Screen Junkies » cbs

‘Hawaii Five-0′ Is Running A Choose Your Own Ending Type Episode. But Can We Choose For All The Characters To Die?

Penn Collins — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 22:08:11 +0000

I don’t mean any specific harm to the fictional characters of the CBS remade action series, but if you’re going to allow audiences to choose the ending of a TV show, don’t expect them to choose the ending where everyone sits around a coffee table, drinking wine and going, “Wow! That was a close call!”

We want blood, and we want it now.

Of course, they’re not giving the audience THAT much leeway. Some dude gets killed and the audience gets to pick who did it.

I actually just bored myself to sleep writing that sentence, much like old people bore themselves to sleep watching the remade Hawaii Five-0 on CBS.

Circle of life and whatnot.

CBS Bringing Us A Sitcom About Aging Grunge-Rocker Parents

Penn Collins — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 20:52:31 +0000

For that desirable demographic for whom Mudhoney was too obscure, and Amy Grant was too mainstream, CBS is developing a sitcom. With the name Smells Like Teen Spirit. Yes, like the Nirvana song! Very good.

It’s created by a Big Bang Theory writer so you know this new show will treat its subject matter with the same quiet respect that Big Bang Theory treats academia and the sciences. FLANNEL! SOUNDGARDEN! SEATTLE!

Sorry. That just came out of me. Embarrassing.

The show will focus on two aging parents whose son foregoes Harvard to start a tech company out of their garage. HE DOESN’T MIRROR THEIR SLACKER IDEALS!

Shit. That’s twice now. My fault entirely.

I’m going to cut this short before another outburst takes place, but let me end by saying that this series does actually have potential if and only if…CHRIS CORNELL! MOSH PIT! POSEUR!

I’m sorry. I have to go.

Jim Gaffigan To Provide His Own G-Rated ‘Louie’ To CBS

Penn Collins — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:06:46 +0000

Following the success of most everything that Louis C.K. does, CBS has found a way to take his Louie concept and allow for it to be aired on network TV: Take away the profane star and replace him with the family-friendly, but still-hilarious Jim Gaffigan.

Gaffigan has gotten a pilot deal to do a single camera sitcom with CBS based on a fictionalized version of his life. And he’s getting some help from Rescue Me creator Peter Tolan. Gaffigan seems to be one of the few personalities that can actually liven up a family sitcom while still keeping it in the bounds of good taste.

Not to put the cart before the horse, but this sounds like the rare network sitcom announcement that we can be a little optimistic about. Nice work CBS. Nice work Jim Gaffigan.

Nice work EVERYONE.

Vince Vaughn Is Producing A ‘Brady Bunch’ Reboot For CBS. (I Swear To God, That’s What The News Is Saying.)

Penn Collins — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 20:34:41 +0000

Vince Vaughn knows what America wants. He knew before even we did that we wanted things like Couples Retreat, Fred Claus, and The Watch. Now, he plans on harnessing that prescience and using it to give us a new, modern version of The Brady Bunch! On CBS!

Because it’s important that he sticks to the proper Brady mythology, lest everyone be totally confused and angry that this Brady Bunch reboot is not faithful to the Brady Bunch origins stories that we as a nation hold so dear, the series will focus on a divorced Bobby Brady, who marries a woman with children of her own. Just like his father did so many years before.

Not much else is known at this time, other than the fact that Vince Vaughn will be sitting as executive producer. Also, it is known that this is a terrible idea and Vince Vaughn is a terrible person for doing this.

Dan Harmon Chasing Deals At Fox And CBS After ‘Community’

Penn Collins — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 18:27:20 +0000

Adhering to the adage “dress for the job you want” by parading around looking like a manic, slovenly comedy writer, Dan Harmon has apparently been able to find some new work after upsetting Chevy Chase, suggesting that perhaps Chase doesn’t carry the same weight around Hollywood that he did during his Fletch and Spies Like Us days.

In addition to an in-the-works deal to run a multi-camera comedy for Fox, Harmon is now looking at a blind script deal for CBS as well. “Blind script deals” I’ve been told are not hilariously-positioned sitcoms about men with bad vision getting into wacky misunderstandings, but rather a sacred bond between studio and showrunner that tacitly say, “I TRUST you, fat bearded, unhappy showrunner. I TRUST you.”

I hope he does a super-meta show about community college students. Just to be a dick.

Stephen Hawking Cameos On Big Bang Theory

Penn Collins — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 23:28:51 +0000

For a guy that’s been living in the throes of ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) since the 1960′s, scientist Stephen Hawking certainly does get around in the world of entertainment, having made appearances on The Simpsons (four times), Futurama, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and countless documentaries.

Even with that resume, his nerd appeal is likely to grow even further as he preps fro an appearance on CBS‘ The Big Bang Theory, a show that tries a little too hard to be smart to be funny and a little too funny to be smart.

The 70 year-old will be showing off a new speaking device that has replaced his now-trademark robotic voice that he used to communicate.

BOOOOOOO!!!!! Bring back the robot voice! WE WANT THE ROBOT VOICE!

I might actually tune in (read: stream a scene on YouTube) to hear what he sounds like now. My hopes are on a Christopher Walken/Harvey Fierstein hybrid.

A Shitty Torch Is Passed: ‘Big Bang Theory’ Outperforms ‘Idol’

Penn Collins — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:00:58 +0000

American Idol is down sharply on it’s second airing of the new season, leading many to believe that perhaps people are getting tired of no-name people singing other people’s songs. Don’t get too excited – Idol is still the most-watched show in America, but CBS‘ Big Bang Theory was slightly ahead of the juggernaut in terms of that coveted 18-49 demographic, making the CBS nerd comedy the arbitrary winner. Well, as much as there can be a “winner” when Big Bang Theory and American Idol are vying to be the most-watched television program in America.

This woud appear to mean a changing of the Thursday night guard, which maybe you haven’t cared about since Seinfeld, but I can assure that TV execs care about very, very much. And we want TV execs to be happy, don’t we? Sure we do. We want EVERYONE to be happy.

One year ago, Idol crushed BBT in the ratings 7.0 to 4.2. It seems that the tables have turned, with Idol down 28%, ensuring that BBT is the most popular show in the demographic, and through the transitive property, the best show on TV.

Breaking Bad? Homeland? Nope. Big Bang Theory is better, and Idol is now only second-best. Look at the ratings, pal.

The 11 Most Mismatched Couples In Sitcom History

Archibald Bayou III — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:06:05 +0000

Tonight marks the premiere of the new CBS sitcom ¡Rob!, starring Rob Schneider as a white man who has married into a Mexican-American family, and must now deal with a series of hi-larious cultural differences. While this premise is perfectly believable, the notion that a woman as smoking hot as Claudia Bassols would marry a shlub like Rob Schneider is much harder to swallow. You can’t blame Schneider for abiding by tradition, however, and it is a long held T.V. sitcom tradition that a beautiful wife must be married to a man no less then 5 points below her on the hotness scale. But in all fairness, some of these mismatched couples were the centerpiece of sitcom classics, so perhaps ¡Rob! will be just as terrific! Well, no… probably not.

Check out the ¡Rob! Bingo card.

The King of Queens

The best and most recent example of this phenomenon occurred on the hit CBS series The King of Queens. The notion that gigantic delivery man Doug Heffernan could score cute, busty Carrie was pushing fiction to the extreme. However, Doug was funny and charming, and as the writers at Screen Junkies all know, cute women prize a sense of humor over good looks any day of the week. Of course, Doug also put up with Carrie’s insane father Arthur, so that scored him some points.

Friends

It’s become fashionable over the years to bash Friends as overrated. The truth, however, is that the middle years of the show hold up quite well, both in writing and acting. But not even ten Oscar winners could convince me that Rachel Green was so hung up on giant dork Ross Gellar. Even if you do buy into the notion of one of the hottest women in America getting knocked up by a palaeontologist, I submit exhibit B: Monica and Chandler. This show was bordering on Sci-Fi.

’2 Broke Girls’ Creator Michael Patrick King Is Gay, So He Can Mock Whoever He Wants

Wookie Johnson — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 23:12:17 +0000

Note to self: If ever interviewing 2 Broke Girls creator Michael Patrick King, don’t railroad him with questions like, “Why do you suck so bad?” He doesn’t respond well to that.

Vulture has the lowdown on today’s TCA panel with King where things took a turn. As the creator of this season’s hottest new show, King was excited to meet with the press and soak up their accolades. Unfortunately for him, today is not Opposite Day.

During his roughly 30-minute session with scribes, King was barraged with a slew of questions focusing on the show’s use of caricatures and suggestive language.

But when HitFix’s Alan Sepinwall tried to explain to King that there were some in the room, including him, who felt the great parts of 2 Broke (the relationship between Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs) were being weakened by the not-so-great parts (the Sexist Chef), King simply turned his back to Sepinwall (and a handful of other reporters) and walked away.

The questioning again shifted to the ethnic stereotypes on the show, and eventually, King exploded. “I’m gay!” he said, adding that he found “it comedic to take everyone down.”

How embarrassed those bulldog reporters must have felt when they learned that the well-dressed director of Sex and the City is gay. He should have been more upfront about his license to sass.

¡A Preview Clip For ‘¡Rob!’! ¡Terrific News!

Penn Collins — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:37:54 +0000

After viewing this preview for the upcoming CBS sitcom ¡Rob!, I have come to the conclusion that a bad project can be made 74% better with the presence of Rob Schneider. Not “Grown Ups bad,” mind you, as that project was beyond help, but Deuce Bigalow, The Hot Chick, and now, ¡Rob!, a show based on Rob Schnieder’s actual life adapting to and living with his Mexican wife’s family.

Ole. Excuse me…¡Ole!

Beyond the somewhat novel (but not really) premise, we’ve got disapproving in-laws, PG-rated sex gags, and an exploded piñata of wacky misunderstandings. It’s your basic CBS sitcom, but with Rob Schneider, which, as we established, makes it 74% better.

But will that make it good enough to watch?

Posiblemente.

Rob Schneider To Address Exclamation Point-Inversion Epidemic With ‘¡Rob!’

Penn Collins — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 00:16:31 +0000

Sure, Rob Schneider had perhaps left our hearts and minds for a brief period of time, but he was never too far. Rather than indulging us with fantasies of male prostitutes or animals that are actually people, he spent his time out of mind preparing for us, ¡Rob!, a program based on his real-life experience marrying into a tightly knit Latino family.

I’m not saying the Latino angle isn’t good, but couldn’t you really make a decent sit-com out of Rob Schneider marrying into ANY type of family? Except black. America’s probably not ready for that yet.

The series has been announced for a while, so the big takeaway from this news piece is that it’s called ¡Rob! and that CBS execs still haven’t changed their mind about this show being a good idea since announcing it.

Joking aside, it’s nice to have Rob Schneider back in my life. I tried to fill the void with deep cuts from the Viggo Mortensen catalog, but that was cold comfort. This sounds like a good vehicle for him, and if anyone can bridge the rift between American citizens and Mexican immigrants, it’s Rob Schneider.

That said, if CBS doesn’t change the title of the show so that I don’t have to google how to type a “¡” every time I need to reference it, I’m never writing about it again.

’60 Minutes’ Give Big Ups To Andy Rooney

Wookie Johnson — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:58:52 +0000

CBS‘s 60 Minutes paid tribute to their fallen brother Andy Rooney last night in the most fitting way possible. By jamming a quickly slapped together video between toothpaste ads and car commercials at the tail of the show.

“America‘s favorite grouch-in-chief” passed away this weekend after complications from a minor surgery. Why do they call it a “minor” surgery if it involves complications? You would think that a minor procedure would be worry free, not something that leads to death. Or perhaps it’s called that because the surgery is performed by a minor. Doubtful. Young people today are too busy dragging their baggy clothes down the street, rather than take the time to learn the medical trade and the human body. I bet that you couldn’t find a teenager that could point to their own Iliac’s Crest. Back in my day, all the doctors had gone off to war, so we had to depend on teenagers for our medical well-being. At least then we could trust that they would wash their hands first. Do you know what I hate? Soap in a pump bottle. The stem that is supposed to carry the soap to your dirty hand doesn’t reach to the bottom of the bottle. That deprives the consumer of hard-earned soap. I’ll take a palm full of soap chips over that any day of the week. The days of the week make me angry. Wednesday is commonly referred to as “Hump Day,” which means it is the most difficult day in the week. Once you get passed it, everything else is better by comparison. But what if your work week ends on a Wednesday? Then your final day is the most difficult and stressful. And what if your only day off happens to fall on a Wednesday. Or the holidays? Christmas with family can be stressful enough. I just don’t know. Sounds complicated.

Charlie Sheen Is ‘Very Disappointed’ With The New ‘Two And A Half Men’, Chuck Lorre Weeps

Penn Collins — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:50:25 +0000

He’s back, ladies and gentlemen. While it seemed like he was handling the newest incarnation of Two and a Half Men gracefully, we all knew that wouldn’t last. In an exclusive interview with some photographer on the street yesterday, Charlie Sheen conveyed that he was “extremely disappointed” with the way that the show was “handling what (he) left behind.” Presumably “what he left behind was a trail of vitriol and gibberish, but the important thing is that the show just isn’t being respectful of that.

Following the comments to the photographer, Charlie Sheen crossed his arms over his chest, tucked into a blur spin, then flew off the planet.

It’s hard to know what Sheen is most critical about without watching the program, which is something that I’m just not going to do. Maybe it was Ashton Kutcher‘s floppy hair. That sure bugs me a lot, and sometimes I find it disrespectful to my legacy.

This statement is indicative of just another wild 180 that we have grown to love from the crack-smoking, hooker-banging former star of the show. Following the season premiere of Two and a Half Men starring Ashton Kutcher in his stead, Sheen claimed that he “loved,” the show, but seems to have changed his mind. What changed since the first episode? If you know, please post in the comments, but know that you will be outed as a Two and a Half Men-watcher.

Hilarious Comedian Fred Durst Gets Sitcom On CBS

Wookie Johnson — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 13:58:28 +0000

Soon it will be okay to laugh at Fred Durst. It will be difficult, but it will be okay. The Limp Bizkit frontman turned film director has signed a deal with CBS to develop his own half-hour sitcom. Tentatively titled Douchebag, the show will star Durst as a rock legend trying to balance his star status with raising a family. Perhaps there is a wacky neighbor role for Korn’s Jonathan Davis.

Elsewhere in Los Angeles, Marc Maron has just hung himself.

The idea was spearheaded by Durst’s manager John Schneider, who also put a similar deal in place starring his brother Rob. Should this article be read by any future survivors of the robot apocalypse, you know who your target in the past is. His name is John Schneider. This is who your cyborg assassins should focus on eliminating. It’s mankind’s only hope. (Deadline)

Andy Rooney’s Forgotten Film Reviews

Jame Gumb — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:35:28 +0000

By now you’ve probably heard the news that America’s favorite crotchety old man, Andy Rooney, is retiring from his weekly editorial on 60 Minutes. This made me sad for two reasons. First off, Rooney is awesome, and I’m one of the few people under the age of 70 who actually makes a point to watch him. But second, and more importantly, ScreenJunkies.com has a personal connection with A.R.

Over the past few years, Mr. Rooney has submitted a hand full of unsolicited film reviews to our site. Not being a site that looks a gift horse in the mouth, we eagerly accepted the reviews, which were delivered via Western Union. Sure, maybe his writings didn’t make the most sense, but neither does Rex Reed, and he’s 20 years younger than Rooney.

At any rate, in honor of his retirement, click the images below to read Andy’s reviews.

So long, Andy, and thanks.

Click Here For Andy Rooney’s Review Of ‘Bruno’…

Click Here For Andy Rooney’s Review Of’Fast And Furious‘…

The 2011 NFL Television Guide

Wookie Johnson — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 13:00:25 +0000

The NFL is back, and not a moment too soon. I’ve been running out of excuses for spending my Sundays piss drunk at a bar shoving fried food down my throat. But from now until February, NFL football will enable me to act like the pig I truly am. The problem is this: when you’re near blacked out by halftime of the early game, it can be hard to remember what channel is covering the late game. Well, we’ve got you covered. Below you’ll find a guide containing all the info you’ll need.

Here’s where you can find the games this season:

NBC

The season kicked off last night when the last two Superbowl champs, the Packers and the Saints, met at Lambeau Field, and the whole affair was broadcast on NBC. Going forward, the network will also broadcast the Sunday night games, beginning with the Dallas Cowboys facing the New York Jets on September 11th. Al Michaels hosts the play-by-play while Cris Collinsworth fills in the color commentary. Bob Costas, Dan Patrick, Tony Dungy, Rodney Harrison, and Peter King report live from the game and handle pregame hosting duties.

ESPN

Monday nights belong to ESPN once again. This year, get ready for some football when the New England Patriots head to South Florida to square off against the Miami Dolphins on September 12th. Mike Tirico is on play-by-play and Jon Gruden and Ron Jaworski provide color commentary. Additional reporting comes from Suzy Kolber.

FOX

FOX is the station that you’ll do a good majority of your screaming at on Sundays this fall. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman will host the broadcasts of the NFC regional regular season games as well as the NFC playoffs. Curt Menefee hosts the pregame with in-studio analysts Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long, Jimmy Johnson, and Michael Strahan. Pregame and sideline reporting duties will be covered by Pam Oliver.

CBS

And you can catch the AFC regular season games as well as the AFC playoffs on Sunday afternoons on CBS. James Brown hosts with play-by-play from Jim Nantz, Marv Albert, Craig Bolerjack, Don Criqui, Spero Dedes, Ian Eagle, Greg Gumbel, Kevin Harlan, Bill Macatee. Studio analysts are Phil Simms, Charley Casserly, Bill Cowher, Boomer Esiason, Dan Marino, and Shannon Sharpe.

NFL Network

You’d better get yourself a satellite dish if you want to catch the Thursday night games. Rich Eisen, Steve Mariucci, Deion Sanders, and Marshall Faulk report live with contributions from Kara Henderson and Michelle Beisner. Brad Nessler is on play-by-play and Mike Mayock is analyst starting this season. Beginning in Week 10, NFL Network will begin showing Thursday games with Oakland making the long trek to San Diego. Just hope that you don’t get heavy rain or sunspots in your area.

Week 1
Thursday, Sept. 8
New Orleans at Green Bay, 8:30pm (NBC)
Sunday, Sept. 11
Detroit at Tampa Bay, 1pm (FOX)
Philadelphia at St. Louis, 1pm (FOX)
Buffalo at Kansas City, 1pm (CBS)
Cincinnati at Cleveland, 1pm (CBS)
Indianapolis at Houston, 1pm (CBS)
Pittsburgh at Baltimore, 1pm (CBS)
Tennessee at Jacksonville, 1pm (CBS)
Atlanta at Chicago, 1pm (FOX)
Minnesota at San Diego, 4:15pm (FOX)
Carolina at Arizona, 4:15pm (FOX)
N.Y. Giants at Washington, 4:15pm (FOX)
Seattle at San Francisco, 4:15pm (FOX)
Dallas at N.Y. Jets, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Sept. 12
New England at Miami, 7pm (ESPN)
Oakland at Denver, 10:15pm (ESPN)

Week 2
Sunday, Sept. 18
Cleveland at Indianapolis, 1pm (CBS)
Baltimore at Tennessee, 1pm (CBS)
Green Bay at Carolina, 1pm (FOX)
Oakland at Buffalo, 1pm (CBS)
Kansas City at Detroit, 1pm (CBS)
Jacksonville at N.Y. Jets, 1pm (CBS)
Tampa Bay at Minnesota, 1pm (FOX)
Chicago at New Orleans, 1pm (FOX)
Arizona at Washington, 1pm (FOX)
Seattle at Pittsburgh, 1pm (FOX)
Dallas at San Francisco, 4:05pm (FOX)
Houston at Miami, 4:15pm (CBS)
San Diego at New England, 4:15pm (CBS)
Cincinnati at Denver, 4:15pm (CBS)
Philadelphia at Atlanta, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Sept. 19
St. Louis at N.Y. Giants, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 3
Sunday, Sept. 25
San Francisco at Cincinnati, 1pm (FOX)
N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia, 1pm (FOX)
Detroit at Minnesota, 1pm (FOX)
New England at Buffalo, 1pm (CBS)
Miami at Cleveland, 1pm (CBS)
Houston at New Orleans, 1pm (CBS)
Denver at Tennessee, 1pm (CBS)
Jacksonville at Carolina, 1pm (CBS)
Kansas City at San Diego, 4:05pm (CBS)
Baltimore at St. Louis, 4:05pm (CBS)
N.Y. Jets at Oakland, 4:05pm (CBS)
Green Bay at Chicago, 4:15pm (FOX)
Atlanta at Tampa Bay, 4:15pm (FOX)
Arizona at Seattle, 4:15pm (FOX)
Pittsburgh at Indianapolis, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Sept. 26
Washington at Dallas, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 4
Sunday, Oct. 2
Washington at St. Louis, 1pm (FOX)
San Francisco at Philadelphia, 1pm (FOX)
New Orleans at Jacksonville, 1pm (FOX)
Carolina at Chicago, 1pm (FOX)
Buffalo at Cincinnati, 1pm (CBS)
Pittsburgh at Houston, 1pm (CBS)
Detroit at Dallas, 1pm (FOX)
Minnesota at Kansas City, 1pm (FOX)
Tennessee at Cleveland, 1pm (CBS)
Atlanta at Seattle, 4:05pm (FOX)
N.Y. Giants at Arizona, 4:05pm (FOX)
New England at Oakland, 4:15pm (CBS)
Denver at Green Bay, 4:15pm (CBS)
Miami at San Diego, 4:15pm (CBS)
N.Y. Jets at Baltimore, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Oct. 3
Indianapolis at Tampa Bay, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 5
Sunday, Oct. 9
Cincinnati at Jacksonville, 1pm (CBS)
Tennessee at Pittsburgh, 1pm (CBS)
Kansas City at Indianapolis, 1pm (CBS)
Oakland at Houston, 1pm (CBS)
Arizona at Minnesota, 1pm (FOX)
New Orleans at Carolina, 1pm (FOX)
Seattle at N.Y. Giants, 1pm (FOX)
Philadelphia at Buffalo, 1pm (FOX)
Tampa Bay at San Francisco, 4:05pm (FOX)
San Diego at Denver, 4:15pm (CBS)
N.Y. Jets at New England, 4:15pm (CBS)
Green Bay at Atlanta, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Oct. 10
Chicago at Detroit, 8:30pm (ESPN)
Byes: Baltimore, Cleveland, Dallas, Miami, St. Louis, Washington

Week 6
Sunday, Oct. 16
St. Louis at Green Bay, 1pm (FOX)
Philadelphia at Washington, 1pm (FOX)
San Francisco at Detroit, 1pm (FOX)
Buffalo at N.Y. Giants, 1pm (CBS)
Carolina at Atlanta, 1pm (FOX)
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh, 1pm (CBS)
Indianapolis at Cincinnati, 1pm (CBS)
Cleveland at Oakland, 4:05pm (CBS)
Houston at Baltimore, 4:05pm (CBS)
Dallas at New England, 4:15pm (FOX)
New Orleans at Tampa Bay, 4:15pm (FOX)
Minnesota at Chicago, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Oct. 17
Miami at N.Y. Jets, 8:30pm (ESPN)
Byes: Arizona, Denver, Kansas City, San Diego, Seattle, Tennessee

Week 7
Sunday, Oct. 23
Washington at Carolina, 1pm (FOX)
Chicago at Tampa Bay, 1pm (FOX)
Seattle at Cleveland, 1pm (FOX)
Atlanta at Detroit, 1pm (FOX)
Denver at Miami, 1pm (CBS)
San Diego at N.Y. Jets, 1pm (CBS)
Houston at Tennessee, 1pm (CBS)
Pittsburgh at Arizona, 4:05pm (CBS)
Kansas City at Oakland, 4:05pm (CBS)
Green Bay at Minnesota, 4:15pm (FOX)
St. Louis at Dallas, 4:15pm (FOX)
Indianapolis at New Orleans, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Oct. 24
Baltimore at Jacksonville, 8:30pm (ESPN)
Byes: Buffalo, Cincinnati, New England, N.Y. Giants, Philadelphia, San Francisco

Week 8
Sunday, Oct. 30
Indianapolis at Tennessee, 1pm (CBS)
Minnesota at Carolina, 1pm (FOX)
Jacksonville at Houston, 1pm (CBS)
New Orleans at St. Louis, 1pm (FOX)
Arizona at Baltimore, 1pm (FOX)
Miami at N.Y. Giants, 1pm (CBS)
Washington at Buffalo, 4:05pm (FOX)
Detroit at Denver, 4:05pm (FOX)
Cincinnati at Seattle, 4:15pm (CBS)
Cleveland at San Francisco, 4:15pm (CBS)
New England at Pittsburgh, 4:15pm (CBS)
Dallas at Philadelphia, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Oct. 31
San Diego at Kansas City, 8:30pm (ESPN)
Byes: Atlanta, Chicago, Green Bay, N.Y. Jets, Oakland, Tampa Bay

Week 9
Sunday, Nov. 6
N.Y. Jets at Buffalo, 1pm (CBS)
Cleveland at Houston, 1pm (CBS)
San Francisco at Washington, 1pm (FOX)
Seattle at Dallas, 1pm (FOX)
Miami at Kansas City, 1pm (CBS)
Tampa Bay at New Orleans, 1pm (FOX)
Atlanta at Indianapolis, 1pm (FOX)
Cincinnati at Tennessee, 4:05pm (CBS)
Denver at Oakland, 4:05pm (CBS)
Green Bay at San Diego, 4:15pm (FOX)
St. Louis at Arizona, 4:15pm (FOX)
N.Y. Giants at New England, 4:15pm (FOX)
Baltimore at Pittsburgh, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Nov. 7
Chicago at Philadelphia, 8:30pm (ESPN)
Byes: Carolina, Detroit, Jacksonville, Minnesota

Week 10
Thursday, Nov. 10
Oakland at San Diego, 8:20pm (NFL Network)
Sunday, Nov. 13
Houston at Tampa Bay, 1pm (CBS)
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati, 1pm (CBS)
Detroit at Chicago, 1pm (FOX)
Tennessee at Carolina, 1pm (CBS)
Denver at Kansas City, 1pm (CBS)
Jacksonville at Indianapolis, 1pm (CBS)
Washington at Miami, 1pm (FOX)
St. Louis at Cleveland, 1pm (FOX)
Arizona at Philadelphia, 1pm (FOX)
New Orleans at Atlanta, 1pm (FOX)
Buffalo at Dallas, 1pm (CBS)
Baltimore at Seattle, 4:05pm (CBS)
N.Y. Giants at San Francisco, 4:15pm (FOX)
New England at N.Y. Jets*, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Nov. 14
Minnesota at Green Bay, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 11
Thursday, Nov. 17
N.Y. Jets at Denver, 8:20pm (NFL Network)
Sunday, Nov. 20
Cincinnati at Baltimore, 1pm (CBS)
Dallas at Washington, 1pm (FOX)
Tennessee at Atlanta, 1pm (CBS)
Jacksonville at Cleveland, 1pm (CBS)
Oakland at Minnesota, 1pm (CBS)
Tampa Bay at Green Bay, 1pm (FOX)
Carolina at Detroit, 1pm (FOX)
Buffalo at Miami, 1pm (CBS)
Arizona at San Francisco, 4:05pm (FOX)
Seattle at St. Louis, 4:05pm (FOX)
San Diego at Chicago, 4:15pm (CBS)
Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants*, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Nov. 21
Kansas City at New England, 8:30pm (ESPN)
Byes: Houston, Indianapolis, New Orleans, Pittsburgh

Week 12
Thursday, Nov. 24
Green Bay at Detroit, 12:30pm (FOX)
Miami at Dallas, 4:15pm (CBS)
San Francisco at Baltimore, 8:20pm (NFL Network)
Sunday, Nov. 27
Carolina at Indianapolis, 1pm (FOX)
Tampa Bay at Tennessee, 1pm (FOX)
Arizona at St. Louis, 1pm (FOX)
Buffalo at N.Y. Jets, 1pm (CBS)
Minnesota at Atlanta, 1pm (FOX)
Cleveland at Cincinnati, 1pm (CBS)
Houston at Jacksonville, 1pm (CBS)
Washington at Seattle, 4:05pm (FOX)
Chicago at Oakland, 4:05pm (FOX)
New England at Philadelphia, 4:15pm (CBS)
Denver at San Diego, 4:15pm (CBS)
Pittsburgh at Kansas City*, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Nov. 28
N.Y. Giants at New Orleans, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 13
Thursday, Dec. 1
Philadelphia at Seattle, 8:20pm (NFL Network)
Sunday, Dec. 4
Detroit at New Orleans, 1pm (FOX)
Carolina at Tampa Bay, 1pm (FOX)
Atlanta at Houston, 1pm (FOX)
Oakland at Miami, 1pm (CBS)
Kansas City at Chicago, 1pm (CBS)
Tennessee at Buffalo, 1pm (CBS)
N.Y. Jets at Washington, 1pm (CBS)
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh, 1pm (CBS)
Baltimore at Cleveland, 1pm (CBS)
Denver at Minnesota, 4:05pm (CBS)
Green Bay at N.Y. Giants, 4:15pm (FOX)
Dallas at Arizona, 4:15pm (FOX)
St. Louis at San Francisco, 4:15pm (FOX)
Indianapolis at New England*, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Dec. 5
San Diego at Jacksonville, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 14
Thursday, Dec. 8
Cleveland at Pittsburgh, 8:20pm (NFL Network)
Sunday, Dec. 11
Houston at Cincinnati, 1pm (CBS)
New England at Washington, 1pm (CBS)
Indianapolis at Baltimore, 1pm (CBS)
Kansas City at N.Y. Jets, 1pm (CBS)
Oakland at Green Bay, 1pm (CBS)
Atlanta at Carolina, 1pm (FOX)
Minnesota at Detroit, 1pm (FOX)
Philadelphia at Miami, 1pm (FOX)
New Orleans at Tennessee, 1pm (FOX)
Tampa Bay at Jacksonville, 1pm (FOX)
Chicago at Denver, 4:05pm (FOX)
San Francisco at Arizona, 4:05pm (FOX)
Buffalo at San Diego, 4:15pm (CBS)
N.Y. Giants at Dallas*, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Dec. 12
St. Louis at Seattle, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 15
Thursday, Dec. 15
Jacksonville at Atlanta, 8:20pm (NFL Network)
Saturday, Dec. 17
Dallas at Tampa Bay, 8:20pm (NFL Network)
Sunday, Dec. 18
Cincinnati at St. Louis, 1pm (CBS)
Tennessee at Indianapolis, 1pm (CBS)
Green Bay at Kansas City, 1pm (FOX)
Carolina at Houston, 1pm (FOX)
New Orleans at Minnesota, 1pm (FOX)
Seattle at Chicago, 1pm (FOX)
Washington at N.Y. Giants, 1pm (FOX)
Miami at Buffalo, 1pm (CBS)
Detroit at Oakland, 4:05pm (FOX)
N.Y. Jets at Philadelphia, 4:15pm (CBS)
New England at Denver, 4:15pm (CBS)
Cleveland at Arizona, 4:15pm (CBS)
Baltimore at San Diego*, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Dec. 19
Pittsburgh at San Francisco, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 16
Thursday, Dec. 22
Houston at Indianapolis, 8:20pm (NFL Network)
Saturday, Dec. 24
Cleveland at Baltimore, 1pm (CBS)
Jacksonville at Tennessee, 1pm (CBS)
Minnesota at Washington, 1pm (FOX)
Denver at Buffalo, 1pm (CBS)
Oakland at Kansas City, 1pm (CBS)
Miami at New England, 1pm (CBS)
Tampa Bay at Carolina, 1pm (FOX)
N.Y. Giants at N.Y. Jets, 1pm (FOX)
Arizona at Cincinnati, 1pm (FOX)
St. Louis at Pittsburgh, 1pm (FOX)
San Diego at Detroit, 4:05pm (CBS)
San Francisco at Seattle, 4:15pm (FOX)
Philadelphia at Dallas, 4:15pm (FOX)
Sunday, Dec. 25
Chicago at Green Bay, 8:20pm (NBC)
Monday, Dec. 26
Atlanta at New Orleans, 8:30pm (ESPN)

Week 17
Sunday, Jan. 1
Tennessee at Houston, 1pm (CBS)
Detroit at Green Bay, 1pm (FOX)
Dallas at N.Y. Giants, 1pm (FOX)
Indianapolis at Jacksonville, 1pm (CBS)
Pittsburgh at Cleveland, 1pm (CBS)
N.Y. Jets at Miami, 1pm (CBS)
Baltimore at Cincinnati, 1pm (CBS)
Washington at Philadelphia, 1pm (FOX)
Chicago at Minnesota, 1pm (FOX)
San Francisco at St. Louis, 1pm (FOX)
Carolina at New Orleans, 1pm (FOX)
Tampa Bay at Atlanta, 1pm (FOX)
Buffalo at New England, 1pm (CBS)
Seattle at Arizona, 4:15pm (FOX)
San Diego at Oakland, 4:15pm (CBS)
Kansas City at Denver, 4:15pm (CBS)
To Be Announced*, 8:20pm (NBC)

Playoffs
Saturday, Jan. 7
AFC and NFC Wild Card Playoffs (NBC)
Sunday, Jan. 8
AFC and NFC Wild Card Playoffs (CBS & FOX)
Saturday, Jan. 14
AFC and NFC Divisional Playoffs (CBS & FOX)
Sunday, Jan. 15
AFC and NFC Divisional Playoffs (CBS & FOX)
Sunday, Jan. 22
AFC and NFC Championship Games (CBS & FOX)
Sunday, Jan. 29
AFC-NFC Pro Bowl in Hawaii (NBC)
Sunday, Feb. 5
Super Bowl XLVI in Indianapolis (NBC)

*Games subject to change.

Martin Lawrence Might Get A New TV Series

Col. Longshanks — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 17:40:18 +0000

After taking fifteen years off from the small screen racket, Martin Lawrence could be making a comeback. Vulture reports that the comedian, who has a penchent for acting sassy in drag, is in deep negotiations with CBS to star in and executive produce a new sitcom for the network. Now it’s up to Hollywood’s most talented TV writers to pitch an idea that Lawrence, the network, the studio, and Sheneneh can all agree on. I’d go with Damn, Gina! if a spin-off series was desired, but I imagine too much time has past for that catch phrase to remain relevant.

Lawrence played the title role in Martin on Fox from 1992 to 1997, starring in 130 episodes. The question is would his return to network television result in the same kind of success? It certainly would add some diversity to a landscape packed with Caucasians. If African-Americans make it on sitcoms at all these days, it’s usually as a token best friend or an animated character voiced by a white guy. I say it’s a fantastic idea to have Lawrence shake things up on CBS. They could even have his character move into a white suburban community. And please let there be a misunderstanding with the neighborhood watch.

David Hornsby Lets Us In On ‘How To Be A Gentleman’

Fred Topel — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 00:55:31 +0000

We’re at a point in society where just being a gentleman can be the premise of a sitcom.

David Hornsby created and stars in the new fall comedy How to Be a Gentleman. Based on the book by John Bridges and the lost art of chivalry, Hornsby plays Andrew, a men’s magazine writer obsessed with being a gentleman. He meets Burt (Kevin Dillon), a personal trainer who wants to toughen him up.

Now if being a gentleman is funny in a fish out of water way, how does Andrew function in a world where guys read The Game and practice The Mystery Method? “Burt’s the kind of guy that would have The Game or have his own sort of game system,” Hornsby said after a Television Critics Association panel on Gentleman. “The gentleman’s game is just being a mannered respectful person. I think that’s where the two worlds collide. You have Burt dragging Andrew to a bar to pick up women. Giving a line to a woman can be a very tacky situation. So Burt has his own angle in to pick up women whereas Andrew tries to find the higher road.”

The fact that The Game and pick-up artist methods are effective flies in the face of gentlemanly behavior. Hornsby would stand by gentlemen’s methods. “Well, a gentleman can succeed in his own way in picking up women. Those techniques are used by a certain type of person. I don’t think it’s quite the gentlemanly thing to do. Yes, they do smack the face.”

Full disclosure, former Screen Junkies editor Patrick Schumacker is writing on How to Be a Gentleman with his $#*! My Dad Says collaborator Justin Halpern. Hornsby is glad to have them on board, particularly for the details of how a men’s magazine operates.

“They really have funny, unique voices. It’s great to have them on the show. They worked at Maxim literally so they’re sort of like the physicists that The Big Bang has, we have Justin and Patrick.”

How to Be a Gentleman comes to CBS this fall.

’2 Broke Girls’ Creator Calls Show “The Evil Twin Of Chic Lit”

Fred Topel — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:56:22 +0000

5 photosKat Dennings

The new CBS comedy 2 Broke Girls stars Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs as waitresses trying to pay their rent and saving up for their own business. Sex and the City creator Michael Patrick King created the show with Whitney Cummings, so of course the media wants to compare Broke to Sex. King explained the difference to the Television Critics Association in a dude-friendly way.

“That show and this show are completely different DNA,” King said. “Everyone is saying that there are so many girl shows, like they’re all the same show. Whenever there’s a character in a book that’s female, they call it chic lit. 2 Broke Girls is like the evil twin of chick lit.”

Max (Dennings) and Caroline (Behrs) should be girls who guys like. They won’t be obsessing over designer brands or dream weddings. “Carrie Bradshaw in her closet was Narnia. We played with reality fantasy. Those girls had relationship checklists. These girls barely have checks.”

Caroline is a former rich girl whose father got caught in a ponzi scheme, so the family lost everything. King pointed out that just specifying dollar amounts makes 2 Broke Girls kind of a TV first.

“We also liked the scary dynamic of talking about money on TV. There’s rarely sitcoms where they say what something costs, including the rent. The artifice of doing a show in front of an audience is already false enough because you never even turn around. The idea that we would try to do that show and actually deal with rent and numbers and say numbers [is realistic].”

2 Broke Girls premieres this fall on CBS.

Details Revealed On Ashton Kutcher’s ‘Two And A Half Men’ Character

Fred Topel — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 16:36:50 +0000

At the beginning of today’s CBS day for the Television Critics Association press tour, CBS Entertainment President Nina Tassler answered questions about Two and a Half Men, Ashton Kutcher and, sort of, Charlie Sheen.

“Who could have predicted that we would have been here six months ago?” Tassler said. “The great news is that the show will be as irreverent as it has always been. Our program practices people are already on high alert. That’s some of the good news coming out of it.”

By irreverent, read more sexual innuendos. She would not confirm the season premiere would be Charlie’s funeral, but introduced Kutcher’s character. “His name is Walden Schmidt and he is an Internet billionaire with a broken heart and it will be a two-parter over two weeks. A little bit of the mystery is part of the marketing, but he is a unique character. As we said in the marketing plan, all will be revealed on X date. The mystery is a part of the marketing. It’s going to be a big event. The chatter and the conversation and the discussion about it is part of what the fun of it can be.”

When asked what she learned from the Charlie Sheen situation, and the suggestion that many people would have predicted his meltdown six months ago, Tassler spun it into a positive future.

“We look at where we are today. I look at where we were six months ago. Our whole focus right now is moving forward. We have an extraordinary actor in Ashton Kutcher. We have someone who is committed to doing their job, to being there, an incredible professional. So as I said, six months ago today, we’re worlds apart. We made the decision, everyone made the decisions relative to the situation at hand.”

Asked if the Sheen situation would change CBS’s casting practices when considering actors with potential issues, Tassler responded, “That would probably be every actor in the business so it would be kind of hard. I don’t think we would change the practice with which we hire actors now. It’s an artistic creative process. You have actors audition. It’s professional, so I don’t think it would change the way we employ actors.”

Fall TV Tips: The Girl Sitcoms

Skippy — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:52:16 +0000

Last week, I ran-down this fall’s guy sitcoms, so this time around we’ll take a look at the chick side of things. And for once, the new shows starring the gals look more promising than the offering from the guy-centered sitcoms. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Let’s have a look…

WATCH IT:

The New Girl (FOX), Premieres Tuesday, 9/20 at 9 pm

This may not be the obvious pick since FOX sitcoms are generally not the strongest and NBC has been shoving Whitney down our throats like crazy, but don’t be fooled by the Peacock’s aggressive marketing campaign.

“The New Girl” stars Zooey Deschanel as a woman who splits with her boyfriend and then becomes a roommate with three dudes. Zooey Deschanel is great to watch and the comedy in this mostly comes from the relationship she has with her new roomies. I’m thinking this may be a slow starter — like last season’s Raising Hope — and then shape up to be a pretty decent show.

SKIP IT:

Whitney (NBC), Premieres Thursday, 9/22 at 9:30 pm (ET)

I might soon be eating my words on this one, but I say don’t even bother with this. Sure, Cummings is hot (just insert your own joke at this point), she does have some occasional funny stuff, but must she scream every line at us? To me, this show is going to be like her act — funny for the first few minutes, then it’s just loud repetition.

But if you do want to tune in — the mute button is recommended — you’ll be watching Cummings starring as a chick living with her boyfriend and together they learn to deal with being unmarried, their home life, outside relationships and all that crap. This show will probably make it, but I won’t be watching.

THE REST:

2 Broke Girls (CBS), Premieres Monday, 9/19 at 9:30 pm

I like Kat Dennings and her “I could give a shit” approach to comedy and acting and this show looks kind of entertaining. It stars Dennings and another chick none of you know as waitresses in a diner. They are polar opposites, but form a buddy comedy-style friendship and decide to go into business together. Nothing ground breaking, but there is a laugh or two to be had.

Suburgatory (ABC), Premieres Wednesday, 9/28 at 8:30 pm

I loved some of the cast, but when they are in a show centered around a teen from the city that makes a move to the suburbs, I probably don’t need to say anything further. I’d rather read a book. And I never read.

Ted Danson To Replace William Petersen’s Replacement On ‘CSI’

Wookie Johnson — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 16:47:37 +0000

7 photosAmber Stevens

CSI is getting a new daddy and it’s Ted Danson!! Ever since William Petersen left to pursue a sure-to-be successful film career, the show has had a tough time maintaining its audience. CBS chose not to renew Laurence Fishburne‘s contract after he dedicated two years of his life to making tasteless puns around dead bodies. It’s your turn now, Danson.

Danson will play the CSI supervisor for the grave shift after heading the crime lab in Portland. He comes to the team as they are still grappling with the professional and personal fallout from last season’s take-down of serial killer, Nate Haskell…

The casting of Danson caps off an exhaustive search by CBS to find another star worthy enough to help return some luster to the aging CSI franchise. EW learned that offers went out to actors like Tony Shaloub, Robin Williams and John Lithgow before the studio landed on Danson, who’s been enjoying a career resurgence thanks to a critically-acclaimed run on Damages. He received three Emmy nominations for playing Arthur Frobisher. Danson will remain a series regular on Bored to Death. [EW]

Cheer up, Laurence. At least now you’ll have more time to spend with family. Oh… right.

CBS Fall Line-up Includes J.J. Abrams, Kat Dennings, And 3 Old-People Shows

Penn Collins — Wed, 18 May 2011 23:57:00 +0000

CBS has lowered the boom with their fall schedule today. They’ve shared with us a sitcom in the vein of “How I Met Your Mother” and”The Big Bang Theory,” a J.J. Abrams sci-fi/pre-crime joint, and three more shows that appear to be aimed at whatever demographic your grandparents’ grandparents are in.

“Person of Interest” is the aforementioned J.J. Abrams show that follows around Michael Emerson (“Lost”‘s Ben Linus) as he stops crime…(wait for it)…BEFORE it happens. But don’t ask the producers how it’s different than Minority Report. They are very touchy about being accused of stealing ideas from the shows that they stole ideas from.

“A Gifted Man” follows around a brilliant man who develops a new appreciation for life after his dead wife teaches him lessons from beyond the grave. Also, the wife wants closure for something, so let’s join this couple as they search for an appreciation for life and for closure. *Fart*

“How to be a Gentleman” focuses on a proper man (David Hornsby) who wishes to become more manly, enlisting the help of Kevin Dillon’s character along the way. If there’s anything CBS has taught us from “Rules of Engagement,” “Two and a Half Men,” and “The Big Bang Theory,” it’s that they know how to draw rich, dynamic portraits of men. It wouldn’t be presumptuous to begin getting EXTREMELY excited about this show RIGHT NOW.

“2 Broke Girls” stars Kat Dennings as 50% of the title. She and an unlikely friend work as waitresses to raise money to start a business. I’m willing to bet that they also learn that it’s hard being on your own in the city and stuff. Hold everything: I just learned that one of the waitresses is a trust-fund baby. What a disarming juxtaposition!

“Unforgettable” stars something called a “Poppy Montgomery.” That name would lead me to believe that it would be a silent film, but the below clip demonstrates that there’s sound and color and everything. It’s about a sexy cop that has a near-flawless memory. However, the one thing she can’t remember is the very thing she wants to the most: the details surrounding her sister’s murder. That’s very unfortunate for Poppy Montgomery.

Gif Recap: ‘How I Met Your Mother’ – Challenge Accepted

Jame Gumb — Tue, 17 May 2011 20:30:08 +0000

Last night’s season finale of “How I Met Your Mother” had a lot of lessons to give about life and love. It also had piss and fart jokes sandwiched in between a few sappy romantic moments. Although there was a major surprise which set the tone for next season. Hey, it was season finale, after all.

(Click Here For More Gif Recaps)

Last week, Ted ended up dumping Zoey in order to pursue his career, and all of America rejoiced at her departure. This week’s episode began with the ribbon cutting ceremony for Ted’s project and the demolition of the Arcadia Hotel.

While Ted and Barney are at the ribbon cutting, Lily is attempting to cheer up a still unemployed Marshall with a pot of soup from his favorite deli. Unfortunately, the deli isn’t known for is cleanliness, and Lily comes down with food poisoning.

When Lily is unable to reach Marshall in time, he consumes multiple bowls of the same soup. This brings him to the sad realization that he too will suffer from the virus that is plaguing his wife. By his estimate, he has three hours before it sets in. You can live a lot of life in three hours.

At the bar, it is revealed that Zoey is once again rearing her ugly head (well, her head is hot, but you know what I mean). Ted is stressed out from work, and it’s causing him to reconsider their relationship. He has a habit of letting trivial matters (like sun burn) convince him to run back to his ex-lovers, and a difficult choice about light bulbs has him rethinking Zoey.

Robin and Barney are desperate to keep Ted from making the same mistake, and follow him to his rendezvous with Zoey. At the same time, Marshall gets a call from an environmental law firm asking him to come in for an interview. It’s his dream job, so he decides to take his chances despite the oncoming illness. He even goes as far as to borrow an adult diaper from an elderly neighbor. But at the end of the interview, he is overcome by the fear of soiling himself, and flee the office.

Barney and Robin manage to intercept Ted just in time, and dissuade him from returning to Zoey. In the process, they grow nostalgic for their relationship.

Meanwhile, Marshall returns home, and is completely disgusted with his life. He laments the recent death of his father, his lack of a job, and the fact that he will soon be exploding from both ends. Despite his wife’s attempt at comforting him, he goes to bed, hoping to get some sleep before the illness sets in.

But the illness never comes, and Marshall awakes in the morning feeling fine. As it turns out, Lily didn’t have the stomach flu. It was morning sickness! Yep, she’s been knocked up six ways from Sunday.

As the parents to be embrace, we cut to Barney and Ted, who are at the demolition ceremony for the Arcadia. Because he is proud of his friend, Barney, allows Ted to push the button to begin the demolition despite the fact that he has dreamed about pushing it himself for weeks.

After the ceremony, Barney and Robin are walking home when they run into Nora, Barney’s ex. Even though his advice to Ted was “new is always better,” Barney attempts to reconcile with her, and the two agree to meet for coffee. Robin seems less than pleased with the development.

At the end of the episode, we are shown a flash forward to a wedding, at which Barney is the groom. But who is the bride? Robin? Nora? Marshall? I guess we’ll have to wait until next season to find out.

UPDATED: Ashton Kutcher Joins ‘Two And A Half Men’, Charlie Sheen Screams Into Webcam

Geoffrey Golden — Fri, 13 May 2011 16:44:43 +0000

UPDATE: CBS has officially announced that Ashton Kutcher will be joining the “Two and a Half Men” family. It’s almost like Charlie Sheen never existed.

Good news: Charlie Sheen has something to talk about again. *Wipes Brow*

CBS and Warner Bros are in the final stages of their deal to replace Sheen’s character on “Two and a Half Men” with… Ashton Kutcher. This makes some logical sense, as they’re both on-screen douches and Kutcher is experienced in the multicamera sitcom world. My sources tell me he will also build a Scrooge McDuck style swimming vault for all the money they’re giving him.

Hugh Grant passed on the gig, and despite publicly saying he’s not interested, John Stamos has been waiting by the phone this entire time. Showrunner Chuck Lorre is supposedly happy with the selection, and now Sheen will have someone else to call a “troll” for awhile. Let the inevitable Twitter battle begin. (Hollywood Reporter)

The Ultimate 2011 TV Pilot Season Quiz

Jame Gumb — Thu, 12 May 2011 12:11:09 +0000

As the television season comes to a close, and we prepare ourselves for a summer full of crappy cast-away shows and reality TV, the networks are hard at work deciding which new pilots to green light to series for the fall. And while it’s never fair to judge a book by its cover, that won’t stop us from judging pilots by their titles and log lines.

We’ve compiled 10 current pilots being considered at the five major networks: ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, and CW. Can you match all 10 titles to their corresponding log line (that means “description,” for those of you who aren’t in the biz)? Check out the quiz below and see if you have what it takes.

Gif Recap: ‘How I Met Your Mother’ – Landmarks

Jame Gumb — Tue, 10 May 2011 19:13:58 +0000

Last night marked the second to last episode of “How I Met Your Mother” season six. Hopefully it marked the final episode featuring Zoey. But more on that later. Let’s do this Gif Recap proper, and start at the beginning.

Check Out Our Other Gif Recaps Here!

While speaking in front of the landmark committee in regard to the Arcadia Hotel, Marshall closes his argument Johnny Cochran style, with a rhyme: “If the lion head’s stonework is regal…tearing it down should be illegal.” Because this is a sitcom, the crowd seems pleased with his speech, and Marshall decides to celebrate with a moonwalk before being asked to stop rhyming and sit down. Next, it’s Ted‘s turn to testify. At the end of last week’s episode, he was adamantly in favor of saving the building. But now, when asked his opinion, he seems unsure. What happened? Flashback time.

After the events of last week, Barney is the odd man out. Everyone else is now in favor of saving the Arcadia, making him the lone dissenter. In order to spite his new enemies, Barney bribes the bar’s kitchen to stop serving chicken wings, leaving his hungry friends wingless.

While Barney might have had a good laugh over his wing prank, he was in for a rude awakening. After talking to his boss, Arthur, he discovers that both he and Ted are at risk of being fired if Ted testifies in favor of the building. Despite this fact, Ted seems unmoved, thanks to his love for Zoey.

Later, Ted wakes up to see what he thinks is Barney dressed as the long-dead architect who built the Arcadia. At first, he is unimpressed by Barney’s nonsense. But then, after an impressive lighting change, Ted realizes that it is actually the architect, speaking to him in a dream. The ghost warns Ted not to testify in favor of the building, since, deep down, he knows it is an unimportant eyesore unworthy of landmark status, and doing so would mean giving up his chance to leave his own mark on the city.

After discussing the matter with his friends, and exploring all the possible outcomes (including Ninja attack), Ted decides to testify against the building even though he knows Zoey will leave him. Later that night, he meets with Zoey one last time, but keeps his plans a secret, as not to spoil the moment.

At this point, the flashback ends, and Ted is back on stage testifying about the building. When he tells the committee he believes the Arcadia is unworthy of landmark status, Zoey rushes the stage and plays a recording of Ted speaking in favor of saving it because of the iconic lion’s head on its exterior. The move leaves little doubt that the committee will vote to save the building, and even less doubt that Zoey is an awful bitch.

After the meeting is adjourned and the vote is scheduled for the next day, the group heads to the bar to drown their sorrows. Luckily, Lily has hatched a plan to make sure the Arcadia is destroyed. The group rushes to find Arthur, who is out walking his new dog (which he hates). After calming him down, he agrees to go along with the plan.

For legal reasons, Ted never gives details. But the next night at the committee meeting, it is announced that the lion’s head is missing, and there is no longer a reason to save the building. Zoey is furious, and as expected, leaves Ted. He takes it in stride, telling her that “Sometimes, things have to fall apart to make way for better things.” With that, Zoey walks off screen, hopefully into oncoming traffic.

As the episode ends, Ted asks Barney what he really thought of Zoey, stressing that he can be honest now that she is out of the picture. Ted reluctantly admits that maybe she was right about the lion’s head, adding that it really looks good in his bedroom.

All and all, how did you feel about last night’s episode? Are you glad that Zoey is dead gone?

Fox Chooses Mark Burnett To Produce ‘The Emmys’ AKA ‘The Who Caresies’

Geoffrey Golden — Thu, 05 May 2011 03:54:13 +0000

Remember when four reality show hosts were chosen to anchor the “Emmy Awards” in 2008? For those of you who do, sorry I brought back those painful memories. Well, the man behind such reality shows as “Survivor,” “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?” and “Sarah Palin Shoots At Stuff: The TV Show” will produce the upcoming “63rd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards” for Fox. Ho boy. To be fair, producer Mark Burnett also Executive Produced recent “MTV Movie Award” ceremonies, so… ho boy.

After long and difficult negotiations, the Emmys have renewed the “wheel” system – having Fox, NBC, ABC, and CBS take a turn each year, then pass that dutchie - through 2018. The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences gets $66 million for the 8 year deal. Nobody else bid against the networks, I guess because nobody else thinks the “Emmys” are prestigious to the tune of $8.25 million.

The “Emmys” air September 18, 2011 on Fox, along with more “Raising Hope” promos than you ever thought possible. (Deadline)

Gif Recap: ‘How I Met Your Mother’ – The Perfect Cocktail

Jame Gumb — Tue, 03 May 2011 20:20:00 +0000

The Screen Junkies Gif Recap is back! Featuring the mindlessness of television without all the over-analysis of your average recap, it’s the next best thing to watching television. Today’s installment: “How I Met Your Mother” – The Perfect Cocktail.

The show begins with Marshall leaving his job at GNB in order to pursue a position at an environmental firm. However, his manager, Arthur (Bob Odenkirk), sabotages his chances by telling the prospective employer that Marshall hates the environment, clubs baby seals, and comes to work without pants.

Angered by the double cross, Marshall decides to get back at his former employer by lending his support to Zoey’s cause (preventing the demolition of the Arcadian Hotel by GNB). This angers Barney to no end. He helped Marshall land the job, and feels completely betrayed. Vowing revenge, Barney does something, most likely of a sexual nature, to Marshall’s megaphone.

As retaliation, Marshall spreads rumors that Barney is married to a pregnant woman and that he has crabs that have been diagnosed with herpes. As a result, the confrontation escalates to the point of a physical fight, which gets everyone banned from the bar. Desperate for a resolution, the girls decide to get the guys wasted with the hope that they will then be able to open up to each other emotionally. This requires the right type of alcohol, so the girls do some research to figure out the perfect cocktail. Martini’s are ruled out, since it brings out the bisexual in Lily. Red wine is ruled out, because it turns Barney into a sad, introspective drunk. Absinthe is also off the table, since it sends Robin into an alternate reality in which she thinks she is part of a baby’s dream.

Ted, who is getting ready to go on a trip with Zoey, suggests bourbon, since it gives him the uncanny ability to beat box. However, Lily informs him that bourbon only causes him to think he’s a good beat boxer, a revelation which shatters his ego.

Other drinks are ruled out for various reasons, including the fact that some cause Marshall to become violent (hence the clip below, where he plays chicken with a mirror). Eventually, the two men end up patching things up over beers. They are readmitted to the bar, and all is right with the world…or so it seems.

Meanwhile, Ted and Zoey are fighting over the Arcadian Hotel. Ted can’t understand why Zoey would jeopardize his firm’s project over such a run-down dump. In order to prove his point, he cancels their weekend getaway and books a room at the Arcadian. Despite the communal bathrooms and the lingering threat of hooker ghosts, Zoey maintains her love for the hotel, confessing that when she was younger, her poverty stricken family was forced to live there. After the revelation, Ted confesses his love to Zoey, but the moment is quickly broken up by the appearance of the cockamouse, the half-roach half-mouse creature that used to live at Ted’s apartment. It has now settled at the hotel, and Ted is touched to see it is raising a family. Zoey is less than impressed, and the two flee the hotel.

The next morning, Marshall and Barney wake up and begin fighting as if nothing has changed. Confused, the girls determine that the men ended up drinking so much that they blacked out and forgot about the reconciliation. Disappointed, Lily and Robin decide to drown their sorrows in Absinthe.

So, at the end of the episode, both Ted and Marshall are aligned against Barney over the issue of the hotel, and Zoey and Ted seem to be growing even closer in their relationship. With just a few more episodes left in the season, how will these issues resolve? Prediction, Zoey will chain herself to the hotel, and will be killed during its demolition, wrapping up all the lose ends in a satisfying matter.

Review: CBS’s Chaos

Fred Topel — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 23:28:20 +0000

CBS is known for their serious crime dramas and franchises. Three “CSI”s solve murders, “Without a Trace” finds people, “NCIS” defuses bombs or something, I don’t know. They should stick to what they’re good at. Their attempt at a wacky CIA caper does not work at all. “Chaos” is the wacky take on all the government intrigue clichés. It’s so stupid, it makes USA’s “Covert Affairs” look like “Alias.”

Rick Martinez (Freddie Rodriguez) checks in to the CIA for his first day at work. Immediately he’s flagged on the watch list and security takes him down and confiscates his fluids (soup he brought for lunch.) Get it? Because Homeland Security makes mistakes.

He interviews with Higgins (Kurtwood Smith) of the Clandestine Administration and Oversight Services department (CAOS). Higgins tells him the position he’s been hired for has been cut. Martinez blubbers about how he’s always dreamed of being an agent and took all the tests. That gives Higgins the idea to make him a mole in the Office of Disruptive Services and report their offenses to him.

The ODS is full of one-note characters too. Casey Malick (Tim Blake Nelson) is the straight man, if only because he seems like he actually knows what he’s doing as an agent. The skills he demonstrates at the end of the episode might count as a joke, because they’re uncharacteristically badass for a suit sitting at a desk, but it still fits the realms of a standard CIA agent. Michael Dorset (Eric Close) seems to be the exposition guy explaining everything to Martinez, and Billy Collins (James Murray) is the Scottish wild card. He calls Martinez “muy caliente” and does Sean Connery impressions.

The ODS is onto Martinez though so they quickly turn the tables, but they also win him (and the audience presumably) over to their side. So maybe Higgins is the real villain, which would make sense considering they cast Kurtwood Smith. Also, Fay (Carmen Ejogo) seduces Martinez, but he blows it and now she doesn’t like him anymore so he’ll spend the whole series getting back to first base.

There are some big stunts and they are played so stupid it wastes the stuntmen’s talents. Martinez rolls out of a car and quivers as another car stops short of him. They actually go out in the field to some desert and jungle locations. Whatever production value that adds is ruined by slapstick and bug eating.

Every character bumbles or lacks common sense. Higgins intercepts a cell phone and thinks a call from the owner’s mother is code for espionage. Kick ass martial arts are still played for “laughs,” because you’d never expect that guy to know how to fight! They’re just trying so hard it’s sad.