The tongue-in-cheek fairy-tale action film starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, has been pushed back to come on the heels of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’s flop at the box office (even though it’s awesome), which I can’t imagine will help this film’s chances. Then again, it has Jeremy Renner in it playing with Van Helsing’s guns, Gemma Arterton in a leather catsuit, and witches getting their heads chopped off. If you expect more than that from a film, brother, this is where we part ways.

“[Byzantium] details the story of a mother vampire who turns her own daughter into a vampire and the pair form a lethal partnership, sometimes posing as sisters.”

The original script is apparently based on a “youth theater play” (whatever that is), but according producers the movie is going into a “more adult, darker level.” So be warned: These aren’t just sexy vampires, these are really sexy vampires. (The Hollywood Reporter)

Jeremy Renner and Gemma Atherton are rocking some leather witch-huntin’ garb all right, looking almost like they wandered off the set of a Matrix sequel for a smok break.

Here’s a picture of Renner and his teamster doppelganger showing off their profiles:

Gemma Atherton looks hotly approachable while the ghost of Rutherford B. Hayes haunts her right shoulder.

Mr. Renner sees your clandestine attempt to photograph him and does NOT find it amusing.

Seriously. It’s NOT funny. Stop it.

In Tommy Wirkola‘s Hansel & Gretel, Stormare will play Berringer, a crooked town sheriff. Which means he’ll likely end up being double-crossed by the witches. It always goes that way for those guys.

All in all, the cast is rounding out nicely. The only X factor here is Jeremy Renner‘s comedic chops. The only comedy on his resume in National Lampoon’s Senior Trip and the fact that you’re saying to yourself, “There was a National Lampoon’s Senior Trip,” speaks to the yuckfest that film turned out to be. (Deadline)

She’ll join Famke Janssen, who was previously cast as the leader of the witches, and Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton as the titular heroes. I’m not certain where the reader got this info and nothing official has been reported as of yet, so keep that in mind before you start telling strangers on the street that there’s a person named Ingrid Bolsø Berdal and she’ll be playing a witch in a film. You really want to make sure you have your facts straight before you start approaching strangers. Otherwise, you’ll just look silly in your bathrobe.

“15 years after their narrow fairy tale escape from the gingerbread house, become specialized bounty-hunters looking to take down the witches that almost killed them.”

Well, that sounds like… something. It seems like it’s a decent pitch that will be made or broken by the execution. If it’s a gritty, dark affair with glints of humor, it could probably work nicely, as Renner is pretty compelling when he’s blowing things up (The Hurt Locker). If it’s a silly, goofy retelling with fart jokes and CGI monsters, it’s probably going to be less thrilling. The $60 million film will be shot in 3D, and it opens March 2, 2012. (Deadline)

The film follows Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner as adult-versions of Hansel and Gretel. With their gingerbread house nightmare behind them, they’ve now dedicated their lives to the hunting down and destruction of witches.

This casting works for me. I could watch Famke all day long. And I still would be if that judge hadn’t stepped in with his stupid robe and gavel and blah, blah, court-ordered something or other. (Playlist)

Arterton beat out Diane Kruger, Eva Green, and Noomi Rapace, who were all gunning for the role. Shooting will ideally begin March 7 in Berlin, if Renner can manage the schedule. He’s much in demand now after convincingly disarming IEDs in The Hurt Locker and dropping his R’s in The Town. Next up are The Avengers and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, then he’ll avoid stepping into ovens with Arterton. (THR)

Ridley Scott will make the Alien prequels even if he doesn’t feel like it, if only to spite James Cameron. The director told the Independent that Cameron has raised the bar, and "he’s not going to get away with it." Dems sounds like fightin’ words! Ridley was upset when he wasn’t asked to make Aliens, and then Cameron came along and pissed in his soup. Except Cameron’s piss, arguably, improved the franchise. Now Ridley wants to piss back with even better piss.

"The film will be really tough, really nasty… It’s the dark side of the moon. We are talking about gods and engineers. Engineers of space. And were the aliens designed as a form of biological warfare? Or biology that would go in and clean up a planet?"

You had me at "engineers of space." If these movies focusing on The Space Jockey of the first Alien film never happen, I’m pitching "Engineers of Space" to the The History Channel. I’m certain the title alone will land me a production deal.

Meanwhile, The Playlist dug up an interview that Gemma Arterton did with the Sunday Times in which she says, "Ridley Scott saw Alice Creed and he loved it. He wants me to meet for Aliens: The Remake, or something." As you can tell by her attention to detail, Arterton is watching this project like hawk. Only time will tell if she could be the new Ripley. Ridley first has to take time off from poking his Cameron voodoo doll to meet with her. (CinemaBlend)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
PG-13, 116m., 2010
Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley and Alfred Molina
Directed by Mike Newell
Screenplay by Boaz Yakin, Doug Miro and Carlo Bernard based upon the video game created by Jordan Mechner
 
Jake Gyllenhaal and the cast of the Royal Shakespeare company imprison themselves in a horrible sandstorm of a movie in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.
 
Mega-Producer Jerry Bruckheimer brings us another one of his lackluster epic adventures, this time adapted from the popular 1989 video game of the same name, where a young street kid turned warrior named Dastan, (ah-hem “Destiny” get it?) played by Gyllenhaal, in taken into the world of kings, golden robes and military raids, where he is the chosen son of Persia, until his father is killed in a coup-de’ta by his brother Nazim (Ben Kingsley, at his evil-pointed beard worst) for a special sand sword that can turn back time, beheld by Princess Taima (Gemma Arterton).
 
From there the plot, or lack of one, in Prince of Persia makes you wish that the Sand of Time Sword can give you the two hours back. The chemistry between leads Gyllenhaal and Arterton disappears in the wind as the CGI sands and palaces become straining on the eyes.
 
Gyllenhaa,l laced with black eyeliner and straggled hair, join the league of  actors, included Colin Farrell, Brad Pitt, Jared Leto, Eric Bana, who starred in disappointing sword and sandal epics. Gyllenhaal is too good for this kind of movie, where his awkwardly weighted shoulders and deer in the headlights expression cannot surpass the dull adventurous hero character of Dastan.
 
Alfred Molina’s mischievous grin and Arterton’s heaving tanned chest are the only things to clear the sand from your eyes and make this piece of dreck watchable. Molina playing Sheik Amar, a half Jack Sparrow/half desert  bubbling conman, has much humor and character interest to spare. Producer Bruckheimer interjects his current tea partier slant into this character, and Amar spits and howls about the country’s high taxes, which no matter what your personal politics will make you have a good belly laugh or two.
 
As for Arterton’s heaving tanned chest: this is where her talent lies for this movie. With Quantum of Solace and this performance, the model turned actress shows to be good British eye candy for an audience of teenage males, but is yet to be determined as a strong Keira Knightley or Kate Winslet type of a actress.
 
Director Mike Newell of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Donnie Brasco fame, directs this movie as a director for hire job. The action and  scenes of sparse dialogue have no consistency or energy. Newell seems to have let producer Bruckheimer take over the movie and give it his standard wham-bam-thank-you-mama style of shooting, editing and overblown special effects.
 
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is one of the worst summer going experiences to hit the big screen since Terminator: Salvation.
 
Grade: D-
 

Clash of the Titans
PG-13, 118m., 2010
Cast: Sam Worthington, Gemma Arterton, Mads Mikkelson, Jason Fleming with Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson
Directed by Louis Leterrier
Screenplay by Travis Becham, Phillip Hay, and Max Manfredi based upon 1981 screenplay by Beverly Cross

Clash of the Titans is 300 for 12-year-old boys: a fast paced Saturday morning cartoon on Greek mythology. Based upon a 1981 movie of the same name, Clash of the Titans tells of Perseus, the young half god/half human son of the God of the Heavens — Zeus — and his quest to behead the Snake Goddess Medusa in order to save the Greek city of Argos from destruction by his evil uncle, the God of the Underworld — Hades (played by Ralph Fiennes in yet another one of his demonic hissing roles) — and his giant sea monster The Kragen.

Joining Perseus on his journey through the river Styx and into Medusa’s layer are the stoic bad ass Draco (Bond villain Mads Mikkelson), the fiery oracle Lo (Bond girl Gemma Atherton) and the disfigured minion Calibos.

Sadly for those who enjoyed the original ’81 flick with all its Ray Harryhausen stop motion wizardry, the tin owl Bubo does have a cameo but is quickly put back in his cage for this journey.

Worthington as the forsaken demigod proves like he has in the past with Avatar and Terminator Salvation to be a good image for this day and age’s new action hero. On screen he has quick athletic instincts, can say a silly line like “Not on this planet you won’t!” or “Damn the Gods!” with ful conviction, and pull off a good running war cry like his hero and fellow Aussie actor, Mel Gibson.

Where Clash of the Titans falls on its sword is the 3D. The film was shot in standard 2D and at the last minute given the 3rd dimensional gimmick to pull in more money at the box office. The 3D glasses are more than anything a distraction as many of the action scenes are in standard play and only make your eyes strain as scorpions and snakes crawl on to the screen.

Another thing that will strike a blow to Greek Mythology purists in the audience are the wasting of other Olympic Gods, like Zeus’s brother, Poseidon (Danny Huston), who has but one line in the whole movie and makes you wonder if the rest of his performance was left on the cutting room floor or if the filmmakers’ hands were tied behind their backs. Last month’s kids-tailored Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightening Thief had stronger copyrights to the Gods of Olympus than this more mature swords and sandals epic.

While, Clash of the Titans may not appeal to the older more scholarly crowd, it does make its way up the river of Styx at least halfway before sinking into the Saturday morning matinée abyss.

Grade: C+

^{"Gemma, it’s just that I think we work better as friends. But, like, really really awesome friends. Y’know?"}

The second trailer for Jerry Bruckheimer‘s sand-in-the-crevasse epic Prince of Persia has dirt-tornadoed its way to them Internets to show off the film’s story and awkward attempts at sexual tension. It’s pretty much the same trailer as before but this time the events are shown in a slightly different order. I’m on to you, Jerry.

The plot sounds very similar to Lord of the Rings. An appointed protector must transport a magical item to certain location without it falling into the clutches of evil. Though Frodo’s flirtations with Samwise were a lot less wooden than Jake Gyllenhaal’s with Gemma Arterton.

Enjoy the sand karate after the jump…

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Trailer #2 – Watch more Movie Trailers

It’s no secret that we here at Screen Junkies have an infinity for mustaches. This featurette for Clash of the Titans shows a lot of cool new footage, but it’s Liam Neeson’s facial hair that really takes the spotlight. Deep down I knew that if Neeson grew a mustache it would be an exemplary one, I just had no idea how exemplary. If acting doesn’t work out, the man should sell mustaches at the store I’ll be opening soon that will surely be denied a business loan.

The featurette also contains new Medusa footage and unicorns, so you’re going to want to check it out after the jump.

Clash of the Titans Featurette – Watch more Funny Videos

(LatinoReview)

Gemma Arterton has already earned prestige by playing Bond Girl Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace. Some actresses only wish for this one casting dream and then are willing to call it quits. But Gemma, determined to be more than a Bond object, pressed on and is now starring in Pirate Radio, and next year the big action/adventure Prince of Persia with a silky-haired Jake Gyllenhaal.

A word from Gemma: “If you do this big film, it will open the doors for all these brilliant things. But you have to do the big film first.”

You make it sound so easy, Gemma. I’d advice against teaching an acting class at the local annex. Those desperate actresses will tear your pretty eyes out.

More examples of how you become famous after the jump.

Jake Gyllenhaal jumps from crumbling ledge to overhang to gargoyle in this action-packed trailer for Prince of Persia. I haven’t seen so much sand and fire whipping through the air since since my last drunken visit to the coast. Mike Newell of Harry Potter fame directs and Jerry Bruckheimer of facial hair infamy produces, guaranteeing a magically grand Disney adventure. Hopefully we’ll see a higher quality version in the very near future, but for now this will have to do. I only hope they do something about Gemma Arterton‘s voiceover. It sounds like she’s narrating a video game, and not the trailer for a video game adaptation.