Screen Junkies » coming to america http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 12 Sep 2014 16:56:44 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 6 Movie Characters Who Have A Better Life Than Tom Brady http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/6-movie-characters-who-have-a-better-life-than-tom-brady-yup-there-are-only-6/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/6-movie-characters-who-have-a-better-life-than-tom-brady-yup-there-are-only-6/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:30:55 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=243162 Yup, there are only six.

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Stop us if you’ve heard this one: Tom Brady is going to the Super Bowl. Yesterday, after divine intervention sent a Baltimore Ravens field goal wide, the New England Patriots became destined for Indianapolis. Normally, a trip to Indianapolis wouldn’t be terribly exciting, but considering Super Bowl XLVI is being played there in a couple weeks, a trip to Indy for the Pats is a pretty sweet deal. With the glory resting firmly on the shoulders of New England’s quarterback, this recent turn of events leads us at Screen Junkies to wonder if any human being on the planet is living a sweeter existence than Brady.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to even find fictional characters that have better lives than Tom Brady? He’s married to Gisele, he’s played in four Super Bowls, and would be four-for-four were it not for David Tyree’s impossible helmet catch in Super Bowl XLII. He’s also handsome as can be, among the most famous athletes in America, and he made $30,000,000 last year, which was almost three times what I made.

The point is that’s it’s hard to dream up a better life than the one Tom Brady is actually living. But Hollywood has managed to do it on a few occasions.

So we give you six fictional film characters that have better lives than Tom Brady. Yup. We could only find six. After a century of cinema, only 6 creations have better lives than this man actually does. Must be nice, Tom.

You son of a bitch.

Forrest Gump – Forrest Gump

Forrest seems to like everyone, he’s somehow taken part in every major aspect of American history since the Korean war, and he made a metric shit-ton of cash by investing in Apple. And to top it all off, he’s an idiot, which makes life even better because the more of an idiot you are, the happier you are overall. In my experience.

So Forrest is richer than Tom Brady, less good looking, and is vital to this nation’s history. However, he’s not very famous, and Jenny is no Gisele. Jenny is the anti-Gisele.

The only thing that keeps him from topping out on this list was the presence of that stone-cold bitch Jenny in most of his life. She died, but not before saddling him with a son, and possibly, AIDS. Those are two big ones.

So Forrest has had some hardships, but I think he’s the only entrant on this list who can go toe-to-toe with this guy:

The World’s Most Interesting Man – Dos Equis Commercials

Technically, he may not be a movie character, but since I’m sure he’s appeared in some fictional films at some point in his fictional life, I’ll allow it.

Despite the fact that this guy is purportedly “the world’s most interesting man,” I’m not sure I’d choose to talk to him over Tom Brady at a cocktail party. For some reason, I’m more concerned that the world’s most interesting man would sleep with my date than Tom Brady would. Which is bad for me, but good for TWMIM. In fact, TWMIM could probably sleep with Gisele if he really wanted to, which means the count is in interesting man’s favor.

With his anecdotes, he’s like a real-life J. Peterman, only TWMIM doesn’t need Kramer to write his stories.

Also, no one will ever accuse TWMIM of being a pretty boy. Look at that face. That face tells a story.

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John Landis Doesn’t Know If Eddie Murphy Wants To Be Funny Anymore http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/john-landis-doesnt-know-if-eddie-murphy-wants-to-be-funny-anymore/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/john-landis-doesnt-know-if-eddie-murphy-wants-to-be-funny-anymore/#comments Tue, 22 Nov 2011 23:01:15 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=237686 If Eddie doesn't want to be funny, that would explain a lot of his films.

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Having directed Eddie Murphy in both Trading Places and Coming to America, John Landis claims that he saw a marked change in the funnyman in the years in between the two projects. He claims that Eddie turned into “kind of a jerk” while filming the latter, leading Landis to believe that perhaps he didn’t want to be funny then, in 1988, and he might still not want to be funny now.

Eddie’s filmography since 1988 lends credence to this argument. Since 1988, Murphy’s catalog has consisted of almost nothing in the vicinty of “funny,” save for The Distinguished Gentleman in 1992, which was 19 years ago… and maybe Bowfinger.

While this is certainly just one man’s opinion, I can’t imagine a more qualified source than that of Landis, who knows both comedy and Murphy. If Landis is wrong and Murphy still wants to be funny, there’s still the question of whether or not he’s capable of it. Did he want to be funny in Norbit?

We hope not, but you be the judge.

Oh sweet Christ.

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Wyld Stallyns Rule: 8 TV and Movie Bands We Would Actually Listen To http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/wyld-stallyns-rule-8-tv-and-movie-bands-we-would-actually-listen-to/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/wyld-stallyns-rule-8-tv-and-movie-bands-we-would-actually-listen-to/#comments Wed, 07 Sep 2011 19:19:58 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=227400 Because "edgy and original" is often horribly overrated.

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With the state of music being what it is today (I have no idea what that statement means, other than some people probably love today’s music and some hate it), it’s hard not to wonder why musicians, good and bad, can’t get their house in order and simply be more like those great fellas we see in the pictures.

I would give forty-two Black Eyed Peas for one Wyld Stallyns. And unless I’m off-base, I think many Screen Junkies readers would, too. Sure, some of these bands are pretty ridiculous, but look me in the eye and tell me they’re not all sixty-two times better and more interesting than Mumford and Sons.

God, I hate Mumford and Sons.

8. Dr. Funke’s 100 Percent Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution – Arrested Development

Sure, they’re misguided corporate whores, but who wouldn’t pay $20 bucks to go see these guys live and witness the train wreck that is Tobias Funke’s onstage banter. I mean, Amy Poehler is a huge fan, and who doesn’t love Amy Poehler?

7. Hey That’s My Bike – Reality Bites

This Ethan Hawke-fronted band certainly has the most indie cred of any band on this list. He did the whole brooding joyless musician thing before even Cobain did it, and I could totally see a generation of Williamsburg hipster fans, even today, calling themselves “Hey That’s My Bike-ers.”

Or Hawke’s Troy Dyer could just be a slightly earlier incarnation of that asshat Jared Leto. Whatevs.

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