Werner Herzog made a documentary about the Chauvet cave, where the earliest cave paintings ever discovered have been preserved like the cavemen drew them yesterday. Cave of Forgotten Dreams sure is pretty, but man, it’s soooo boring.

It’s a History documentary so it’s educational and informative, and has no personality and just lingers on scientific information. 3D or not, the crystallized rock looks beautiful, but as a screensaver, not a movie.

The film explains how any scientists at all are allowed in the cave. There’s a sterile chamber where you put on sterile boots and gear so that you don’t contaminate the caves. They’ve put in a metal walkway and you have to stick to that so you don’t get your modern day grease on the stones.

Herzog narrates and it’s kind of funny that he’s so seriously enunciating in accented English, but that won’t carry you through 90 minutes. He is still crazy Werner Herzog, interviewing scientists and asking about caveman dreams. One of the scientists is a former circus performer too. He also wants the explorers to be silent in the caves and listen to their own heartbeats.

The scientists create a story of the caveman. They notice a handprint with a distinct finger so they know it’s the same caveman. Analyzing the paintings reveals that some overlapping drawings were made 5000 years apart, so that’s how long these cultures were making their art.

I know, I know, it’s art. I’m supposed to broaden my mind outside the confines of mainstream narratives. Look, I’ve watched Herzog drag a ship across a country in real time. You’d just have to be a geology buff to care at all about empty caves.

One possible complaint about this trailer is that the narration of Werner Herzog, owner of one of the best voices in all of movie history and narrator of Cave of Forgotten Dreams is nowhere to be heard in this. You can still hear him talking at the beginning, though. But the absence of his narration is is a real shame, because Herzog’s voice is one of the best parts of past documentaries like Little Dieter Needs to Fly and Lessons of Darkness. So if you’re on the fence about seeing this, remember that the movie will be even better thanks to Herzog’s voice. Oh, and it’s in 3D, if you care about that (MovieLine).

Director: Werner Herzog

Cast: Charles Fathy, Werner Herzog

Synopsis: Werner Herzog gains exclusive access to film inside the Chauvet caves of Southern France, capturing the oldest known pictorial creations of humankind in their astonishing natural setting.

Release Date: March 25, 2011