With Kick-Ass coming out this Friday, kids doing dangerous stuff is back on the screen. There was a time not too long ago when kids in films were allowed to smoke, shoot, and curse because after all that is what real raging hormonal teens do. Their stories ranged from slum dramas to precautionary tales to pure adventure stories, all of which feature some of the best performances by child actors in the history of cinema and took conservative parental guidance to the edge.

Let’s take a look at some of the most extreme bad-ass kids ever shown on the big screen.

The Monster Squad (1987) – Living on the movie monster edge

Before vampires twinkled, werewolves had CGI fur, and Frankenstein was played by Robert DeNiro, cult director Fred Dekker and Shane Black gave us the ultimate Monster mash as a group of  geeky teenagers form their own monster busting squad. This film takes liberties of delivering some good scares, teen smoking, and shit talking.

Kids (1995) – Living way past the edge

A story that John Hughes would of told had he been in with the NYC skate scene and wanted to take on the AIDS epidemic, this was so controversial when first released (the first teen movie to be rated NC-17) Disney created a seperate company from Miramax, Shining Excalibur, just to release it in theaters. It contains some of the rawest teen portrayals ever captured on film from indie darlings Chloe Sevigny, Rosario Dawson, Leo Fitzpatrick, and the late Justin Pierce.

Stand by Me (1986) – Taking it to the nostalgic edge

Director Rob Reiner made good movies at one point of his career and this was his best work. The most heart breaking of the innocence lost movies that still makes many grown men cry today, working from a story by Stephen King and a huge cast of talented young actors including a brief cameo by John Cusack and the unforgettable Feldman line “I’m gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck!”

The Goonies (1985) – Kids on the adventure of a lifetime edge

If you grew up in the 1980s this was the one movie that made you want to truffle shuffle, as a gang of pre-teens headed by Sean “Samwise” Austin, Josh “No Country” Brolin, and the always reliable Corey Feldman head to the Oregon caves in search on buried treasure, pirates and friendship. Best use of the word ‘shit’ in any movie.

The Lost Boys (1987) – Living on the bloodsucking edge

The best of the two Coreys movies on this list. It took the formula of The Goonies but kicked it up notch with blood sucking teen vampires, rock and roll music, and homoerotic over tones. 

Pretty Persuasion (2005) – Living on the most un-P.C. edge

The only film in this top 10 to involve snotty little rich kids as they frame a teacher, played by Office Space’s Ron Livingston, for sexual molestation and make a young Muslim girl commit suicide. Oh, did I forget to mention this is a comedy? Well, a very dark comedy with James Woods playing quite possibly the worst parent alive.

Kidulthood (2006) – Taking Britain’s future to the edge

The future generation of Britain looks pretty f*cked once you watch this movie about Soho teens that shoot, hustle, and kill each other over text messages, rumors, and pills. Something to seek out on your Netflix queue.

River’s Edge (1984) – The title says it all

Based on true events of a California teenager that killed his girlfriend and then showed all his friends her body before turning himself into the police. The movie introduced us to a cast of then young actors played by Keanu Reeves, Crispin Glover, Ioan Skye, and Daniel Roebuck. One the most bleak and disturbing movies that came to the 80s cinema screens, and is well worth searching out.

City of God (2003) – Living on the slum’s edge

Growing up seems pretty easy once you seen this movie of teen gangsters and drug addicts living on the streets of Rio de Jenero, Brazil. The movie contains a montage involving a young boy blowing  people away with a 44 magnum. Wonder what the cuss is all about with Kick-Ass’s Hit Girl?

Class of 1984 (1982) – Living on a violent future’s edge

A Clockwork Orange meets Death Wish in this classic sci-fi revenge flick about a not too distant future where teen gangs took drugs and weapons to school. SHOCKING! Some nice old school slasher violence was added to the film’s finale and a hilarious pre-Back to the Future Micheal J. Fox performance to boot. 

Crispin Glover has "weirdest moments" written all over his incredibly distinctive face. He also seems like he lives his life as though everyday is Halloween. Crispin recently returned to the big screen in Hot Tub Time Machine, and it’s my hope that it leads to future projects so we can capture more instances of WTF on camera much like these…

Kicking

This one is a legendary appearance. All these years later it has become YouTube gold. The role of hallucinogens has still not been confirmed. But word on the street is that he might have ingested a sheet of acid in the greenroom.

Clowning

Everyone made some sort of music video in the 90′s that they are currently not proud of.

Portraying

I can’t possibly explain the back-story to this clip. It’s an amazing bit of quasi-documentary movie history, more recently popularized by an episode of This American Life. The clip is from a film called The Beaver Trilogy.

Acting

Filmdrunk had this awhile back. It’s an awesome clip. It’s also a reminder that Crispin did a lot of films that were not totally bizarre– Back To The Future being the best example.

Serenading

Who doesn’t want to take a moment every once in a while to put on a stage show intended to express your deep appreciation and affection for rodents?

Dancing

Listen to the song. Doesn’t it sound like Trey Parker and Matt Stone wrote it? It makes me want to shake the shit out of my entire body.

Hallucinating

This is a clip from the movie Rubin and Ed. And here’s a story that has nothing to do with it. I know someone who ran into Crispin once at a copy store in Hollywood. He was making posters for a show. It was really something that an assistant should have been doing. He was there for close to an hour. He was extremely polite to everyone in the store, was well dressed, and spent a lot of time on his Blackberry. That’s all I know.

Tubing

Another clip from Rubin and Ed. Worth it for the giant shoes and waterskiing cat’s facial expressions.

Asking (NSFW)

And finally, here’s the trailer for What Is It? It’s a film directed and produced by Crispin that asks the question of how porn stars and people with Down’s Syndrome can be utilized in pursuits-cinematic.

Mr. Glover. You are what we need more of in this world. Here’s to you, from The Junkies.

Just kidding! I assume old people have always been considered lame, but I don’t know for sure because I never learned history. History is for old people, and I hate old people.

But I will say this; in the world of Hollywood make-believe, there are a few old dudes that I would not want to piss off. Luckily we live in the real world where old dudes can barely walk. But all the same, here’s a list of eight movie geezers you don’t want to mess with.

Paul Kersey – Death Wish 5
When Charles Bronson reprised the role on Paul Kersey in Death Wish V, he was well into his seventies. But that didn’t stop him from single handedly bringing down the vicious Irish gang that was attacking those supermodels. The plot sounds like the ramblings of a senile old man, so maybe the writer was in his seventies as well.

Master Yoda – The Star Wars Trilogies

When it comes to badass old dudes, they don’t get much older than Yoda. The old bastard lived to be 900, and he was still laying the smack down well into his mid-800s. Granted, his mental prowess might have been sliping since he couldn’t even tell that Palpatine was a Sith Lord, but still.  When 900 years old you are, blah blah blah.

Pai Mei – Kill Bill Vol. 2

Like most old people, Pai Mei is mean, racist, and set in his ways. Unlike most old people, he can make your heart explode with his hand, and has no qualms about ripping out eyeballs. Don’t screw with this geezer.

Dr. Christian Szell – Marathon Man

If there’s one group I hate more than old people, it’s dentists. If there’s one group I hate more than dentists, it’s Nazis. Dr. Christian Szell is an old Nazi dentist. God I hate him. But that being said, I wouldn’t steal the magazines from his waiting room for fear of ass-kickery.

Lee Marvin – Any Lee Marvin Movie

Lee Marvin spent over 30 years in Hollywood, and over the course of his career he only played one role: crotchety old man.  And from the Dirty Dozen to Delta Force, he was always an old man you’d be wise not to piss off. Even this song from Paint Your Wagon just screams “Danger.” Keep your distance.

Mr. Miyagi – The Karate Kid

In The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi doesn’t kick a whole lot of ass. But in the sequel, we learn that in Okinawa, there’s only one law: Miyagi’s law! If memory serves, Miyagi rips a man’s heart out of his chest and feeds it to a herd of Pandas. Unless you want the same treatment, don’t mess with Miyagi.

Walt Kowalski – Grand Torino

Walt Kowalski doesn’t take no sh*t from nobody. Wops, Mics, Gooks and Spooks, Walt hates them all, and he’s so tough that nobody can do anything about it…until the end where they shoot him (RETROACTIVE SPOILER ALERT).

Only Clint Eastwood could have played this role. Can you imagine if George Clooney made a movie where he said “spooks?” Jesse Jackson would have taken a dump on his head.

Lo-Pan – Big Trouble Little China

We’re not sure if Lo-Pan counts because he’s actually a centuries old ghoul, but the same is true of Larry King, and he gets treated normally. So why not Lo-Pan? Just because he’s an evil Asian stereotype? That hardly seems fair.