Screen Junkies » eighties cartoons Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 08 Aug 2014 20:19:50 +0000 en hourly 1 7 Cartoons More Harmful To Children Than ‘Spongebob’ Wed, 14 Sep 2011 13:00:53 +0000 Wookie Johnson Seriously, thanks for finding this out NOW.

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A recent study revealed that fast-paced cartoons like Spongebob Squarepants are responsible for melting the brains of preschool-aged children. That’s good to find out now, years after the show has been on the air, A.D.D.-ing an entire generation.

However, all of the blame shouldn’t fall squarely on that cheery little sponge. Cartoons have been warping minds for years by promoting violence, causing seizures, and creating young people naive to the ways of the world. These seven shows in particular are much more harmful to a growing mind than Spongebob.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

When I was a kid, this show was responsible for 98% of the groin-kickings on planet Earth. It was all but impossible to watch an episode with friends and not have the party end with someone keeled over cupping their budding gonads. Also, its essentially one big commercial for pizza which lead to a wave of overweight wannabe ninjas. Case in point, Steven Seagal.


This one is on the list because it will wreck your shit. Remember how you felt when Bambi’s mom was murdered? Now imagine if you were a toddler and watching it by yourself. You’d think, “What a lazy deer,” and not learn the consequences of shooting someone. Then you’d be considered one of the dumbest toddlers in prison.

Tom and Jerry

Originally, Tom and Jerry featured some of the most violent imagery on television. And it was awesome. Then as kids began to hurt one another, producers were forced to have the cat and mouse bury the hatchet someplace other than Tom’s skull. That’s how Tom and Jerry and Friends came about.  I argue that the watered-down pussification of the material was actually more damaging. Living amongst rodents? That’s how plagues start.

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9 Awful Cartoons That Should Make Schwarzenegger Rethink ‘The Governator’ Thu, 31 Mar 2011 21:26:57 +0000 Jame Gumb If history has taught us anything, it's that vanity cartoons based on the lives of real people just don't work. Need proof? Here's an ass-load of it.

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As our own Penn Collins recently reported, Arnold Schwarzenegger is developing a cartoon called “The Governator,” a semi-autobiographical show depicting his return to a fictitious life of crime-fighting. Now, I’m not one to judge things before I have all the facts, but I do feel comfortable saying that this show will go over as well as a nuclear power plant in an earthquake zone. Why am I so down on the plan? Because if history has taught us anything, it’s that vanity cartoons based on the lives of real people just don’t work. Need proof? Here’s an ass-load of it.

“The Gary Coleman Show”

“The Harlem Globetrotters” was basically the same cartoon as “Scooby-Doo,” except it starred a bunch of big black dudes instead of a bunch of white teenagers. Also, there’s no talking dog, and there’s a lot more basketball. OK, I admit that my description sounds absolutely nothing like “Scooby-Doo,” but trust me. It’s pretty much the same show.

Hulk Hogan‘s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling”

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hulk Hogan were both popular 80′s action stars. But unlike Schwarzenegger, who went on to become a megastar, Hogan’s career quickly faded. While many will disagree, I place the blame for Hogan’s downfall squarely on “Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling,” and, to a lesser extent, that meddlesome Iron Sheik.


Before this cartoon came out, Jordan, Jackson and Gretzky were the best of friends. They would hang out on the weekends, watch each others’ kids, go on vacations together, and all the other things that best friends do. But after the spectacular failure of their cartoon, the group was torn apart by petty bickering and finger pointing. In fact, it’s been ten years since Bo Jackson and Wayne Gretzky played a round of mini-golf together, which is something they used to do every Thursday. Thanks for nothing, “ProStars.”

Mr. T

I pity the fool that has ever sat through an entire episode of Mr. T’s cartoon. I know a lot of you will appreciate it on some sort of ironic level. We’ll aren’t you cool? Wait, no you’re not. It’s crap. Don’t give me no back talk, sucka.

Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos”

Remember when all those lists were going around about how awesome Chuck Norris is? They were funny because he’s a joke. He became a joke because of crap like “Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos.” Well, that movie where he’s partnered with a police dog didn’t help, either.

I Am the Greatest: The Adventures of Muhammad Ali”

Muhammad Ali may be the greatest of all time when it comes to boxing. But when it comes to making cartoons, he might be the shittiest. Take a look at the clip above. Why is he in space? Did he fucking punch his way there?

“New Kids On The Block”

I’m not sure what’s sadder: the fact that these douche hounds were popular enough to warrant a cartoon show, or the fact that even the gay dude probably got more vagina than I ever will. Either way, this cartoon was worse than a war crime.

“Hammer Man”

Holy shit! Holy friggen shit! Someone paid to produce this with the idea of making a return on their investment. Talking shoes? Dear lord, what a terrible premise. Yeah, lots of cartoons are built on stupid ideas, but most of them have enough sense not make a five minute introduction detailing said stupidity in a horrible rap song. At any rate, Arnold should look long and hard at this video before he goes any further with his own cartoon.

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