Forest Gump: A man sleeps with a retarded girl, then spends the rest of his life trying to avoid her.
Since 1984, the fine people at the Criterion Collection have been dedicated to gathering the greatest films from around the world and publishing them in highest possible quality. But despite their valiant efforts, some important films are still missing from the collection. Luckily, some ingenious folks over at the Jinx World Forums have taken it upon themselves to create distinctive, Criterion-style box covers for those films that have been overlooked. Here are 12 of our favorites in no particular order. Our list is by no means definitive or comprehensive, so head over to Jinx World and take a look for yourselves. Transformers Posted by Cth
Just about everybody enjoys watching a goose-stepping kraut get his head blown off… Whites & blacks, Christians and Jews, liberals and conservatives; hell, even hardcore racists can find things to hate about the tenets of National Socialism (although say what you will, at least it’s an ethos).So, in honor of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, we here at Screen Junkies have complied the Top Ten Nazi Killing Movies of all time. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this list of films that are guaranteed to put those filthy Huns where they belong: in the ground.
In honor of the very violent District 9 [Check out our review here] we'd like to salute the films where extra-terrestrials make first contact… upside yo' head (and then you die). Below are 10 grotesque clips of the goriest instances of alien-on-Earthling violence throughout cinema.CLICK ON THE IMAGES TO VIEW THE VIDEOS "WATER MY ASS! BRING THIS MAN SOME PEPTO BISMOL!!!" — ALIEN (1979) JASON LEE VS. THE SH*T WEASEL — DREAMCATCHER (2003) BILL DUKE CAUGHT IN THE CROSS HAIRS — PREDATOR (1987)
In SPREAD, opening this Friday, Ashton Kutcher plays Nikki, a high-end lothario who has slept his way into a life of privilege. We haven't seen the film, but we're pretty sure that we'd rather it focused on Kutcher's co-star Margarita Levieva, if only to give us more screen time with her. In the film, Levieva plays Heather, who turns out to be a grifter just like Nikki… and the plot thickens. But it got us thinking that Heather, no matter how good she is at swindling through sex, has got some pretty stiff competition cinematically speaking. The following ten sexpots are Screen Junkies' picks for the 10 Hottest Female Grifters in Movies. Angelina Jolie as Julie Russell ORIGINAL SIN (2001)
By Seymour Hersh, Investigative Journalist
Don't you hate when you're really revved up to see a movie based off its awesome trailer only to find that the best part of the movie IS the trailer? That's because the studio didn't allow the press to review the movie in advance. They know they have a crappy product and any bad reviews could hurt their opening weekend box office.Nowadays, early buzz is as important to a film as the star whose name appears above the title. A bad review could snowball into bad word of mouth and then Twitter gets a hold of it and the opening weekend is shot. Have a look at the recent releases of Funny People and Bruno. Both were anticipating to stack dollars into the stratosphere but due to early complaints about issues with length and penises (I feel ya) the films underperformed (that's how I roll).
Chan Wook Park’s THIRST opens this Friday, and if you haven’t seen the trailer or read up in the genre flick, it’s about a priest who gets turned into a…
Out of the 30,000 movies produced each year only 700 see theatrical distribution. If you do the math correctly, that means that there are exactly one gazillion movies that very few people see — movies that have their own charms whether those charms be a skewed sense of humor or a dude jacking off onto a chicken. For every watered down family-friendly blowstravaganza like Wild Hogs, there's a truly brilliant gem that has only found itself a small but loyal group of fans. We've turned over a few rocks and come up with trailers for ten crazy little cult flicks. RUBIN AND ED
Seems like 9 times out of 10, the headliner on a feature film comedy has his or her roots in the stand up comedy circuit. Think about the mega-bankable big…
Something's Wrong with Esther. That's the tagline for the film Orphan opening wide this Friday. Either it's just me, or there's been something wrong with a lot of kids at the cinema as of lately. It used to be we'd occasionally get an outstanding f*cked up youngster:But now it seems there's a flock of mediocre mini sociopaths running amoke on the silver screen. Have the parents in these films never heard of a child psychologist? Or a good punch to the temple? Both are effective for different reasons, but I can guarantee you that either method will get your demented offspring, or unfortunate adoption, to quit lighting your pets, houses, and better behaved children on fire. That is unless head shrinking and corporal punishment really pisses them off. Then you might just have to put them down for good.
This week, Disney's latest action film G-Force opens. It's the story of an elite team of Guinea Pigs – voiced by the likes of Nic Cage, Penelope Cruz, Sam Rockwell & Tracy Morgan – dispatched to stop a billionaire (Bill Nighy) from taking over the world with diabolical household appliances. And it's no government secret that cute Guinea Pigs plus tiny weaponry is a formula for Disney to sell the crap out of toys to boys and girls alike. Toys like these "Darwin" and "Hurley" action figures are only the beginning.
There's nothing like a trip to the ball field in the summer. The roar of the crowd, the organist's familiar theme, and the crack of the bat — all events that invigorate our senses. In honor of tonight's 2009 MLB All-Star Game we sat down to discuss which baseball films had the greatest impact on us as people, nay Americans. It sparked heated debate and words were said that cannot be taken back (Patrick called me a f** so I had my manager sucker punch him), but despite the brouhaha we were able to pare down the list to include the true Home Run Kings. So please join us as we pay salute to our national pastime with this montage of cinema's greatest hits (and we threw one TV show in there because it's too good to pass up).
Throughout the ages, enchanting babes with supernatural powers have come and gone, but a few exceptional ones have stuck out in our memory. This list is a tribute to fifteen of Screen Junkies' favorite magical, sexy ladies and the spells they put on us. 15. Cheras Alexandra Medford in The Witches of Eastwick (1987)Cher may be a hell of a singer, if not always the best actress, but in this 80’s magical movie she got to show off her hots, received a significantly larger role than she normally did in her films, and showed what a sexy magical babe she could be. That's her on the left of the Eastwick poster if you didn't already know.
Friday marks the release of two "major" films, and both of them star celebrities who have lusted after Milo Ventimiglia. I Love You, Beth Cooper tells the story of an unrequited high school crush. Brüno tells the story of… well, you’ve seen Borat right? It's like that, but with different accents and a lot more butt sex jokes. But here we are in the middle of July with not a single cat fight. Even Mariah Carey is playing nice with Janet Jackson! So, we went ahead and charted out the Diva War, blow by blow, to determine who'll be box office champion of the weekend! Actually, it's pretty obvious Brüno's gonna sweep the floor with Hayden's alabaster locks, but let's give each side a fair shake.Here you are, the scientific breakdown of each person’s worth (sums it up well):
Though he’s played a wide variety of roles over the course of his career, and is set to play the hardboiled John Dillinger in the upcoming Public Enemies, Johnny Depp has shown himself to be an actor of idiosyncratic but undeniably odd taste in roles. Oh sure, he can do the Oscar-winning drama just as well as anybody (Finding Neverland, Donnie Brasco), but he just can’t seem to stay away from roles that send shivers down people’s spine or cause audiences to say, “WTF?” (Or for that matter make movies these days that don’t have Tim Burton’s name attached to them.)
In honor of Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs opening this weekend, we decided to feature a picture gallery of sexy cavewomen wearing skimpy loincloths. You might interject, "ScreenJunkies, despite what the Flinstones depicts, humans weren't around during the time of the dinosaurs!" to which we'd respond – and haughtily, we might add – "Would you rather see a gallery of wooly mammoth ass?" Above: Queen Latifah telling us to "Talk to the trunk."If you answered "yes" then you're into Furries and should be reading Holy Taco. If you answered "no" then get get ready for some B.C. T&A.
There are times in recent years when I am not sure if I am watching the News or "Access Hollywood." The reporting is as equally superficial and shallow for both nowadays. Nancy O'Dell should be a news correspondent for FOX, CNN, or MSNBC; she looks the part and can clearly read a teleprompter as good as the other "women journalists" at these corporate news channels. Which one is Nancy O’Dell from "Access Hollywood" and which one is a "serious journalist?" I have no idea, either.
CLICK TO ENLARGEHere are today's top links:Nikki Long On The Beach With Only A Shawl (Gorillamask)Powerpoint Presentation: So You've Decided To Fart In Public (Holytaco)Gerard Butler Says Boobies A Lot In This Redband The Ugly Truth Clip (Filmdrunk)The 10 Most Annoying Commercials On TV Right Now (Manofest)Make Your NES Fly With The Pimpendo Mod (Walyou)Zak Penn Is Penning The Avengers Script (Pajiba)The 8 Crappiest Transformer Disguises (Cracked)Mr. T Gives Awful Dating Advice To Gary Coleman (Sickpigs) 210 'WTF Were They Thinking' Tattoos (Coedmagazine)MMA Fighter Turned Bank Robber Released From Prison, Then Arrested Again (Cagepotato)Summer Blockbuster Drinking Game (Mademan)10 Classic Funny Moments From Billy Madison (Unreality)Capital Punishment Needs A Hollywood Makeover (Asylum)Missouri Senior Raechel Holtgrave, AKA Hooters Girl Of The Year (Bustedcoverage) The 10 Sexiest Big Brother Videos (Uncoached)How To Watch Porn With A 56k Modem (Regretfulmorning)Beer Is Good Food (Bachelorguy)NBA Draft: Who Is Going Second? (Moondogsports)
Well lookee what we got here, boys! Last round, the asteroid rocked the The Rock's missile and the Giant F**king Robot 'splodin' the bus beat out the combustible mansion. Even Michael Bay, with his infinite wisdom and soothsaying powers, told us in a conversation that didn’t really happen that he was literally BLOWN AWAY by the results. Now we're down to the Big Boom and the tension is so palpable you could masticate it like a big ol' bag of Big League Chew. THE FINAL MATCHUP
All this week, BAYWATCH '09 has given you the goods on all things that go BOOM. Monday was the 10 Best Michael Bay-directed Music Videos… Tuesday was the first ever Michael Bay Explosion Tournament… Well, it wouldn't be a proper Bay-themed week without cleavage. You're welcome.By Thomas Anderson
VOTING FOR ROUND 1 IS CLOSED, BUT YOU CAN STILL VOTE FOR WHO GOES TO THE BIG BOOM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCHUP!
It's no secret that Screen Junkies loves Michael Bay, and to celebrate the release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, we're calling this week BAYWATCH. Every day for the next five days, there will be a new feature dedicated to Michael Bay, the man, the myth, the pyromaniac. Kicking off the week is a look back at Bay's earlier work. Before the Boom (and Bad Boys)… there was the music. Michael Bay made his reputation on making music artists look really frickin' cool based on the aesthetic standards of the day. Bay's work was dramatic. It was gorgeous. And it single-handedly supported Hollywood's "lens mist filter" and silk drapery industries for years.Here are our favorites, in chronological order. Richard Marx's "Angelia" (1989)
By Mike Hammer We love our dad. It’s a shame people have to get old and put in facilities where they can be properly cared for. At 43, we simply felt he just wasn’t pulling his weight…and besides…detox is something NOBODY has to be ashamed of anymore. With dad in isolation and Father’s Day coming up we thought we’d relive some of our most heart-wrencing, tender and sometimes hilarious father/son conversations…from the movies. To be honest our real conversations were kind of creepy. Here are the best from the big screen:
THE HURT LOCKER examines the dangerous duties of three members of the Army’s Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD) squad. Bombs are their business, and they know their business extremely well. They have to because each roadside stop could mean their lives. Stars Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, and Brian Geraghty, director Kathryn Bigelow and writer Mark Boal broke down for us how you tackle a movie about an elite unit that goes in when everyone else is running away. It’s as meticulous a task as disarming an IED (That's an Improvised Explosive Device for you civilians).
People may not be aware that Harold Ramis was the Judd Apatow of the 1980s. In addition to his landmark acting roles in Ghostbusters and Stripes, he penned and directed some of the all-time greatest comedies – National Lampoon’s Vacation and Caddyshack (just to name a couple). Judd Apatow, on the other hand, has had just as much influence on the producing side, and it’s his role there that teams him up with Ramis on the Jack Black and Michael Cera history vehicle Year One (opening Friday).
So you think there are too many remakes in Hollywood? At least remakes know what they’re supposed to be. Some movies use the same titles just hoping nobody remembers there was a completely different movie by the same name.After over 100 years of film, some titles were bound to double or triple up.Screen Junkies takes a look back on eight select titles and how long it took for each marquee mnemonic to produce a memorable movie. (That's alliteration, homes.)
Next Up:THE ROOKIE