“We were taught how to make meth (by) DEA chemists who were our consultants on the show. We didn’t cook it, but we were told exactly the process at that high level.”

Cranston remained mum as to whether or not he actually tried it in his spare time.

“Maybe. I can’t tell you one way or the other. It’s extremely difficult. There are so many volatile components to it that at any given time, you could literally blow up. So you had to be very careful and very specific to follow this. Most of the cooks are also meth heads themselves. That’s why they get themselves in trouble and you see burn marks, or their hands are missing.”

So don’t get any ideas, Frankie Muniz. (Today)

“I really believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol,” Robertson said in an interview with the New York Times. “If people can go into a liquor store and buy a bottle of alcohol and drink it at home legally, then why do we say that the use of this other substance is somehow criminal?”

Good question, Pat. I blame homosexuals.

Robertson went on to explain that while he feels the war on drugs has failed and is a waste of tax-payer money, he doesn’t support anyone actually using drugs and doesn’t use them himself, a fact that I find hard to believe considering he thinks gays are causing hurricanes. He must have been high as shit when he came up with that. (New York Times)

Right off the bat, the pair seemed bored with my questions (not that I blame them, especially considering I was the second-to-last interview of the day). So rather than continue out of common courtesy like a normal person would do, the pair launched into a bizarre improv scene for an audience of one (me) in which Eric acted like he had been spiked with magic mushrooms, Tim acted like nothing was wrong, and I was left to continue asking questions like the asshole I am.

On the one hand, it was extremely awkward and intimidating to have a giant like Eric Wareheim sitting doggie style on a chair staring at me with crazy eyes while his partner eyed me with contempt. But on the other hand, it turned out better than any interview I’ve ever attempted, and probably better than any interview I’ll ever attempt. So thanks, Tim and Eric.

And for anyone who actually cares about what was discussed:

• Robert Loggia was already familiar with their work since he had been on Tom Goes To The Mayor.
• David Liebe Hart is not homeless, but certainly has a “drifter quality.”
• The pair had to make some tough choices about which Awesome Show! regulars to use, and they hope to use those who were left out in future projects.
• There will never be a Tom Goes To The Mayor movie because they have no interest in it.
• For the most part, their rabid fan base has been respectful of their privacy, and has not crossed any lines.
• Tim has no idea who would win a shrimp eating contest between the two, and doesn’t care because it’s a stupid question (Thanks to the guys at Double Viking for suggesting that one).

Cheech and Chong

Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong are one of the most famous comedy duos in history. They would probably scoff at being called drug abusers – how can you call it abuse when the relationship is so harmonious, man? – but their status as one of the great drug using duos of all time is unquestionable.

Nick and Nora Charles

Alcohol is a kind of drug, right? And nobody ever drank better than the elegant super-sleuth and his even-more elegant wife in the Thin Man movies from the 1930s and 40s. They don’t get drunk, per se – just tipsy enough to see everything clearly and to keep the banter flowing. The movies’ treatment of what we now refer to as “alcoholism” might not be politically correct by today’s standards, but they’re still the most fun you can have without drinking.

Though I’d like to think these ‘Zeta Killers’ can get the job done, the existence (and placement) of their water bottles is throwing me off. So, in the event they can’t do it, let’s see who easily could.

Batman – The Dark Knight

This is a no brainer.  Batman has vigilante violence down to a science; he also knows how to coax members of the law on to his side.  If he’s able to sneak into communist China undetected, there’s no reason why he couldn’t sneak into Veracruz in the same fashion.  This would also give him an excuse to snag a Zeta and scream “Where were the other drugs going?!?”

Creasy – Man on Fire

Not only is Creasy a demented lunatic, he knows his way around Mexico.  If he’s able to find kidnappers in big, bustling Mexico City, he can easily find drug traffickers in Cuernavaca. And it doesn’t hurt to have Tony Scott‘s neurotic 360 camera spins and Trent Reznor‘s beats blasting in the background.

Drew Barrymore

Drunk Drew Barrymore

The delightful Ms. Barrymore is probably the youngest actor who has been in rehab. At only thirteen she sought treatment after spending her late childhood starring in films and nightclubbing at Studio 54. In her autobiography Little Girl Lost, she described smoking marijuana at twelve and quickly progressing to cocaine. It took a suicide attempt and another stint in rehab at fourteen before Barrymore maintained her sobriety. Two decades later, she confesses to drinking the occasional glass of wine. She also balances an impressive acting career with behind-the-scenes work as a director and producer.

Mary-Kate Olsen

Mary-Kate Olsen smoking

Few young actors begin their careers as early as Mary-Kate Olsen (born 1986), who was only nine months-old when she first shared the role of Michelle on Full House with her twin Ashley. After Full House ended its eight year run, the sisters formed a popular and profitable tween franchise with movies, specials and merchandising. Olsen had just celebrated her eighteenth birthday when she entered a Utah rehabilitation facility in 2004. Although tabloids pointed to drugs, her publicists insisted anorexia nervosa was the issue. A healthier Olsen emerged six weeks later, and there have been no return rehab stints. Olsen found solo acting success in some feature films and a recurring role of Showtime’s Weeds. She has also formed two fashion lines, The Row and Elizabeth and James with sister Ashley.

Corey Haim

Corey Haim

Only 38 years-old when he overdosed in 2010, Corey Haim had entered rehab a total of fifteen times before his death. Haim, born in 1971, became a teen idol in the late 1980s, following his performances in Lucas and The Lost Boys. His lopsided smile and adorable face made him an ongoing cover boy for teen magazines like Tiger Beat. He later admitted that his party lifestyle led to a crack addiction during the filming of 1988’s License To Drive. Then, at the age of eighteen, he entered rehab. He did manage to quit cocaine, but unfortunately just swapped it for an addiction to prescription medications. He spent the next two decades trying to get clean, but was found to have procured 532 pills in the month before he died, including Valium, Vicodin and Xanax.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan strung out

One child star who has helped give rehabilitation the reputation of a revolving door is Lindsay Lohan. Once a successful Disney star in wholesome flicks like The Parent Trap, she seemed to be handling the transition to adult roles with a sophisticated turn in Mean Girls. Her partying quickly overshadowed her early promise, as endless tabloid stories documented her love of the nightlife. Then, the California court system became involved as DUIs, car wrecks and other criminal incidents have piled up. Lohan’s status as an actress and a recovering addict remain uncertain.

Robert Downey Jr.

Robert Downey Jr.'s mugshot

The most talented of the young actors who’ve been to rehab, or at least the most inspiring, is the Robert Downey Jr. He was just 22 when he made his first trip to rehab, following a Hollywood childhood where his director father reportedly gave him his first drugs at eight years-old. Downey’s long, tortured journey continued through drug dependence, jail stints, and very public falls off the wagon. His most astonishing drug-addled moment came in 1996 when he wandered into a neighbor’s house in Malibu and fell asleep in a child’s bed. After a year-long stint in Corcoran State Prison, Downey finally sobered up. He has since made a slow but steady climb back to the very top of the Hollywood heap, including starring in a blockbuster Ironman franchise and gaining an Oscar nomination for Tropic Thunder.

Rupert Grint (a.k.a. Ron Weasley): putting the “Pot” in Harry Potter?

It’s 4-20! And you know what that means: Hitler‘s birthday! But since my boss is a huge pussy when in comes to genocidal dictators, I’ll skip the whole “Greatest Hitler Movie” list and focus on the 9 greatest movie weed dealers. If you’re a smoker, now might be a great time to light up. And if you’re not a smoker, I apologize in advance for the poor grammar. Now, on to the dealers.

Big Worm – Friday

Bradley’s a great guy to know if you’re looking for weed. He’s also a huge help if you’re in the mood for bad poetry or Phish records. However, I wouldn’t ask him to remember the combination to your safe.

Dante – Grandma’s Boy

Dante isn’t the smartest drug dealer on this list. But who needs “smarts” when you have the king of the jungle on your side?

Ricky Fitts – American Beauty

Ricky Fitts is a drug dealing teenager who befriends his middle-aged neighbor. Unfortunately, Ricky’s father misinterprets their friendship, and suspects the pair of having a homosexual affair. Wackiness ensues, and by “wackiness,” I mean (spoiler alert) homicide. Man, if anyone needs to chill out and smoke a joint, it’s Ricky’s dad.

Jay and Silent Bob – Clerks

Jay and Silent Bob have appeared in numerous films, but Clerks is still my favorite. It’s not that the other films aren’t funny. But for me, Clerks rings the most true. The characters really seem like two douche bags you might run into while stopping at the Circle K.

Mr. Nice Guy – Half Baked

Mr. Nice Guy isn’t an actual drug dealer, but rather a front for a group of friends selling weed. The group starts selling as a way to raise money to help get their friend out of jail. But their superior product soon gains some high-profile clients, including a rapper named Sir Smokes-a-Lot. This doesn’t sit well with Samson Simpson, an established drug dealer looking to protect his turf.

George Jung – Blow

George Jung might have grown into the biggest cocaine dealer in the country. But he didn’t start out on top. No, he began his career as a lowly weed dealer. See kids, work hard, and you can achieve anything.

Strawberry – Up in Smoke

Cheech & Chong are known for their love of weed. But where do they get their supply? From Tom Skerritt, of course. In the film, Skerritt plays Strawberry, the drug dealing cousin of Pedro (a.k.a. Cheech). He’s a great source for herb, assuming he’s not having one of his Vietnam flashbacks. Veterans’ groups must have loved this scene.

Red – Pineapple Express

Saul might have more screen time in Pineapple Express, but Red is the more memorable of the two drug dealers. Maybe I just have a soft spot for Danny McBride, but any character that bakes cakes for his dead cat’s birthday is A-OK in my book.

Drug use in movies is nothing new. But for some films, your regular, run of the mill drugs like pot and cocaine just don’t cut it. That’s when it’s time to break out the hard stuff. In fact, the following movie drugs are so hardcore, they don’t even exist.

9. NZT – Limitless

In Limitless (In theaters March 18th), Eddie Morra is a down and out writer who decides to try his luck with an experimental drug known as NZT. The drug works wonders, unlocking the full potential of his brain, leading to his rapid acquisition of wealth and power. However, it’s not without consequences, as shadowy forces attempt to exploit Eddie for their own gain, or kill him in the process. Eddie also begins to experience dangerous side effects, including trip-switching, which causes a stop-motion perception of time.

8. GleeMONEX -Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy

The first (and only) film from The Kids and the Hall revolves around a fictitious company, Roritor Pharmaceuticals, and the development of their groundbreaking antidepressant drug GleeMONEX. Unfortunately, those who use the drug eventually find themselves locked in a comma-like state in which their happiest memory is repeated over and over again. On the plus side, development of the drug led to very few flipper-babies.

7. The Ladder – Jacob’s Ladder

In Jacob’s Ladder, “The Ladder” is a drug developed by the U.S. Military in order to increase aggression in its soldiers. As you’d expect, things don’t go according to plan, and the soldiers end up attacking each other. Those who survive are plagued by terrifying hallucinations.

6. Lot 6 – Firestarter

In Firestarter, Lot 6 (a.k.a. di-lysergic Triune Acid) is a drug, developed by a secret government agency, designed to give recipients telekinetic abilities and the power of mind control. When two test subjects have a child, their offspring ends up with a terrifying pyrokinetic ability, making the child a sought after commodity by a shadowy government agency.

5. Jabroka – Alien Nation

If you’re human, Jabroka probably isn’t the drug for you. After all, it tastes like dish soap, and has no real effect. However, if you’re a Tenctonese alien from the film Alien Nation, this shit will rock your world with feelings of euphoria. But don’t take too much, or you’ll end up a giant out-of-control hulking beast.

4. Skele-Gro – Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Of all the drugs on this list, Skele-Gro is by far the most useful. Sure, it tastes like garbage, but it literally has the magical ability to regrow bones. Unfortunately, there are no hallucinogenic effects, but oh well. Can’t win ‘em all.

3. Ephemerol – Scanners

Ephemerol was billed as a drug that fights morning sickness. However, unsuspecting moms who used the drug got more than they bargained for. Specifically, children with telepathic powers. The drug was based off the real life drug, Thalidomide, which was found to cause birth defects. I prefer the fictional drug. The ability to make someone’s head explode seems like a much better side effect than deformed limbs.

2. Milk-Plus (Drencrom) – A Clockwork Orange

Aside from random acts of violence, Alex and his Droogs like nothing more than a trip down to the The Korova Milkbar for a spot of Milk-Plus. The drink can be made with many drugs, but Alex prefers Drencrom, which is thought to be the equivalent of the actual drug, Adrenochrome.

1. Nuke – Robocop 2

In Robocop 2, Nuke is a highly addictive synthetic narcotic that is lays waste to the city of Detroit. I understand the need to make the drug as terrifying as possible, but considering crack cocaine’s wildly successful run at destroying the city, I’m not sure a fictional drug was necessary.