Screen Junkies » eyes wide shut Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 22 Aug 2014 17:32:08 +0000 en hourly 1 The 6 Nicest Apartments In Film Mon, 25 Jun 2012 20:45:15 +0000 Penn Collins Yes, but do they have vintage freezers. You know, the kind without ice machines?

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It’s nice to get away from the painful realities of life by going to the movies. While entertainment like HBO’s Girls often tries to make its depiction of life as real as possible, there’s something to be said for the decadence and opulence that films can bring to the table. And rarely is that more clear than in the fanciful depiction of apartments and condos in the movies. Even entry-level characters, like Big’s Josh Baskin, get to rule the roost in giant lofts with hardwood floors and staggering views.

So let’s forget about who can afford what and get after a few of the nicest apartments in movie history. Call your real estate agent and berate him or her for a while after perusing this list.

The Penthouse from Oldboy

(From about 2:15-2:28)
The premise of this Korean revenge flick is so sinister that it’s only fitting that the villain has a penthouse to match. It’s strikingly beautiful, but also so bizarrely over-the-top that it’s hard to imagine anyone ever feeling comfortable living there. Of course, we quickly learn that the antagonist is probably incapable of feeling comfort at any stage of his life, so the fountain in the middle of the giant space probably won’t help that much. However, the opening and collapsing closet might be the coolest design feature in any of the apartments listed here, so maybe he took some solace in that. You know, just a little, maybe.

Bateman’s Bachelor Pad in American Psycho

The American Gardens building isn’t real, which is a shame, because Patrick Bateman’s white-on-white-on-white apartment has a timeless appeal that isn’t just for serial killers anymore. Rather, it transcends its painfully 80’s setting to look like a bitchin’ bachelor pad in any era. Just use a coaster when setting your sorbet on the table, otherwise you might get a nailgun to the back of the head, and that could seriously drive down property values.

Say what you will about Bateman, but the man had taste that most of us would, ironically, kill for.

The Lofted Mansion in A Perfect Murder

Michael Douglas is at his best when playing a rich asshole, and in A Perfect Murder, he’s got the apartment to match. If you can even call it an apartment. It’s more like a mansion stack on top of another building. He’s got a huge terrace overlooking Central Park, a giant closet to house his awesome clothes, and a really cool bathtub his wife can bathe in before she gets murdered.

It’s the ultimate “eff you, I’m rich” house, and while it’s not my taste, I do enjoy letting people know that I’m better than them, so that makes this apartment right up my alley, aesthetics aside.

The Ridiculously Large Loft in Big

Josh Baskin made like $350 bucks a week working for a toy company in 1988. I don’t know what the Manhattan real estate market was like in the late 80’s, but I’m assuming that it wasn’t enough for a man-child to rent a 3,000 sf loft and still have enough left over to get bunk beds, pinball machines, and his very own vending machine. Also, he was 12 years old! His credit history must have been shit! How does he get a loft like that?

Anyway, this list is about the dwellings, and not the specious logic that allows the fimlm characters to move into them. The loft is a kid’s dream house, essentially one big playroom with some bunk beds in the middle. I don’t know if I would take it over some of the other entries on this list, but it would be pretty close. If I was 12, it would be a no-brainer.

The Old-Money Palace in Cruel Intentions

Another “old money” townhouse here which ostensibly belongs to the parents of Ryan Phillipe and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s parents, though they’re nowhere to be found. Every room offers a perfect locale for brooding and staring out a window while issuing an ultimatum to your sibling, which is certainly something I look for in an apartment.

It is vast and decorated in a very impersonal Victorian fashion, which completely matches the characteristics of most every character in the film. Again, as I’m not an “old money” type of guy (as evidenced by the fact that I write about movies on the Internet), but the intimidation factor of a place like this supercedes any reservations I have about its design.

The Christmas Party House in Eyes Wide Shut

The “apartment” owned by Bill Hartford’s patient, Victor Ziegler (played by Sydney Pollack) is about as fantastic as the premise of the film itself. It offers a seemingly endless expanse, all in soft light, and a staircase not matched in many five-star hotels. We never learn what Victor Ziegler does, but we can assume he’s pretty damn good at it to own a place like that. Moreover, the details in the apartment (even though it feels weird calling it that), are quintessentially New York, right down to the checkered flooring in the bathroom.

Kubrick may be incredibly divisive as an auteur, but we can all agree the man knows tasteful interior design.

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The Collected Trailers Of All 13 Stanley Kubrick Films Thu, 08 Mar 2012 15:00:10 +0000 Wookie Johnson Just kidding. We only found 12.

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Yesterday marked the 13th anniversary of Stanley Kubrick’s death. His passing left a void in the film world that has yet to be filled. In honor of the man and what he added to the tapestry of film and culture, we’ve decided to take a look at his full body of feature film work.

Check out the trailers to each of his films below to witness the growth of not just one director, but also modern film as we know it.

Killer’s Kiss (1955)

The voice-over narrator isn’t kidding when he refers to this film being as hard as the streets of New York. It doesn’t get much harder than threatening to kill the woman who just criticized your personal odor. Times were much different before Giuliani.

The Killing (1956)

Granted, movie trailers have changed a great deal over the past fifty years. But was it always common practice back then to show character deaths and the movie’s ending in the trailer? We only do that nowadays with The Final Destination films.

Paths of Glory (1957)

You can really see Kubrick’s growth as a director and auteur by watching these trailers in sequence. For instance, with the Paths of Glory trailer, his framing is built more upon movement and more dynamic compositions. The invention of the Fisher dolly likely helped with this, as well.

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Tom Cruise: A History of Implausible Sex Scenes Tue, 20 Sep 2011 21:25:41 +0000 Penn Collins He's a very short man. Sometimes, it just doesn't add up.

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For reasons with which you needn’t concern yourself, I’ve been finding myself thinking about Tom Cruise sex scenes a fair amount. I feel that he has been party to a great many scenes that are completely implausible for a variety of logistical, psychological, and ergonomic reasons. While one film gets it right, most sex scenes prohibit me from suspending disbelief, often compelling me to scream, “THAT’S NOT HOW TOM CRUISE WOULD MAKE LOVE!”

Weigh the following exhibits. I dare you to disagree.

Top Gun

In this scene, Tom Cruise comes over to his flight instructor’s house after a spirited game of all-male beach volleyball. But when he arrives for their first actual date, he walks through the door, telling her he has to shower. It’s hard to come across as more socially inept. I don’t care how good of a renegade pilot you are.

The next time you’re on a first date at a girl’s house, show up sweaty (without a change of clothes) and inform her that you have to use her shower. See if you end up making passionate, soft-light love to Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away.” If you do, you must be one hell of a pilot.

Jerry Maguire

In the beginning of this film, we see Top Gun holding Kelly Preston (John Travolta’s wife; draw your own conclusion) around his waist while she jumps on it and rides his pony. I don’t know if this is logistically impossible, but it’s certainly logistically unlikely. Cruise is 5’7”, so his center of gravity is low enough that he could hold up Kelly Preston without tumbling forward, but I’m skeptical that Cruise has the leg strength. Granted, bookshelves are involved, but I still don’t see it happening.

Also, it’s unrealistic that any human being would allow Kelly Preston to scream in his face for that long during sex without asking her to please be quiet.

Risky Business

[Not embeddable, but right here]

Have you ever been on the Chicago train lines? There are stops every three feet! There’s no way that you could have sober sex on that thing without constantly being interrupted with stops, “Approaching Clark/Lake” announcements, and an influx of commuters dressed like 1980’s breakdancers.

Joel is by all accounts a virgin at this point, so perhaps they only needed a stop or two, but still, the likelihood of finding an unoccupied car is next to zero.

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