Screen Junkies » fargo

Aw Geez, FX To Launch ‘Fargo’ TV Show, Don’tcha Know?

Penn Collins — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 18:37:44 +0000

If you’re skeptical, then you’re probably in the right, as one would think that turning the acclaimed, quirky Coen brothers crime saga into a weekly show is not really all that possible. History is also on your side, as Edie Falco signed on in the Frances McDormand role in 2003, but the Fargo pilot never got picked up.

Nonetheless, FX is moving forward with the undertaking, having signed on writer and Executive Producer Noah Hawley, who didn’t find much success with his previous work, My Generation and The Unusuals.

However misguided this project appears to be, it’s always fun to guess which of the original cast will sign up for the TV show due to a lack of success since the film, a la Stacey Dash in Clueless. My money is on either Norm, Marge’s husband, or the chubby blonde whore. I would view the involvement of either one as a coup.

7 Most Inept Criminal Duos In Cinema History

Joseph Gibson — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 15:00:13 +0000

Your parents/J. Edgar Hoover used to tell you that crime doesn’t pay. What they left out was this: Crime doesn’t pay if you’re an idiot.

In honor of that valuable lesson, (and with 30 Minutes or Less coming out on DVD/Blu-ray) I’m here to show you seven of the most inept duos in cinema history. Enjoy.

Check out the assortment of Sony “Action Unleashed” DVDs!

Dwayne and Travis, 30 Minutes or Less

These two screwups (to put it mildly), played by Danny McBride and a startlingly brilliant Nick Swardson, have what seems like a good plan: Strap a time bomb to a pizza delivery guy and force him to rob a bank and hand the cash over to them. Wait, on second thought, that seems like a terrible idea. Anyway, their basic idiocy and lack of experience in criminal matters doesn’t help things. It takes more than dynamite to achieve one’s humble dream of opening a tanning salon/brothel.

Jasper and Horace, One Hundred and One Dalmatians

Like a lot of dumb criminals, Jasper and Horace aren’t bad dudes, really. But they’re working for one of the most evil villains of all time: Cruella DeVil. They basically follow the Laurel and Hardy template of “tall dumb guy, short, slightly-less dumb guy.” Funny thing: Horace (the short one) often correctly guesses what the Dalmatians are up to, maybe because he shares some kind of animal savant quality with them. Nobody ever listens to Horace though, and thank God for that – unless you’re a Dalmatian fur enthusiast.

5 Bizarre Obsessive Movie Crushes

Wookie Johnson — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 17:40:49 +0000

You can keep your Rihannas and your Scarletts. They may top the beauty lists and grace the magazine covers, but they lack that certain something. Yes, they are gorgeous on the surface, but where is that inner spark that captures a man’s heart and imagination? They’ve never felt the pain of crying out for notice only to have their caterwauls fall on deaf ears. The standard beauty queen has everything come her way. She doesn’t know the hardship that builds a crust around one’s heart. Therefore, they’re incapable on knowing true value.

I feel so sorry for them.

But there’s another type of woman out there. Not as noticeable as the worshiped inamorata, she walks amongst us everyday without our noticing. Here are five gorgeous women from popular films who embody that very intangible mystique.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I've already called the police.]

Janine Melnitz – Ghostbusters

It must take something away from you. Facing your own mortality every single day, and being that close to the other side. In fact, sitting on top of a portal to it. You need to protect yourself and put up defenses as the calls come in and Egon acts as if he doesn’t know you’re alive. Hell, he pays more attention to his ghosts than he does you.

You’re not invisible to me, though. What you don’t realize is that through your tough front, your quiet beauty shines through in pin-hole punctures. It can be seen at the end of a long shift, when your eyes strain and back hurts. Waiting for the cars speeding to the Holland Tunnel to pass while you clutch your coat closed against the cold Tribeca wind; knowing that you’re going home to your small, overpriced Queens apartment and the flatulent cat you inherited when your grandmother was sent to the home. Who will keep you warm, Janine Melnitz?

9 Unlucky Movie Losers Who Never Had A Chance

Archibald Bayou III — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 15:36:45 +0000

In the long history of film losers, the most depressing are the unlucky bit characters. These folks get a few moments of screen time before getting screwed over, usually through no fault of their own, to advance the plot. Case in point: Rise of the Planet of the Apes‘ beleaguered neighbor, Hunsiker. (Spoiler alert)We’re introduced to him when the chimp Ceaser accidentally scares his kids. Over the next ninety minutes, his car gets trashed, his finger gets bitten off, and he gets infected with a deadly disease and spreads the infection across the planet. (End Spoiler) This poor bastard should have stayed in the suburbs. In his honor, we’ve compiled this list of film history’s unlucky losers who should have probably just stayed in bed that day.

1. Pam Magnus – In the Line of Fire

Bank teller Pam Magnus got super excited when she recognized the Minnesota home town of her customer James Carney. Unfortunately there was no James Carney- he was really assassin Mitch Leary, and Pam had inadvertently threatened to blow his cover. Leary then visits Pam at her apartment and slaughters her and her equally unlucky roommate. True Minnesotans have better manners. For shame, Mr. Leary!

2. John Conners’ Foster Parents – Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Poor Todd and Janelle. They put up with bratty John Conner’s crap for years, and their reward (besides a modest government subsidy check) was a Terminator hook to the face. Even the dog bought it in this massacre. And that’s after a group of innocent bikers get beaten for their clothes by the other Terminator- the one that’s supposed to be a good guy!

3. The Nun – The Da Vinci Code

Was there any more innocent victim to Silas’ psychotic rampage than the old nun that let him into Saint-Sulpice? Perhaps the viewers who had to look at Tom Hank’s ridiculous haircut for two hours.