With The Thing prequel headed to theaters whether you like it or not, it was only a matter of time before we got a look at how they’re planning to diminish the memory of the excellent John Carpenter film. These pics show stars Joel Edgerton, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Mr. Eko, and Eric Christian Olsen running around the Norwegian camp and killing an off-screen The Thing with fire. Unless they’re Things themselves. Now I don’t know who to trust. Quick, say something un-Thing like!! (HitFix)

Check out the Anartic-y pics after the jump…

_{“Derp! Why did drive into this log?”}

Still no word on what totally retarded plot contrivances will make their way into Final Destination 5, but today we have news that a director has been hired. Avatar’s 2nd HMFIC, Steven Quale, will be in charge of impaling sexy teens for the fifth go-round. Really though, who builds a javelin manufactory next to batting cages? That’s an accident waiting to happen.

Quale has a lot of experience with 3D, having co-directed the underwater documentary Aliens of the Abyss with James Cameron as well as serving as 2nd Unit Director on Avatar, so perhaps this movie won’t be a complete wash-out. No details from Eric Heisserer’s script have been released, so we don’t know what narrowly-avoided cataclysmic event will serve as a catalyst for the plot. The fourth entry was based around a NASCAR race gone horribly awry, and seeing how these movies get progressively dumber, I’m going to say this one opens with an Insane Clown Posse concert fire. R.I.P. Juggalos. C U in Shangri-La. (THR)

Last summer’s The Final Destination was intended to be the last film in the franchise until someone realized they forgot to include laser-eye surgery. And thus, The Final Destination 5 in 3D will breeze into theaters next year, knock over some paint thinner and cause a huge fire in the process.

Eric Heisserer (Elm Street remake, The Thing prequel) has been hired to write the script. Plot specifics are not known at this time but it is said that New Line is looking to break out of the repetition of the previous entries. I’ll keep you posted when the entirely new, totally retarded plot contrivances are announced. (THR)