Now that the Losties have shuffled off to be BFFs in Cheesy Plot Twist Heaven, we finally figure what the hell was happening on that island thanks to this short epilogue. Ben Linus takes a trip to Guam to lay-off Sammy Haggar and Bill Nye the Science Guy and agrees to answer one question from each. And then gather around the television to watch a six-minute DVD. He's a busy man. A busy man dressed like Mr. Furley.
Here's a quick rundown of what precious answers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse decide to share with us (bear in mind that I'm paraphrasing): dumb, dumb, stupid. dumb, WWAAALLLLTTTTT!!!!!!, dumb. The End. Thanks for watching!
Check out the video and frustration after the jump…
The final episode of "Lost" has come and gone, and there was no shortage of surprises. Even the most avid fans could not have predicted that Jack was actually Hurley's father, or that the "Dharma Initiative" was nothing more than a marketing ploy for ABC's new series, "Dharma and Greg: The Next Generation."What did you think of the the finale? Were you satisfied, or were you as pissed off as when you found out that Starbuck was an angel?Sound off below. The best comment will receive a black-and-white printout of the Screenjunkies.com logo personally autographed by me, Jame Gumb. It's sure to go up in value once the FBI raids my house and shoots me to death while looking for my cache of bootleg Human Centipede DVDs.
Pretty spot on, except I don't appreciate Jack and Sun's douchey duckfaces. Here are today's links.Oscar Nominees Before They Were Famous (Moviefone)Ever Wonder How Dinosaurs Had Sex? (Asylum)Awesome LOTR Gif (FilmDrunk)25 Hot Yoga Babes (HolyTaco)Eve Muirhead Taunts the Japanese (TotalProSports)Free Lightsaber Fights?! (Unreality)Jay Leno's Band Leader Tryout Flyer (Maxim)Marisa Miller in UK GQ (CelebJihad)Dan Hardy's Just Trying to Piss People Off (CagePotato)5 3D Remakes That Would Break Your Brain (Pajiba)OnSluts On Call (Atom)March Madness Bracketology (MadeMan)Gordon Tire Strategy Came Up Snake Eyes (AllLeftTurns)11 Hilarious 'Lost' Vertical Stripes (RegretfulMorning)
LOST: Answers Song – Watch more Funny VideosIn honor of LOST premiering tonight, here's a song created by Benny & Rafi Fine laying out all the mysteries the show hasn't answered yet. I watched it and I can't remember half the sh*t it brings up. I've wasted five years of my life on LOST, and I look forward to wasting one more. I demand an answer for the polar bears. That island is simply too hot for them!Get these links in before the brain-wrinkling begins.25 Drunks Passed Out On Benches (HolyTaco) Oscar Nominations Snubs and Surprises (Moviefone) The Rip Torn/Norman Mailer Brawl (FilmDrunk) King Mo Lawal May Do an Elephant Entrance (CagePotato) 5 TV Characters We Should Hate But Love (Unreality) 5 Shows That Lost it in Their Final Season (Asylum) 21 Awesome Butter Sculptures (Maxim) Demi Lovato Lesbian Bikini Vacation (CelebJihad) 20 Worst Oscar Nominations of the Last 20 Years (Pajiba) These Guys Write The Super Bowl (Atom) 14 Things Scaring Off the Ladies (MadeMan) Hitler Reacts to NASCAR Rule Changes (AllLeftTurns) My GF is Banging Another Guy. WTF? (RegretfulMorning)
Anticipation for the sixth and final season of LOST is reaching a fever pitch. Fans of the show are surely planning viewing parties for tomorrow night's premiere (kinda messed that I wasn't invited). If you are among the many eager to see what happens this season on Craphole Island, ABC has a little treat for you. In addition to the first 4 minutes of the season premiere, ABC has lifted the embargo on new footage. So instead of showing us a whole lot of nothing, they've lovingly crafted this slick trailer from brand new footage. Have a glimpse at what the fates have in store for all of your favorite characters and Sayid. And please reconsider not having me in your home for your viewing party. I promise not to giggle during the love scenes this year. (SL Lost)FIND THE ANSWERS AFTER THE JUMP…
If you want to watch the final season of LOST but don't know a damn thing that's happened, or if you're like me and the spray paint in the synapses of your brain has completely destroyed your memory, than check out this 8:15 recap of the first five seasons. It was put together by ABC and the writers of the show, so it should fully prepare you for the biggest event in television and world history. LOST: The Final Season starts answering all your questions on Feb. 2nd on ABC.
With the final season of LOST premiering a month from now, ABC is stepping up their promotional push and thus, we have the LOST Supper. Is this an image steeped in religious metaphor? Or is it merely a recreation of my grandpa shocking us all by blurting out racial slurs in front of my Asian brother-in-law at Christmas dinner?Look at that smug, racist prick hiding behind his old-people-say-the-darndest-things shield. I knew it was a mistake to let him watch Gran Torino. (THR)
Did ya hear the news?!! You can be the envy of all your friends until 9:07pm February 2nd, 2010. That's right! 815 lucky viewers have the opportunity to view an exclusive sneak peek of the first six minutes of LOST season six.In order to do so, visit the sweepstakes site and answer six questions about the show. Winners will receive a digital "message in a bottle" that contains the opening minutes of the premiere four full days before it is scheduled to air. That gives you 96 hours and 6 minutes to feel self-important. After that, you're a schmuck like the rest of us.Am I going to enter? F*ck yeah. This is an out-of-context six minutes of LOST we're talking about here. (ABC)
We all assumed that the Lost series finale would be big but according to Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse it's going to be gimungo. Okay, they didn't use that exact term. Here's what they had to say:"Season 6 will consist of a two-hour season premiere, 13 episodes and a three-hour series finale that will air over two weeks."Is it really a finale if it splits over two weeks? It's more or less the same thing they've been doing every season. Man, season six hasn't even begun yet and they're already jerking us around. I'm so frustrated and feel like I learned to read hieroglyphics for nothing! (via Chicago Tribune)
The survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 have finally landed… on a date for the premiere of their sixth season. Exec producer Carlton Cuse announced via the tweets that the show will return to f*cking our minds on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 at 9PM. No word yet on whether the plot-line will pick up where we last left off or if we'll see a new, alternate time-line in the final season. Regardless of what goes down, I'm sure it will get all mucked up by Sayid when gets tricked or caught in some kind of rope trap. He consistently screws everything up but remains a fan favorite. HOW?! I hate that tanktop-loving dope. (TV Overmind)
By 9am, the line outside Hall H for the LOST: THE FINAL SEASON panel with co-creators Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse was already 1000+ fans deep, and the presentation wasn't until 11am. But the 6000+ fans that eventually made it inside were in for a real treat. Cuse and Lindelof came armed with tons of clips and almost equal amounts of special guests, and didn't disappoint even the hardcores that had been camping outside the San Diego Convention Center's Hall H since the night before.
After a montage of some of the creators' favorite LOST-related fan films, Cuse and Lindelof showed the audience a very well done promo for a fake throwback show that supposedly aired in the 80s, and which covered the mysterious Dharma Initiative that is such a huge part of the LOST mythology: