Screen Junkies » dazed and confused

Jason London Got Drunk, Got Arrested, Then Pooped In A Cop Car

Penn Collins — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 00:35:25 +0000

I love when a concise headline tells the whole story. The only thing it doesn’t convey is how he looked when it went down. But we’ve got you covered there, courtesy of TMZ. As if you needed a frame of reference, the above pic is Jason London perhaps before, during, or after pooping himself, while below is a picture of Jason London looking very handsome. The differences are subtle, but many.

The story has it that London sneezed on a bouncer, then, instead of apologizing, punched the bouncer, then London was beat up by three bouncers, then arrested, then he called the police a lot of homophobic slur-names, then Jason told the cops that the inside of the car smelled like diarrhea, then he pooped his pants, then he woke up the next day and didn’t remember any of it.

Awesome.

For Fat Tuesday, Here Are 6 Movie Parties We Wish We’d Been Invited To

Penn Collins — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:33:17 +0000

Today’s the last day to party balls before getting wrapped up in all this Lent hogwash, so make it count. Might I suggest some sort of party, as they enjoy so much in New Orleans?

Taking inventory of parties in film is pretty much a step-by-step guide on how to throw a good party, but planning isn’t enough. The greatest parties in film and in our lives thrive on an intangible spontaneity that not even Martha Stewart could curate. Catching that lightning in a bottle, be it an impromptu beer bust, a sociopathic athlete, or a girl dying of a cocaine overdose, is the key to taking a party from good to great. I could prattle on about this, but the examples serve to do most of the heavy lifting here.

The House Party in Any Given Sunday

I’m guessing that Oliver Stone drew from the Dallas Cowboys parties of lore when he conceived this scene that is decadent enough to make Charlie Sheen blush. This party has tons of whorish women, athletes in silk shirts talking on cell phones, and, of course, sharks.

This scene is only later trumped by the one in which Lawrence Taylor’s character cuts Steamin’ Willie Beamen’s yellow Tahoe in half with a buzzsaw. Hmmm. Sharks or cars being cut in half? That’s a choice truly worthy of Solomon.

House Party 2’s Pajama Jammy Jam

Not every party on this list has to be depraved. Sometimes, you just want to kick back with some friends in your PJ’s, hang out with some non-threatening black dudes, and innocently pursue chaste women. It’s pretty much like a seventh-grade mixer. No. It’s exactly like a seventh-grade mixer, only with more high-top fades than I remember.

This party trades in safety. You’re not going to OD or get stabbed at this party. You might lose a dance-off, but rest assured that the winner will graciously give you a friendly eleven-step handshake and a hug when it’s all over. Having Martin Lawrence in attendance is a wild card nowadays, but back then the only way he would cause any trouble is if you kept bumping his DJ table.

If you’re worried about whether or not these guys gonna hurt nobody, let me save you some time – they ain’t gonna hurt nobody.

This Music Video Starring Matthew McConaughey’s ‘Wooderson’ Suggests He Too Might Stay The Same Age

Penn Collins — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:00:57 +0000

This story doesn’t need any snark, nor any particular insight. It stands on its own merit.

In a new music video, Matthew McConaughey has reprised his legendary Dazed and Confused character Wooderson, the man who keeps getting older even though high school girls stay the same age, and who thinks it would be a lot cooler if you had a joint on ya.

The appearance comes in Butch Walker and the Black Widows’ video for “Synthesizers,” a song that sounds just like “Come On Eileen,” but updated for 2012. The song is so-so, but seeing Wooderson again is a flat-out revelation. He’s rocking the same look, and 18 years later, Matthew McConaughey doesn’t look as though he’s changed a bit.

His advice for looking so young?

Just keep livin’, man. L-I-V-I-N.

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another: 7 Hazing Incidents In Film

Penn Collins — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 22:12:15 +0000

That time-honored tradition of college hazing is back in the news, as the director of Florida A&M’s band (yup, bands haze) has been fired after one of the band members died in an incident that is thought to be hazing related. Details about the death aren’t yet known, other than the 26 year-old band member was complaining about not being able to breathe on the bus after a game, then vomited and passed out.

Hazing has been depicted in films throughout the years, most often in movies about college life or the military. And while sometimes it does cost the involved parties their lives (indirectly), nothing depicted on this list ever caused a death (save for A Few Good Men).

See for yourself.

Full Metal Jacket

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Poor Private Pyle. He just can’t seem to catch break. And even though the group initially bands together to help Leonard out, by the end of the first half of Full Metal Jacket, they realize that it’s up to them to whip his ass into shape if they don’t want to be running and exercising in the rain while he sits on his cookie dough ass eating jelly donuts.

The most prominent instance of hazing comes in the middle of the night when the recruits decide to teach him a lesson by beating him with bars of soap wrapped in towels (I’ve also heard pillowcases work quite nicely). He cries, but rather than setting him straight, the hazing just pushes him closer to his breaking point. Weird. That really could have gone either way.

Old School

After getting kidnapped by some gentlemen in a molester van, the pledges from Old School engage in some trust exercises, but not before they get screamed at by Will Ferrell and reassured that at least one of them is, in fact, his boy. To demonstrate the trust, they tie bricks to their wangs and toss the bricks off the roof of a building. All the bricks hit the ground safely and without incident, but Weensie’s passes through a manhole cover, presumably ripping off his weenus, but only after pulling him to the ground, which probably should have killed him.

9 Ultimate Movie Wingmen

Wookie Johnson — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:04:15 +0000

Hey singles, admit it. It can be pretty tough out there, especially if you’re flying solo. What you need is a partner that will help get you out, talk you up, and guard your back while you close in on your target. You need a wingman. One that is loyal and supportive, but most importantly, fun.

This wingman doesn’t even have to be a man. They can be a girl, a dog, or a team of speaking cockroaches. Whatever helps get you some action. Here are our nominees for the ultimate movie wingmen.

Randall ‘Pink’ Floyd – Dazed and Confused

Randall ‘Pink’ Floyd proved himself to be one of the ultimate wingmen when took on the cause of Mitch Kramer in Richard Linklater‘s Dazed and Confused. Not only did he save him from and endear him to bullies, he also got him drunk and high. As if that weren’t enough, he taught him the tools he needed to woo the girl of his dreams.

Jay, Dave, and Cal – The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Jay, Dave, and Cal banded together to do the impossible — get Steve Carell‘s Andy some ass. Upon finding out that the 40-year-old has never punched V-card, the trio behave as if his dick is their dick and do all that they can to get him in the game. They take him speed dating, crash bachelorette parties, and teach him the pick-up techniques he needs to nab Elizabeth Banks‘s hot bookstore employee, Beth. Of course, their plans come up short but you can’t blame the guys for trying.

Olive – Easy A

Olive is the best. She’s totally hot which means that when other women see you with her, you’ll pique their interest. Secondly, she’ll pretend to have sex with you and pass along the word that you made her squirt. This is ideal because the rumor mill will do the work for you while you sit back and play The Waiting Game. Or Fireball Island.