Well, the hunt is on for a replacement, with Channing Tatum’s name being tossed around in the rumor mill. Huh. I just got done saying it was hard to imagine an actor that had less in common with The Crow’s Eric Draven, and yet someone was able to find one so quickly! Gotta love Hollywood.

While a studio might go for a pretty face and hope the rest sorts itself out, let’s weigh a few names that actually share some characteristics with the dark avenger, and see if we can’t do a better job than “Channing F*cking Tatum.” I bet we can.

5. Enrique Iglesias

I introduced this entry as a joke because through his videos, Iglesias has so much experience moving in slow-motion through the rain, but I inadvertently sold myself on this one. The fact is that The Crow/Eric Draven seems to be more about the façade than it does about the actor, and Enrique Iglesias is an attractive musician that does brooding better than anyone. Should you revisit Once Upon a Time in Mexico, you’d see that he can play a quiet badass surprisingly well.

4. Robert Pattinson

I’m legally obligated to put him on this list. Sure, his Twilight character and performance don’t exactly move my meter, but his turn in Water for Elephants demonstrated some chops, and the fact that he was chosen by David Cronenberg to star in the upcoming Cosmopolis is also very promising. He’s a more age-appropriate choice than Bradley Cooper, and think of all the money they’d save on pancake makeup by carting out his pale British ass.

3. Gael Garcia Bernal

I know that I’ve gone two out of three entries with Latinamerican heartthrobs, and believe me, it will be something I address with my therapist next Tuesday. I think the Latin loner sensibility plays well here. Remember that the original Crow, Brandon Lee, was Bruce Lee’s kid, so those who remember the character as a corn-fed white boy are horrible, horrible racists. Bernal is probably the most accomplished actor on this list, as he’s appeared in Amores Perros, Babel, and as Che Guevera in The Motorcycle Diaries. With that pedigree, I’m sure he’ll be able to fire a machine gun, scream up towards the sky, and say “It can’t rain all the time,” with a degree of competency.

If you thought your mom had a hard time understanding Will Ferrell before, just wait until this arrives on Netflix.

Thanks to Gordon and the Whale for finding the vid.

Not to worry though, Kusturica is already seeking a replacement to star opposite the still-attached Salma Hayek. with plans to meet with Benicio Del Toro and Gael Garcia Bernal. Bernal seems very confident that he’ll win the role, having been quoted recently as saying, “I will probably land the leading role because of physical resemblance with Pancho Villa” and “I believe Emir is the only director who can do the Pancho Villa story. Even better than any Mexican director. You know why? Because he is a kind of Pancho Villa in his own right.”

“Besides, did you see The Wolfman? Ay dios mio,” I added while talking in a Gael Garcia Bernal voice. (via The Playlist)

Picture not related.

Will Ferrell’s Casa de mi padre (now imbued with the power of Mexicans!) is having an identity issue. The Spanish-language telenovela comedy has had its title reduced to Untitled Spanish Comedy for the moment. Which sounds suspicously like something Setzer and Friedberg would do.

But what’s in a name? In the plus column, they’ve released a pretty funny plot synopsis.

This movie is currently called UNTITLED SPANISH COMEDY and stars Will Ferrell, Gael Garcia Bernal (The Motorcycle Diaries), DIEGO LUNA (The Terminal) and GENESIS RODRIGUEZ (TV’s Entourage & “Dona Barbara”) Armando Alvarez (Will Ferrell) has lived and worked on his father’s ranch in Mexico his entire life. As the ranch encounters financial difficulties, Armando’s younger brother Raul (Diego Luna), shows up with his new fiance, Sonia (Genesis Rodriguez). It seems that Raul’s success as an international businessman means the ranch’s troubles are over as he pledges to settle all debts his father has incurred. But when Armando falls for Sonia, and Raul’s business dealings turn out to be less than legit, all hell breaks loose as they find themselves in a war with Mexico’s most feared drug lord, the mighty Onza (Gael Garcia Bernal)…

Our apologies to Genesis Rodriguez, who will undoubtedly have Will Ferrell wiggling around on top of her at some point in this film. (Collider)

There’s a small chance that the film is not as derivative as it may seem, but that’s just because any film that is able to snag Bernal, Kathy Bates, Whoopi Goldberg, Romany Malco, and Peter Dinklage can’t be completely awful. Right? Right?

The UK release date for A Little Bit of Heaven is February 4th. The US release is planned for later in the year, which explains why we’re watching the UK trailer, which seems to be a perfect fit for American Kate Hudson fans too. Maybe Kate Hudson is a constant across nations and cultures. Or maybe there’s just bad taste in every country.

Director: Nicole Kassell

Cast: Kate Hudson, Gael Garcia Bernal

Synopsis: It’s a comedy about a guarded woman who finds out she’s dying of cancer, but when she meets her match, the threat of falling in love is scarier than death.

Release Date: 2011

Will Ferrell’s upcoming film, Casa de mi padre, has unveiled its secret weapon: Mexicans! Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna, both natives of Mexico, have joined the cast of the Spanish language film which producers say will be shot in the style of an “overly dramatic telenovela.”

Considering Bernal was in Y tu mamá tambié and Luna was in Milk, the odds of the film having a homoerotic scene just went through the roof. Couple that with middle-America’s current love of all things Mexican, and you’ve got yourself a guaranteed hit on your hands. (Collider)