I had always thought that Jackie Chan was the guy you used to get grit off your movies. And Chris Tucker was the guy you used to get them to taste like white bread and water.

Now what will the fourth Rush Hour entail, plot-wise? Hmm. Probably a sassy talking dog, maybe sassy Puerto Rican wives, or maybe a sassy eight-year old that the duo are charged with protecting.

There will be sass.

Yes, I see your hand up, you in the back, and director Brett Ratner’s involvement isn’t imagined at this time, though Mr. Sarkissian did say Ratner was “more than welcome to do it,” which is a nice way of saying, “Mr. Ratner can go fuck himself. I have a gay son who I love very much.”

However, there are some actors who, for one reason or another, surpass Mr. Allen in the annoying department, in my humble opinion. Let’s take a look at a few who can torpedo a movie with even so much as a cameo.

Jay Leno

Ok. Jay Leno isn’t an actor. But he appears in countless films as himself, a talk-show host who serves as the indicator that a character now exists in the cultural lexicon. His presence has become so clichéd, as have the inevitable bad, one-off joke that his “character” delivers, that I hate to see him in any film. He’s a lumbering bridge between the fictional world and the real world that terminates suspension of disbelief and serves as a reminder that Jay Leno exists and that I just paid $15 to see him in a movie, if only for a second.

Harvey Fierstein

I don’t know what raspy rock this guy climbed out from under, but I wish he would get back to it. Fortunately, he doesn’t make too many appearances these days, so I’m able to largely keep him out of mind. But his turn in Independence Day still haunts me, my only solace being the knowledge that his character got crushed by a flying car. His voice and affectations dominate every scene. His acting is the equivalent of Brad Pitt deciding that he’s going to do every film from now on with a KFC bucket on his head, but way less awesome than that.

Sarah Jessica Parker

Here uber-calm demeanor always has me feeling as though she is conducting an internal monologue. Granted, the heavy-handed narrative of SATC has everything to do with this, but we’re talking about effects here, not causes. She seems superhumanly patient with everything, always speaking with thinly-veiled exasperation that never seem to develop into anything more. And that’s annoying, like being around a person whose default setting is “whiney” when they’re oblivious to it.

GASP!

Sure, his throwaway comment will undoubtedly ruffle some feathers in the LGBT communities, but Ratner using a homophobic slur to disparage something really isn’t news. (It would be news if he didn’t, actually.) The bigger story is that we have figured out a factor in why Ratner’s films are not very good ever.

Based on his comment, I’ve compiled a list of other things that Brett Ratner probably thinks are for fags, pussies, and possibly retards:

• Compelling scripts
• Not casting Chris Tucker
• Antiperspirant for your face
• Treating the homosexual community with dignity and respect
• Thoughtful pacing and direction of films
• Not driving a Lamborghini through South Beach at 2 AM huntin’ for sluts
• Stanley Kubrick’s entire catalogue

Tucker should realize that as crappy as it seems right now, things could always be much worse. Like in the case of these seven celebrities who have lived in some of the dingiest or strangest homes. Keep your head up, Chris Tucker. And whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t. The world doesn’t need another Rush Hour movie.

Mike Tyson’s Abandoned Mansion

Mike Tyson‘s abandoned Southington mansion is about the only thing that could get me to roadtrip to Ohio. Complete with a moss covered indoor swimming pool, a massive, trashed living room, holes punched through walls, and rusty tiger cages, it’s like a dark-humored Disney World. Oh, I guess that would make it Disney Land.

The boxer lived here for a period in the 1990′s and it has sat abandoned ever since. If I were a high schooler, I would so party in there.

Taran Noah Smith’s Trashed House

Home Improvement’s youngest son Taran Noah Smith has had a bit of a tough time. He was kicked out of his Sherman Oaks home shortly after he and his wife decided to open a vegan restaurant in it. They left the house looking like the site of an acid trip orgy. Cryptic messages and strange drawings were found drawn on the walls that were left standing. That’s why he should have gone to college. That’s were you go to get vandalism out of your system.

Leo’s All-Time Greatest Spazzouts

Tarantino almost nabbed DiCaprio for Landa in Inglorious Basterds, as the actor was interested in the role early on. The talks didn’t pan out that time, but perhaps second time’s a charm? (Deadline)