Screen Junkies » funny movie lists http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 20 Aug 2014 16:09:46 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 10 Films Begging For a Sequel http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/10-films-begging-for-a-sequel/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/10-films-begging-for-a-sequel/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 A sequel is a tricky, tricky mistress. Some films produce a sequel when no one in the general public actually wants a sequel, like Cheaper by the Dozen, Big Mama’s House, and all those Tim Allen Christmas movies. Other films roll out a sequel years later when you never expected them to. Flicks like Tron: Legacy, Wall Street 2, and Evening Star (the Terms of Endearment sequel for all you pansies out there). And yet, there are countless other movies that really need a sequel, but never get any second installment love. I decided to toss out a few movies that need to have a second outing – and give my thoughts on plot and casting while I'm at it. Point Break

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A sequel is a tricky, tricky mistress. Some films produce a sequel when no one in the general public actually wants a sequel, like Cheaper by the Dozen, Big Mama’s House, and all those Tim Allen Christmas movies. Other films roll out a sequel years later when you never expected them to. Flicks like Tron: Legacy, Wall Street 2, and Evening Star (the Terms of Endearment sequel for all you pansies out there). And yet, there are countless other movies that really need a sequel, but never get any second installment love. I decided to toss out a few movies that need to have a second outing – and give my thoughts on plot and casting while I’m at it.
 
Poin Break


Why: This is one of the greatest "guy movies" ever made. It packed the adrenaline the poster promised and had all the coolness to go with it. You get surfing, bank robbing, guns, fights, beach football, FBI, and chicks. We would absolutely stand in line for the sequel.
 
Plot: This one was actually in the works and then the unfortunate passing of Patrick Swayze killed that idea. The new sequel would have a rouge Johnny Utah being called back in to infiltrate a new breed of bank-robbers, but these guys circulate the Xtreme Sports world. Duuuuuude.

Actors: Keanu Reeves, Gary Busey, Jake Busey (as his dad’s new boss at the FBI), Lori Petty (back as the love interest, if she can still remember lines…)

E.T.


Why: The movie made a gazillion bucks and now Drew Barrymore is kinda’ hot (in the right light), so this would be huge at the box office. The first viewing of this film made our eyes as big as flying saucers, and we’d all like to see Gertie meet up with E.T. again after all these years and feed him some Reese’s Pieces.

Plot: Gertie has her own kids now when E.T. shows up again. Her youngest daughter will be the channel to E.T. — and all of E.T.’s spawn he has brought with him. Gertie will deny this is happening again at first, but then have to rally her family around the E. T. clan when the government inevitably steps in.

Actors: Barrymore, Henry Thomas, Vin Diesel (as the sinister Dr. Drago)

The Goonies


Why: There are so many. Richard Donner needs a hit these days. Chunk is working as an entertainment lawyer — and that just isn’t right. The public needs Chunk on screen again. This is on many people’s all time favorites list, so a sequel seems like a sure fire hit.

Plot: The gang are all adults now, but they reunite while visiting during the holidays. When it’s discovered there are hidden diamonds nearby and they have a map to the location, the guys dive back into the treasure-hunting game. And there are ZERO alien themes involved like the last Indy movie.

Actors: All the old guys…Josh Brolin, Sean Astin, Corey Feldman, et al. Ron Pearlman is the new Sloth (the original dude died in ’89)

Beetle Juice


Why: Michael Keaton is awesome, but somewhere along the way he stopped getting decent roles. Beetle Juice is one of his greatest performances ever. It’d be rad to see him don the stripped tuxedo again. Especially with Tim Burton on board to direct , and we’d love to see the thing in 3-D (as long as it’s conceived that way. No post conversion B.S.).

Plot: A new family moves into the house. And some newly dead people join the party — replacing Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin. Beetle Juice pops back onto the scene to help the deads…and introduces some more pals along the way. But this time, the story takes us from the house to the city — and onto the world’s stage when the public gets wind of what is happening in the house. Also, a lot more sandworms.

Actors: Keaton, Dakota Fanning (as the family’s daughter), Brian Cranston and Sigourney Weaver (as the dead couple)

Independence Day


Why: The film is apparently already in the works and we hope we get to hear Bill Pullman give the cheesiest Presidential speech in movie history for a second time. “Because today is our…Independence Day!” Cinematic gold. The film was a monster hit when it came out and given today’s effects-driven blockbusters, the sequel would be even bigger.

Plot: Roland Emmerich is on a mission to blow up even more monuments than he did in 2012. Will Smith is back and part of a crew that lands on the invading aliens’ planet to ‘study’ it. After the crew returns to earth, the aliens decide to retaliate by attacking the ten biggest cities in the world at the same time. Will and company have to find a way to fight them off and save mankind. And Will says, “Awww, hell no!” a few times.

Actors: Smith, Pullman, probably Jada Pinkett-Smith, Jeff Goldblum, Sarah Jessica-Parker (as a shape-shifting alien)

Superbad


Why: The chemistry between Michael Cera and Jonah Hill was priceless. The movie was also a huge success, and we really want to laugh at Jonah screaming at McLovin for 90 minutes again.

Plot: Seth goes to visit McLovin and Evan at Dartmouth. Seth instantly has his eye on a young Dartmouth professor he wants to bang, so he pretends he is a professor from another school visiting the school for an interview. He gets roped into a speaking engagement and tries to juggle the professor’s interest in him with the wild party McLovin and Evan are going to that weekend.

Actors: Hill, Cera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Neil Patrick Harris (throw a little Harold & Kumar in there), Amy Smart (as the bangable professor)

Twister


Why: The original was a disaster of a movie overall, but the effects were impressive for the time. Now with the superior effects of today and 3-D, seeing a tornado spinning around our head in the theater might be pretty sweet, as long as the dialogue doesn’t make me want to stick a pen knife in my eye.

Plot: A series of twisters are ripping through the Midwest and a team of competing scientists are…wait, this sounds kind of familiar. The plot will be basically the same as the original, but in glorious 3D!!!
 
Actors: Philip Seymour Hoffman reprises his role as the stoner storm-chasing dude, but he’s the leader of the team this time. Maggie Grace Paul Rudd, and DJ Qualls are also on the team. Vin Diesel (as the competing team’s leader)
 
Pretty Woman


Why: Women would go ape shit. Plus, Garry Marshal needs to make up for Runaway Bride, where his re-pairing of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts was worse than death.

Plot: Roberts and Gere are married and living the good life outside the city. Out of the blue, Kit De Luca (Roberts’ old hooker friend from back in the day) drops by with her teenage son. The kid is almost 18 and she has promised to introduce him to his real father. She asks the couple to help her find the kid’s dad. Roberts has to go back into her old hooker world to try and help find who might be the dad. Meanwhile. Gere is offered a new position at the company of some of his old colleagues, creating tension with his wife.

Actors: Gere, Roberts, Laura San Giacomo (as Kit…she hasn’t really worked since “Just Shoot Me” anyway), Mel Gibson (as the kid’s father)

True Lies


Why: James Cameron may be bad at writing dialogue, but he knows how to put together great action sequences. And the Governator needs to get back together with Tom Arnold. They both need a hit after Tom Arnold’s recent attempts at entertaining, and Arnie’s systematic destroying of California.

Plot: Harry is retired from the spy business and is on vacation in Paris with his family when terrorists besiege the city. His old team — including Albert (Tom Arnold) — fly in to help and he reluctantly joins the fight after he learns the terroist leader is an old nemesis. Meanwhile, his wife (Jamie Lee Curtis) gets involved in her own plot to help fight the terrorists by a French con man, even though she was ordered to stay away from the action.

Actors: Schwarzenegger, Tom Arnold, Jamie Lee Curtis, Grant Heslov, Vincent Cassel (French con man), Jet Li (terrorist leader)
 
The Big Lebowski


Why: It’s become a huge cult classic and could make loads of money now. And Jeff Bridges is probably dying to get back in that itchy hemp hoodie after his Oscar win. Guys love the Dude and would give anything to be in the Dude’s posse. The movie would be welcomed with open arms.

Plot: The Dude and Walter go on a road trip to spread the rest of Donny’s ashes that are still left in the coffee can after learning Donny really wanted his ashes spread on Lake Michigan. Almost right away, they get mixed up with competing mafia families when they are mistaken for guys who stole the ashes of a former mafia boss. One family wants the ashes to lay their boss to rest. The other wants them to disgrace the other family.

Actors: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, John Turturro, Sam Elliott (of course), Demi Moore (as the mafia boss’ daughter/Dude’s love interest)
 

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8 Movie Geezers Not to Mess With http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/8-movie-geezers-not-to-mess-with/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/8-movie-geezers-not-to-mess-with/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Back in the good-old days, the elderly were revered as a valuable source of knowledge. Their vast life experiences were respected not only as a link to the past, but also as guide for the future.  Yes, old people were once a cherished commodity. Just kidding! I assume old people have always been considered lame, but I don’t know for sure because I never learned history. History is for old people, and I hate old people. But I will say this; in the world of Hollywood make-believe, there are a few old dudes that I would not want to piss off. Luckily we live in the real world where old dudes can barely walk. But all the same, here’s a list of eight movie geezers you don’t want to mess with.

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Back in the good-old days, the elderly were revered as a valuable source of knowledge. Their vast life experiences were respected not only as a link to the past, but also as guide for the future.  Yes, old people were once a cherished commodity.

Just kidding! I assume old people have always been considered lame, but I don’t know for sure because I never learned history. History is for old people, and I hate old people.

But I will say this; in the world of Hollywood make-believe, there are a few old dudes that I would not want to piss off. Luckily we live in the real world where old dudes can barely walk. But all the same, here’s a list of eight movie geezers you don’t want to mess with.

Paul Kersey – Death Wish 5
When Charles Bronson reprised the role on Paul Kersey in Death Wish V, he was well into his seventies. But that didn’t stop him from single handedly bringing down the vicious Irish gang that was attacking those supermodels. The plot sounds like the ramblings of a senile old man, so maybe the writer was in his seventies as well.

 

Master YodaThe Star Wars Trilogies

When it comes to badass old dudes, they don’t get much older than Yoda. The old bastard lived to be 900, and he was still laying the smack down well into his mid-800s. Granted, his mental prowess might have been sliping since he couldn’t even tell that Palpatine was a Sith Lord, but still.  When 900 years old you are, blah blah blah.

 

Pai Mei – Kill Bill Vol. 2

Like most old people, Pai Mei is mean, racist, and set in his ways. Unlike most old people, he can make your heart explode with his hand, and has no qualms about ripping out eyeballs. Don’t screw with this geezer.

 

Dr. Christian Szell – Marathon Man

If there’s one group I hate more than old people, it’s dentists. If there’s one group I hate more than dentists, it’s Nazis. Dr. Christian Szell is an old Nazi dentist. God I hate him. But that being said, I wouldn’t steal the magazines from his waiting room for fear of ass-kickery.

 

Lee Marvin – Any Lee Marvin Movie

Lee Marvin spent over 30 years in Hollywood, and over the course of his career he only played one role: crotchety old man.  And from the Dirty Dozen to Delta Force, he was always an old man you’d be wise not to piss off. Even this song from Paint Your Wagon just screams “Danger.” Keep your distance.

 

Mr. Miyagi – The Karate Kid

In The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi doesn’t kick a whole lot of ass. But in the sequel, we learn that in Okinawa, there’s only one law: Miyagi’s law! If memory serves, Miyagi rips a man’s heart out of his chest and feeds it to a herd of Pandas. Unless you want the same treatment, don’t mess with Miyagi.

 

Walt Kowalski – Grand Torino

Walt Kowalski doesn’t take no sh*t from nobody. Wops, Mics, Gooks and Spooks, Walt hates them all, and he’s so tough that nobody can do anything about it…until the end where they shoot him (RETROACTIVE SPOILER ALERT).

Only Clint Eastwood could have played this role. Can you imagine if George Clooney made a movie where he said “spooks?” Jesse Jackson would have taken a dump on his head.

 

Lo-Pan – Big Trouble Little China

We’re not sure if Lo-Pan counts because he’s actually a centuries old ghoul, but the same is true of Larry King, and he gets treated normally. So why not Lo-Pan? Just because he’s an evil Asian stereotype? That hardly seems fair.

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‘TEEN WOLF’ REMAKE IN THE WORKS http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/teen-wolf-remake-in-the-works/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/teen-wolf-remake-in-the-works/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000  Teen Wolf, the family-friendly cautionary tale from the 80s, could be informing a new generation of pubescents about the perils of hairy palms.  Or rather, the totally awesome benefits.  According to MovieHole.com, Warner Brothers is currently out to writers to update the 1985 hit starring Alex P. Keaton, a.k.a. The Fox.  Apparently the execs aren't certain which way they're going to go tonally.  We've already seen the high-concept comedy version, so I say they deliver a dark melodrama.  Drugs, sex, violence, and attempted suicide.  It'll be like a Bret Easton Ellis novel, but with fur. 

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Teen Wolf, the family-friendly cautionary tale from the 80s, could be informing a new generation of pubescents about the perils of hairy palms.  Or rather, the totally awesome benefits.  According to MovieHole.com, Warne Brothers is currently out to writers to update the 1985 hit starring Alex P. Keaton, a.k.a. The Fox.  Apparently the execs aren’t certain which way they’re going to go tonally.  We’ve already seen the high-concept comedy version, so I say they deliver a dark melodrama.  Drugs, sex, violence, and attempted suicide.  It’ll be like a Bret Easton Ellis novel, but with fur. 

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