I felt uncomfortable about having that much money, so I kind of broke it in four pieces. Two fifty went back to pay for the special, like I replenished my company. Another two fifty went to people that work for me, that work really hard. I gave them all bonuses. And then I took another 280 thousand and donated it to a bunch of charities.

Anyone who feels “uncomfortable” around money is a god damn communist, just like those Muppet sons of bitches. Felt bastards.

I never viewed money as being “my money” I always saw it as “The money” It’s a resource. if it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system.

Oh, look! The guy who makes shit jokes thinks he’s an econ professor, now. The only system that needs flushing is the septic system, which has been over run by Louis C.K.‘s liberal bile.

See, this is why I only watch comedians like Jay Leno. Now there’s a man who knows what to do with his money. I sleep better at night knowing that the bulk of his cash is going to mantain a fleet of classic cars rather than to help some foreign kids get clean drinking water.

Today is the last day, so there’s still time to do your part. Head over to the Break Movember page to donate, and take part in the Break Movember photo contest for your chance to win a Samsung HD camera. Unless, of course, you’re a fan of cancerous testicles, in which case I encourage you to sit there with your laptop squarely on your crotch and do nothing.

House and Tron Legacy star Olivia Wilde, like many celebrities, has taken to Twitter to drum up support for the earthquake-ravaged Haiti. Olivia has pledged to send a personalized ‘thank you’ video to anyone generous enough to donate $200 or more to Artists for Peace and Justice’s Haiti campaign. Wilde tweets:

"Its worse every minute guys, so we are raising the stakes. Those who give $200 or more will get a personal thank you video… THANK YOU for your donation, OF ANY AMOUNT. they are all crucial.

“I swear to you that every dollar is going directly to the Haitians who need it most. THANK YOU.”

Other celebrities such as Wyclef Jean, Tiger Woods, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Ben Stiller, Jessica Alba, and Heroes‘ Jimmy Jean-Louis and Zachary Quinto, have urged fans to donate via Twitter and their own charity programs.

See?! That’s how you do it, Sarah McLachlan. You don’t need to bum us out with suicidal animals to get your point across. Just be frank and to the point and send us videos of Olivia Wilde.

You can donate to the Artists for Peace and Justice here. Or you can pledge $10 to the Red Cross by texting "HAITI" to 90999.