It’s television’s first major attempt to create a found footage series and should be interesting to see how they manage to maintain the conceit. Comparisons to Lost are already being drawn due to the location and general creepiness, though this seems as it will be purely popcorn entertainment, which I welcome. At least it won’t leave us obsessing over mysteries that leave us wanting answers beyond “because we said so.”

So in honor of The River, here’s a list of found footage films that nail it. How will The River stack up?

Chronicle

Now in theaters, Chronicle is enjoying some really strong word of mouth. In fact, the reaction so far has been “OMG!!!1!!!!!!!!BESTFILMEVAR!1.” Which is pretty high praise, I’d say. I haven’t had the opportunity to see the dark superhero film yet myself, but maybe I’ll cancel my weekend plans and check it out. Those needy orphans I feed on Saturdays will be so disappointed.

Paranormal Activity Series

Though it has collected its share of detractors, Oren Peli’s Paranormal Activity films clean up at the box office for good reason. They’re really, really creepy. The camera techniques introduced in each of the films crank up the scares of The Blair Witch Project by layering the suspense with inventive devices. In other words, it takes the house Blair Witch built and makes its walls bleed.

The Troll Hunter

The Troll Hunter‘s contribution to the world of found footage films is its subject matter. Filmed in a documentary style, three Norwegian film students stumble upon the government’s secret eradication of giant trolls and the man hired to exterminate them. Previously, found footage films depended on tight quarters and spooky occurrences. The Troll Hunter takes a quieter approach to build the world of the trolls and their Hunter while interspersing the story with thrilling battles with the giant creatures.

So, it was inevitable that we’d see another go around of suburban hauntings. What remains unseen is what will this film be about? Many are crying (dumbly) for the series to eschew its found footage approach and shoot it as a traditional film. Others are suggesting (dumbly) that the action center around a new family. We figured we’d help out and pitch these potential storylines for future films. Note to Oren Peli: If you’re interested, we’ll work cheap.

POTENTIAL SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT ON

Go Totally 90′s

If you take into account the clues already hinted at throughout the series, it’s likely the next film will follow Katie and Kristi into the 1990′s. It’s been referenced that the hauntings have happened throughout the sisters’ lives, most notably in 1988, 1992, and 2006. We’ve seen what happens in 1988 and 2006 which leaves the 1992 tapes as a missing piece to the puzzle. Here’s how they should approach it.

Eager to win the $100,000 prize on America’s Funniest Home Videos, Katie and Kristi have decided to tape every moment of their lives in the hopes that someone will fall in a hilarious fashion. But their efforts to meet Bob Saget prove misguided when strange paranormal occurrences begin to happen again.

The demon offers to help the girls win the prize money by hitting their mom’s boyfriend in the nuts with a softball while they film. But Kristi now knows better than to make any arrangements with a demon and refuses. To show how serious she is, she stops speaking to Toby and everyone else for months. This causes the demon to escalate his tormenting of the family and leads to many more creepy scares. The family bands together and flees the house, but the demon has planted several rakes which they all hilariously step on and hit themselves in the face. However, this tape is lost in the mail when it is sent to AFHV.

Show What Katie’s Up To Now

The biggest mystery of the series revolves around adult Katie. When we last saw her, she was possessed and had just kidnapped her daughter’s infant son. Fast forward to the present day. Katie is still in hiding with her nephew, Hunter. They pose as mother and son and live in a crappy Florida apartment complex when Toby the Demon finally tracks them down. Police (who are being followed by a reality television crew) respond to a neighbor’s call about a loud disturbance, finding and arresting Katie.

The news makes national headlines and Katie is subjected to cameras 24 hours a day between her cell and her televised trial. However it turns into a circus when the judge’s gavel and a bailiff are thrown across the room by an invisible force.

Kristi: The College Years

College is a time for experimentation and testing your boundaries, which means heavy drinking and sex. However, a lot of young people feel conflicted because they have boyfriends or girlfriends waiting for them back home. These relationships are typically forced to end as the newly found freedom and temptation prove too strong.

Now imagine that some girl’s ex is an invisible demon. Whichever film and video major that Kristi ends up with in college has a whole lot more to worry about than loud noises when Toby arrives to try to work things out with his child bride.

Focus On Grandma

There’s no doubt that Grandma Lois can answer all of the questions that surround the Paranormal Activity franchise. It’s time that a film give her some real screen time and help tie up the loose ends.

Just because she’s a rich witch doesn’t mean all her needs are met. A woman gets lonely sometimes and needs someone to help her feel young again. Enter Domingo, her live-in gigolo. In addition to the homemade porn tapes they make together, her boy-toy is also an aspiring actor. Therefore, he often spends his time videotaping monologues and audition tapes. One day, he stumbles across Lois’s secret and begins to explore the house along with his camera. What he finds puts him and the rest of his acting class in danger.

Give Hunter His Own Movie

To the best of anyone’s knowledge so far, the demon is after a first-born male for his soul. Would that mean that the demon feasts on the soul, or possesses the child? Either way, that could make for a terrifying creepy child twist on the series. Hunter is now a toddler and living with adoptive parents. Paranoid about the safety of their child, they send him to a daycare center that provides parents with piece of mind by setting a webcam in the room with all of the little students.

The demon sees the veritable buffet of young souls around him and begins throwing tables and slamming doors. He feeds off the fear that generates so that he can grow powerful enough to dine on them all.

However, one thing the demon didn’t anticipate is that the daycare provider is actually Detective John Kimble, an undercover cop trying to get a bead on the child of a ruthless drug dealer. Though people assume he has a tumor and has gone crazy, Kimble is certain that the strange activities are paranormal in nature, and he’ll will do whatever it takes to protect his class. In the final scenes, Kimble steals an enchanted sword that the coven has used to keep Toby under control. In a climatic battle on the edge of the daycare’s Hell Mouth (long story), Kimble plunges the sword through Toby’s chest. The demon loses his power of invisibility as it manifests just before dying. Kimble comments, “God, you’re ugly,” before kicking him into the Hell Mouth. Appeased with this sacrifice, the Hell Mouth seals itself shut.

Freed of the demon’s control, Hunter is reunited with his sister, Ali. And the police are all like, “Here. You raise him.”