“High-Tech” Safety Measures

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: The Well of Souls

The Mistake: As Indy falls to the ground, he’s confronted by a hissing Cobra. But take a careful look (if you own the VHS, as this was taken out of the DVD and Blu Ray versions) and you’ll see the snake’s reflection on the safety glass that had been placed between it and Mr. Ford.

Belloq Eats a Bug While Threatening to Blow up the Ark

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: Canyon Stand-Off

The Mistake: Numerous flies can be seen buzzing around the canyon as Indy and Belloq face off, but the most identifiable, and yes, probably the most famous fly in history is the one that can be seen flying into Belloq’s mouth…never to emerge. So, did he eat it? According to actor Paul Freeman, the fly did fly away, but it was edited (as an inside joke) to look like it disappeared into his mouth.

Indy Gets Shot, Doesn’t Notice

The Movie: Temple of Doom

The Scene: Rope-Bridge Stand-off

The Mistake: After his stand-off with Mola Rom and the Thuggee’s deteriorates and he decides to cut the bridge, Indy, now in a vertical climb, struggles to keep from falling as he’s being shot at with bows and arrows. Try as he might, he’s hit with two arrows…that bounce off his back harmlessly. Nice.

What’s the Deal with that Random Unconscious Guy?

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: Fight on the Runway

The Mistake: Before it was cut, there was a scene just after the Well of Souls escape where Indy pushes a large stone out of the mummy room and finds an Arab man guarding the exit. So Indy simply knocks the guy unconscious. Though the scene never made it into the film, you can still see evidence of its existence: when Indy initially climbs out of the mummy chamber he looks off to the left where the guard would have been. Then, when Indy and Marion are running from the Well of Souls to the plane, the unconscious guard can be seen in the background.

The Stone Wall Head Bounce

The Movie: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The Scene: The Library Catacombs

The Mistake: Beneath the library in Venice, Indy and Elsa run into a few obstacles while on their search for the tomb of Sir Richard. One of these is a damaged stone wall they need to get through. Indy uses his shoulder as a battering ram, but you can actually see his head bounce off the rock pretty hard as he’s breaking through. Ouch! Good thing its fake rock, otherwise that could have been the end of the movie right there.

The Nazis Accommodate Indy By Driving Over a Continuous, Body-Sized Trench

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: The Truck Chase

The Mistake: While climbing underneath the ark truck, you can clearly see that Indy is laying in a depressed area of the road. This was actually a trench, dug right down the middle of the road to provide stuntman Vic Armstrong with the necessary room to complete the dangerous stunt.

What Magic is This?

The Movie: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The Scene: Area 51 Escape

The Mistake: At the end of Crystal Skull’s frenetic opening sequence, Indy’s escapes, hurtling through the prairie from the Area 51 warehouse on a rocket sled, which comes to a pretty abrupt stop in a pool of water. In real life, this would be like a major car crash with no seat belts, yet Indy and Dovchenko aren’t thrown from the sled. While this isn’t the first or last physics conundrum of the Indy films, the weirdest thing here is that you can actually see that the rocket’s chair has seat belt straps on it for just such a ride. We can either attribute this to being overlooked by the props staff or Spielberg just preferring to completely mock the laws of physics with a visibly unused safety device.

Are Those Snakes Dead?

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: The Well of Souls

The Mistake: Despite getting a ton of snakes for the Well of Souls scene, Spielberg and Lucas couldn’t seem to get quite enough to really make the floor seem like it was made of them as they’d intended. Running up against a tight time schedule, they improvised by cutting up water hoses and layering them amongst the real snakes. Take a closer look and you’ll see which are which.

Producer Frank Marshall got to talking with Collider about the likelihood of having Harrison Ford fight Nazis in Atlantis or whatever, and though his response was fairly measured, he did make it seem highly unlikely.

“I say, for me, [Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is] the last hurrah. I know that yes, we talk about it, but there’s no idea, there’s no MacGuffin… [Lucas] isn’t [hungry to do another Indiana Jones].”

Lucas recently retired and left his role at Lucasfilm to Marshall’s wife, Kathleen Kennedy. He doesn’t seem to be working on an Indiana Jones script at this time. Let’s pray he doesn’t read my Atlantis joke above and get inspired.

Star Wars Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader

The second game in the Rogue Squadron series is also its best. It’s fast-paced, action-packed, and a standout title for the GameCube. As if tripping up AT-ATs wasn’t enough, if you’re good enough at it and unlock secret content, you’re handed the keys to the Millennium Falcon. I can think of no ship I would rather pilot.

Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire

Back in 1996, Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire was the best non-Mario reason to get an N64. The story picked up the events between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. The four chapters of the game follow smuggler Dash Rendar as he joins the Battle on Hoth, attempts to retrieve a carbonite-encased Han Solo, saves Luke Skywalker from the clutches of Darth Vader, and teams up with Luke and Lando to save Princess Leia. With all of those story lines happening, it was also the best non-Mario reason to not touch any boobs. In 1996. I totally touch boobs nowadays. Like all of the time. And not my own.

Star Wars: Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast

Jedi Outcast took the Doom III engine and made it infinitely awesome times one million. Whereas Doom III allowed you to go bonkers with a chainsaw, Jedi Outcast gives you access to the only weapon cooler than that – the lightsaber. As the old saying goes, “Never bring a chainsaw to a lightsaber fight.”

Star Wars: Republic Commando

This one took everyone by surprise with its overall quality. Set during the Clone Wars, the player leads Delta Squad which is a team of elite Clone troopers. Why couldn’t the prequels feature a story and characters as well planned out as this?

Star Wars: Battlefront II

Although similar to the original Battlefront, Battlefront II adds new gameplay mechanics. Galactic Conquest mode is back in the sequel, which allows you to board an enemy’s vessel and tear it apart from the inside. Can we all agree that that is the best way to destroy a ship?

Star Wars

The one that started it all. The classic arcade game put you in the pilot’s seat of an X-Wing for the first time .Though a galaxy far, far away from the graphics of later LucasArts games, the original Star Wars was addictive fun. Just like the movies.

Knights of the Old Republic

Set 4,000 years before the events of the films, Knights of the Old Republic tops every list of Best Star Wars games. And for good reason. The RPG-based game gave fans a chance to view the Jedi Civil War and take on the founders of the Sith. Plus it had a sarcastic robot which is ALWAYS nice.

Best known for bringing the world of Star Wars to visual life, McQuarrie worked with George Lucas to establish the look of not only characters like Darth Vader and Han Solo, but also the universe itself through its all of its incarnations. The picture below shows Han Solo (looking stylish with a beard and cape) with light saber drawn as he prepares to battle a light saber wielding Storm Trooper. Says McQuarrie of the illustration: “I gave Han Solo a light saber, and I thought it was reasonable to assume that the opposing forces would have the same weapons.”

Here’s another look at what could have been, an early concept of C3PO and R2-D2 before Lucas gave McQuarrie the note, “Make them look gayer.”

Our condolences to Mr. McQuarrie’s loved ones and millions of fans worldwide. (Ars Technica)

So while he can continue to prattle on about Han shooting in self-defense, let’s look at nine other elephants in the room that demonstrate that these galaxies far, far away don’t adhere to the same strict moral code that we here in present day ‘merica do.

8. Using An Army Of Clones

How are the Jedi OK with this? Aside from the fact that no one really knew who made the clones, doesn’t Yoda have any qualms about the fact that these soldiers were raised in pods and have life outside of battle? It’s one thing to raise an army. It’s another to use a bunch of slaves you made in a test tube.

7. Animal Abuse

Killing a savage bounty hunter is totally verboten in Lucasland, but picking off womp rats is just innocent “boys will be boys” fun? That’s crap. Luke Skywalker‘s predilection towards killing animals should indicate that not only is he not fit to lead a rebellion, but probably shouldn’t be someone you’re hanging out with in any capacity. And let’s not forget Han Solo’s total disregard for the life of his poor Tauntaun.

Check Out 8 Things From ‘Star Wars’ More Unethical Than Han Shooting First

The fact that people actually paid to see this crap, most likely for a second time, is almost too much to comprehend. So in the interest of warning the public at large to avoid this sh*t show at all costs, we’ve created an honest movie trailer for Phantom Menace 3D. Will it help? Probably not. But at least we’ll go to our graves knowing we did our part.

Click the Image Below To See 45 Fan-Made Tributes To The ‘Star Wars’ AT-AT Walker

Why is George Lucas holding on to this clearly false view? And what is he hiding? Screen Junkies investigated, and found these nine other George Lucas denials.

The Existence of the Skywalker Ranch Ghost

Visitors to Skywalker Ranch may notice some strange occurrences. It’s not uncommon to catch a glimpse of movement out of the corner of your eye or feel a presence behind you when walking the hallways at night. Though when you turn, there is no one there. Some eyewitnesses have reported seeing an opaque, glowing woman pleading for help. George Lucas explains that this is just test footage for Princess Leia‘s hologram transmission to Obi-Wan Kenobi. But it just doesn’t add up.

The Holocaust (On Alderaan)

Though there is clearly filmic proof of the Death Star firing upon Alderaan and killing its entire population, George Lucas has been an outspoken Holocaust (on Alderaan) denier. “The Holocaust (on Alderaan) didn’t happen,” claims Lucas. “The explosion of the planet was an inside job which the Empire had no hand in.” He also purports there is a conspiracy in the Cloud City of Bespin that Lando Calrissian has stockpiled thousands of plastic bins alleged to be used for the mass burials of suspected rebels.

Chip Double-Dipping

Deny. Deny. Deny.

That’s George Lucas’s top three rules when called out for the double-dipping of a cracker, chip, or baby carrot while at functions that offer hummus or ranch dip. It’s not even worth accusing him anymore as he can use Industrial Light & Magic to digitally cover up any wrongdoing. Best bet is to just get to the dip before him and ration out your own amount, or avoid it entirely.

I’ll let the be-flanneled Ewok tell his side of the story:

The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn’t. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down.

So there you go.

And here are the two versions in question:

This should, as George Lucas pointed out in his THR interview, prove that you are a bloodthirsty monster that let your insatiable need for gore cloud your judgment. Let’s consider the matter closed. Especially in the comments.

So, what you’re saying is that you’re not to blame for the major lack of quality in Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull?

“I sympathize with people who didn’t like the MacGuffin because I never liked the MacGuffin,” he says. “George and I had big arguments about the MacGuffin. I didn’t want these things to be either aliens or inter-dimensional beings. But I am loyal to my best friend. When he writes a story he believes in — even if I don’t believe in it — I’m going to shoot the movie the way George envisioned it.”

That’s admirable. Doesn’t explain The Terminal, but still admirable. (Empire)

While he admires the films’ technical achievements, he has “trouble with them on several different levels,” like story and character development.

Yikes. Those are pretty important levels.

So, in summation, this is a news story because a guy involved with the original Star Wars films hates the new ones just as much as we do. Why are we reporting this? Because Goerge Lucas hasn’t suffered enough for what he’s done.

Seriously, dude. Pod races? Seriously.

And as the angry mob desperately searches for a scapegoat, the natural choice is George Lucas. After all, he’s the one responsible for these idiotic changes, is he not?

But when we step back from the situation, the answer is not so simple. While Lucas may have absolute power at Skywalker Ranch, he is not acting alone. Like Hitler, Stalin, and Mao before him, Lucas would not be able to carry out his psychotic urges without the help and complicity of the masses. Just as Emperor Palpatine had Grand Moff Tarkin and an army of clones, Lucas has legions of employees ready to do his bidding and millions of fans willing to fund his evil endeavors. In the end, they are just as guilty as Lucas himself.

When Lucas got the bright idea to add the infamous “noooooooo” scream to the climax of Return of the Jedi, it’s not as if he powered up his MacBook Pro and dropped it in. He has dozens, if not hundreds of individuals carrying out these alterations. As with all dictatorships, the grunts on the ground can always fall back on the “I was only following orders” defense. But in this case, it only goes so far.

Yeah, we know. Now shut the hell up.

It’s safe to assume that these people went to work for Lucas in the first place because they are Star Wars fans, and hardcore fans at that. I can’t imagine someone who has never seen Empire Strikes Back would randomly apply to work as a special effects tech at ILM or Lucas Film. If anything, the films inspired them to pursue their careers. As such, they too must have been horrified by the idea of taking laughable audio from the prequels and placing it in the original trilogy, or making Greedo shoot first. But at the end of the day, did anyone stand up and say “this is a bad idea?” I doubt it. To paraphrase a term made famous by noted asshole Ward Churchill, these “little Tarkins” are never called into question. But ultimately, they are the ones directly responsible for shitting on the original trilogy.

Of course, as with all things in life, money talks, and bullshit walks. If someone drove an AT-AT Walker full of cash over to my house and told me to photoshop a picture of Han Solo blowing Greedo, I’d be more than happy to comply. With that in mind, I can’t really fault the people at ILM for being sellouts. Besides, where does Lucas get his unlimited supply of cash with which to pay his army of clones? That’s right; from assholes like you and me who shell out our money on Star Wars related crap. If the fans wouldn’t pay for these altered films, Lucas wouldn’t be making them. But we do, time after time after time.

So the next time you go to bitch about what an idiot George Lucas is, remember that we’re all complicit in this ongoing atrocity. Then again, as the old saying goes, if everyone is guilty, no one is, so maybe it is better if we just blame George.

Screw you, beardo! Han shot first!

Arbitrary Dialogue Changes Too Numerous to Count

One thing Lucas loves to do every time he edits Star Wars is to change dialogue in seemingly arbitrary ways. It’s not really clear why “Blast it, Wedge, where are you?” gets changed to “Blast it, Biggs, where are you?,” nor what difference having C-3PO say “and” before “do take care of yourself” makes, but apparently it’s a big deal to George.

Title Changes

Back in the day, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope was known simply as “Star Wars.” Of course, back in the day, Star Wars was just a fun movie to watch and an excuse to use Whiffle bats as light sabres. Somewhere along the line George Lucas started seeing his work as some kind of socially relevant epic. Accordingly, he not only started giving the films incredibly pretentious names, he actually went back and changed the titles of previously released films.

Greedo Shoots First

This was the irritating change for nearly a decade. Somewhere along the line, Lucas decided that Han Solo was a noble knight instead of a charming rake. Accordingly, he couldn’t dare shoot first at a bounty hunter trying to claim him for a disgusting space worm. This change isn’t minor or insignificant. It completely alters the character of Han Solo. Why not have him tell Leia “I love you, too” while we’re at it?

Now, if only they’d do something about the Mars Guo puppet that crashes and burns around the 4:33 mark in the video below. What is that thing? rubber chicken with a belt across its eyes?? (via /Film)

Here are five reasons why a fifth installment is a very, very bad idea.

IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM

Ford has said that he’s more than game for another if the script is there. He’s also been pretty open that cash is the motivating factor here. Why? Doesn’t he have enough that he can afford to try out new roles and take a risk on new franchises? Calista Flockhart can’t possibly be eating him out of house and home. He should take a page out of Indy’s book and realize that greed always leads to demise. In the words of Professer Henry Jones Sr., “Indiana… let it go.”

HIGHLY-UNLIKELY PLOT

Throughout his adventures Indiana Jones has killed approximately 9 million Nazis. Give or take. Don’t you think that the Nazis – a highly-organized and brutal killing force — would seek retribution on the part-time adventurer/college professor? Yes. He’s used to tumbling with assassins, but his guard can’t always be up. You’d just figure that they’d find a way to off him before he reaches old age. He can’t always have a monkey around to taste his food.

PRESERVE THE MEMORY

With each slapdash return to the well, the overall memory of Indiana Jones is sullied. Mention the series to any fan and there will inevitably be some sour grapes. Let us remember Indiana Jones at his best and in his prime, with a whip in one hand and a precious artifact in the other rather than a script rote with hackneyed premises.

THE FRIDGE HAS BEEN NUKED

Yes. Earlier entries in the saga featured faces magically melting, still-beating hearts ripped from chest cavities, and invisible walkways. However, those scenarios didn’t come off as far-fetched. The same can’t be said of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. In this entry, Jones rides out a nuclear blast in a refrigerator (everyone knows that discarded fridges are the Devil‘s suffocation boxes), teams up with monkeys, and encounters aliens. Aliens. That’s just too far-fetched, even for the movie series that features an immortal Knight of the Round Table.

SHIA LaBEOUF

Put. Down. The. Hat.

The real star of the trailer are the visual effects, but it seems like they did the Airmen’s story justice as well. It’s directed by Anthony Hamilton (The Wire, Treme) and stars Howard, NeYo, Andre Royo, Nate Parker, David Oyelowo, Cuba Gooding Jr., Bryan Cranston, and Method Man to name a few. If only they had cast Chris Rock to humorously point out the different ways in which white people and black people fly.

In an interview with MTV, LaBeouf conveyed that he had talked to Ford recently and that Ford was “staying in the gym” to prepare for the role, so it must be around the corner. Some specious reasoning on Shia’s part, as it’s widely assumed that Lucas hasn’t yet locked down a script. So if Harrison Ford is planning on “staying in the gym” until filming starts, there’s a decent chance he could show up to set looking like a 69 year-old Vin Diesel. Which would be awesome, if only for the comedic value of it all.

Shia hedged his comments by speaking to Lucas’ process, saying “I mean, he’s got to let it sit. He’s going through his ruminations, which is extensive.”

Let’s hope those ruminations get sped up. Not because anyone’s all that excited about another installment, but because poor Harrison is an old man and years of exertion in the gym in anticipation will probably kill him.

5 photosPretty Pictures from Steven Spielberg's 'Terra Nova'

“[In the future] there’s going to be no more digital enhancements or digital additions to anything based on any film I direct. I’m not going to do any corrections digitally to even wires that show…At this point right now I think letting movies exist in the era, with all the flaws and all of the flourishes, is a wonderful way to mark time and mark history.”

Yeah, why remove wires? I go out of my way to watch “The Wire,” though I will admit that’s entirely not what he’s talking about. He continues…

“When people ask me which E.T. they should look at, I always tell them to look at the original 1982 E.T. If you notice, when we did put out E.T. we put out two E.T.s. We put out the digitally enhanced version with the additional scenes and for no extra money, in the same package, we put out the original ‘82 version. I always tell people to go back to the ’82 version.”

Celebratory Reese’s Pieces, anyone? (AICN)

Links Away: George Lucas Strikes Back

The film’s cast includes Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Ne-Yo. In a related story, remember Cuba Gooding Jr.? (Twitter)

Links that are more entertaining than The Phantom Menace:

The Greatest Movie Threats Of All Time (ScreenJunkies)

Drivin’ Like A Boss (BarstoolSports)

No Post Credit Scene In First Class (FilmDrunk)

Kelly Kapowski GIFs (CelebJihad)

Meet Captain Chewbacca (Unreality)

Ellen On Bridesmaids (Moviefone)

Brangelina Talk Marriage (PopEater)

Awesome Pairs Of Custom Vans (Smosh)

The Best Cocktails Ever Mixed (Ranker)

Crazy Drunk Girl At Soundset (BroBible)

January Jones Hotness (Maxim)

Idris Elba Is Django? (Pajiba)

12 Animated Movie Stars (NextMovie)

Steven Seagal Action Figures (CagePotato)

Malcolm McDowell Is Awesome (MadeMan)

Call of Duty Elite Preview (GameFront)

Sneeze With Your Eyes Open (TuVez)

As for the TV show, Lucas has 50 hours of the arc crafted, but is just waiting for production costs to become way, way, way cheaper. Like a tenth of what they are for films. So that could be a minute. Essentially, he says he plans on doing it, but stop holding your breath, because it won’t happen soon.

As for the 3D discussion, he says he’s ready to convert for a February 10 release date for Episode I. Without getting too specific, he says he was waiting for the technology to be there, and now it’s there. So it’s on its way and looking good, by all accounts. If you thought Jar-Jar was up in your face before (metaphorically), wait until you see him in 3D when he’s really up in your face! LITERALLY!

I’m gonna go lay down. I feel sick.

The technical team who worked on Mars Needs Moms also had a hand in the first Star Wars prequel. At the press junket for Mars, ILM character animator Huck Wirtz said there are a lot of ships to whiz by your face in 3D.

“George loves to bring things past the camera so much, like in the space battles,” Wirtz said. “I’m sure all that’s going to be great.”

So if you have to sit through Phantom Menace again, at least it will be interactive. Visual effects production designer Doug Chiang said the 3D would work both ways. “When we were actually working on that film, 3D was always a secondary thought,” Chiang said. “But a lot of the shots, in terms of how George directs, are really immersive in that way.”

Stereoscopic supervisor Anthony Shafer is actually working on the 3D conversion. He can’t talk specifics, but suggested we think about the scope of those elaborate scenes in which Jar Jar is dancing through the shot.

“Just generally, the compositions that George chose are wide and panoramic and somewhat of a feast for the eyes and very first person perspective,” Shafer said. “That movie plays really well in that.”

The Phantom Menace in 3D attacks theaters February 10, 2012.

So how involved was “Prequel Era” George Lucas in Star Tours 2.0? Disney Imagineers had to put their proposed story and new pilot character Ace into the garbage compactor when they “decided to take the story in a very different direction” after having “discussions with George Lucas.” Uh oh. Also, get ready to visit the beloved Geonosians and Naboo citizens! We can only hope Jar Jar makes a long, insufferable cameo.

However, it’s not all bad news. We understand C3PO will be the new pilot. Also, your ship gets chased by Boba Fett, and a hologram of Admiral Ackbar appears at one point — to exclaim something about “traps,” we presume.

In other Star Wars news, the complete Blu-Ray collection of all 6 movies comes out on September 27th for $139.99. The set includes top picture quality and 30 hours of bonus features. Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how good the picture looks if what I’m watching is Han not shooting first. (/Film)

The excerpt from a Rogen piece in the Toronto Sun lays it out nicely:

“George Lucas sits down and seriously proceeds to talk for around 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is gonna end in the year 2012, like, for real. He thinks it. He’s going on about the tectonic plates and all the time Spielberg is, like, rolling his eyes, like, ’My nerdy friend won’t shut up, I’m sorry… I first thought he (Lucas) was joking… and then I totally realized he was serious and then I started thinking, ’If you’re George Lucas and you actually think the world is gonna end in a year, there’s no way you haven’t built a spaceship for yourself… So I asked him… ’Can I have a seat on it?’ He claimed he didn’t have a spaceship, but there’s no doubt there’s a Millennium Falcon in a garage somewhere with a pilot just waiting to go… It’s gonna be him and Steven Spielberg and I’ll be blown up like the rest of us.”

So Lucas has known about the end of days for a while and his swan song to us is going to be Star Wars: The Clone Wars? Sounds like some shoddy planning, Lucas. If he is so sure the world is going to end, why is he only telling people like Seth Rogen? Does Jonah Hill know about this? Surel Paul Rudd won’t perish with the rest of us. In my mind, George Lucas is taking the next year or so to go around and warn all of the actors in the Judd Apatow universe that the end is nigh. Which begs the question: What has to take place for us to get footage of Lucas giving this serious talk to a befuddled, yet polite Michael Cera?

Spielberg preps Lucas for his wedding night.

Yesterday I posited a theory that George Lucas may be the shadowy puppet-master pulling the strings of the mysterious Hollywood Star Whackers due to a report that the special effects maestro is buying the film rights to dead celebrities. Correction: he is not. Lucasfilm spokesman Josh Kushins told Wired.com, “The rumor is completely false.”

What do you think? Do you believe the statement, or does this thing go deeper than we imagined? As of right now, we’ll have to believe that Lucas is not reviving the stars of yesteryear on film (though it seems like something he’d do). Apologies for any implied wrongdoings and steaklust.

Watch your back, Leslie Nielsen! It’s being reported that George Lucas is quietly and secretly buying the film rights to dead Hollywood stars. His goal? Awesome pornos. Something undoubtedly terrible. Actor/director Mel Smith has revealed Lucas’s nefarious plot:

“He’s been buying up the film rights to dead movie stars in the hope of using computer trickery to put them all together in a movie, so you’d have Orson Welles and Barbara Stanwyck appear alongside today’s stars.’ Whether Lucas’ attempt to superimpose the golden-era stars on to today’s screens is doomed to failure or not, Smith will be too busy to be part of it.”

This actually explains a lot. Much like when Senator Palpatine revealed himself to be the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, the shadowy mastermind behind the Hollywood Star Whackers is none other than George Lucas. Think about it. A star dies. Lucas buys their rights. Recreates them via CG for some shitty movie. Zemeckis then has to buy him a steak. He’s gone mad with power, and wants to make the absolute worst, unnecessary film of all time. Question is, why would he want to break his own record? (Daily Mail)