So you’re saying there’s a chance, Marta? Oh. No. You’re not.

This means no Friends movie, no Friends reboot, no Friends sequel. It’s a sad state of affairs when we feel the need to report that some beloved old property such as this refuses to let itself go around the bend again, but it’s also pretty nice.

Friends was really good. Let’s enjoy the place it occupies in our hearts and memories and use the effort we would have spent recycling it into making something better.

Like, I dunno, an Arrested Development movie or something.

I have no problems with same-sex marriage, but this just seems a little overdone. This used to be a comic about watching a stoned kid eat a lot of ice cream while the two hottest girls in town fought over a ginger. When did it become Grey’s Anatomy?

At any rate, Archie is blazing new trails in the world of comics by making it okay to explore gay marriage. All eyes will undoubtedly be on She-Hulk now. You’re not fooling anybody. But when it comes to gay marriage, television was years ahead of the curve, at least when compared to Archie. Here’s a look at the timeline of television’s same-sex marriages.

Roc – “Can’t Help Loving That Man”

Airdate: October 20, 1991

Roseanne and Friends get a lot of credit for featuring television’s first same-sex marriage, but it was actually Fox‘s Roc that bravely pushed that envelope first when Roc’s uncle married his partner.

Northern Exposure – “I Feel The Earth Move”

Airdate: May 2, 1994

Cicely, Alaska’s B&B owners Ron and Erick made honest men out of one another when they wed in this fifth season episode.

Roseanne – “December Bride”

Airdate: December 12, 1995

When Roseanne stepped in to help her boss Leon plan his wedding to Fred Willard, it all almost goes to sh*t. However, Roseanne is able to step in at the last minute and save the day. I still find it rude that Christopher Guest wasn’t invited.

These places might beat the DMV, but just barely. Here are 5 shitty television hangouts.

5. Central Perk – Friends

The friends, for all their prowess in negotiating the Manhattan real estate market, sure didn’t seem very discriminating when it came to picking a place to hang out. With a couple exceptions, they never seemed to meet anyone there, and it’s not like the opportunity to meet with that awkward albino Gunther was a real selling point. It looked comfortable, but so is my couch at home.

Further, that place must have been pretty dead if the gang was ALWAYS able to get the premiere couch. Plus, the place was rife with bullies that would take their seats. Don’t act like you don’t know what episode I’m talking about.

Finally, I have a pretty developed theory that if Ross Gellar patronizes an establishment more than three times, that establishment is ruined for all eternity.

WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN ME INSTEAD??????????

Those who knew Oscar knew that he was a bird of few words, namely “hello” and “cracker.”

However, the gravitas with which he uttered those words was the reason Home Alone 3 is held in the regard it is today. Without his avian presence, it would have just been a wildly disposable sequel that didn’t even have Macauley Culkin.

With Oscar’s contributions to cinema in mind (including his upcoming role in A Bird of the Air), we would like to take a moment and call attention to animal actors and the trails they have blazed. So join us on a journey as we examine the 9 most awesome animal actors in film and television.

(If you have “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” by Boyz II Men in your iTunes, please hit play now.)

9. Mel Gibskin

You may not recognize the awesome name, but you’ll know his work. Mr. Gibskin played the role of a creepy hairless cat so effortlessly that it hardly seemed like he was acting. He absolutely owned the role of Mr. Bigglesworth in the Austin Powers franchise, playing the character with such marked restraint that he kept audiences on the edge of their seat. Gibskin also played Rachel’s creepy cat on Friends and had the professional privilege of playing opposite Ms. Lindsay Lohan in the stripper saga I Know Who Killed Me.

8. Gidget

In the vein of Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry and Barbra Streisand in Yentl, Gidget defied gender conventions in her portrayal of the Taco Bell Chihuahua, a flawed character myopically focused on its want, need, or desire (depending on how you translate “querer”) for Taco Bell cuisine. Further, Gidget adopted a stereotypical Mexican accent so effortlessly, you would have thought the dog was played by a privileged teenager making fun of his family’s gardener.

7. Clyde

Clyde played Marley, the dog that dies at the end of Marley and Me.

Deal with it.

3 photosAw Man, The Muppet Movie Has Hipsters

“(Dann) said the whole purpose of ‘Sesame Street‘ was to cater to black and Hispanic youths who, quote-unquote, do not have reading literature in the house,” Shapiro told Hannity. “There’s kind of this soft bigotry of low expectations.”

He also went after the “Sesame Street” website’s promotion of “gender-neutral language. Make sure you give your boys dolls and make sure you give your girls fire trucks.” Another commentator claimed that gender-neutral thinking led high school choosing a gay kid as prom king. Yup, there’s definitely no need to further substantiate that line of reasoning, and he did not.

Shapiro interviewed the producers and showrunners of several popular TV shows, including “Friends” and “House,” who he says substantiated his claim of TV’s liberal bias. To be fair, Chandler’s catchphrase “could I be anymore of a gay rights crusader and anti-gun activist” was kind of a dead giveaway. (Hollywood Reporter)

_{Aniston Sucks Cox…GET IT!?!}

The Internet rumor mill is working overtime tonight, speculating that Jennifer Aniston will be joining her former "Friends" co-star, Courtney Cox, in the upcoming horror sequel, Scream 4.

According to Star Magazine, which is one step up from reading the scribblings on a bathroom wall, Aniston’s character will die early on. This follows in the tradition of the previous Scream films which have all killed off a big-name star within the first few minutes.

If the rumors prove true, it will not be the first stab at the horror genre for either actress. Cox has been a mainstay of the Scream franchise since its inception, and Aniston has been terrifying audiences for years with films such as The Break-Up and He’s Just Not That Into You. (CinemaBlend)