The film will be based on graphic novels of the beast which paint the MONSTER as endearingly human and vulnerable. So that’s where the similarities to Seth Rogen stop, apparently. Just kidding. JUST KIDDING. He’s likable in small-to-moderate doses.

Rogen will be teaming up with his writing partner Evan Goldberg and American Dad writer Matt McKenna, so…expect a comedy?

The series is titled Crash and Burn, so why they didn’t retrofit the show to feature TWO stuntmen, Dale Crash and Sawyer Burnside (“Burn,” if you will) is completely beyond me.

I realize that this article hasn’t divulged much about the show, but that’s the price I pay for making fun of cable-TV cliches and reveling in pun titles. The show will be produced by folks from The Walking Dead (good) and Necessary Roughness (zuh?).

No actor has been cast in the lead yet, but, fuck it, Tom Jane.

While the split is supposed to be along the lines of viewer age, rather than program content, it’s sounding like the drama stays on FX and the comedy goes to FXX, with dramedies like Wilfred and Louie being cut in half in an ill-advised attempt at fairness.

This change isn’t purported to be immediate, so if you’re crying and rocking back and forth thinking about the prospect of having to memorize a new station number, take a deep breath and enjoy these precious few moments before everything goes to shit.

Ticket info and a pretty nifty picture of the Archer cast of characters can be found right here.

Annnnnnd…

Have a nice day!!!

• Colorful characters
• Whiskey
• Gunfights
• Hats
• Interesting hair

While American Horror Story isn’t a favorite show of this site, the hope, however unlikely, that McShane will call matron Jessica Lange a “cocksucker,” while indignantly tossing back whiskey, then storming out of the room is enough to make us mildly excited about this news.

But mostly it reminds us that we miss Al Swearengen.

He was like a father to us.

FX has placed the well-received sitcom on hiatus until May of 2014. But before you fly into bouts of rage toward the network, know that they are only honoring Louis C.K.‘s wishes. The comedian has total autonomy over the show and feels he needs that time to preserve any quality. Especially now that Fake Louie Episodes has called him out so well. Says C.K.:

“The last three seasons have been this surge of fun and work and stories and it’s been great, but I want the show to keep getting better,” Louis C.K. said in a conference call with reporters today. “That’s my goal, and I don’t want it to be making the donuts, I want it to be something that comes from somewhere important and stays funny. It’s a luxury I asked for … season four is my job right now, but I’m going to take a whole lot of time to turn it in.

“I want season four to go somewhere new, even if it’s only a slight shift.”

Like having his character be slightly balder and doughier, for instance.

But still, 2014 is a long time from now. A really long time. So many things can happen and change in that time. We could outgrow the tone of the show. Or the economy could take a dive, changing how we watch television. I’m not a betting man, but I wouldn’t bet on seeing Doug Stanhope return to guest star. (Variety)

This go-round, we get privy to the goings on of Tig, one of the more colorful characters in a cast that is riddled with colorful characters. So drop on by, say hello, and try not to get your skull cracked in by this dude. Actually, don’t even say hello. That might just piss him off more.

However, don’t worry about missing the loveable screw-ups at Paddy’s Pub. The original actors have all been replaced and we doubt you’ll even notice the difference. Haley Osment as Mac, Xzibit as Sweet Dee, Andrew Dice Clay as Frank, UFC Fighter Chael Sonnen as Dennis, and Candace Cameron as Charlie. Throw in Alan Tudyk as Rickety Cricket and we’re in business.

Nonetheless, FX is moving forward with the undertaking, having signed on writer and Executive Producer Noah Hawley, who didn’t find much success with his previous work, My Generation and The Unusuals.

However misguided this project appears to be, it’s always fun to guess which of the original cast will sign up for the TV show due to a lack of success since the film, a la Stacey Dash in Clueless. My money is on either Norm, Marge’s husband, or the chubby blonde whore. I would view the involvement of either one as a coup.

No, I’m not confusing him with Stephanie Meyer, who also wrote an assload of vampire novels. Del Toro had at it, and it looks like his works will hit the small screen with FX’s Strain, a look at the spreading of vampirism as a health epidemic, rather than lusty, pale romance.

In heartening news, del Toro will direct, write, and executive produce the pilot, and hopefully further episodes. Doubly heartening is the involvement of Lost‘s Carlton Cuse as showrunner for at least the pilot.

Somehow, someway, it’s vampire entertainment news that I don’t feel like mocking, let alone gouging my eyes out over.

Well played, Willy del Toro. Well played.

90 episodes. Which means that it’s already guaranteed to hit the 100-episode milestone required for wide, painful syndication.

Yay?

To the “credit” of the show, and FX, it has quickly become the highest-rated sitcom on cable, surpassing like Workaholics, Always Sunny, Wilfred, and three others, so it’s probably performing as well as cable will allow it to. Still, it’s a Charlie Sheen TV adaptation of an Adam Sandler film.

Strange times, readers. Strange times.

It went away as quickly as it came together. The pilot was actually filmed with Jason Patric, Lucy Punch, and Charles S. Dutton but FX head John Landgraf rejected the pilot without the news making a lot of noise. Today we find out that FX isn’t done trying to get this show together. In fact, they’re hoping to move forward by filming a completely new pilot with a brand new cast. Which means we might have ample opportunity to once again get excited or angry or sad or confused.

Anyway, why wouldn’t this show be delayed? It is based on Powers after all. (Variety)

This is, of course, a gross oversimplization. The works I cite above have done very well at shedding light on areas and cultures that have been written off by most every outsider, both in the media and in day-to-day life. However, with a program as engaging as Justified, we’re treated to a look at an insular culture that doesn’t come across as cartoonish in the fashion that Bon Temps, the Louisiana setting of True Blood, does.

So, as a fan of Justified, but someone woefully ignorant of what exactly Kentucky culture entails, I have to say I’ve been privy to an education in what exactly goes on there.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

No One Will Ever Judge You For Drinking, Regardless Of The Circumstances

Driving to pick up your kids? That’s cool. U.S. Marshal going to transport a dangerous interstate rapist? Perfect. Here’s some coffee with “a kick.”

In the world of Justified, everyone is always drinking bourbon, and there’s never a bad time to ask for it. I’m a BIG fan of bourbon (read: alcoholic), so this is terrific news to me. It seems that every home and office is so stocked with booze, that the notion of “going out drinking” seems pretty foreign in the town of Harlan. It would be like going to a designated place to breath or poop. It’s such a familiar activity that making an event out of it seems silly. Sure, there are bars, but it’s become my understanding that the bars are pretty much just where criminals go to meet each other while, yes, drinking bourbon.

This doesn’t just apply to lower classes or the seedy underbelly. The bourgeoisie and upper crust take just the same approach as well. As does law enforcement. Marshals Raylan, Art, and Tim all seem to fabricate excuses to drink. When Raylan turns over his weapon to boss Art as evidence in a shootout, Tim Gutterson steps into the room to add, “Relinquishing a firearm can be a very emotional moment, and there always must be another deputy in attendance. Add in some premium alcohol, what could possibly go wrong?”

With that, they raise their glasses to the successful relinquishment of a weapon. And that seems to be how Kentucky operates in regards to the omnipresence of alcohol.

No word yet on when the season starts shooting or airing, but with the season three finale not happening until April 10, one can bet that it will be no sooner than November or December of this year.

Justified has proven itself to be a fun, straightforward show that balances out serial and procedural elements that are buoyed tremendously by both rich writing and strong character performances, as Margo Martindale’s recent Emmy grab would indicate.

If the premise sounds familiar, this premise (though not intentionally comedic) was the impetus behind the 2004 Metallica documentary Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, which observed the band as they tried to work out their internal problems.

Grohl, though pretty hammy and funny in front of the camera, appears to be taking on only producing duties here, while comedian and former Simpsons writer Dana Gould will play the hapless therapist who has some problems of his own.

It sounds like casting will be everything in this one, as I could see it thriving as a semi-improvised show such as Curb Your Enthusiasm.

As decent as Grohl is heading up the Foo Fighters, his side projects (up until now, mostly musical: Probot, Them Crooked Vultures, his videos) have proven more interesting to me than his day job, so I’m pretty optimistic about this one, but would love to see him in a starring capacity, as he’s already got the rock star thing down pretty cold while maintaining some self-awareness that many others don’t.

The Flight Attendant

The first Archer conquest we see is an unnamed flight attendant who appears in the show’s pilot episode. She wakes up in Archer’s apartment with a bruise on her ass shaped like a ping-pong paddle. Because that’s the kind of thing Archer is into.

Cheryl Tunt

The gossipy office secretary at ISIS, Tunt is the frequent (and willing) target of Archer’s romantic advances. She possesses a strong affinity for bizarre sexual fetishes, as well as a complete lack of intelligence.

Over its two-season run, Justified has struck a balance, serving its audience as a satisfying (and surprisingly funny) procedural, and at the same time creating both season-long and series-long arcs that utilize characters as compelling and realized as any show on the air today. The FX backwoods crime drama has consisted of long-plays, short-plays, and, for lack of better term, “medium-plays,” all working in concert to serve its audience on three fronts. This tale of a disenfranchised lawman’s homecoming ultimately pits seething marshal Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) against himself and his “people.” The short-plays are the episodic procedural aspects of the show (transporting a witness, tracking a fugitive), and the medium-plays shake out as the season-long criminal arcs that force Raylan the lawman to reconcile Raylan, a dutiful son of Harlan, Kentucky.

While the long play is played with sublime conflict and anguish by Timothy Olyphant, the first two seasons have each offered an array of antagonists who are clearly and simply “bad guys,” but with enough nuance, charisma, and familiarity to cause the viewer to invest wholly in them. These complexities urge the audience to empathize with Raylan in a fashion that allows Justified to add layers of depth to the stock “g vs. b” procedural.

As the season three premiere approaches, viewers will undoubtedly be introduced to yet another cast of villains, so far teased with the appearance of noted character actor Neal McDonough as Detroit transplant Robert Quarles. In getting to this point, Raylan and Co. have laid waste to a number of villains that serve to make the show what it is: the story of an angry man whose professional duty is complicated, and sometimes precluded, by a host of homespun entanglements from which he has proven incapable or unwilling to divorce himself.

The Bennetts

The theme of “growing up Harlan” was tackled almost immediately in the premiere season, then started anew in season two, when viewers were introduced to the Bennett clan, a family harboring a long-standing grudge against the Givens. Son Dickey serves as a limping reminder of the feud’s fallout, and with his brother Doyle on the side of the law as sheriff, the Bennetts find themselves more than a little miffed having to answer to Raylan or anyone else for their criminal goings-on.

Mags (in an Emmy-winning turn by Margo Martindale) almost perfectly embodies the values held by the residents of this small, anachronistic town. Her control of the family showed a willingness to bend or break the law to the end of survival, but her exploits always stopped short of greed. She remained obsessively secretive, sharing little beyond her family, and killing those who try to insert themselves in her business. Crime aside, Mags Bennett sets out to preserve her family, her neighbors, and her town, most notably during a show-defining monologue defending her town from an outside mining company. The speech resonates as sincere in both her desire to protect her criminal interests and the town‘s heritage.

Mags shows that the duty of family in Harlan serves as a double-edged sword, with its creation of a caring support system, or form the structure of a ruthless criminal enterprise that refuses to answer to anyone but each other and their god. Not that the two are mutually exclusive or anything. Case in point: The ruthless matriarch kills a girl’s father only to take the girl in and raise her as one of her own.

While the clan was effectively wiped out over the course of the last season, Dickey will be returning to the show in season three, presumably with a whole mess of scores to settle, and, consequently, new allegiances to forge.

Bo Crowder

Angry at Raylan’s father Arlo for (best case) mismanaging his criminal enterprise or (worst case) flat-out ripping him off, Bo Crowder, father of Boyd (below) emerges from prison an angry man hell bent on revenge against Arlo and Raylan’s love interest, Ava, for the murder of Bo’s son.

It’s impossible to ignore the parallels between Bo and Raylan, as both are reintroduced to a new Harlan – Bo after his release from prison, and Raylan via an office transfer – and quick to toss out diplomacy in serving their purposes.

Though Bo’s undoing comes at the hands of Harlan outsiders, both Boyd and Raylan were waiting in the wings to finish the job, but were relieved that the job didn’t fall to them.

Cranston will play an astronaut in this year’s two-part season finale. His character will fight to quell a mutiny aboard a space platform. I’m not really sure what a space platform is, though. Kind of like a diving board, but you jump into oblivion due to the lack of gravity? Maybe? I’m probably right. (Huffington Post)

I would like to tell you that. But I can’t.

Worthy (in this writer’s opinion, at least) channels like FX gained viewers, while the mass-marketed USA channel reigned supreme with shows like Suits, Burn Notice, and Barely Burned Suit Notice Legal Pains…PSYCH!. Unfortunately, MTV also experienced big gains, which means that more and more people are staring slack jawed at shows like 16 and Pregnant, Jersey Shore, and Awkward. Yay?

Here is the breakdown in terms of total viewers, with the percentages being the change over last year:

1. USA – 3.165 +0.3%
2. Disney Channel – 2.647 +3%
3. ESPN – 2.342 -2%
4. TNT – 2.232 -0.8%
5. History – 1.987 +21%
6. Fox News – 1.883 -7%
7. TBS – 1.614 -10%
8. A&E – 1.561 +7%
9. FX – 1.532 +21%
10. ABC Family – 1.462 +1%
11. Nick At Nite – 1.344 -22%
12. SyFy – 1.330 +11%
13. Discovery – 1.288 +2%
14. Adult Swim – 1.237 -9%
15. HGTV – 1.205 -2%
16. MTV – 1.189 +21%
17. AMC – 1.182 +8%
18. Food Network – 1.177 +3%
19. Comedy Central – 1.006 +3%
20. Bravo – 0.926 +6%

(Deadline)

I felt uncomfortable about having that much money, so I kind of broke it in four pieces. Two fifty went back to pay for the special, like I replenished my company. Another two fifty went to people that work for me, that work really hard. I gave them all bonuses. And then I took another 280 thousand and donated it to a bunch of charities.

Anyone who feels “uncomfortable” around money is a god damn communist, just like those Muppet sons of bitches. Felt bastards.

I never viewed money as being “my money” I always saw it as “The money” It’s a resource. if it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system.

Oh, look! The guy who makes shit jokes thinks he’s an econ professor, now. The only system that needs flushing is the septic system, which has been over run by Louis C.K.‘s liberal bile.

See, this is why I only watch comedians like Jay Leno. Now there’s a man who knows what to do with his money. I sleep better at night knowing that the bulk of his cash is going to mantain a fleet of classic cars rather than to help some foreign kids get clean drinking water.

Now that he’s shown himself amenable to the concept, maybe Ryan Murphy will be willing to reboot Glee with a show set in Japan about a group of Japanese army stragglers who refuse to acknowledge the end of WWII and go totally ninja on everyone. It could be called Deathcaliber.

But, whatever. Either way.

At any rate, I’ll cut to the chase. Here are five promos for season 3, each more hilarious than the next. If you’re on the fence about watching them, please keep in mind that Pam makes a reference to her offensive vaginal odors. You simply don’t want to miss something like that.

Archer premieres Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 10:00 PM ET/PT on FX.

Heroes

Amour

Hot One

Beat Box

Nickels