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Lou Ford, The Killer Inside Me

Remember that thing about how the cops on this list might be serial killers? Well, in Lou’s case, you can go ahead and change that to “definitely is a serial killer.” Ford is a small-town sheriff played by Casey Affleck who manages to hide his murderous tendencies from everyone around him. Basically, he kills people because he enjoys it. If you ever get pulled over by this guy for speeding or something, don’t try and get out of it – just pay the fine.

Hank Quinlan, Touch of Evil

Captain Hank Quinlan, an officer of the law in one of America’s seediest border towns, was a great detective. And a lousy cop. And he always gets his man – if not through the proper channels, than by any means necessary. Evidence planting, intimidation, extortion, and even murder are all at the disposal of Quinlan, as played by Orson Welles who also directed the 1958 noir masterpiece. Not that difficult to imagine him committing a series of murders if he thought it was necessary to an investigation.

Alonzo Harris, Training Day

This cop, famously portrayed by Denzel Washington is similar to Captain Quinlan in terms of tactics and what he’s willing to do to crack a case. In a way, he’s even more corrupt than Quinlan, since he’s also in the drug dealing game, using his badge and gun for fun and profit. But he’s also a little bit crazy. If he hadn’t run afoul of those Russian gangsters, maybe he’d still be killing people at will.

The Lieutenant, Bad Lieutenant

As played by Harvey Keitel in the 1992 film Bad Lieutenant, this unnamed titular character does a lot of bad stuff. He steals drugs, he sexually abuses women, he’s violent. Would you be that surprised if he turned out to be a serial killer, too? In Werner Herzog‘s follow up, Nicolas Cage‘s take on a similar character is much more deliriously unhinged, so it’s even easier to imagine him going off the deep end and storing dead hookers in his freezer.

Steve Burns, Cruising

Sometimes a bad assignment can drive a good cop crazy. That’s what might have happened to Steve Burns, who in an unfortunate coincidence happens to resemble several victims of a serial killer who’s been stalking the New York gay underground club scene of the late 70s/early 80s. So he has to go undercover in order to catch this guy – but the violent, dangerous world he spends so much time in has its effect on his psyche. By the end of the movie, he not only might be a serial killer, he might even be a gay serial killer. Hope his girlfriend’s cool with it.

“Dirty” Harry Callahan, Dirty Harry

Now, now, don’t start freaking out on me. I know that Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry is one of the most revered heroes in recent movie history, and I know he never killed anybody who didn’t “have it coming” in one way or another. But consider a tagline for the original 1971 movie: “Dirty Harry and the homicidal maniac. Harry’s the one with the badge.” When you get right down to it, maybe Harry’s violent nature brings him closer to the serial killers, creeps, and scumbags he stalks than he realizes.

However, there are a few dirty scourges who don’t love the Constitution. They don’t uphold its values and they aren’t allowed to have any meatballs. Here they are. Feel free to give them the boos and hisses they deserve.

Harry Callahan – Dirty Harry

Dirty Harry defends the Constitution, but he does it his way. The only rule he follows is that bullets come out the small end. His extreme tactics may get results, but they don’t get him any Constitutional brownie points.

The President – Escape From L.A.

We know him best as Spider-Man‘s sweet Uncle Ben, but you might also recognize Cliff Robertson as the President from Escape from L.A. And that guy had zero respect for the Constitution. After being elected to office, he completely rewrites it and adds an amendment proclaiming himself president for life. After that, he goes on to move the capitol and then outlaws everything fun, including tobacco, alcoholic beverages, red meat, firearms, profanity, non-Christian religions, atheism and non-marital sex. And if yo break these laws, you’re forced to move to Los Angeles — a fate normally reserved for aspiring screenwriters and actors.

The premise is simple: a man, played by Ryan Reynolds, wakes up six-feet underground with nothing but a lighter, a knife, a cell phone, and no recollection of how he got there. In fact, the premise is so simple that it doesn’t seem like it could carry a feature film. But based on the positive reviews thus far, the filmmakers found a way to make a compelling movie about a man in a box.

In honor of this achievement, we’ve put together a list of nine classic “buried alive” movies. Enjoy, or so help me God, I will put you in the ground while you’re still breathing.

Jeff Harriman – The Vanishing (1993)

Spoiler Alert. This movie sucks. End Spoiler Alert

I guess if you really don’t want to know what happens, you should stop reading now. But considering you already know the title of the article, the ending is already ruined.

At the end of the European version of this film, the hero wakes up in a coffin. At the end on the American remake, the hero wakes up in a coffin, but his girl friend rescues him. In both cases, people get buried alive, which is why this film made the list. The clip above is the American trailer (click here for the European version).

Fergie – Witness (1985)

If you’re playing a deadly game of cat and mouse, it’s helpful to have modern technology at your disposal. Unfortunately for Harrison Ford’s character in Witness, he’s staying with an Amish family. But Ford makes the best of a bad situation by tricking his pursuer into entering a silo and burying him alive in an avalanche of corn. All’s well that ends well. See it happen at the five minute mark…

Julian Marty – Blood Simple (1984)

In Blood Simple, Ray finds the body of Julian, the husband of the woman he is sleeping with. Thinking she is to blame for the shooting, he cleans up the scene in order to protect her. But when he goes to dispose of the body, he discovers that although Julian is badly wounded, he is still alive. Sometimes when you have a plan, it’s best to see it through, so Ray buries him anyway. Watch it above at the five minute mark…

Indiana Jones – Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

In Raiders of the Lost Ark Indiana Jones discovers that the Nazi’s are digging for the Ark in the wrong place. With the help of his friend Sallah, Indy tracks down the correct location. While Indy is retrieving the Ark, the Nazi’s realize what has happened and take the treasure for themselves. Rather than reward Indy for finding the long-lost artifact, they decide to seal him in the tomb along with his girlfriend Marion, making them a permanent addition to the archaeological find. Who knows, in a thousand years, even they may be worth something?

Ann Marie Deacon – Dirty Harry (1971)

If you’re going to kidnap a girl and bury her alive, the last thing you want to do is tell Inspector Harry Callahan about it. I guess the Scorpio killer didn’t get the memo. When he kidnaps a girl and demands ransom before her air runs out, Callahan is the one delivering the money. Rather than just take the money and let the girl live, Scorpio is foolish enough to hit Harry and unveil his intentions to let her die. That turned out to be a pretty stupid move, since Scorpio soon finds himself with a bullet in his leg and Harry’s shoe on the wound. Sure, the girl didn’t make it, but that didn’t stop Harry from dispensing some justice.

You don’t really see much of the girl being buried alive, but click here to enjoy this clip of Harry using some advanced interrogation techniques on the perp.

Carl Bugenhagen – Damien: Omen II (1978)

In The Omen II, an archaeologist who knows the truth about young Damien asks his friend to deliver a box to the child’s current guardian. Insid the box is the secret of killing the boy-Antichrist. The friend is unconvinced, so the archaeologist takes him to a set of ancient ruins (Yigael’s wall) with a depiction of Damien’s face. By now the friend  believes, but it’s too little, too late. Apparently old Beelzebub caught wind of what was going on, and decided to cave in the tunnel, burying them alive. Oh well.

Harry Wentworth – Creepshow (1982)

When you think of Leslie Nielsen, the words “double murder” probably don’t come to mind. After all, Police Squad’s Lt. Frank Drebin had his faults, but he wasn’t a killer (Nordberg was, but that’s another story). That’s why it’s so bizarre to see him in Creepshow. During the “Tide You Over” segment, Leslie finds out that Ted Danson (a.k.a. Sam Malone) is banging his woman. Rather than just shoot them both in the face like a normal human being, Leslie buries them both up to their necks in sand, and lets the tide do them in. To add insult to injury, he rigs up video cameras so Ted can watch the woman die first while he waits for his turn, putting a modern twist on an old favorite.

The Bride – Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004)

When The Bride is buried alive in Kill Bill Vol. 2, she takes an interesting approach to making her escape: she punches her way out. Using martial arts techniques acquired from her master Pai Mei, The Bride repeatedly strikes the top of the coffin until it cracks. She then claws her way back to the surface. I’m not exactly sure why a ton of dirt didn’t pour in and crush her to death. Yeah, it’s kind of stupid, but later on in the movie she rips someone’s eye out, so I don’t care. Take the good with the bad.

Nicky Santoro – Casino (1995)

Obviously, the act of burying someone alive is cruel, but this scene from Casino is particularly brutal. It’s one thing to put a guy in a box and bury him. It’s quite another to pummel him with baseball bats and then cover him up with dirt while he desperately gasps for air. Granted, Nicky and his brother both had it coming, but at least have the courtesy to finish them off.

The Alamo Drafthouse Rolling Roadshow (sponsored by Levi’s) kicks off next week with public viewings of nine classic films around the country. In an interesting twist, the movies will be shown at the locations where they were filmed. The theme of the event is "‘We Are All Workers."

Rooted by one of the nation’s founding principles, We Are All Workers hits the road with nine seminal screenings proving that everybody’s work is equally important.

I’m an internet writer. My mere existence proves that we are not all "workers," and our work is not all "equally important." But considering the Roadshow’s website describes The Godfather II, the story of a ruthless crime syndicate, as a "defining immigrant worker story," I probably shouldn’t get to hung up on the logic behind the text.

But what the event lacks in well written copy, it more than makes up for with these awesome redesigned film posters by artist Olly Moss. Enjoy. (First Showing)

See the posters after the jump…