Screen Junkies » child actors

Elijah Wood Is Bad At Girls In ‘Maniac’ Trailer

Wookie Johnson — Fri, 18 May 2012 12:50:19 +0000

This Alexander Aja penned and Guy Who Directed P2 directed remake of William Lustig’s Maniac shows a whole other side of Frodo. Filmed predominantly in the first-person, Maniac takes the viewer on the vicarious journey of stalking pretty French woman, cutting off their scalps and gluing them to mannequins. I’ll assume the film doesn’t force the viewer to also witness firsthand the purchasing of mannequins because that could kind of drag.

At a certain point in the trailer, the killer is revealed to be Elijah Wood. I’m sad to see him fall victim to the child actor’s curse. I’d thought he was better than that.

9 Obnoxious Child Characters That Make Me Want To Get My Tubes Tied

Penn Collins — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 13:44:59 +0000

Child characters have the ability to completely torpedo a good film. Despite the fact that every writer, producer, actor, and director has been a child, no one seems to know how to create one that isn’t grating on at least one level. Maybe it’s because that’s just how children are. Being in my early thirties, I haven’t talked to or seen a child in almost a decade, so I’m not really a good source of information here.

I am a good source of information on annoying child characters in film,s though. I’m not saying I would inflict physical harm on these kids, but if you could imagine me saying those words out loud, you would see that I was also enthusiastically nodding and smiling when I spoke the words “physical harm.”

Note: Anakin Skywalker has been done to death, so you won’t find that little bastard on this list. And technically, he really is a bastard, so the sponsor shouldn’t get mad about that.

9. Ray – Jerry Maguire

His agent is on the other line, telling him that he's got about six more months to milk this thing.

I understand that your dad’s not in the picture, Ray, but that doesn’t mean that we will always find endearing your off-brand moppish charm. I mean, Ray is the kid most likely to help you get laid if you’re just walking around, but that’s not enough.

I now know that the human head weighs eight pounds. All of them weigh eight pounds. Fat heads, skinny ones, even Giada de Laurentis’ head.

8. The Kid That Sees Dead People – The Sixth Sense

If Eeyore was a young boy, he would be this kid.

Cheer up, dude. Yeah, you see dead people. Your mom is a bit of a head case. And you’re poor. That sucks too.

Have some fun. Forget about the dead people for a minute and read The Hunger Games while you listen to the Black Eyed Peas. Go spraypaint an underpass. Steal Bruce Willis’ character’s wig, then staple it to a dog.

You know what takes your mind off of constantly being hounded by death? Ice cream. Go eat some f*cking ice cream, kid.

7. Lex – Jurassic Park

They had to write those cuts and scrapes into the script after Jeff Goldblum lost his temper with her.

There’s no reason why she should be there. If you are in the beta phase of testing your dinosaur zoo, maybe don’t bring dumb kids around. The most annoying thing about this insufferable little girl is the fact that she wants to be referred to as a “hacker.” You’re not a hacker. You’re an amalgam of characteristics that test well in focus groups, Lex.

What’s amazing is that Lex is only the second most-annoying kid in Jurassic Park.

You Are Old: These 7 Child Actors Can Now Legally Drink

Wookie Johnson — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 15:33:51 +0000

The news that Jonathan Taylor Thomas turned thirty last week has rocked me to my core, and has me questioning my own mortality. It was a wake up call, indeed. That’s why I decided to take things a level deeper, and really creep you out by pointing out popular child actors who you’re now likely to see partying at Bar Marmont. Get ready to feel really, really old. But don’t worry about it too much. You’ll be dead before you know it.

Mara Wilson – Matilda

Date of Birth: Jul 24, 1987

Mara Wilson found fame at a young age in films like Mrs. Doubtfire and Miracle on 34th Street. She then went on to take the lead in Matilda for director Danny Devito. Nowadays, she’s old enough to knock back a few limoncello’s with the slurry little halfling.

Jonathan Lipnicki - Jerry Maguire

Date of Birth: October 22, 1990

Okay. He’s not quite twenty-one yet, but he’s pretty close. Besides, this kid was huge for a year or two. You don’t think he was chasing the dragon at all in that time? How else would you explain The Littlest Vampire?

Liam Aiken – Stepmom

Date of Birth: January 7th, 1990

Remember this kid? He was in everything. Stepmom, Road to Perdition, Sweet November, Lemony Snickett’s, and Good Boy! These days, he can be seen in the new television series, A Gifted Man, as well as down at the local watering hole.