winterfell to rescue Ned. But the Lanisters seem far from worried. Jaime is down in the Riverlands, plundering Catelyn Stark’s homeland, while Tywin and his army are in place to fight off an invasion from the north. Back at King’s landing, the new king and his mother Cersei are consolidating the family’s power. Tywin has been named Hand of the King, and good old Jaime has been named captain of the king’s guard. This doesn’t sit well with Ser Barristan, who is now out of a job. But given the circumstances, all he can do is say, “You can’t fire me, cause I quit!”

Last but certainly not least, we have the Dothraki. All and all, they were relatively quiet in this episode. By relatively quiet, I mean all they did was rape, pillage and plunder in order to raise money for an amphibious assault on the Seven Kingdoms. Oh, and when one of Drogo’s men referred to Dany as a foreign whore , the Kahl ripped his tongue out via his throat. Like I said, pretty low key.

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Gif Recap: ‘Modern Family’ – The One That Got Away Thu, 26 May 2011 22:14:55 +0000 Jame Gumb For the season finale, the writers shied away from gimmicks and and cliff hangers (with one possible exception), and instead focused on crafting another solid episode.

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Last night marked the end of “Modern Family’s” second season. The writers shied away from gimmicks and and cliff hangers (with one possible exception), and instead focused on crafting another solid episode. Once again, they managed to strike a balance between humor and sentimentality. This ability to push schmaltz to the absolute breaking point without crossing the line is what makes”Modern Family” the most tolerable family sitcom in recent memory.

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“The One That Got Away” begins with the Dunphy clan preparing gifts for Jay’s birthday. The children are making a video tribute, Phil has bought a bottle of wine, and Claire and Mitchell have decided to retake a cherished childhood picture. Phil did the same thing for his parents, and it went over like gangbusters.

Meanwhile, Cameron is at his wit’s end with Lily, and decides he needs a break. As such, he pawns her off on Gloria, claiming that his daughter really enjoys spending time with her step-grandmother, and even tried to say her name. Did this really happen…

Cameron isn’t the only one with problems. Manny has a crush on a girl, but she’s really into sports. As you can see from the Gif, he’s not the most athletic kid. But Cam agrees to help him learn. Their time together ends up planting an idea in Cam’s head, but I’ll save that for later.

Claire and Mitchell return to their childhood home to take the photograph, but the owners are out. Rather than wait for them to return, the two decide to hop the fence. Unfortunately, a large dog isn’t cool with their plans, and chases them up into a tree house. To make matters worse, the two have no cell phones, and their car has been towed.

4 photosSofia Vergara Being Abused On 'Three Stooges' Set

Where’s Phil during all this? Glad you asked. While getting Jay a card, he runs into his old college rival. After an embarrassing exchange, he then runs into Gloria and begins to walk with her. When passers by begin to mistake him for Gloria’s husband, he decides to use Gloria as a way to get back at his nemesis, by convincing him that he has married a gorgeous woman. However, the plan backfires when his nemesis admits he was always jealous of Phil for dating Claire. Either way, at least we got a nice shot of Sofia Vergara‘s breasts.

So, where is the birthday boy during all this? Well, he’s supposed to be fishing. Unfortunately, his family keeps pulling him away from it. Cameron asks him to pick up his own cake after being banned from the bakery. Gloria forgets her cell phone, which means Jay gets stuck picking up the dog. He also gets stuck rescuing Claire and Mitchell. To top it all off, the dog steals his birthday cake.

In the end, Jay is upset about the way his birthday turned out, but, as always, the show ends on a happy note. His birthday may have been ruined, but at least he’s still spending time with people who love him, and that’s what’s important (according to television). Speaking of family, the closest thing to a cliff hanger was the revelation that Cameron wants to adopt another child, specifically, a boy. Apparently his time with Manny really made him baby crazy. I assume they are talking about adopting a baby, and not a 15-year old Guatemalan boy. But I guess I’ll have to wait until next season to find out.

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Gif Recap: ‘Game Of Thrones’ – A Golden Crown Mon, 23 May 2011 18:10:48 +0000 Jame Gumb As we enter the second half of the season, all the "boring" setup and character development is coming together in an orgy of violent bloodlettings and shocking plot twists.

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A few weeks ago, in an earlier “Game of Thrones” Gif Recap, I made the following statement in response to critics who were complaining that the show was boring: “People said’Boardwalk Empire‘ was boring too, and by the end, that show had more dead Italians than the Vatican. So don’t worry about ‘Game of Thrones.’ You’ll get your share of blood and boobs, people. Winter is coming!” Last night’s episode, “A Golden Crown,” proved my point beyond a shadow of a doubt.

As we enter the second half of the season, all the “boring” setup and character development is coming together in an orgy of violent bloodlettings and shocking plot twists. In fact, last night’s installment was so entertaining, I didn’t even notice the lack of gratuitous topless scenes…until they threw in a Basic Instinct moment.

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We begin with King Robert and Queen Cersei interrogating Ned Stark. When we last left Ned, he was bleeding in the street, having been stabbed in the back of the leg by one of Jaime Lannister‘s men. Now it’s Jamie’s sister who is on the offensive, demanding that Stark release her brother. When the king fails to adequately support her demands, she makes a few off-color comments about her husband wearing women’s clothing. This goes over about as well as a lead balloon, and the king responds by bitch slapping his troublesome wife. You might be surprised to learn that I’m not really big fan of domestic violence. But when Cersei Lannister is involved, I’ll make an exception.

Across the Narrow Sea, another queen is being tortured in a different manner. This time, it’s self inflicted. Daenerys has pulled out one of her cherished dragon eggs and placed it in the middle of a fire pit. For reason unknown, she is able to pick up the smoldering hot egg without burning her skin. That’s an impressive trick, but not as impressive as eating a horse heart without vomiting, a task she must accomplish if she is to bare Khal Drogo a son. She manages to keep her food down, much to everyone’s delight. Well, everyone but her brother Viserys, who is beginning to realize that he is becoming irrelevant.

Back in Winterfell, Stark’s oldest son Robb and Theon Greyjoy are arguing about whether or not to move against the Lannisters. While they bicker, Bran Stark wanders off into the woods and is set upon by a group of bandits from north of the wall. The northerners are fleeing south to escape the White Walkers. Luckily for Bran, Robb and Theon catch wind of his trouble, and start slicing throats like it’s their job (which I guess it is). Of the bandits, only the sole female is taken prisoner.

Meanwhile, in the Eyrie, Tyrion Lannister is very unhappy with his current accommodations. After a prolonged exchange with a dimwitted guard, he announces that he would rather confess his crimes than rot in his cell. With that, the imp is taken to an audience in the thrown room.

Once in front of Lysa Tully and Lady Stark, Tyrion confesses a myriad of sins, most of which involve humiliating women and jerking off. But for the crimes of which he is being accused, he maintains his innocence, and demands a trail by combat. Since it would be less than honorable to hack up a dwarf with a sword, the mercenary Bronn agrees to fight in his place. After employing some less than noble tactics, he manages to kill his opponent, and Tyrion is free to go.

With the prospect of war looming, Roz the red-headed whore decides to leave Winterfell and head to King’s Landing. After all, if all of the men go off to war, and most of them don’t come back, turning tricks isn’t going to be a very lucrative business. On her way out of town, Theon runs into her, and, somewhat sadly, pays her for one last look between her legs.

Ned Stark agrees with Roz’s sentiments that war is coming, and decides to send his daughters back to Winterfell. Sansa protests, saying she wants to stay and give her future husband beautiful blond babies. With this, Stark has a revelation. If all of King Robert’s bastard sons have dark hair, why is his legitimate son, Joffrey, blond? Uh oh.

Speaking of uh oh, Viserys finally overstayed his welcome with the Dothraki. Fed up with Khal Drogo’s refusal to provide him with an army, he drunkenly holds a sword to his sister’s stomach. Khal Drogo plays it cool, and promises Viserys a golden crown if he spares her life. This placates Viserys, who drops his guard, and is swiftly seized by Drogo’s men. Since the Dothraki can’t use swords within their sacred city, Drogo decides to do the next best thing, pouring molten gold on Viserys’ head. Daenerys seems less than upset about her now-dead brother’s crown, commenting that a true dragon would have been able to withstand the heat.

Since I’m lucky enough to have HBO Go, I’ve already seen next week’s episode. If you like violence and lesbian sex, you’re gonna love it. But unfortunately, the gifs will have to wait until next Monday.

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Gif Recap: ‘Modern Family’ – See You Next Fall Thu, 19 May 2011 19:36:32 +0000 Jame Gumb Last night’s”Modern Family” began with Alex Dunphy’s 8th-grade graduation ceremony, where she, as valedictorian, was about to give a speech. Why an 8th grade class needs a valedictorian is beyond...

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Last night’s”Modern Family” began with Alex Dunphy’s 8th-grade graduation ceremony, where she, as valedictorian, was about to give a speech. Why an 8th grade class needs a valedictorian is beyond me, but whatever. I guess they do things differently in the land of make believe, so who am I to judge? In attendance, we see all of the family, with the notable exception of Phil and Claire. Oh where, oh where can they be? I’m glad you asked (even if you didn’t) because all will be explained in flashback form.

Four hours earlier, everyone is preparing for the ceremony, including Cameron and Mitchell. While the two are having an extended conversation about birthing farm animals (and Claire), Cameron falls into a kiddie pool in the backyard. Mitchell laughs uncontrollably at the site of his husband falling, which doesn’t go over too well with Cam.

Meanwhile, Jay has returned home from the doctor with a droopy eye. Gloria and Manny worry, thinking he may be having a stroke, but Jay assures them it is nothing. What has actually happened is that Jay was talked into getting Botox by his dermatologist, and there was a slight mishap, causing his eye to temporarily droop. He confesses that he hasn’t felt this stupid since he bought a bracelet that supposedly helped to maintain balance. Cue flashback within a flashback of Jay getting knocked over while demonstrating the bracelet.

Back at the Dunphy’s, Alex is practicing her speech, when Haley overhears it and is horrified by the content. Alex is using the ceremony as a chance to settle old scores, and plans on mocking the popular kids for being vapid. Despite her sister’s protests, Alex plans to go ahead with the speech.

Later, the family has met up at Jay’s house for pre-ceremony refreshments. Mitchell tells the story of Cam falling in the pool to his relatives, but no one seems to find it funny. In fact, they go as far as to chastise him for being insensitive. But when Cam accidentally walks into a closed door, they all break down and laugh, causing Cam to remark that cruelty must be genetic.

As the family sets out to the ceremony, Jay’s driveway gate malfunctions, trapping the family inside. Since no one is able to figure out what is wrong with the gate, Gloria comes up with a plan. Claire and Phil can ride her bike to the ceremony, and the others will catch up when they can. Aside from advancing the plot, this scene allows for the bouncing of Sofia Vergara.

Desperate to arrive on time, Claire decides to go with the plan. Using his cheerleading skills, Phil pushes his wife up and over the gate. He asks Jay to do the same for him, but Jay walks away silently rather than touch Phil’s ass.

Haley and Alex arrive at the ceremony, and Haley makes one last plea to her sister about reconsidering the speech. She tells Alex that just because her classmates seem vapid, it doesn’t mean they don’t have their own problems. For example, Haley is worried because she has failed a class, which means she has to attend summer school and may have a hard time getting into college. For some reason, this causes Alex to reconsider. I guess the fact that Haley is failing her class because she’s a vapid moron was lost on her.

Although they look ridiculous, Claire and Phil seem to be making good time on Gloria’s tandem bike. However, the chain breaks, and the couple is left stranded on the side of the road.

Luckily, Phil is able to utilize his knowledge of Spanish to communicate with some gardeners, who give them a lift to the school. The fact that the gardeners speek perfect English doesn’t hurt matters.

Claire and Phil arrive just in time, although they are forced to scale a hill to get there.

Alex goes ahead with her speech, and instead of being vindictive, follows her sister’s advice and sticks mainly to clichés and song titles. The crowd responds positively, but I threw up a little in my mouth.

As the episode closes, Phil and Claire are saddened when Alex decides to go to a party rather than go out to dinner with the family. But when Haley offers to go instead, they feel as if their prodigal daughter has returned, and instantly begin smothering her.

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Gif Recap: ‘Raising Hope’ – Don’t Vote for This Episode Wed, 18 May 2011 18:06:49 +0000 Jame Gumb It was as if they grabbed an old season finale from "The Wire" and somehow morphed it into a sitcom.

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Last night’s episode of “Raising Hope” (Don’t Vote for This Episode) managed to perfectly cap off the show’s first season. It was everything a season finale should be. It tied together loose ends and provided interesting character insights without relying on gimmicks or cliffhangers. It was as if they grabbed an old season finale from “The Wire” and somehow morphed it into a sitcom.

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The episode begins with a joint birthday party for Jimmy and Maw Maw. When he was younger, Jimmy used to hate sharing his birthdays with Maw Maw, mainly because the parties were overrun with her friends. But thanks to time and a few debilitating strokes, now it’s Jimmy’s friends who populate the parties.

With that, we are transported back in time by five years, to the day before Maw Maw’s 80th birthday and Jimmy’s 18th. Jimmy is going through an awkward phase, which entails dressing like a cross between Marilyn Manson and Edward Scissorhands. Burt and Virgina are afraid to talk to him.

Maw Maw, on the other hand, is still going strong. She’s banging out crossword puzzles, doing back flips, and making the family breakfast. While serving Jimmy, she promises him a very special birthday surprise.

That night at midnight, she wakes everyone in the house with an air horn, and tells them Jimmy’s birthday surprise is on the lawn. Thinking it’s a trampoline, the family runs out to investigate. But all they find are their belongings, and a locked door behind them. Maw Maw is tired of having freeloaders in her house, and now that Jimmy is an adult, she feels no shame in kicking them to the curb.

Desperate for cash, the family turns to living in their van. In order to stretch a dollar, they all head to the grocery store for “lunch.” But instead of buying food, they run a series of scams to get a free meal.

At the store, we get a glimpse of the usual gang as they appeared in 2006. Sabrina, who still has braces, is applying for a job at the store. Barney is morbidly obese. Shelley and Frank are shelf stocking experts.

Even Lucy, Hope’s serial killer mom, is spotted, along with her condescending boyfriend (Danny Masterson). I doubt Masterson will become a regular since it is implied that his character is Lucy’s first victim.

After the grocery store, the family heads over to Virgina’s coworkers home to live in the basement. However, Jimmy is banded from the house when he is mistaken for devil by the owner’s elderly, Spanish speaking mother. Rather than wash off his makeup, Jimmy heads out on his own. On the other hand, Burt isn’t fairing well in the basement, when he manages to wind up in a spitting match with home-owner’s llama.

With no where to turn, Jimmy begins hiding in the DVD return box at the store and waiting for the employees to go home. He spends his nights eating for free and bathing in the produce sprinklers.

In Jimmy’s absence, Burt and Virgina plead with Maw Maw to let them return. She refuses, and calls the family “losers.” The insult causes the couple to reevaluate their lives. The make a budget, get serious about their jobs, and start saving money to repay Maw Maw.

After coming up with their plan, Burt and Virgina head over to Maw Maw’s to start paying her back. Once there, they realize her mind is slipping after she repeatedly asks about long dead relatives. Although they are committed to no longer being freeloaders, they decide they should move in to help take care of the woman who took care of them.

Meanwhile, Jimmy’s plan is exposed by Barney, who suspected the store had been infiltrated by a gypsy. In the ensuing melee, Shelley is hit in the teeth by a can, Barney realizes he needs to have gastric bypass surgery, and Sabrina shows up a minute too late, dressed as a goth chick, hoping to catch Jimmy’s eye. Apparently, his goth persona reminded her of a character from her Twilight books.

After fleeing the store, Jimmy runs into Burt, who hides him from the cops. After the chase, Jimmy decides to go back to being himself and stop wearing the makeup. Together, they all go inside to celebrate with Maw Maw, who agrees to let the family stay, so long as they never let her granddaughter Virginia and her no good husband back into the house.

With that, we flash back to 2011, where everyone is celebrating yet another birthday for Maw Maw and Jimmy. As the show winds down, Burt and Jimmy reminisce about Jimmy’s make-up wearing days. Unaware of Sabrina’s attraction to goth guys, Jimmy makes Burt swear to never mention his awkward phase to her, lest it hurt his chances.

All and all, I can’t think of a better way for the show to have wrapped up, and I’m happy about the fact that it managed to get renewed.

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Gif Recap: ‘How I Met Your Mother’ – Challenge Accepted Tue, 17 May 2011 20:30:08 +0000 Jame Gumb Last night, there was a major surprise which set the tone for next season. Hey, it was season finale, after all.

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Last night’s season finale of “How I Met Your Mother” had a lot of lessons to give about life and love. It also had piss and fart jokes sandwiched in between a few sappy romantic moments. Although there was a major surprise which set the tone for next season. Hey, it was season finale, after all.

(Click Here For More Gif Recaps)

Last week, Ted ended up dumping Zoey in order to pursue his career, and all of America rejoiced at her departure. This week’s episode began with the ribbon cutting ceremony for Ted’s project and the demolition of the Arcadia Hotel.

While Ted and Barney are at the ribbon cutting, Lily is attempting to cheer up a still unemployed Marshall with a pot of soup from his favorite deli. Unfortunately, the deli isn’t known for is cleanliness, and Lily comes down with food poisoning.

When Lily is unable to reach Marshall in time, he consumes multiple bowls of the same soup. This brings him to the sad realization that he too will suffer from the virus that is plaguing his wife. By his estimate, he has three hours before it sets in. You can live a lot of life in three hours.

At the bar, it is revealed that Zoey is once again rearing her ugly head (well, her head is hot, but you know what I mean). Ted is stressed out from work, and it’s causing him to reconsider their relationship. He has a habit of letting trivial matters (like sun burn) convince him to run back to his ex-lovers, and a difficult choice about light bulbs has him rethinking Zoey.

Robin and Barney are desperate to keep Ted from making the same mistake, and follow him to his rendezvous with Zoey. At the same time, Marshall gets a call from an environmental law firm asking him to come in for an interview. It’s his dream job, so he decides to take his chances despite the oncoming illness. He even goes as far as to borrow an adult diaper from an elderly neighbor. But at the end of the interview, he is overcome by the fear of soiling himself, and flee the office.

Barney and Robin manage to intercept Ted just in time, and dissuade him from returning to Zoey. In the process, they grow nostalgic for their relationship.

Meanwhile, Marshall returns home, and is completely disgusted with his life. He laments the recent death of his father, his lack of a job, and the fact that he will soon be exploding from both ends. Despite his wife’s attempt at comforting him, he goes to bed, hoping to get some sleep before the illness sets in.

But the illness never comes, and Marshall awakes in the morning feeling fine. As it turns out, Lily didn’t have the stomach flu. It was morning sickness! Yep, she’s been knocked up six ways from Sunday.

As the parents to be embrace, we cut to Barney and Ted, who are at the demolition ceremony for the Arcadia. Because he is proud of his friend, Barney, allows Ted to push the button to begin the demolition despite the fact that he has dreamed about pushing it himself for weeks.

After the ceremony, Barney and Robin are walking home when they run into Nora, Barney’s ex. Even though his advice to Ted was “new is always better,” Barney attempts to reconcile with her, and the two agree to meet for coffee. Robin seems less than pleased with the development.

At the end of the episode, we are shown a flash forward to a wedding, at which Barney is the groom. But who is the bride? Robin? Nora? Marshall? I guess we’ll have to wait until next season to find out.

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Gif Recap: ‘Game Of Thrones’ – The Wolf And The Lion Mon, 16 May 2011 17:59:41 +0000 Jame Gumb It's hard out here for an imp.

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The pace of “Game of Thrones” is really picking up, which is to say there was a ton of violence in last night’s episode. For lack of a better phrase, shit just got real in Westeros. Let me tell you about it via animated Gif recap!

Click here to check out our other Gif Recaps.

The episode begins with Ned Stark investigating the death of Jon Aryn’s squire in a jousting match (click Here for last week’s episode). Despite the accidental nature of the death, Ned smells a set up.

Despite the tragic death, the games continue. The Mountain, as he is affectionately known, is back at it, jousting against a new competitor, Loras Tyrell. Tyrell is a bit of a dandy (he’s known as “The Knight of Flowers”), but he’s also a great warrior, and cunning enough to ride a mare that’s in heat. The move spooks The Mountain’s horse, costing him the race. Old Mountain Man doesn’t take too kindly to the trick, and decides to cut off his own horse’s head before attacking Tyrell. Only the intercession of The Mountain’s brother, The Hound, spares Tyrell’s life.

Meanwhile, Lady Stark is transporting her new prisoner to her sister’s castle in the Eyrie. Despite Tyrion’s repeated claims of innocence (why would he give an assassin his own dagger), his pleas fall on deaf ears. But when the group is attacked by marauders, the imp leaps to Lady Stark’s defense. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a dwarf cave someone’s face in, this is the episode for you. If you’ve already seen a dwarf cave someone’s face in, good for you!

Cue pointless sex scene. Well, it wasn’t totaly pointless. After watching Theon Greyjoy bang a prostitute, we learn that last week’s encounter with the imp has left him jealous. Clearly, the seed of resentment has been planted in his head, and I’d bet all the horses in Vaes Dothrak that he’s going to turn on the Starks.

One sex scene deserves another, so let’s skip to Loras Tyrell and Renly Baratheon (The King’s younger brother). After a vigorous manscaping session, Loras plants the idea in Renly’s head that he should be the King, not his boorish bro. He then makes a very compelling argument on the matter via oral sex. While there’s always something a tad homoerotic about a bunch of long-haired dudes playing with swords, seeing those same dudes go down on each other is a world apart, especially in animated Gif form.

Back to the dwarf torture. Upon arriving at her sister’s, Lady Stark begins to realize that Lysav has gone insane (probably after the death of her husband, Jon Arryn). After breastfeeding her toddler son in front of everyone, she has Tyrion thrown into a dungeon. Despite the lack of bars on the window, I’m pretty sure he won’t be going anywhere, unless dwarfs can fly…which I assume they can.

Viewers who were disturbed by hot-man-on-man action were treated to this gratuitous breast shot. It occurred while Ned Stark was visiting a brothel in order to investigate yet another one of the King’s bastard children.

Stark’s doubts about the king came to a head when it was decided that the pregnant Daenerys Targaryen was to be assassinated. Stark quit rather than take part in what he viewed to be a shameful plot, and decided to return to Winterfell. His decision was probably hastened by news of his wife’s decision to take the imp prisoner, a move that will surely enrage the Lannisters.

Speaking of Lannisters,upon leaving the brothel, Ned is confronted by Jaime and his troops. Word of Lady Stark’s actions has gotten around, and Jamie is not happy. He makes short work of Ned’s men, including poor Jory, who takes a knife to the eye. At least the last thing he saw before his death was that hot blond girl’s goods.

Eventually, Ned and Jamie come to blows. In the middle of their heated battle, one of Jamie’s men stabs Ned in the leg with a spear, ending the fight prematurely. Robbed of a possible victory, Jamie punches his man in the face for intruding on the battle. With that, Ned is left in the street, and told that no harm must come to the imp.

Breasts, gay sex, bastard children, toddler breast feeding, eye stabbings: This week’s episode packed a lot of action into just one hour. Sound off on your favorite moments in the comment section below.

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Gif Recap: ‘Community’ – For A Few Paintballs More Fri, 13 May 2011 19:57:34 +0000 Jame Gumb As the episode begins, last week's western-theme is replaced with a Star Wars motif, complete with stormtrooper-styled paintballers who are fighting on behalf of the mysterious Pistol Patty.

The post Gif Recap: ‘Community’ – For A Few Paintballs More appeared first on Screen Junkies.

Last week’s episode of “Community” (“A Fist Full of Paintballs“) was the first of a two part season finale in which the students of Greendale took part in yet another elaborate game of paintball. This year, much to the Dean’s dismay, the western-themed event was organized by the mysterious Pistol Patty, an anthropomorphic ice-cream cone with a mysterious agenda. With a $100,000 on the line, the study group found itself fighting for survival against not only their fellow students, but also against mysterious paintball ringers who had been sent in by at unknown source. Who is supplying the ringers? Why do they want to destroy Greendale? And what has become of Pierce Hawthorne now that he has been banned from the group? All these questions were answered in last night’s stunning conclusion, “For a Few Paintballs More.” Let’s recap it in animated Gif form, shall we? As the episode begins, last week’s western-theme is replaced with a Star Wars motif, complete with stormtrooper-styled paintballers who are fighting on behalf of the mysterious Pistol Patty. Lo and behold, Patty turns out to be the evil Dean Spreck from Greendale’s arch rival, City College. As Spreck explains, he put up the money for the competition using a phony ice cream company with the hope that the Greendale students would destroy their own school. Now that phase one is complete, he must ensure that a Greendale student does not win, or else the prize money could be used to repair the damage. Hence the use of professional paintballers, which answers the Dean’s question, “Why would someone who gets paid to do things be at Greendale?” The ringers quickly set out to eliminate the remaining students by any means necessary. Using a remote-controlled paint bomb, they are nearly successful at eliminating all opposition with one fell swoop, but Magnitude (“pop pop”) uses himself as a human shield, and saves the day. As it becomes apparent that City College wants to destroy Greendale, the students are forced to set aside their differences and unite. At first, there is constant infighting. Troy appoints himself as leader, a move that is questioned by Jeff. When asked why he doesn’t lead, Jeff claims he only does so when leadership is thrust upon him. Abed, on the other hand, is more worried about playing the part of Han Solo, a persona that has Annie strangely aroused. And Shirley wants nothing more than to be eliminated so she can go home to her babies. At Britta’s behest, the group finally puts their differences aside and unites to defeat City College. They come up with a plan to draw the stormtroopers into the library and away from the Gatling Gun. Once in the library, the students will pull the fire alarm, causing the paint-filled sprinkler system to go off, eliminating anyone in the building, and leaving the Gatling Gun unsecured and open to attack. While the students hatch their plan, Peirce has been captured by Dean Spreck. But the Dean keeps him alive, thinking he may have information that can bring down Jeff. Unfortunately, the only information Pierce can offer is that Jeff wants to be a ballerina, and his Achilles heel is wieners. Spreck grows tired of Pierce, and tells him he is surprised it took two years for Jeff to ban him from the study group. Later, as Spreck and his men are leaving, he orders one to stay behind and finish off Pierce. Just like last week, Pierce immediately fakes a heart attack, causing the stormtrooper to drop his guard. Meanwhile, the assault on the Gatling Gun is not fairing well. Jeff is quickl taken out, as are several other students. However, Abed, Shirley, Annie and Troy have managed to lure several enemies to the library. Despite the successful ruse, the group’s escape route is blocked when Lambert is too fat to fit through the vent. The group decides to go out in a blaze of glory, leaving Shirley behind to pul the switch. While the others are fighting, Shirley pulls the fire alarm and makes a run for the door. Abed and Annie share a passionate kiss, before they are eliminated, and Abed can no longer play the part of Han Solo (much to Annie’s disappointment). However, despite most of the study group being eliminated, they did manage to take out a large amount of the stormtroopers, as well. After her escape from the library, Shirley steals a golf cart and picks up Britta, the only other remaining student in the competition. The two make short work of the stormtroopers, and even manage to take out the Gatling Gun before they are both shot by two troopers who were hidden from view. As the the two troopers celebrate their victory, they are joined by a third! But their celebrations are quickly ended when the the new arrival shoots them both, removes his mask, and reveals himself to be Pierce. He has won the competition, and agrees to give the money to the school to be used for repairs. Since he has saved the day, the study group offers to allow Pierce back in. He declines, telling Jeff and the group that he is finished with them. They expect him to change his mind and return, but the show ends with the group patiently waiting for a return that never occurs. All and all, I thought it was a great way to wrap up a fantastic season. Anyone disagree? Will Pierce actually follow through with his threat to leave, or will he be back first thing next season?

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Gif Recap: ‘Modern Family’ – Good Cop, Bad Dog Thu, 12 May 2011 19:59:35 +0000 Jame Gumb The Brady's had Tiger. The Bundy's had Buck. And now the Pritchett's have Stella.

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Modern Family” has a little something for everyone: humor, hot women, gay dudes. But up until now, the show has been lacking a key ingredient found in most other popular family sitcoms: a dog. The Brady’s had Tiger. The Bundy’s had Buck. And now the Pritchett’s have Stella.

We begin with trouble at the Dunphy’s. When it comes time to discipline the children, Claire once again finds herself in the role of “bad cop.” To make matters worse, she catches Phil undermining her in front of the children while she is attempting to lay down the law.

Meanwhile, Mitchell is faced with problems of his own. Cameron has come down with a nasty bug, which is jeopardizing their plans of going to the Lady Gaga concert. Mitchell is torn. He wants to take care of his partner, but he was really excited about the concert (Lady Gaga being one of the few gay stereotypes he allows himself).

Back at the Dunphy’s, Claire is demanding Phil take on the role of disciplinarian. She decides to take the boys to the go cart track, leaving her husband in charge of getting the girls to clean the bathroom.

Cameron’s situation is not improving. To make matters worse, Mitchell’s attempts to get permission to attend the concert alone fall on deaf ears.

As these two story lines unfold, Jay and Gloria are dealing with an unexpected guest. Well, unexpected on Jay’s part. Gloria has invited Guillermo, the man who bags her groceries, to talk to Jay about business. He has a plan that will revolutionize the $40 billion dog-training business. Jay points out that dog-training market is no where near that lucritive. But that doesn’t stop Guillermo and his do Stella from demonstrating their ridiculous method, which involves giving dogs a less-than-delicious biscuit when they are bad.

The dog isn’t the only one that needs discipline. Despite Phil’s requests to clean the bathroom, the girls attempt to flee to the movies before finishing their chores. This doesn’t sit well with Phil, who chases them into the street and jumps on the hood of their car.

Claire, on the other hand, is enjoying her time as the “good cop.” In fact, she might be having a little too much fun. She drives recklessly while go carting, and encourages the boys to eat loads of junk food. Her dramatic change leave the boys confused, and in Luke’s case, physically ill.

While go carting, Claire gets a call from Mitchell, asking for advice. Should he ditch sick Cameron and go on his own? When Mitchell is the sick one, Cameron bends over backwards to make him comfortable. Despite this fact, Mitchell decides he’s going to Lady Gaga.

Meanwhile, Phil has taken his role of “bad cop” to the extreme. He is forcing the girls to clean all the bathrooms in the house and unclog the drains. He also duct-tapes their laptops shut. To top it off, he’s not allowing them to eat.

Mitchell attempts to break the news to Cameron, only to find his partner is asleep. He takes the opportunity to make a run for it…

But is caught at the front door just before leaving. Embarrassed by his bad behavior, Mitchell promises to be a better partner. However, in the middle of his apology, Cameron passes out again, and Mitchell bolts for the door.

After hearing Guillermo’s awful sales pitch, Jay decides to be honest, telling him the dog treat idea is horrible. Guillermo is devastated, but grateful for the honest advice. He decides to get his life back on track by returning to school. However, this requires him to quit his job and move in with his sister, which means he has to give up the dog. Gloria volunteers to take in the animal, but Jay won’t have it and drives it to the pound. But after looking into Stella’s eyes, he has a change of heart, and Stella returns home to live with the family.

Back at the Dumphy’s, Claire returns home with a van full of Luke’s vomit. When Phil sends the girls, who are now little more than slaves, to clean the mess, Claire takes pity on them and sends them to eat. Phil and Claire both agree that things were better off as they were before, and that switching the “good cop/bad cop” roles was a bad idea.

And when Cameron wakes up from his nap, he is happy to see Mitchell watching over him. He thanks his partner for skipping the concert, but then informs him that his necklace is still glowing. Caught red handed, Mitchell panics, and the show ends.

What did you think of last night’s episode? Does Stella help round out the cast?

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Gif Recap: ‘Raising Hope’ – The Baby Monitor Wed, 11 May 2011 21:15:58 +0000 Jame Gumb "I saw this on 'Modern Family', and countless other sitcoms."

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When it comes to recapping a show via animated GIF, “Raising Hope” is one of the easiest. It’s quick, full of sight gags, and heavy on the slap stick. Last night’s episode was tamer than most, but hilarious none the less.

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We begin with Virginia consoling Burt over the loss of his boomerang. “They’re suppose to always come back,” he whimpers, after waiting 15 minutes. Suddenly, an angry woman’s voice breaks through a nearby baby monitor. Burt is alarmed, thinking someone is in Hope’s room. But Virgina tells him not to worry, since they’re just getting interference from another monitor in the neighborhood. “I saw this on’Modern Family‘, and countless other sitcoms.”

The two decide to wander the neighborhood, searching for what sounds like an abusive mother. However, when they discover the source, it turns out to be an angry wife, chastising her husband for not controlling a group of puppies (that’s what the baby monitor is for). It also turns out to be Ethan Suplee and Jamie Pressly, the stars of “My Name Is Earl.”

Jimmy doesn’t have time to snoop on the neighbors. He’s busy with his job at Howdy’s grocery store, helping his manager come up with a new TV ad. Last year’s fruit-and-vegetable themed submission was rejected, so this year, Barney has asked his employees to come up with their own ads. The ad itself aside, he feels it will build team spirit among his crew. After all, the pyramids were built by a “team” of slaves.

Back at the house, Burt can’t stop listening to the baby monitor. Despite his wife’s objections, he is transfixed by the unfolding story of a poor, downtrodden husband who is constantly belittled by his awful spouse. Before heading to bed, Burt overhears the wife threaten that there’ll be hell to pay if her husband does not remove an old tree stump by the time she returns from work tomorrow afternoon.

Determined to help, Burt stops by the neighbors’ house, and offers to remove the stump for free, claiming he is one stump away from getting a stump-removal certificate. Overjoyed, the neighbor (Andrew) gladly accepts. When his wife (Donna) returns home from work, she seems somewhat pleased with the stump removal. But her joy quickly turns to anger when she discovers that Andrew has dragged mud across her carpet. Burt is horrified that his attempt to help has backfired.

Back at the store, it’s time to unveil the ads. Frank puts forth a less than stellar commercial, focusing mainly on himself. He doesn’t care if the customers come or not. He doesn’t own the place. If he did, it’d be named Frank’s. Besides, no matter where you buy your food, it all ends up in the toilet.

Jimmy, on the other hand, decides to impress his boss by casting him as the lead in his commercial. Barney plays the hero of a Lord of the Rings-themed spot, in which he banishes the high prices of an evil troll. When Sabrina protests the fact that Jimmy casting their boss in the ad, he informs her that there are no rules.

Where’s Maw Maw during all this? I’m glad you asked. She’s busy putting scotch tape on her face. Keep it out of your eyes, Maw Maw.

Offended by Jimmy’s tactics, Sabrina decides it’s time for the gloves to come off. She enlists the help of both Hope and Maw Maw in making a slick, early-60′s style ad. Jimmy protests, but Sabrina reminds him that there are no rules. Barney, upset by his team’s infighting, decides to send all the ads to corporate, and let them decide which is best.

On a side note, who knew Sabrina was packing that kind of cleavage? Also, if Maw Maw looks good for her age, keep in mind she’s forced to use an obscene about of tape to hold her ass in place.

Despite the fact that Virgina hates busybodies, Burt convinces her to invite the new neighbors over for dinner. His hope is that if Donna sees what a good wife Virgina is, she’ll start treating Andrew with more respect. All is going according to plan, until Andrew runs home for a box of crackers. Burt tags along, and reveals his ulterior motive for inviting the couple over. However, Donna overhears the conversation on the baby monitor. Furious, she lays into Virgina for not minding her own business.

Virgina is upset, and wants to make things right with the neighbors. But Burt informers her that Andrew is happier than ever. Now that Donna is angry at Virgina, the heat is off him. He’s even allowed to watch Sports Center for the first time in years (did you know Oklahoma City has a basketball team now?). Although she doesn’t want to be known as a busy body, Virgina decides to play the part in order to save the couple’s marriage.

At Howdy’s, the crew waits to see which ad has been selected. But to their dismay, corporate went with an ad from the westside store. Angered by the loss, the crew decides to band together in order to beat Howdy’s West in sales. Barney, who it turns out never sent in the ads to begin with, is proud of the fact that he brought his crew closer together.

With just one episode left in the season, “Raising Hope” seems to be ending on a high note. I could have used a little more Maw Maw, but if that’s my only complaint, I should probably just shut my damn mouth.

What did you think of the episode?

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Gif Recap: ‘How I Met Your Mother’ – Landmarks Tue, 10 May 2011 19:13:58 +0000 Jame Gumb Last night marked the second to last episode of "How I Met Your Mother" season six. Hopefully it marked the final episode featuring Zoey.

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Last night marked the second to last episode of “How I Met Your Mother” season six. Hopefully it marked the final episode featuring Zoey. But more on that later. Let’s do this Gif Recap proper, and start at the beginning.

Check Out Our Other Gif Recaps Here!

While speaking in front of the landmark committee in regard to the Arcadia Hotel, Marshall closes his argument Johnny Cochran style, with a rhyme: “If the lion head’s stonework is regal…tearing it down should be illegal.” Because this is a sitcom, the crowd seems pleased with his speech, and Marshall decides to celebrate with a moonwalk before being asked to stop rhyming and sit down. Next, it’s Ted‘s turn to testify. At the end of last week’s episode, he was adamantly in favor of saving the building. But now, when asked his opinion, he seems unsure. What happened? Flashback time.

After the events of last week, Barney is the odd man out. Everyone else is now in favor of saving the Arcadia, making him the lone dissenter. In order to spite his new enemies, Barney bribes the bar’s kitchen to stop serving chicken wings, leaving his hungry friends wingless.

While Barney might have had a good laugh over his wing prank, he was in for a rude awakening. After talking to his boss, Arthur, he discovers that both he and Ted are at risk of being fired if Ted testifies in favor of the building. Despite this fact, Ted seems unmoved, thanks to his love for Zoey.

Later, Ted wakes up to see what he thinks is Barney dressed as the long-dead architect who built the Arcadia. At first, he is unimpressed by Barney’s nonsense. But then, after an impressive lighting change, Ted realizes that it is actually the architect, speaking to him in a dream. The ghost warns Ted not to testify in favor of the building, since, deep down, he knows it is an unimportant eyesore unworthy of landmark status, and doing so would mean giving up his chance to leave his own mark on the city.

After discussing the matter with his friends, and exploring all the possible outcomes (including Ninja attack), Ted decides to testify against the building even though he knows Zoey will leave him. Later that night, he meets with Zoey one last time, but keeps his plans a secret, as not to spoil the moment.

At this point, the flashback ends, and Ted is back on stage testifying about the building. When he tells the committee he believes the Arcadia is unworthy of landmark status, Zoey rushes the stage and plays a recording of Ted speaking in favor of saving it because of the iconic lion’s head on its exterior. The move leaves little doubt that the committee will vote to save the building, and even less doubt that Zoey is an awful bitch.

After the meeting is adjourned and the vote is scheduled for the next day, the group heads to the bar to drown their sorrows. Luckily, Lily has hatched a plan to make sure the Arcadia is destroyed. The group rushes to find Arthur, who is out walking his new dog (which he hates). After calming him down, he agrees to go along with the plan.

For legal reasons, Ted never gives details. But the next night at the committee meeting, it is announced that the lion’s head is missing, and there is no longer a reason to save the building. Zoey is furious, and as expected, leaves Ted. He takes it in stride, telling her that “Sometimes, things have to fall apart to make way for better things.” With that, Zoey walks off screen, hopefully into oncoming traffic.

As the episode ends, Ted asks Barney what he really thought of Zoey, stressing that he can be honest now that she is out of the picture. Ted reluctantly admits that maybe she was right about the lion’s head, adding that it really looks good in his bedroom.

All and all, how did you feel about last night’s episode? Are you glad that Zoey is dead gone?

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Gif Recap: ‘Game Of Thrones’ – Cripples, Bastards, And Broken Things Mon, 09 May 2011 21:30:19 +0000 Jame Gumb Even in last night's dialogue heavy episode, there was still a grizzly death!

The post Gif Recap: ‘Game Of Thrones’ – Cripples, Bastards, And Broken Things appeared first on Screen Junkies.

I already hear people complaining about the fact that “Game of Thrones” is starting to drag. To an extent, it’s true. The last two episodes have been heavy on the dialogue, and light on the beheadings and breasts. This hits me especially hard, since it’s extremely difficult to make an interesting Gif Recap of two dudes in tights reminiscing about a fictitious battle. But everybody needs to chill the hell out. People said”Boardwalk Empire” was boring too, and by the end, that show had more dead Italians than the Vatican. So don’t worry about “Game of Thrones.” You’ll get your share of blood and boobs, people. Winter is coming! On with the Gifs!

Even in last night’s dialogue heavy episode, there was still a grizzly death! But more on that later. For now, let’s focus on creepy three-eyed birds.

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It began with Bran, up and about, walking the castle grounds as if nothing had happened (in this case, nothing being the fact that he was thrown from a castle tower and paralyzed from the waist down). Suddenly, a menacing three-eyed crow appears. With that, Bran awakes, and we discover it was all a dream. For those particularly dim members of the viewing audience, the old nurse watching over the boy actually announces “Little lord’s been dreaming again.” Thanks, lady.

With that, Bran is summoned to the throne room to greet Tyrion the imp, who has returned from the wall. He is strangely eager to learn what the boy remembers of his fall, but the Starks assure him that Bran has no memory of the event. With that out of the way, Tyrion offers the boy a specially made saddle that will allow him to ride, claiming to have a soft spot for “cripples, bastards, and broken things.” When Bran insists he is not a cripple, Tyrion replies, “Then I’m not a dwarf! My father will rejoice to hear it.”

Meanwhile, in Dothraki town, or whatever the hell it’s called, Viserys Targaryen is as pissy as ever about the fact that he sold his sister to the Dothraki hordes, but has yet to take control of his army. Not even taking a bath with a hooker and regaling her with stories of dragon skulls can cheer him up.

However, his sister Dany seems to be enjoying her new role as the barbarian queen. But she is beginning to lose faith in her brother, and confides in Jorah Mormont that she would not want him to be king. Mormont then confides in her that he was exiled for selling slaves in order to appease his wife’s lavish lifestyle. The wife is now in “another place with another man.”

At the wall, Jon Snow is making new friends. Unfortunately, his new friend is an overweight coward named Samwell Tarly. The only other Samwell I know sings “What, What (In the Butt),” and would probably make a better knight than Tarly.

Ned Stark, on the other hand, is getting shit done. After learning that his predecessor was investigating a book about family lineages, he visits a young blacksmith. Upon investigating the blacksmith, and starring him in the eyes, he realizes that it is the king’s bastard son. Advantage, Stark.

Over at the castle, we gain some insight as to why the Lannister family, Jaime Lannister in particular, might hate the king. It seems his royal highness likes to cheat on his wife (Jaime’s sister). He’s paralytically fond of having orgies while Jaime is on watch outside his door, forcing him to hear all of the debauchery. On the one hand, I can understand why Jaime would be upset by that. On the other, Jaime is nailing his own sister, the king’s wife, so maybe he shouldn’t judge.

Back up north, Jon finds out that Samwell was forced to join the Night’s Watch by his father, who threatened to kill him if he didn’t leave home. As such, Snow takes pity on the fat ass, and warns his fellow soldiers not to attack Samwell. This does not sit well with their superior, Alliser Thorne, who explains that on the other side of the wall, their weakness will be their undoing. Throne himself has resorted to cannibalism to stay alive, and would have no qualms about eating a fatty like Samwell, if need be.

After his hooker bath, Viserys is invited to dinner by his sister. Where as most people would consider this a kind gesture, he takes it as an insult and decides to attack her. However, emboldened by her new role as queen, Daenerys fights back, and threatens to have his hands cut off if he ever strikes her again.

So far, the episode has been pretty heavy. So lets forget our troubles with a good old-fashioned jousting tournament. What could go wrong? Oh, right. A jouster could get his throat stabbed. And wouldn’t you know it, that’s just what happens thanks to a really evil knight named Gregor Clegane (a.k.a. The Mountain). He is the brother of The Hound (the guy with the melted face from previous episodes). As it turns out, The Hound’s face didn’t get that way by accident. His brother held it in a fire while they were both young boys. It seems that The Mountain hasn’t changed much, since he seems not the least bit bothered by stabbing a man in the jugular during a friendly competition.

Last, but not least, we return to Lady Stark, who while traveling back north, has an unfortunate run in with Tyrion. As the dwarf smugly relishes the fact that he has blown her cover, Lady Stark quickly commands the loyalty of all those in the tavern, calling on them to arrest Tyrion for the attempted murder of her son. The patrons quickly oblige, and Tyrion finds himself in the middle of the medieval bukakee circle.

And with that, we are forced to wait another week. What have you thought of the show so far? Has it been to boring, or are you content with the fact that they are gearing up for something epic?

The post Gif Recap: ‘Game Of Thrones’ – Cripples, Bastards, And Broken Things appeared first on Screen Junkies.

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Gif Recap: ‘Community’ – A Fist Full Of Paintballs: Part 1 Fri, 06 May 2011 17:59:44 +0000 Jame Gumb Chills! Suspense! Annie running in slow motion!

The post Gif Recap: ‘Community’ – A Fist Full Of Paintballs: Part 1 appeared first on Screen Junkies.

When we came up with the idea for our gif recaps, we had your normal sitcom in mind, consisting of mostly dialogue, with a few scattered bursts of slapstick thrown in for good measure. Unfortunately, we forgot to factor in “Community,” a show that doesn’t conform to the sitcom norm. This is doubly true of their now annual paintball episodes, which pack in so much action, we could have easily made one 22-minute gif. Unfortunately, that would defeat the purpose of a recap, so we have to pick and choose. So here are the best moments from last night’s amazing episode of “Community” – A Fist Full Of Paintballs: Part 1.

The episode begins with Annie, dressed as an old-West prostitute, rescuing Fat Neil from a group of angry paintballers in the Greendale hallway. After eliminating the posse, she is given a slick Western style intro dubbing her the queen of hearts. As she walks away, Fat Neil pulls a double-cross, picking up a gun and aiming at Annie’s back. But he’s to slow (probably because he’s fat) and Annie takes him out. Yes, the “paintball assassin” game is back…but why?

After a The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly styled intro, we flash back a few hours to find the entire gang, alongside their classmates, attending a “last day of school hoedown and picnic” sponsored by Pistol Patty’s Cowboy Creamery. That explains the Western garb everyone is wearing. But what of the paintball? The Dean announces that there will be a small game this year, but in order to avoid the chaos of last year, the prizes will be of little value. However, when Pistol Patty, a talking ice-cream cone with a cowboy hat, takes the microphone, she informs the students that $100,000 is at stake. Anarchy erupts as everyone scrambles for their weapons.

We flashback to Anne, who is held up in a science lab eating beans. Abed, dressed as Clint Eastwood, manages to infiltrate her hideout, and brings a message from Jeff inviting her to join up with them. She grudgingly accepts, and the two set out, only to find Winger and Chang pinned down by gunfire from the Math Club.

Chang, realizing that the Math Club is all Asian, switches sides. But in the confusion, Abed manages to save Jeff. Despite the fact that his Math Club comrades have all been eliminated, Chang lives to see another day.

Soon after, Jeff, Abed and Annie are confronted by The Black Rider, a gun-slinging stranger whose good looks make Jeff feel uncomfortable. The conversation quickly turns south, and the gang is forced to flee from the mysterious marksman.

Here is a shot of Annie running in slow motion. That is all.

Annie and her companions manage to escape, locking themselves in a stairwell. While catching their breath, they are set upon by Troy, Shirley, and Britta, who have been deputized by “Fort Hawthorne,” a safe area created by Pierce in the cafeteria.

It turns out that there is a bounty on Jeff’s head. He is wanted, “gay and alive.” So Jeff, Abed and Annie agree to go peacefully and speak with Pierce.

Once at “Fort Hawthorne,” Pierce is overly friendly to his study group pals, offering them entertainment in the form of dancers (including a male dancer for Jeff…because he’s gay).

Although the group initially distrusts his motives, at Annie’s urging, they decide to take him at his word. They all agree to set out in search of last year’s paintball gun stash, with the hope it will tip the game in their favor, and the money can be split seven ways. As the group sets out in search of the stash, Annie explains her reasons for trusting Pierce. She feels as if the study group is her family, and with family, you don’t get to pick and choose. If the group turns its back on Pierce, who is next? Jeff begrudgingly accepts her explanation, and gives her his gun for protection. But as he walks off, Annie hears a noise coming from the next room. A group of cheerleaders is about to execute Chang (in a cheerleader outfit) for betraying them. Annie steps in and shoots the girls, but Chang slips away. While in hot pursuit, Annie is confronted by The Black Rider.

After flirting with Annie, The Black Rider attempts to shoot her with her own gun (given to her by Jeff). However, it is filled with blanks. Just then, Jeff and Abed arrive and rescue her, but the Black Rider escapes unscathed. Thankful for being rescued, Annie informs Jeff the Pierce had provided him with a blank gun.

Meanwhile, Troy and the others have located the dean, covered in paint, hiding in a locker. When pressed, he admits that the paintball supplies from last year are still at the school, but he’s locked them up so the campus won’t be destroyed.

After seeing that the school has already been demolished, he relents, and allows Jeff and the gang to take the weapons. The group then sets off to get their revenge on Pierce. Once back at the camp, Annie discovers that most of the inhabitants have bee taken out by The Black Rider. However, she finds Pierce hiding in a closet. When he comes out waving a white flag, she fires repeatedly at him, causing him to run into the open where he is surrounded by the study group.

Annie confronts him about his betrayal of Jeff, and informs him that earlier in the week, the group had voted on whether or not to banish him. Only her vote had spared him, but now she is fed up with his treachery. But just as the two are about to dual, The Black Rider appears. At Jeff’s request, The Black Rider agrees to let the showdown between Annie and Pierce play out, but makes it known that as soon as it’s over, everyone else is fair game. A tense, four-way showdown develops, but is brought to a quick halt when Pierce complains of chest pains.

Despite the repeated warnings of the group, The Black Rider rushes to Pierce’s aid, and is promptly shot. Emboldened by his successful treachery, Pierce grabs one of The Black Rider’s shotguns and makes his escape, vowing revenge as he flees. In an angry rant, The Black Rider himself confesses that he doesn’t attend the school (except for an online course), and he was paid to win so that his “boss” can keep the prize money.

As the group attempts to make sense of what has happened, Chang, still blindfolded, runs into the parking lot, screaming for help. He is immediately cut down by a high-powered paintball gun within the Pistol Patty’s truck.

The episode ends with a special forces paintball team exiting the Pistol Patty’s truck, followed by Pistol Patty herself. Addressing her troops, she enacts “Plan B,” informing the men that no student must be allowed to wi the tournament.

All and all, the episode was amazing. I have no idea where they are going with the Pistol Patty plot, but maybe that’s just my own pop-culture ignorance. But at any rate, I can’t wait to find out.

The post Gif Recap: ‘Community’ – A Fist Full Of Paintballs: Part 1 appeared first on Screen Junkies.

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