Cast: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan

Synopsis: The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.

Release Date: August 19, 2011

7 photosJulianna Guill

Any fears that this film would not be R-rated can now be stabbed through the neck with a sword and then twisted so that blood and throat shards splash outward in a dramatic fashion that times well with a heavy metal dude screaming about how he doesn’t take any crap. (IGN)

Conan the Barbarian would like to remind you that he still has that biopic coming out this August. And what better way to do so then by standing on a pile of skulls in front of the old Simpson/Bruckheimer animated logo?

Now for questions: are those the skulls of men he has killed or the skulls of those that he plans to avenge? And if they are skulls to be avenged, do you really have time to stand around on them? Get burying, Conan! However, if they do represent Conan’s victims, how are we to know that they are an actual pile and not just a sand mound with skulls on the top-side. That would be cheating. (IGN)

Some new photos from Marcus Nispel‘s Conan remake have been released and they look pretty good. Bleeding Cool got a look at what Nispel is cooking up and things are shaping up. The sets look pretty intricate and they really captured the sh*thole village aesthetic.

This really is a testament to wizardry of color-correction and special effects. For instance, check out this before and after pic from the set.

Simply amazing.

More (actual) pics after the jump…

‘Bout time we see Jason Momoa causing pain as Conan the Barbarian. The first pic released showed him, what looked like, smelling a fart, completely not covered in someone else’s blood. I’m not sure why water is spraying at him in the above pic, but my guess is one of those barrels they place on the side of the highway clipped him while he was trying to make the exit, and he had to lay the smackdown. If this movie is about Conan battling an army of road barricades it’s going to be awesome. (/Film)

For those of you who can’t wait for the upcoming remake of Conan the Barbarian, we have just the thing to hold you over. Behold, Conan the Barbarian: The Musical! Sing along to such classics as "Crom" and "Hear the Lamentation of the Women." Well, it’s actually all one song, but I needed to fill some space.

Watch Conan the Barbarian: The Musical after the jump.

_{Put a shirt on! You’re making me uncomfortable!}

The first official picture for the upcoming Conan movie has me confused on multiple levels.

When I heard there was a shirtless Conan picture on the Internet, I assumed it was Conan O’Brien, so I got ready to laugh. But when I clicked the link and was confronted with the raw animal magnetism that is a shirtless Jason Momoa, something deep inside me was stirred. It was something I hadn’t felt sinc high school gym class, specifically the time I was partnered up with all-state wrestler Tim Nelson for weightlifting. The muscles, the grunting, the squatting: it was all too much for me to bear and I passed out.

After staring at the Conan picture for five-minutes straight, I felt the same confusing feelings welling up inside me, and once again I passed out. But this time, instead of waking up to find myself duct taped to a flagpole, I awoke in a hospital bed. Turns out I’m an epileptic, and glistening male biceps trigger my seizures.

After the doctor explained, I couldn’t help but laugh, at least until the pain set in. Unfortunately, I chewed off my tongue during the seizure.

True Story. Thanks, Jason Momoa. You ruined my life. (Film School Rejects)

Nerds have been on the verge of bonerdom since the above Red Sonja poster was released at Comic-Con in 2008. The status of that project has bee unknown since then because Rose McGowan and Robert Rodriguez aren’t banging genitals together anymore. Today, news that the actress has been cast in the Conan remake may finally trumpet that project’s demise.

McGowan has signed on to play a half-woman/half-witch opposite Fake Lenny Kravitz in Marcus Nispel‘s remake. Does this mean that Red Sonja is officially D.O.A. or does her agent only hang out with geeks and this role will serve as a taste of things to come? As of right now, it’s too soon to tell if she will follow Brigitte Nielsen’s career path or what the status is of her sleeping with Lil Wayne in season 26 of "The Surreal Life." (Variety)

^{Ron Perlman’s face is a photo-cropper’s worst nightmare.}

When it was first reported that Mickey Rourke was joining Marcus Nispel‘s Conan remake, I was skeptical. The project just seemed to be too much in the B movie realm for Rourke. Also, it must be impossible to insure your film when you have Mickey Rourke and swords on set. But then I just figured that it was a cocaine-based decision and the money was too good to pass up. Sorry Eric Roberts, but Mickey Rourke has rubber cement habit to support.

Since that report, Rourke has dropped out in favor of Gods of War. Hellboy and Season of the Witch star Ron Perlman has stepped in to play Corin in his stead and it seems like a much better fit. Also note that Rachel Nichols and Said Taghmaoui (both of GI Joe) are rounding out the cast. Unless false reports pop up saying that Sir Richard Attenborough is circling the project, we can assume that the film is cast and the universe is balanced once again. (Vulture)

^{"i’m a real tyrant without my morning cup of joe."}

After his breakthough as a scarred-up badass in Avatar, Stephen Lang is carving his niche as Hollywood’s go-to son of a bitch. Colonel Quaritch has been offered the role of head bad guy in Marcus Nispel’s Conan remake. The character, Khalar Singh, is a cruel warlord and former comrade to Conan’s miniature dog-loving dad.

This sounds like an exciting bit of casting in an otherwise unexciting film. Although it could be dangerous to the plot as I’ll probably root for Lang over Jason Momoa. But only because I’ll always root against white guys with dreads. Just make my coffee, Smelly.

Lang was terrific in Avatar and I’m glad that’s leading to more work. And before you rush to comment that he’s essentially playing the same role, allow me to point out that this time he’ll have a sword. It’s a subtle difference. (Latino Review)

^{World’s Greatest Dad.}

It was rumored some time ago that Mickey Rourke would portray Conan’s dad in Marcus Nispel‘s upcoming Conan remake. The dealmaking fell through at the time but the producers likely sweetened the pot by offering a bag of sweetened pot (it’s like kettle corn for your lungs). Now Rourke is close to signing on. As reported before Conan stars Fake Lenny Kravitz (with Leo Howard playing Lil’ Conan) as he goes on a quest to avenge the slaughter of his people.

This casting make perfect sense. If Rourke were to have a child, there’s no way that kid wouldn’t grow up to have dreadlocks and a sword collection. (THR)

Last month we reported that Fake Lenny Kravitz had won the role of the titular barbarian in Marcus Nispel‘s remake of Conan. Today comes word that the role of young Conan will be played by Fake Joey Lawrence. Child actor Leo Howard, who was seen on screens as a little ninja in G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, will portray the miniature barbarian for the first reel of the movie. Congratulations to Leo. And I’m not just saying that because he harnesses the ability to kick me in the face. In fact, I’ll give him my unlimited approval if he takes out Jaden Smith at the All Valley Karate Tournament.  (Latino Review)

BY THE ANVIL OF CROM!

Usually, news about a guy who’s made a career out of directing remakes is not very exciting; it’s kind of annoying.  The knock on them is obvious:  they’re never as good as the source material, and they’re usually flashy flicks that lack substance.

That’s what makes this piece of news so darned interesting.  It was announced that Marcus Nispel, the guy who remade both The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the Thirteenth, is on board to direct a remake of Conan.  Yeah, it’s a lackluster little bit of information but it’s good news.  Why?  Because now we know Brett Ratner isn’t touching the movie any more.

Variety has reported that at one point in time both the Wachowski Brothers (Siblings maybe? I don’t know, anymore) and Robert Rodriguez were being courted before Ratner (the former much more competent than the latter), it is still nice to know…

that anyone other than The Rat is doing a flick that could be potentially cool.  Nispel doesn’t seem like a masterful filmmaker or anything, but he’s got that little fact that he didn’t ruin the X-Men franchise going for him in my book.

Honestly, if Brett Ratner’s career was halted by an army of remake filmmakers, well, I’d be very pleased.  Even if Conan is awful, Nispel’s effort should be respected by all for ensuring Ratner did not make the movie.