Screen Junkies » fan fiction Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 29 Aug 2014 17:39:03 +0000 en hourly 1 High School Principal Suspended For Making Lame ‘Terminator’ Video Wed, 16 Jan 2013 17:36:09 +0000 Wookie Johnson The only way this could have gone more poorly would be if he dressed up as the Joker.

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A high school principal in Everett, MA has come under fire after making an objectionable video and screening it for students. Shown during morning announcements, Erick Naumann is seen stalking the halls of the school as “The Naumannator.” Inter-cut with scenes from Terminator 2: Judgement Day of a burning playground and Linda Hamilton struggling to escape an armed assailant, the video is just awful. Especially now.

It was just all wrong. The only way this could have gone more poorly would be if he had dressed up as the Joker.

Roy Barrows, the school’s technology teacher who helped make the video, also received a two-day suspension. However, I’d argue that his sentence should be more severe. He’s supposed to be teaching kids this stuff. The lighting, the acting. Just terrible. And you call that editing?!?!? (

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What Is Superman Feeding That Dog? Mon, 06 Aug 2012 21:17:38 +0000 Wookie Johnson I'm impressed.

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I recognize that you’re the Man of Steel and all, but you’ve gotta clean up after your superdog. Not cool.

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‘At Water’s Edge’ (Dabney Coleman Erotic Fan Fiction – Chapter 19) Fri, 10 Feb 2012 19:11:21 +0000 Penn Collins My adventure with Dabney comes to an end. Or does it?

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Screen Junkies is proud to present ‘At Water’s Edge’, the final chapter in an ongoing work of Dabney Coleman-themed erotic fan fiction written by our own Penn Collins.

Click here for the previous installment of Dabney Coleman erotic fan fiction, ‘More Than I Bargained For’ and ‘Enter the Alpha Dog‘.

******Chapter 19******

With LeDoux dead, and Gene Hackman choppered off to get his arm reattached, we stood alone, Dabney and I. His daughter was safe, but that was of little consolation. As we stood on the abandoned South Carolina road, a blacked-out Range Rover and two black Suburbans came barreling towards us, spitting up dust.

“Are you coming with me?” Dabney asked with a thousand-yard stare into the distance? “We can get you wherever you need to go.”

“No thank you, Dabney,” I said. “Trouble has a way of sniffing you out. I’m going to wait for the police.”

“Suit yourself. And at the risk of stating the obvious, I’d prefer it if you left my name out of the conversations with police and federal agents. We’ve had a rocky relationship over the years, and I’d like to just go my own way. I’m sure you understand.” He trailed off as he said that last part.

Grabbing my arm, I scanned the horizons for another sign of life. I saw none. “Yeah, I figured you were going to say that. I can keep my mouth shut about you. I was planning on it.”

“You’re a good friend, Penn,” Dabney said, staring deep into my eyes.

“Likewise, Dabs. Though you’re a dangerous one as well.” With that, we both started laughing, softly at first, then uproariously as a way of coping what we’d been through. The gunshot wounds, the kidnapping of Dabney’s daughter, Evangeline Lily’s violent death at the hands of Dabney and that bloodied cinder block. We couldn’t go another ten feet if we tried. This was the end of the line for us.

As the car pulled up, Dabney and I participated in a nine-step handshake that we both kept up with very nicely, then gave each other bro hugs before he found his way back to the Range Rover. I stood in the middle of the road, with nothing to do but wait for the police.

No sooner did I think that than a black helicopter cleared the tree line and came towards us. Finally the police had arrived.

Dabney looked up at the sky and said, “Run! Those aren’t the police!” He jumped into his SUV and took off for about twenty seconds, until, almost simultaneously, the Suburbans bookending this caravan were hit with missiles and exploded.

I watched, frozen. Of course, being the good friend that I am, my first instinct was to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. But after taking to quick steps to come to Dabney’s aid. I froze. A million things were going through my mind, but only one stuck: I wanted to go home.

With that, I made a heel turn, then started ambling down the road, not even turning back at the secondary explosions caused by the gas tanks. I put on my sunglasses and tossed my pistol to the side of the road. I walked for about five miles before the sun started to set. Off to the side of the road was a creek. Very thirsty, I walked over to the perimeter and reached down with my hand, splashing water on my face and neck.

I looked down at the rippling water. I could see the general shape of my reflection, but the man that stood before me was unrecognizable. It’s then that I realized that the warped reflection was a metaphor. That I could no longer be the man I used to be. I had just walked away from my best friend in the face of danger, never thinking twice about it.


I read two days later in the Washington Post that Dabney Coleman had died of a heart attack. I didn’t believe that for a second. He faked his death to get back under the radar, so that he can continue to exist. But that article made me wonder if he actually was dead, to me. Would I ever see him again? Would he want to see me after I abandoned him. Though I acted out of selfishness, I like to think that Dabney would understand. He chose this life for himself, not me. I did the best I could, but I don’t have the steel constitution to make this a lifestyle.

Though my fear is that I’ll never see Dabney again, or worse, that the heart attack story was real, if I was a betting man, I would put money on the fact that I’m not done with Dabney Coleman just yet. He has a way of sucking you in to whatever mess he’s made for himself.

And I can’t wait to be a part of it.

The End?

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]]> 0 5410131231_af7e6951ee Here I am. "At water's edge." range rover blackhelicopter21
‘More Than I Bargained For’ (Dabney Coleman Erotic Fan Fiction) Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:13:10 +0000 Penn Collins A movie set turns deadly as I visit my good friend Dabney Coleman.

The post ‘More Than I Bargained For’ (Dabney Coleman Erotic Fan Fiction) appeared first on Screen Junkies.

Screen Junkies is proud to present the first installment of More Than I Bargained For, an ongoing work of Dabney Coleman-themed erotic fan fiction written by our own Penn Collins.

******Chapter 1******

“Hey, Dabney Coleman!”

Before I could get another sentence out, Dabney Coleman gave me a great big bear hug, and didn’t have to say anything. I could see it in his eyes – he was excited to see me.

“This is my good friend Penn, he has clearance to go anywhere on the set, so don’t hassle him,” he told the security guard at the Paramount lot, walking with purpose to the soundstage. “And he’ll probably give us a lot of script notes. We trust his judgment when it comes to blockbuster movies.”

I had never felt so good in my life. I was visiting my childhood friend Dabney Coleman on the set of the new J.J. Abrams movie, which is so shrouded in mystery that I can’t even talk about it in my fan fiction. And now I hear that Dabney and J.J. wanted NOTES from me? This was amazing. So far, this was shaping up to be the best day of my life.

Little did I know that only minutes later, it was going to become the worst.

When we arrived on the soundstage, there were several AMAZING creatures that, again, I’m not able to talk about, but rest assured, they were way cooler than the Cloverfield monster. I have gotten permission to mention that in this new film, which J.J. Abrams described as a “paranormal mystery,” my friend Dabney plays both the hero AND the villain. It was rumored to be a real game-changer of a film, and I was going to be a part of it.

After a lot of standing around, the J.J. yelled “action” and clicked that thing, starting the scene. An animatronic monster thrashed around while Dabney Coleman dive-tackled Evangeline Lily, sending her safely behind a dumpster only moments before a huge explosion. Of course, the sound for the explosion was going to be added in post, which made for an oddly silent event.

J.J. kept asking for extra takes because Dabney was so adept in the scene that he appeared to be a professional soldier in these takes, even though his character was simply a school teacher trying to save his students. Over and over again they rolled, trying to find one take where Dabney Coleman didn’t look like an ass-kicking machine. He couldn’t help it. It was in his nature.

Sometime around the eighth take, the pyrotechnics went off as usual, but the reaction shot was ruined by some light seeping into the soundstage. Someone had opened the exterior door, getting daylight into the supposedly nighttime shot. No sooner did J.J. throw down his clipboard and yell “cut” than Dabney spun around and saw exactly who had walked through that door.

“PENN! RUN!” Dabney yelled as he threw Evangeline Lily over his shoulder and jumped into the prop dumpster, just as an RPG flew by him, reducing the animatronic monster to a burning mess.

“ARE YOU OK?” he yelled, unable to see me.

“Yeah. What’s going on?” I yelled to no one in particular.

“When I count to three run as fast as you can and get in this dumpster…ONE…TWO…THREE!”

Dabney popped up from the dumpster, firing two gold automatic pistols. The attackers immediately returned heavy fire. From the sound of the guns, there were at least three of them. I held up for on moment, knowing they would have to reload. They were shooting MP5s with extended clips – they couldn’t go on firing forever.

Upon hearing the lull in gunfire, I ran the last stretch, diving into the dumpster, collapsing on Evangeline Lily. I turned to Dabney. He’d been hit in the shoulder. It didn’t look good.

“We have to get you to a doctor,” I said quietly, but sternly.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t be crazy, Dabney. This isn’t safe for Evangeline, and you’ll be dead in twenty minutes without treatment,” I said, unknowing of exactly what was at stake.

“I…I can’t. Those men have my daughter.” The words hung in the air as Dabney grimly reloaded his pistols, one reading “Dabney” across the barrel, the other, simply, “Coleman.”

“They took Kelly?” I asked incredulously. “How?”

“Not Kelly. Meghan. I have information that they want, and they kidnapped her to make sure that I give it to them.”

“We have to call the cops, Dabs! J.J. is out there. We have to save him and Meghan.” I popped up to scan the perimeter, but saw no one.

“J.J.’s working with them, Penn. I had my suspicions for quite some time, and I even signed on to this film so that I could get closer to him. It seems I got too close.”

I turned to Evangeline, who, despite the cuts and soot on her face, had never looked more beautiful. I could see in her eyes that she just wanted to go home. She never signed up for any of this. I took her and embraced her. I never wanted to let go. I was scared too, but Dabney, Evvie, and Meghan all needed me right now.

“Give me a pistol, Dabney. We’re getting out of here and getting your daughter back.”

“Penn, I love you.”

I looked up from my pistol. It wasn’t Evangeline who said it. It was Dabney. I grabbed the back of his neck, pressing his forehead against mine, never breaking my gaze. “I love you, too.”

I’d been waiting so long to hear Dabney say that. We’d been friends for years. I was at Meghan’s christening for God’s sake. I didn’t know how to feel at that moment. I just knew that if I didn’t get him out of there, there would be no future for either of us.

Evangeline looked uncomfortable.

“Now let’s get out of here.”

I popped out of the dumpster, scanning for threats. After seeing none, I helped Dabney and Evangeline out. As we threw open the soundstage door, we were enveloped in the brightness of the outside world, our journey just beginning.

******End Chapter 1******

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