Murphy’s films grossed $2.30 for every $1 he earned, and Heigl’s grossed $3.40 for every $1 she earned. Of course, money isn’t the true barometer of personal value. It’s also their terrible attitudes that help to determine. But it’s still good to have science backing this up.

The rest full list from Forbes:

1. Eddie Murphy ($2.30 for every $1 paid)
2. Katherine Heigl ($3.40 for every $1 paid)
3. Reese Witherspoon ($3.90 for every $1 paid)
4. Sandra Bullock ($5 for every $1 paid)
5. Jack Black ($5.20 for every $1 paid)
6. Nicolas Cage ($6 for every $1 paid)
7. Adam Sandler ($6.30 for every $1 paid)
8. Denzel Washington ($6.30 for every $1 paid)
9. Ben Stiller ($6.50 for every $1 paid)
10. Sarah Jessica Parker ($7 for every $1 paid)

Book Of Mormon star Josh Gad and Ryan Dixon are now set to script the treatment for Triplets, the Twins sequel that will be produced by Montecito for Universal Pictures. Dixon will write the script. The film has Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito attached to reprise their roles as the mismatched siblings, and Eddie Murphy is attached to play the third brother. Ivan Reitman will direct.

The entire scheme would be laughable if not for the fact that it ruins the plot of the original film. As you’ll recall, Schwarzenegger played a genetically pure superman who was created in a lab, while Danny DeVito played his subhuman byproduct twin brother. The science behind the film only works if one twin inherits all of the sought after genes, while the other inherits all of the undesirables. Adding a third brother to the mix, regardless of his race, totally invalidates the entire premise. Adding a black man only adds to the confusion. At what price diversity, America?

Shawn Ryan, a man who hasn’t been hurting for original ideas (The Shield, The Chicago Code, Terriers, Lie to Me, The Unit) has joined Murphy in drumming up some interest in a Beverly Hills Cop sequel that would follow Axel Foley’s son as he tries to make a name for himself outside the shadow of his father. Murphy would make guest appearances, probably as Axel, and hopefully not as a big fat guy or a Klump.

The show has been pitched to two of the big four, with the other two pitches coming today. It’s safe to say that this project has supplanted the Beverly Hills Cop 4 movie with Brett Ratner. Because Ryan > Ratner.

Ultimate Fantasy Deep Fried Cheesecake

Pretty sure the name conveys 99% of my point here, but I’ll keep writing anyway. She prepares these things in traditional Eastern fashion, using 30 Oriental spring roll wrappers. I’m guessing that she calls for more spring roll wrappers than are actually needed, because what chef could sit in front of 30 delicious cold spring roll wrappers while cooking and not get the itch to pop a few dozen in their mouth?

This recipe essentially takes one boring, blah, heart-healthy cheesecake and turns it into 30 individually wrapped flavor packages. And for you health nuts out there, there are mint sprig garnishes, so it’s practically a superfood!

Fisher Nutter Bacon Cheese Ball

She should just call this snack “the widowmaker.” It’s essentially one of those cheese balls rolled in nuts that were popular like 30 years ago, but in typical Paula Deen fashion, this motherf*cker is rolled in 10 slices of crumbled bacon. For some reason, this recipe also calls for one tablespoon of poppy seeds to be mixed in to the ball as well, which is a bit like shooting a BB gun at a freight train.

“What is that delightful nuance I’m tasting here?”

“Is it the one package of cream cheese? The two cups of cheddar? The ten slices of bacon? The myriad pecans? Or is it the faint whisper of the poppy?”

“Poppy seeds! Of course!”

(Both parties continue to eat and breathe heavily until they drift off, eventually dying painlessly in their sleep. They were both 19 years old.)

Eddie’s filmography since 1988 lends credence to this argument. Since 1988, Murphy’s catalog has consisted of almost nothing in the vicinty of “funny,” save for The Distinguished Gentleman in 1992, which was 19 years ago… and maybe Bowfinger.

While this is certainly just one man’s opinion, I can’t imagine a more qualified source than that of Landis, who knows both comedy and Murphy. If Landis is wrong and Murphy still wants to be funny, there’s still the question of whether or not he’s capable of it. Did he want to be funny in Norbit?

We hope not, but you be the judge.

Oh sweet Christ.

Eddie Murphy won’t be hosting the Oscars.

In a statement released by the AMPAS, Eddie Murphy has walked away from his hosting detail. Rather than sum it up for you, here’s the short release in its entirety:

Beverly Hills, CA – Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences President Tom Sherak announced that Eddie Murphy has withdrawn as host of the 84th Academy Awards. “I appreciate how Eddie feels about losing his creative partner, Brett Ratner, and we all wish him well,” said Sherak.

Commented Murphy, “First and foremost I want to say that I completely understand and support each party’s decision with regard to a change of producers for this year’s Academy Awards ceremony. I was truly looking forward to being a part of the show that our production team and writers were just starting to develop, but I’m sure that the new production team and host will do an equally great job.”

Academy Awards for outstanding film achievements of 2011 will be presented on Sunday, February 26, 2012, at the Kodak Theatre at Hollywood & Highland Center®, and televised live by the ABC Television Network. The Oscar® presentation also will be televised live in more than 200 countries worldwide.

I respect Eddie’s allegiance to Ratner, who was instrumental in this whole “comeback” movement (Tower Heist, hand-picking Murphy to host the Oscars, etc.). But walking away from the high-profile gig seems more than a little misguided. It’s not like Ratner was unfairly driven out. He said some stupid shit and was politely shown the door. Eddie didn’t do anything wrong, so why should he leave?

Well, the hunt is on for a new Oscar host. Maybe we’ll be treated to the 3,141st partnership of Billy Crystal and Bruce Vilanch. Yay Oscars!

The project is not Beverly Hills Cop 4, as Murphy has said recently that he’s not interested in tacking on another sequel to the seminal action-comedy. However, that hasn’t stopped Brett Ratner from telling everyone that he would love to direct the imaginary film.

Tower Heist scored $25 million this weekend and opened to tepid reviews, despite praise for an Eddie Murphy performance that harkens back to the comic actor‘s golden years in the mid-late 80′s.

For better or worse, Murphy and Ratner have developed something of a partnership, as Ratner is directing the Oscars, with Murphy signed on to host, and Murphy will be a voice in Ratner’s upcoming animated Honk Kong Phooey film.

With all these projects in the pipeline, it’s pretty easy to not be excited about a fourth teaming of the two, but let’s smile anyway and let them enjoy this moment.

“That’s terrific guys!”

(The Wrap)

And to be clear, we’re not just kicking a man when he’s down. Check out 9 Reasons Eddie Murphy Is A Comic Genius.

Another 48 Hours

Walter Hill‘s 48 Hours is an action comedy classic. It’s surprisingly violent for the genre, and it features a “star is born” performance from Eddie Murphy, only a couple years before he took over the world with Beverly Hills Cop. This 1990 follow up had the same director and stars, but none of the urgency or hunger. The film winds up feeling as lazy as its title, with the same bits redone over and over. The ending is kind of fun, but this movie is the beginning of a long decline for Eddie.

The Haunted Mansion

In the summer of 2003, Disney had a surprise smash hit with a film adaptation of one of their famous theme park rides, Pirates of the Caribbean. They must of been super excited knowing they had this comedy take on another of their classic rides waiting in the wings for the fall. And then The Haunted Mansion opened and fell like a rock. The Pirates franchise spawned three hit sequels, with more on the way. The Haunted Mansion continues to be a popular ride at Disney World, and the DVD of the film is a staple of discount bins everywhere.

The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Unlike most people, I have actually watched Pluto Nash. It was a rainy Sunday afternoon, it was on cable, and I thought, “How bad can it be?” The sad truth is: It’s not the worst movie ever. It just isn’t remarkable or fun. Bad movies are normally a dime a dozen, except that Pluto Nash cost $110 Million, and it made back about 7 million. This turd put a stink on Eddie’s career he’s still rinsing off.

After knocking out those bleeding-edge Oscars in February (where he hopes to garner comparisons to bleeding-edge comic Billy Crystal), he is dumping all those familiar family roles to make Beverly Hills Cop into a TV show. About Axel Foley. And his son. So it’s pretty much a TV show about a family from a property that’s been in the cultural lexicon for the past 25 years.

Murphy wil produce the show and make appearances as Axel, who is now the chief of the Detroit Police Department. He claims he went the TV route because “None of the movie scripts were right; it was trying to force the premise. If you have to force something, you shouldn’t be doing it. It was always a rehash of the old thing.”

It’s pretty clear he’s trying here, folks. And I…I think that’s just terrific.

This announcement ended six months of speculation that began immediately after last year’s abysmal effort by Anne “What The Hell Is Comedic Timing?” Hathaway and James “Maybe I Should Just Pick One Or Two Hobbies And Stick With Them” Franco.

Of course, most observers figured the Academy would go with someone familiar and safe (and named Billy Crystal) this time around. However, it turns out that the producer of the 2012 telecast, Brett Ratner, was looking for someone a little less “safe” and a little more, I don’t know, starring in a film he directed that is being released this November. So they went with Eddie Murphy even though he is clearly past his comedic prime, having appeared in precisely two good films since the turn of the millennium.

Now, as evidenced by their attempt to be hip and connect with the youngsters last year, the Academy generally tries to choose a host who is at least somewhat commercially relevant. So this decision struck me as a little strange. If Murphy can’t entertain people with his movies, which last about 90 minutes, how the hell is he going to keep 300 million people glued to the tube for four and a half hours this February? Sure, Eddie is a comedy legend, and he would have been a fantastic host back in 1993. But have you seen Meet Dave?

That being said, I don’t particularly enjoy going against the grain. In fact, I love the establishment. If “the man” writes something on the wall, I read it and don’t ask questions. So if this “picking Oscar hosts who were really awesome 15 years ago” thing is the direction the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences wishes to go, that’s cool. I even have a few suggestions for other has-been Hollywood types the Academy might want to keep in mind for the future. You’re welcome, guys.

Chevy Chase

In his prime, Chevy Chase was a physical comedy genius and a true master of the dry one-liner. He rose to stardom as an original cast member of Saturday Night Live, then parlayed that notoriety into a successful movie career, making classic comedic turns in such films as Caddyshack, Vacation, Fletch, ¡Three Amigos! and, of course, Christmas Vacation. Chevy was so funny in the 70s and 80s that he actually did host the Oscars back then. Twice. And he was great. He opened the 1987 telecast with the classic greeting, “Good evening, Hollywood phonies!”

Sadly, that was one of the last funny things Chevy Chase did for about 20 years. For some reason, Chevy just stopped being funny. Maybe all those comedic pratfalls just took a toll on his body. Or maybe all the drugs he took to numb the pain of those pratfalls took a toll on his brain. But one way or another, Chevy lost it. Luckily, in the last two years he’s been able to regain some of his old form in the NBC sitcom Community, so he might be the perfect guy to follow Eddie Murphy in 2013.

Dan Aykroyd

Dan Aykroyd was probably never quite as brilliant as contemporaries Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, or Steve Martin, but he had some pretty great moments. The unscrupulous toy company executive on SNL selling his “Bag O’ Glass”? Hilarious. Blues Brothers? Classic. Trading Places with co-star Eddie Murphy? Pretty funny. Ghostbusters? Perfect. But all good things come to an end, and I’ve got one word for you that pretty much sums up the man’s current ability: Crossroads. So yeah, these days old Danny boy would be wise to just focus on hocking his wine and liquor products and leave the comedy to others. Which means he’s just the type of guy the Academy is looking for.

The presence of these songs in any film conveys that the producers want to use something familiar and trite enough that you might confuse their bad movie with some other movie that probably isn’t as awful as the crappy film you’re watching.

Get excited.

9. “Who Let The Dogs Out?” – Baha Men

There was once a time when children’s films were made that didn’t contain this song. It was a simpler, richer time for cinema. If you hear this song and aren’t having an uproarious time, then you aren’t doing what the producers of the movie want you to do. Obey the producers. They work hard. This song is lazily featured in The Hangover, Shallow Hal, Rugrats in Paris, and Snow Dogs, which is delightful, because that film is ABOUT DOGS (being let out).

This song is used when a child, Zach Galifiankis, or an animated animal is raising all kinds of heck. 

8. “Gimme Shelter” – The Rolling Stones

This song became a de facto Scorsese trademark in Goodfellas, Casino, and The Departed, it has also popped up in Air America, Layer Cake, Adventures in Babysitting, Children of Men, and myriad television shows.

This song is used to signify that stuff is happening. 

7. “Semi-Charmed Life” – Third Eye Blind

One of the most ubiquitous songs of the late 90’s crept into more than a handful of films and almost every trailer, letting audiences know that seeing this movie would be a really good time, just like crystal meth, which this song is about. It’s featured in Dirty Work, Mr. Nice Guy, American Pie, Wild Things, and Contact.

This song is used when a creative-type in San Francisco is riding their bike home from work to their apartment and roommates. 

Producers Broderick Johnson and Andrew Kosove say, “We could not be happier that Eddie Murphy will star as Phooey. There is no overstating his contributions to cinema, and to such enduring stars of family entertainments such as Shrek and Dr. Doolittle. We look forward to watching him re-imagine yet another classic character.”

Other producer Brett Ratner probably commented, “I like it when he does the farts. The farts are good.” (Deadline)

Movies like New Year’s Eve should take note. THIS is how you make a comedy with an ensemble cast. You use likable actors like Matthew Broderick. That way, audiences are happy and the Broderick-Parker children are still fed. Everyone wins!!

Usher can dance and sing. But he can’t really act, as every role he’s ever had demonstrates. Eddie can act, sometimes. But he can’t sing, as that “My Girl Likes to Party All the Time” song proves. Further he’s got some James Brown baggage, as his parody of him for “SNL”s “James Brown’s Hot Tub Party” will be hard to shake during even the most serious performance.

Why the powers that be (whoever that is in this case) think that their talent pool consists of “Eddie Murphy” and “Usher” is beyond me. If the story of James Brown is compelling enough, a open call to find a good fit sounds like the way to go, as I can’t imagine either Eddie Murphy or Usher proving to be a huge box office draw, unless James Brown had lots of documented conversations with animals or spent a lot of time dancing around, playing with a hat. (Shadow and Act via (ThePlaylist)

Treat yourself to the first look at a still from Brett Ratner‘s upcoming Tower Heist, an ensemble comedy that can best be described as a dorkier Ocean’s Eleven. Aside from the pictured Ben Stiller, Michael Pena, Matthew Broderick, Casey Affleck, and Eddie Murphy, the film boasts Alan Alda, Téa Leoni, Gabourey Sidibe, and Judd Hirsch. The film follows a group of people that all have been swindled by a Madoff-like Alan Alda. This film could either become more than the sum of its parts or a complete trainwreck, and having Ratner at the helm doesn’t provide a lot more certainty. The good news is that Stiller appears to be playing a regular person, and not someone who is either borderline retarded or absurdly evil. But appearances can be deceiving. Audiences will find out November 4th when Tower Heist hits theaters.

While Tower Heist in up in the air, the gang behind The Hangover 2 has a solid pedigree, both critically and financially, making success theirs to lose. Here’s a still from the film, demonstrating that, yes, they are actually in Thailand. They’re sweaty and there’s a monkey. See? Thailand. Zach Galifiankis is looking a little more like a white supremacist than anything else with that shaved head, but other than that, Bradley Cooper is still the sexy one, Ed Helms still looks overwhelmed, and the baby is now a monkey. Yeah, this will make $200 million. (Playlist)

^{He can’t resist a photo op.}

The 1st Assistant Camera on Brett Ratner‘s The Tower Heist had better not forget to put a long lens on the order. Precious star Gabourey Sidibe has picked up at unknown role on the film, as has "Eastbound and Down’s" very funny Michael Pena.

They’ll join Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy in the film that pits the little guy against a crooked Bernie Madoff type played by Alan Alda. Other than that, we don’t have a lot of details. But now we know that the heist most likely won’t involve taking the stairs. And before you chastise me in the comments section for making a fat joke at Sidibe’s expense, you should know it was a lazy joke at Pena’s expense. And no, not because he’s Mexican. Man, I can’t win with you guys. (Deadline)

^{From that time all these guys were in Paris together.}

Trying to break up his stint of accepting bad movie roles, Eddie Murphy has decided to appear in a bad movie role that won’t require a fat suit. Not to be worn by him at least. Murphy will be joining Ben Stiller in Brett Ratner‘s Tower Heist.

This the second time that Murphy was attached to this film. He was the initial star years ago while it was in development. He passed, then Chris Rock passed, and then Chris Tucker passed. Then Ben Stiller (the next logical choice) took over the role. No word yet on which supporting character Murphy will play, but I’ve got a good feeling that Ben Stiller will learn the consequences of touching his radio. (EW)

^Oprah?

Looks like Eddie Murphy may take break from the moody, little character pieces he’s so well known for to don the fat suit and drink from the drawn butter well once again. While at the premiere of Shrek 4, Murphy told Access Hollywood:

“You know what, there might be another Nutty Professor. We kind of wrote something that might be kind of funny. If the studios want to do it, we’ll do it. If you don’t see it, the studio was like, ‘This isn’t funny.’”

I don’t know Eddie. Precious wasn’t all that funny and they let you do that. It even earned you an Oscar nomination. Don’t be so hard on yourself, champ. Good things happen to good people. **gets killed anally by exploding office chair**

The new trailer for Shrek Forever After has hit, and it seems Dreamworks is kickin’ it up a notch. Don’t worry, it’s still a kids’ movie. I just try to find the most perverted part of everything and anything, and exploit it.

I’m big fan of the first Shrek, and even the second and third have their moments, but in Shrek Forever After I swear I can hear the staticy sound of crisp Benjamins passing over the mic as the cast counts their residuals. Far Away Land has grown tiresome, and the jokes about the fairy tale creatures we know and love fall flat. Will the Shrek series go out with a bang or a soft, wet fart? Find out May 21, 2010.

Check out the donkey on cat action below.

Get your mind out of the gutter, I obviously meant cat. The new teaser trailer for Shrek Forever After has dropped, and it showcases all the crazy characters we’ve come to know and love over the previous three films. The question is, will this fourth installment be as unnecessary as the last one? Probably not since anything with a green ogre in it seems to rake in sh*t buckets full of cold, hard cheddar. And this Shrek is in 3D, so Donkey or his poop will probably get flung at us or something.

It appears that in Shrek Forever After, what Dreamworks is calling THE FINAL CHAPTER, we’re transported to a far far away land called Far, Far Away Land where Shrek has never existed. Donkey doesn’t know who he is and Puss is overweight and lazy. Tehe. Husky cats are funny. 

Shrek Forever After hits theaters May 21st, 2010. Check out the teaser trailer after the jump.  

Shrek Forever After Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers