Screen Junkies » Friday

A Tale Of Two Cubes: Family-Friendly vs. N.W.A. Ice Cube

Penn Collins — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 23:42:35 +0000

With discussion of a fourth Friday film surfacing, it’s hard not to revisit the first installment, an irreverent comedy that also proved to be the Rubicon that Ice Cube crossed going from “gangster rapper and dramatic actor” to “guy who plays characters who always seem to be surrounded by WAY too many kids.” As we have already witnessed Mr. Cube’s metamorphosis, let’s see how the current works of Ice Cube stack up against the image he projected in the late 80′s and early 90′s with rap group, N.W.A.

Are We There Yet?

(Lyrics)
Dumb ho said somethin’ that made me mad
She said somethin’ that I couldn’t believe
So I grabbed the stupid bitch by her nappy-ass weave
She started talkin’ shit, wouldn’t ya know
I reached back like a pimp and I slapped the ho
Her father jumped up and he started to shout
So I threw a right cross and knocked his old ass out

(Plot Synopsis)
In Are We There Yet? Ice Cube plays Nick, a successful playboy who must take his girlfriend’s kids on a road trip from Portland to Vancouver. However, having never liked any of their mom’s boyfriends, the kids are hellbent on making life difficult for Nick.

How N.W.A is this plot? (Scale of 1-10, “10” being gangster as f#ck, and “1” being a mark-ass bitch): 2

Sooooo many inconsistencies here. That crazy motherf#cker named Ice Cube would have taken precisely zero shit from these kids. If they had hassled him at all, he would have tied them up at gunpoint in the back of the RV. Also, a member of N.W.A. would never find himself in the Pacific Northwest, and would certainly not be allowed to enter Canada. Finally, N.W.A. members make babies, they don’t raise them.

The Longshots

(Lyrics)
As I swung, tha fat girl fell
Lyin on tha ave just like a beach whale
That’s tha story, it’s quite ill
and all fat girls y’all besta chill
All overweight freaks stay off my block
Cause it’s eerie to have a fat girl on your jock

(Plot Synopsis)
In The Longshots, Cube plays a down-on-his luck football star who turns his niece into the team’s quarterback. When he takes over coaching duties for the team, the misfit bunch of players find their way in the Pop Warner Super Bowl. His niece struggles to be accepted by her teammates and faces adversity when her deadbeat father comes back into her life after she receives national attention, as Pop Warner quarterbacks so often do.

How N.W.A is this plot? (Scale of 1-10, “10” being gangster as f#ck, and “1” being a mark-ass bitch): 5

I can see Cube coaching a Pop Warner football team and saying things like “Take it down the field, little man,” but I can’t ever see a member of N.W.A. being “down on their luck.” Ok. Maybe MC Ren. But it’s been my experience that members of N.W.A. generally fall into one of two camps: “Hard-as-shit G’s” or “dead.” Also, members of N.W.A. are not former athletes. They’re the guys that kill former athletes in the middle of the night.

7 Anti-Drug Films That Make Us Really Want To Do Drugs

Penn Collins — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 23:15:43 +0000

Don’t do drugs. Or do. Whatever. If Hollywood really didn’t want us doing so many drugs, they’d stop making them look so damn cool. Sure there are films like Requiem for a Dream that do nothing but show the turmoil and agony caused by addiction, but there are many other films that show completely functioning drug addicts who may be hollow on the inside, but ooze cool in a way that the sober just can’t. They carry an attitude that says “F*ck it all.” That attitude often ends in death, but it also can bring about some pretty cool lives. Take a look.

Less Than Zero

Sure, their existence is hollow, and they’re simply self-medicating in order to dull their unhappiness, but what a way to self-medicate. These beautiful people cruise around, banging models (both male and female), spending money hand-over-fist, all while whacked out on Xanax, pot, coke, and alcohol. Sure, the survival rate of a Bret Easton Ellis story is about 40%, but when you look so damn cool doing it, wouldn’t you be willing to roll the dice? Just stay away from the sleazy pimps named Rip.

The Doors

We all know how The Doors ends, because it’s a true story. Nonetheless, it’s easy to ignore that good judgment and want to dive right in to the Sunset Strip scene of the late 60’s and early 70’s with someone as charismatic as Jim Morrison, trashing hotel rooms while naked, and tripping balls every day that ends in “y.” I mean, yes, cocaine and alcohol can end your life as fast as a bullet can, but if they enable you to look awesome in leather pants, isn’t it possible that it’s worth it? Probably not, but again, this list isn’t about good judgment. It’s about writing shitty poetry while on peyote.

The 7 Sleaziest Drug Dealers In Film

Penn Collins — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 18:31:34 +0000

In real life, drug dealers are some pretty unsavory characters. I mean, they make a living (sometimes a very nice one) preying upon the addictions of others. But for the most part, they’re not terribly different than non-drug dealing folk. They see movies, go to barbecues, and might even go shopping on Black Friday. They aren’t one-dimensional characters, cold and merciless.

Well, in the movies, they can be. I don’t need to know if one of them was pissed off when Ruben Studdard won Idol over Clay Aiken, or if another one was waiting in line at Chipotle yesterday. In the movies, drug dealers are representative of a lot more than themselves. They represent the danger, violence, and unpredictability that goes hand-in-hand with the seedy underbelly that protagonists find themselves in. So to watch these actors ham it up as dirtbag dealers really is a thing of beauty.

7. Lance – Pulp Fiction

Lance, played by Eric Stoltz, might be the least sleazy guy on this list, but that doesn’t mean he’s still sleazy. Audience members with any sort of drug-dealer experience know that Lance embodies a fair number of undesirable drug dealer qualities, like paranoia, petulance, and a very short memory.

While his super-pierced girlfriend, played by Rosanna Arquette, was pretty endearing, his eagerness to cut the convo short while customer John Travolta ran around with a dying Uma Thurman was more than a little selfish. He represents a very real lack of customer service in an industry that should live and die by it.

Points for the Fruit Brute cereal, though.

Links Away: Friday On Friday

Reza F. — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 00:32:15 +0000

Rebecca Black’s so-bad-it’s-good pop single “Friday” has been the talk on the town this week, so it was only a matter of time before someone synced it up with… Wait for it… A movie that has the same name! Oh, The Internet, you so crazy. (Vulture)

Friday, Friday, Friday is tomorrow but here are some links for now:

Top 10 Characters Who Refuse to Die (AdultSwim)

Nine Fun Drunk Movies (MovieLine)

How to Drink Alone On St. Patrick’s Day (HolyTaco)

Wolverine Will Now Probably Suck (FilmDrunk)

Dirty Candy (CelebJihad)

The X-Men Do Comedy (Unreality)

The Top 25 Courtroom Dramas (MovieFone)

TV Drinking Games (PopEater)

Six Actually Good News Stories Out of Japan (Smosh)

The Top 100 Billionaires (Ranker)

Awesome Game-Winning Shot (BroBible)

Maxim’s Guide to March Madness (Maxim)

Vincent Gallo: Now With More Pants (Pajiba)

A Virtual Map of Movie Road Trips (NextMovie)

MMA’s Top Five Lightweights (CagePotato)

The 10 Coolest St. Patrick’s Day Partites (MadeMan)

Lego Star Wars 3 Review (GameFront)

How to Be Irish When You’re Actually Latino (TuVez)