Fuck me, that kind of money can buy a lot of shows about mustaches and people who systematically kill birds.

Perhaps he will use this crazy influx of cash to smooth out his jaw-dimples, or maybe he’ll just make some more shows. May I suggest:

• Oatmeal Bandits (exactly what it sounds like)
• FoxPunchers USA (ditto)
• Car Crushers (show about people who get paid to damage used cars with bats for some reason)
• Seven Dicks (show about 5 men and 2 women, all named Dick, who live in a trailer park outside of Gainesville)
• Clown College Dropouts (a show that follows five people who failed out of clown college as they get a second chance at a career, working as executives in the Department of Homeland Security)

The Mythbusters, that precocious gang of youths with the creepy facial hair and the one girl that everyone thinks is really hot by default, recently had an accident while firing a cannonball at the Alameda firing range in California. According to the Sheriff’s Department, the ball took “a few unfortunate bounces,” crashing into a nearby house, entering through one wall, and exiting through another.

The absolute best line from the AOLTV article?

“The San Francisco Chronicle said ‘cantaloupe-sized cannonball’ damaged the home and minivan of the Gill family.”

The Gill family minivan was damaged? At what price busted myths, Mythbusters? AT WHAT PRICE BUSTED MYTHS?

Mythbusters screwed over the Gill family of Dublin, California?

CONFIRMED.

At any rate, here’s a look at the weakest, most pathetic sharks we could find.

The Dharma Shark (Ezra James Sharkington) – Lost

The Dharma Shark, which was jokingly named Ezra James Sharkington, is pretty much just a normal shark, save for the fact that the “Dharma” logo is imprinted on its back. Nothing is less bad-ass than corporate sponsorship.

_{Is the woman in the back right Adam’s mom?}

President Barack Obama has found some time in his busy schedule of running the Free World to offer up a brief appearance on "Mythbusters." On the episode which airs December 8th, "Obama challenges hosts Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman to prove the ancien Greek myth that scientist and polymath Archimedes set fire to an invading Roman fleet using onl mirrors and the reflected rays of the sun."

As any avid "Mythbusters" fan knows, they are revisiting this myth for a second go, as I’m sure they were trolled the first time around on the show’s message board. Obama most likely led the flame war so he could get Adam and Jamie to design a new weapons defense system on Discovery Channel‘s dime. …Suckers. (Deadline)

^{Spielberg brings his "A" game to every project. Even upskirt videos.}

A press release from The Discovery Channel announced they are working with Steven Spielberg and Dreamworks Television to develop a new mini-series titled, "Future Earth". In a similar vain as "Planet Earth" and "Life", the series will examine the world of the future to show us how Earth is expected to evolve over the next  25, 50, and 100 years. Spielberg will personally oversee the project. It’s yet to be determined if the impending robot uprising will be factored in.

"We’re quite excited to bring our brand of sassy yet dead-in-the-eyes character animation to this revolutionary project," said Jeffrey Katzenberg, Chief Executive Officer of Dreamworks Animation.

Although the future may bring prosperous advances to the worlds of technology and medicine, one area that will suffer is fashion. According to leading futurists, hammer pants are expected to make a huge comeback. Weird, I know. (The Futon Critic)