These are their stories.

9. Stockboy That Can’t Stop Hauling Boxes For Five Minutes While He Talks To The Cops About A Serial Killer

He’s busy, so he’s just gonna continue to move stuff from the van onto the loading dock while you give him the details of the teenage debutante that was raped 700 times then cut into 7 perfectly equal pieces.

Also, no. Edgar didn’t show up for work today. Called in sick about two hours ago. Why you ask?

8. The Jogger

In case you didn’t know, 46% of Central Park joggers find dead bodies on their runs. If those joggers are conducting a generic conversation about last night’s Knicks game, that number skyrockets to 92%. New York is a dangerous place, but fortunately, joggers throughout the island of Manhattan are finding the dead bodies as quickly as they’re being created by the perverts running rampant throughout the city.

If the NYPD is conducting a search for a young girl they presume to be dead, they should conduct a department-wide fun run. They could find every missing person in about 28 minutes.

7. The Judge That Wants To Know Where You’re Going With All This

She’s going to allow it, but you better get somewhere with this. And quick.