In his blind efforts to get a third Ghostbusters made no matter what, he’s now talking about recasting hold-out Bill Murray. He’s now suggesting they bring in “a different actor, a la Jack Ryan” to step into the role of Peter Venkman.

Umm, that’s cuckoo-crazy-nuts. Sure, when I was growing up every kid wanted to be Peter Venkman, but I don’t think putting another actor in such an iconic role is the way to go with this. That role is Bill Murray, and it’s going to be tough to find an actor willing to impersonate him for an hour-and-a-half. But money talks, and that issue could be easily ironed out.

I’m not saying I want to see it happen, but if you were to hold a gun to my head these would be my picks for the replacement Peter Venkman.

Paul Rudd

Over the last few years, Paul Rudd has been carving out a nice niche for himself as the new face of sarcastic charm in comedy. His performance is Role Models has quite a few echos of Murray and he’d be the actor with the easiest transition into the role. However, there are problems with this plan. First, are producers really going to want to age up Paul Rudd? All of our wives and girlfriends like him just the way he is. They don’t want to see him all wrinkly. Unless he’s just getting out of the bath.

Kevin Kline

He’s been keeping a pretty low profile since Wild, Wild West killed all memories of him being funny, but please remember that Kevin Kline is pretty funny! Plus, he’s in pretty good with his Dave and No Strings Attached director Ivan Reitman. The issue here is that Kevin Kline is Kevin Kline, which is all well and good, but he’s not Bill Murray. And Bill Murray is Peter Venkman. There’s no easy replacement.

Computers

Except computers. Computers could easily render a digital Bill Murray and make him do all kinds of things he doesn’t want to do. Ghostbusters 3? Check. Another Charlie’s Angels film? Check. Wild Things Part 7? Get to work, nerds. We have a likable actor’s dignity to ruin.

The re-released version will be digitally enhanced, so take all those memories you have of the original, then make them sharper, crisper, and brighter. That’s what you’re in for.

No release or distribution dates are set yet, so let’s just take the time you would have spent  reading about those and let’s dance to this shit: