Joss Whedon released this video explaining why he has turned his back on the president in favor of Gov. Romney. He’s really the only candidate whose cold attitude and shortsighted policies can usher in the zombie apocalypse. As Whedon points out, “[Mitt's] not afraid to face a ravening, grasping horde of subhumans because that’s how he sees poor people already.” That’s really the type of leader we need when Hell is full and the dead walk the Earth.

In all fairness, his daughters claim that this is not true. Double ew. Is his goal to win an election or get a reality show?

If we are to find the truth, our best method would be to explore Newt Gingrich’s Netflix queue. If three or more of the below films are on there, I think we know where he found inspiration.

The Ice Storm

Why don’t they have many orgies in New Canaan, Connecticut? Nobody wants to write all those thank you notes.

Key parties are totally fair game though, as evidenced in The Ice Storm. The story centers around two troubled couples, two of which are discovered to be having an affair. Everything comes to a head one fateful night at key party, where couples arrive and each husband leaves his car keys in a bowl. Whichever woman pulls his key takes him off to have sex. Sounds like an awesome party. But do they have a moon bounce?

Break will rue the day they kicked me off the party planning committee.

Raising Arizona

In an attempt to look like a perfectly happy and normal American family, instead of the babynappers which they are, Ed and Hi invite Hi’s boss, Glen, his wife Dot, and their children over for the day. And this family is awesome. The kids overrun the place, scribbling words like “fart” on the wall, wearing diapers on their heads, and playing with sharp implements. Dot warns of the dangers of lockjaw and night vision. And Glen makes insipid jokes about people of the Polish persuasion, but more importantly, he then offers to swap wives with Hi. Sam McMurray absolutely kills in this role. Still not enough that I’d let him near my wife, though.

So why is C-SPAN ignoring this issue? This refusal to give us well-rounded profiles on each candidate proves that their coverage of the election is in no way fair. It’s not like the American people can just go ask Romney. He’ll overembellish. You really can’t trust a politician.

Also, kudos to the prank caller for his New Hampshire accent. Nailed it. (MediaLite)

Ralph Wiggum – The Simpsons

Ah yes, Ralph Wiggum. The creepy child of Chief Clancy Wiggum. You might not remember the Springfield Primary skyrocketed young Master Wiggum to political center stage. On the strength of the important so-called “Yellow Primary,” Wiggum was able to secure the nomination of both major political parties. Still, we’ll never know what might have happened with Wiggum at the helm. His bipartisan style is still a model for those seeking to unite the country around a common program.

Greg Stilson – The Dead Zone

I’m most definitely not talking about the boring TV show with the nerd from The Breakfast Club. In fact, I’m going to go on record as saying that The Breakfast Club sucks and the presence of a cast member is a bad, bad sign. But, anyway, the original film The Dead Zone comes from a land of perfectness and awesome. David Cronenberg? Check. Christopher Walken? Check. Mostly faithful adaptation of a boss Stephen King novel? Check. Total downer of an ending? Check. Stilson was to be the president who presides over nuclear holocaust, so it’s pretty awesome that Johnny got him to use a kid as a human shield. Still, I’d prefer him to the current candidates.

Robert Redford – The Watchmen

In The Watchman comic, Robert Redford threw his hat in the ring against Richard Nixon in 1988. After five terms of Dick in office, America was ready for a change. It was that or the giant squid monster or whatever the hell that thing is at the end. Apparently some things never change and one of those things is America deciding it wants a cowboy actor running its affairs.

Chuck Norris (Mike Huckabee)

Dude, have you heard about that Chuck Norris meme? The one where he can do all kinds of awesome stuff merely by roundhouse kicking? Well, the roundhouse kicks didn’t do much to help Mike Huckabee. Not only did he not secure the nomination in 2008, he declined to even run this time around. What’s an out-of-work action star to do in 2012? Well, Norris is going in for Ron Paul this time, the only candidate for doddering old men afraid of the Federal Reserve.

Gary Busey (Newt Gingrich)

Things have been going pretty well for Gingrich as of late. He’s gaining in both national and key state polls. And he’s securing critical endorsements, like Gary Busey. Busey brought a whole new meaning to the words “bughouse nuts” when he starred in an early celebreality show. We got an insight into the mind of Busey and it was hard to tell how much of it was genuine and how much of it was torturing a man foolish enough to make a TV show based around him. Newt is sitting pretty now among the key wackjob constituency, having the endorsements of Busey and Herman Cain.

Adam Sandler (Rudy Giuliani)

Nothing says class, sophistication and nuanced political thought more than Adam Sandler’s endorsement. Rudy must have worked hard wining and dining the man who’s made a career out of screaming and talking in baby voices. The endorsement of America’s favorite manchild didn’t do a lot for the Manhattan Mussolini, however. He failed miserably after months of being considered the presumptive nominee.

The GOP candidate dropped out of the race on Saturday amidst scandal, but not before coming clean. In August during the Republican primary debate, Cain quoted “a poet” when saying, “Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it’s never easy when there’s so much on the line.”

This past Saturday he admitted his mistake.

“I believe these words came from the Pokémon movie. I’m not sure who the original author is, so don’t go write an article about the poet, but it says a lot about where I am — where I am with my wife and my family, and where we are as a nation. Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It’s never easy when there’s so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference. There’s a mission just for you and me.”

Had someone told me that Herman Cain loves both pizza and Pokemon, I’d had backed him 100%. Now I’ll never have that opportunity, as he’s been shamed and forced to drop out. I bet that Team Rocket has something to do with this. (THR)

Herman Cain – 2012

This spot is just fine until the last eight seconds or so, when the wheels just fall off. The close up of the Chief of Staff smoking a cigarette, the cheesy, cheesy song, and, of course, Herman Cain doing a slow turn towards the camera. You would half expect the White House to be condemned after two months if these guys moved in there.

Mike Gravel – 2008

This ad is called the “demon sheep” spot, quite fittingly. Just…just watch it, please.