Screen Junkies » David Hasselhoff http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 29 Aug 2014 17:39:03 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Oh No: Ken Jeong To Try To Kill David Hasselhoff In A Celebrity Death Pool Comedy http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/oh-no-ken-jeong-to-try-to-kill-david-hasselhoff-in-a-celebrity-death-pool-comedy/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/oh-no-ken-jeong-to-try-to-kill-david-hasselhoff-in-a-celebrity-death-pool-comedy/#comments Thu, 21 Aug 2014 16:08:56 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=264358 If you think that headline is obnoxious, just imagine what the film will be like.

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It’s always a little disconcerting when a film gets publicly announced without a title. Something like “Untitled Michael Cera Pirate Adventure” means that a) the producers are rushing to get the idea of a movie out there, rather than an actual movie, and b) important parts of that film, like the title, haven’t really been considered yet.

That would be troubling with any actor attached, when the stars of a film are Ken Jeong and David Hasselhoff, you want to run, not walk, away from reports of the project. Coming at us sometime soon is Untitled Celebrity Death Pool, a film that follows Ken Jeong as a nightclub owner who tries to rig celebrity death pools to cover his debts.

Do I need to mention that this is being produced by WWE Studios or was that just something you assumed?

Don’t worry, though. It’s also going to star Hulk Hogan, and it’s got a producer from Battlefield: Earth behind the whole effort.

Close this window. Quit your browser. Run.

(Deadline)

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Screen Junkies Show: Marvel’s Misfires http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/screen-junkies-show-marvels-misfires/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/screen-junkies-show-marvels-misfires/#comments Thu, 07 Nov 2013 20:52:27 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=257936 With the release of 'Thor: The Dark World', we're taking a look back at some of the worst Marvel movies.

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Marvel hasn’t always pumped out the quality films (and Thor) that we’ve come to expect from them nowadays. So, with the release of Thor: The Dark World, we’re taking a look back at some of the worst, most-Hasselhoffy Marvel movies.

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Weinstein Company Might Want A ‘Knight Rider’ Film As Badly As David Hasselhoff http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/weinstein-company-might-want-a-knight-rider-film-as-badly-as-david-hasselhoff/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/weinstein-company-might-want-a-knight-rider-film-as-badly-as-david-hasselhoff/#comments Wed, 26 Jun 2013 20:02:30 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=255502 And The Hoff is HUNGRY.

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If there are any Knight Rider fans reading this sight, I kindly ask them to don their bifocals so that they may read this article with no undue eye strain. After a lot of David Hasselhoff conjecture and wishful thinking, as well as an incredibly crappy NBC TV show in 2008, it appears that there remains some breath to be drawn in the ill-advised adaptation.

In a post-Battleship America, it’s clear that even the worst adaptation of familiar material is superior to even the best unbranded, untested original script. The LA Times (via A.V. Club) states, “as a somewhat higher-budget, more action-oriented movie than Weinstein‘s typical prestige fare.”

So the Knight Rider film will have more action than, say, I Don’t Know How She Does It or Blue Valentine.

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The Masterworks Of David Hasselhoff http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-masterworks-of-david-hasselhoff/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-masterworks-of-david-hasselhoff/#comments Fri, 01 Jun 2012 16:16:44 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=248977 There's nothing he hasn't done because there's literally nothing he won't do.

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David Hasselhoff is best known for his roles on Knight Rider and Baywatch. This weekend he trades in on his suave lifeguard image in Piranha 3DD. In the film, he parodies his own parodying of himself to play himself cashing in by appearing at the water park where all the girls with double D boobs hang out. It’s the role he was born to play.

In celebration of the Hoff’s triumphant return (premiere?) to the big screen, we’ve decided to explore the thespian’s masterworks. I don’t know whether I should say he’s done it all or there’s nothing he won’t do. Both are compliments, in this sense.

Revenge of the Cheerleaders

In this early role, Hasselhoff hones his craft in the role of “Boner.” The magic starts around the 2:15 mark.

Baywatch: Nights

Baywatch: Nights started out as the sexy, grown-up version of Baywatch. 50-year old lifeguard Mitch Buchanan began moonlighting with his mentor at a private detective agency. Ratings weren’t so good so the premise was tweaked in the second season. Inspired by the success of The X-Files, the show was given a paranormal twist. Somehow or another it was canceled shortly after.

The truth is out there.

Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Before Sam Jackson donned the famed eye patch, it was worn by David Hasselhoff. I’m assuming they cleaned it in between movies. Although that could explain all those varicose eye socket veins Fury was sporting in The Avengers. Don’t f*ck with pinkeye.

Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical

It’s perhaps his most challenging role. Or at least one of the only ones where he was required to wear a top hat. Hasselhoff stars as both Dr. Henry Jekyll and his murderous alter-ego, Mr. Edward Hyde in this Broadway adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic story. And it’s two hours and fifteen minutes of this:

There’s only one way to make this show more ridiculous. And it’s this:

Burger

Whether it be performance art, a Carl’s Jr. viral ad, or a desperate cry for help, it’s no understatement that this infamous video remade Hasselhoff’s career. It’s the middle-aged, drunk actor equivalent to a sex tape.

Anaconda III: Offspring

When two gigantic, genetically-enhanced-to-have-knives-for-tails anacondas escape a research facility owned by John Rhys-Davies (naturally), David Hasselhoff is on the case. Here he plays Markos Hammett, a tough-as-nails hunter who is somehow an expert at hunting gigantic, genetically-enhanced-to-have-knives-for-tails anacondas. But does he have his own agenda? Are you actually going to watch it? Because I’ll just tell you if not.

Dancing Ninja

IMDb describes the plot as such: An orphaned boy who dreams of being a ninja arrives in Hollywood to try and find his birth parents, where he gets mixed up in a crime.

Sounds to me like this could be that sequel to Beverly Hills Ninja that is now no longer happening. Too bad too. “Ansel LaDouche” is the role Hasselhoff was born to play. I can see the ascot and everything.

Um… This Thing Where He Played Hitler

He’s really making a go of it over there in Germany.

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The ‘Beverly Hills Ninja’ Sequel Starring David Hasselhoff That You Didn’t Know About Isn’t Getting Made http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/the-beverly-hills-ninja-sequel-starring-david-hasselhoff-that-you-didnt-know-about-isnt-getting-made/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/the-beverly-hills-ninja-sequel-starring-david-hasselhoff-that-you-didnt-know-about-isnt-getting-made/#comments Fri, 09 Mar 2012 20:14:34 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=247167 And now you know...

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We’re stretching the definition of “news” here, but…

About four years back, someone (bin Laden?) thought that it would be a good idea to make a sequel to the uber-crappy Chris Farley vehicle Beverly Hills Ninja. Apparently going for “degree of difficulty” points, the investors decided that they wanted to shoot the thing in South Korea, because the investors were South Korean.

Further adding difficulty to the project was the fact that the star off the film, Chris Farley, has been dead for 14 years. No matter, David Hasselhoff is still alive (we think), and he was gonna pick up where Bennett Brower left off.

Alas, it was not to be. The investors had a falling out with the film’s proposed producer, a scholarship recipient from the AFI. He may have been overqualified. Anyway, lawsuits ensued, and the quick and dirty is the film will never be made or see the light of day.

So that movie you never knew about, which was a sequel to a film people barely knew about, will never be shown.

Man, Friday news is just the worst, isn’t it? (A.V. Club)

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The 7 Shortest-Lived TV Shows Of 2011 http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-lists/the-7-shortest-lived-tv-shows-of-2011/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-lists/the-7-shortest-lived-tv-shows-of-2011/#comments Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:45:09 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=239299 We hardly knew ye.

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It’s the end of the year, which means it is time to look back at what made us laugh, think, or cringe over the past 365 days. We saw many shows come and go in 2011, ranging from superhero dramas to racially-insensitive sitcoms to things featuring David Hasselhoff. Some hung around longer than others, and some shows were seemingly pulled during their first commercial break.

Please pour a sip out for us as we eulogize the most short-lived shows of 2011.

Charlie’s Angels

Pretty hard to screw up Minka Kelly running around in little outifts, but ABC somehow did it. This unnecessary 300th retread of classic television series starred Kelly, Rachael Taylor, and Annie Ilonzeh. It, of course, told the story of crime-fighters who dress like the Fantanas and solve mysteries for an elusive boss. But in a world with free Internet porn, audiences weren’t interested in watching the stars rub lotion into each other and almost make-out while investigating shady gangsters.

The Playboy Club

Again, it’s pretty hard to screw up Amber Heard running around in little outfits, but NBC somehow did it. Widely panned by jerks who hate boobs, this “Mad Man rip-off” was cancelled after three episodes. The consensus is that the show would have worked much better on a different network. Perhaps on Starz or Showtime were the actresses are contractually obligated to get railed on camera.

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10 Actors Who Would Look Better With A Moustache http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/actors-who-would-look-better-with-a-moustache/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/actors-who-would-look-better-with-a-moustache/#comments Mon, 24 Oct 2011 20:05:17 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=233533 Everyone looks better with a moustache.

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We’re just eight days away from the official start of Movember, which means you better get your ass over to the Break Movember page and sign up! Start November 1st clean shaven, then proceed to grow a killer Moustache, all while raising funds for men’s health. Last year, Movember raised $81 million for prostate research, and this year we plan on helping the break that record.

I don’t want to name any names, but some of you are probably a little skeptical about growing a moustache because you’re worried about the way you’ll look. First of all, it’s for charity, and a little hair on your lip isn’t a lot to ask for in the fight against prostate cancer. Second of all, girls don’t talk to you anyway, so how is this going to matter? Third, and perhaps most importantly, a moustache is almost guaranteed to improve your appearance. But don’t take my word for it. Scroll through the above gallery of actors who would look better with a moustache and see for yourself.

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‘Piranha 3DD’ Teaser Delivers All Of Its Promises http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/piranha-3dd-teaser-delivers-all-of-its-promises/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/piranha-3dd-teaser-delivers-all-of-its-promises/#comments Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:57:17 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=232939 They're evolving!!

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From the looks of this teaser, Piranha 3DD is going to be more gleefully insane than expected. This time around, John Gulager directs the chlorine-adapted killer fish to a water park filled with big breasted model types. And David Hasselhoff is there. As is Ving Rhames, who now has guns for legs.

There’s so much disbelief to suspend here but I’m really having the hardest time getting past the whole hot chicks hanging out at the water park thing. I’m sure they know people who own pools.

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Don’t Worry, Teenage Boys From 1996, The ‘Baywatch’ Film Is Still Happening http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/dont-worry-teenage-boys-from-1996-the-baywatch-film-is-still-happening/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/dont-worry-teenage-boys-from-1996-the-baywatch-film-is-still-happening/#comments Fri, 16 Sep 2011 18:52:40 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=228791 The good news is that this 'Baywatch' adaptation has almost nothing to do with 'Baywatch'.

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Apparently, a film adaptation of the worldwide smash series Baywatch has been in development since 2004, when DreamWorks (Really? Them?) picked up the rights. While the notion of adapting a campy TV series that was never that popular to begin with in the States may seem misguided, the international appeal of this show seemingly knows no bounds. So for once, someone might be doing something without the United States in mind.

The project hasn’t found a decent script yet, but that might change now that Peter Tolan, the creator of Rescue Me, has put together something that doesn’t take into account the TV show at all.

I like what I’m hearing. Go on, Peter:

“It’s not based on the show in any way, though there are a couple of winks at the show…I don’t know anything about the show. I didn’t watch it in preparation for writing this,” he said to the Matthew Aaron Podcast.

So, while no greenlight has been given, it sounds as though this might be the script. I wonder if Bruno Mars will do a version of the theme song.

Please God, no.

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David Hasselhoff Cast As Sleazy Porn Dude On ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/david-hasselhoff-cast-as-sleazy-porn-dude-on-sons-of-anarchy/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/david-hasselhoff-cast-as-sleazy-porn-dude-on-sons-of-anarchy/#comments Wed, 06 Jul 2011 16:29:16 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=219042 Charlie Sheen was not available.

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In news that you didn’t care to know, there’s renewed interest in David Hasselhoff‘s penis. The Baywatch star will join the new season of Sons Of Anarchy as a former porn star who didn’t get his python at the pet shop. Now retired, his character makes serious money (and does a great service to mankind) by producing sleazy girl-on-girl films.

Show creator and pacifist Kurt Sutter painted an inadvertently gross picture by tweeting “C*nt. C*nt.C*nt.C*nt.C*nt.” that the “best part” of this casting is “Hoff and Tom Arnold in the same scene.” Let’s hope they keep their producer pants on. (TV Guide)

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The Hoffsicle http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-photos/the-hoffsicle/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-photos/the-hoffsicle/#comments Wed, 15 Jun 2011 18:11:47 +0000 Col. Longshanks http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=216497 Del Monte created a Hasselhoff-shaped popsicle for National Ice Cream Month. You can lick it.

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Del Monte created a Hasselhoff-shaped popsicle for National Ice Cream Month. You can lick it. (Vodkapundit)

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Unauthorized ‘Piranha 3DD’ Set Photos Are Wet ‘N Spoilery http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/unauthorized-piranha-3dd-set-photos-are-wet-n-spoilery/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/unauthorized-piranha-3dd-set-photos-are-wet-n-spoilery/#comments Thu, 09 Jun 2011 23:38:39 +0000 Geoffrey Golden http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Gallery&p=215638 Caution: potential 'Piranha 3DD' Spoilers. Also, watch out for mutant piranhas in general. Those guys are jerks.

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9 photosGet To Know Katrina Bowden

Caution: potential Piranha 3DD Spoilers above. Also, watch out for mutant piranhas in general. Those guys are jerks.

I was not expecting to like the original Piranha 3D. I’m no horror buff, but between the over-the-top absurd violence, the naked underwater prancing and Christopher Lloyd basically dusting off Doc Brown, I was sold. Now they’re making Piranha 3DD and I’m anxious to see a trailer. Until then, I’ll just have to make do with these unauthorized set photos from Let’s Get Out of Here Blog. Turns out the writer lives near where the film is shooting in Wilmington, NC. Here you get a first look at the water park set, plus a bloody prop girl. I can tell a lot of happy summertime memories are gonna be made for the families that go to Big Wet. The film chomps into theaters November 23, 2011.

Directed by John Gulager, Piranha 3DD stars Ving Rhames, Gary Busey, Katrina Bowden, Paul Scheer and The Hoff, plus Christopher Lloyd returns. (Dread Central)

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David Hasselhoff To Bring His Brand Of ‘Ironic Sexy’ To ‘Piranha 3DD’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/david-hasselhoff-to-bring-his-brand-of-ironic-sexy-to-pirnaha-3dd/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/david-hasselhoff-to-bring-his-brand-of-ironic-sexy-to-pirnaha-3dd/#comments Wed, 11 May 2011 19:19:18 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=211570 David Hasselhoff may now get a chance to return to what he does best: Acting while shirtless.

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Add one more ironic name to the C-List cast already attached to Piranha 3DD: David Hasslehoff. I’m as surprised as you are that he was available, but he was. His role wasn’t specified in the release, but one can safely assume that he will be playing “David Hasselhoff,” though possibly with a different name, like “Daniel Hacklebottom” or something.

The Hoff joins Ving Rhames Paul Scheer, Katrina Bowden, David Koechner, and Christopher Lloyd. Kind of a sausagefest. Poor Katrina won’t stand a chance, especially if Ving Rhames is channeling his character “Diamond Dog” from Con Air.

Knight Rider could use this career boost after his reality show on A&E got pulled after just two episodes. People clearly didn’t want to see him living his day-to-day life, but maybe they’ll be interested in seeing him eaten alive by tiny fish with sharp teeth. I think they just might be. (THR)

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Russell Brand Poops Candy In ‘Hop’ Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/russell-brand-poops-candy-in-hop-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/russell-brand-poops-candy-in-hop-trailer/#comments Wed, 09 Feb 2011 17:47:51 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=25796 Katy Perry shoots sparks from her breasts and Russell Brand craps jellybeans. Their children will surf on rainbows.

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I’d always felt that Russell Brand leads a charmed life and today I have confirmation that he poops candy. I knew that the director of Alvin and the Chipmunks couldn’t resist a poop-eating joke. He probably laughed like a bastard while watching The Human Centipede.

In the film, Brand plays the I’d-rather-be-drumming Easter Bunny (who is British for some reason), as he embarks on his yearly mission only to be run over by James Marsden. The end.

Oops. No. I guess there’s more movie after that. And David Hasselhoff. If there are two things that Tim Hill can’t resist, they are poop-eating and David Hasselhoff. Which do you prefer? (Apple)

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A&E Sh*tcans David Hasselhoff http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/ae-shtcans-david-hasselhoff/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/ae-shtcans-david-hasselhoff/#comments Fri, 10 Dec 2010 13:24:10 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=11983 David Hasselhoff will do anything. ANYTHING. So it came as no surprise when he scored a reality show on A&E. Now the network has pulled the show after only two episodes. Keep in mind that this is the channel that has found success with a show about raiding storage units.

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This sells cola somehow?

Judging from the picture above, David Hasselhoff will do anything. ANYTHING. So it came as no surprise when he scored a reality show on A&E about his attempts to get his daughters easy gigs in show business. Now the network has pulled the show after only two episodes. Keep in mind that this is the channel that has found success with a show about raiding storage units. “The Hasselhoffs” pulled in such bad ratings that the network was forced to yank the remainder of the series. 718,000 viewers tuned in for the first episode, and 505,000 for the second. We don’t know what percentage of those viewers are German.

Still, two episodes seems harsh. At least promote the show enough so that it can find its audience. Perhaps ratings could have been driven up with a crossover episode with Intervention.” Missed opportunity right there. (Deadline)

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Seth MacFarlane Assigned The Hoff’s Roastmaster http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/seth-macfarlane-assigned-the-hoffs-roastmaster/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/seth-macfarlane-assigned-the-hoffs-roastmaster/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Seth MacFarlane has stolen the Friars Club crown and sceptre from insult king Jeffrey Ross, as Comedy Central has chosen the "Family Guy" creator to head the Roast of David Hasselhoff. The evening, which is sure to not lack in fast food-centric material, will also feature Pamela Anderson, Whitney Cummings, Greg Giraldo, Lisa Lampanelli, (a scorned) Jeffrey Ross, Jerry Springer, and Hulk Hogan. Ah yes, the wild card. There's always one of them, like Bea Arthur at the Pam Anderson Roast or George Takai at the Shatner one. I just hope Hogan is writing his own material instead of using Lampenelli's toss-outs. The jokes about black guys wanting to f*ck him won't pack the same punch. (Movieline)

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Seth MacFarlane has stolen the Friars Club crown and sceptre from insult king Jeffrey Ross, as Comedy Central has chosen the "Family Guy" creator to head the Roast of David Hasselhoff. The evening, which is sure to not lack in fast food-centric material, will also feature Pamela Anderson, Whitney Cummings, Greg Giraldo, Lisa Lampanelli, (a scorned) Jeffrey Ross, Jerry Springer, and Hulk Hogan. Ah yes, the wild card. There’s always one of them, like Bea Arthur at the Pam Anderson Roast or George Takai at the Shatner one. I just hope Hogan is writing his own material instead of using Lampenelli’s toss-outs. The jokes about black guys wanting to f*ck him won’t pack the same punch. (Movieline)

 

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David Hasselhoff To Be Pwned On Comedy Central Roast http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/david-hasselhoff-to-be-pwned-on-comedy-central-roast/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/david-hasselhoff-to-be-pwned-on-comedy-central-roast/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Comedy Central announced today that they will roast actor/singer/burger spokesman David Hasselhoff this summer. The special will air on August 15th as part of a themed block with showings of "Taking Candy From Babies" and Shooting Fish. In the press release, Hasselhoff affirms his willingness to accept money for tauntings:"I'm honored that Comedy Central is going to get 'Hoff' on me. I have always been a major fan of Roasts, dating back to the days of the 'Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.' Laughter is the best medicine. Bring it on! I’m ready to take the heat."This is too easy. How can we be certain that this isn't an elaborate ruse engineered solely for the capture of Norm MacDonald? Is OJ behind this?? (CC Insider)

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Comedy Central announced today that they will roast actor/singer/burger spokesman David Hasselhoff this summer. The special will air on August 15th as part of a themed block with showings of "Taking Candy From Babies" and Shooting Fish. In the press release, Hasselhoff affirms his willingness to accept money for tauntings:

"I’m honored that Comedy Central is going to get ‘Hoff’ on me. I have always been a major fan of Roasts, dating back to the days of the ‘Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.’ Laughter is the best medicine. Bring it on! I’m ready to take the heat."

This is too easy. How can we be certain that this isn’t an elaborate ruse engineered solely for the capture of Norm MacDonald? Is OJ behind this?? (CC Insider)

 

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Is Hasselhoff Getting a Reality Show? http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/is-hasselhoff-getting-a-reality-show/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/is-hasselhoff-getting-a-reality-show/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 TMZ is reporting that David Hasselhoff is close to getting a reality show deal with A&E. Said an A&E representative to TMZ, "We are close to signing a deal with David and his kids." You may remember that not too long ago, David & family had a six-part reality miniseries that aired in the UK called "Meet the Hasselhoffs," in which they traveled around with UK Deejay Scott Mills. You can see a clip here:

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TMZ is reporting that David Hasselhoff is close to getting a reality show deal with A&E.

Said an A&E representative to TMZ, "We are close to signing a deal with David and his kids."

You may remember that not too long ago, David & family had a six-part reality miniseries that aired in the UK called "Meet the Hasselhoffs," in which they traveled around with UK Deejay Scott Mills. You can see a clip here:

 

Of course, as always happens with American versions of established British imports, we’re sure that all the subtle, dry wit from the above clip will be replaced by a theme song and Hasselhoff spewing catch phrases like, "Don’t Hassle the Hoff!" or just spewing cheeseburger meat in a drunken stupor. Either one.

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