Personally, I would have just repainted a plastic disc snow sled instead. That way, you don’t risk losing any fingers and can huck it at your friends more easily.

If they’re nearly as hilarious as these examples that preceded them, we’re all in for a treat. Can’t wait to get my complete set of The Avenge Team.

Woody

Three blockbuster films under his belt have proved too stressful for Toy Story’s Woody.The spoils of fame have gone to his head and hurled him into a downward spiral of drugs, alcohol, and sex addicition. It’s sad to see him ride the snake in his boot but even the brightest of stars sometimes burn out. If I were selling this toy, I’d market it as “Florida Cowboy.”

Titanic Bot

When selling toys to children, it’s perhaps best not to focus on maritime disasters that claimed the lives of their ancestors. I always thought that Pearl Harbor was Michael Bay’s version ofTitanic. I stand corrected.

SuperBat

Where does he get all those terrible toys?

Also of interest is the news that those incredibly popular post-credits scenes are also going to continue. It wasn’t clear if this means that The Avengers will feature a teaser for Iron Man 3, or something else entirely. It’ll be nice to be surprised, right? Anyway, assuming The Avengers is the blockbuster everyone knows it will be, this will all culminate in a sequel to The Avengers, after which I’m sure they’ll just pack everything up in the interest of maintaining a high standard of quality. Ha ha, just kidding. (FirstShowing.net)

Look, what do you want from me? There are lasers, explosions, Robert Downey Jr. lipping off, and Thor. Everybody loves some Thor. The action here looks pretty impressive. It makes me want to team up with a ragtag group of extraordinary individuals and throw one another through plate glass windows and such. Then again, I just watched The Kids Are Alright and it had the same effect.

When you’re done gawking at the trailer, click here to gawk at 27 Hot Girls Dressed Like R2D2.

	Steve Rogers looks young because he spent years frozen in the arctic.
	Kenny Rogers tried to look young by having his face frozen at a clinic in Beverly Hills.
	Steve Rogers’ famous shield contains rare alloys.
	Kenny Rogers’ famous chicken contains rare food additives.
	Steve Rogers sometimes uses aliases like Brett Hendrick or “The Captain.”
	Kenny Rogers sometimes uses aliases like Brady Hawkes or “The Gambler.”
	Steve Rogers is often associated with a hideous villain named Red Skull.
	Kenny Rogers is often associated with a hideous villain named Kim Carnes.
	Steve Rogers has a bizarre, questionable relationship with a young boy named Bucky.
	Kenny Rogers has a bizarre, questionable relationship with a dead man named Buck Owens.
	Before the experiment, Steve Rogers was a coward.
	Kenny Rogers wrote “Coward of the County.”
	Kenny Rogers has a beard.
	Steve Rogers has Sharon Carter.

6 photosHayley Atwell

A word from Hayley: “The real me is a loner, a nerd, and a bit overweight.”

Iron Fist

Iron Fist harnessing his chi

First up is the enigmatic “Iron Fist”. Although a feature film was supposed to be in the works, it seems to have become lost in development hell since nothing concrete has ever materialized. A pity because Iron Fist is definitely one of the more interesting characters in comic books. A formidable martial-arts fighter, Iron Fist trained under the venerable master, Lei Kung. Through his training he learned deadly fighting techniques and developed the ability to focus his chi to augment his already impressive physical attributes. As a result, Iron Fist has enhanced strength, speed, reflexes, agility and durability. At one point, he even battled the powerfu Iron Man to a near standstill. How’s that for cinema worthy?

Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel shooting fire blasts

Not to be mistaken for Shazam, the DC Comics character with the lightning bolt motif on his chest and a host of powers similar to Superman‘s (though their super suits are so similar you’d be hard-pressed to distinguish the two), Captain Marvel is Marvel Comics‘ version of, well, Superman. But Captain Marvel is his own man—a superhero secretly sent by an alien race to spy on humanity, while living with the people of Earth, he fought alongside this planet’s heroes defending the populace from evildoers. Slowly, Captain Marvel began to understand us and empathize with us. When his superiors learn about his apparent betrayal, he is branded a traitor for his transgressions. Captain Marvel has the ability to fly and fire energy blasts. He’ll also kick anyone’s ass in a fight.

Winter Soldier

Marvel Comics' Winter Soldier

Comic aficionados know that Captain America once had a dependable sidekick. The young James “Bucky” Barnes bravely fought and stood by Captain America against the Nazis during World War II. Unfortunately, he suffered a terrible plane accident and was thought lost over the raging seas. Miraculously, his cold-preserved but badly battered body was then found by the Russians who saved him from certain doom. Unfortunately though, the hero was also brainwashed. He then was given cyborg appendages and became an elite assassin for the Soviets. Sounds like an intriguing Manchurian Candidate-esque concept ripe for a 3D viewing to us.

Machine Man

Machine Man

This obscure character started off his existence as a robot but was eventually granted the gift of sentience. An unlikely hero, he often wonders what it would be like to be human. He initially had a hokey, mechanized look but eventually made himself look more like a real person. Machine Man has a variety of weapons and has telescopic arms and legs which he uses for a variety of attacks. He also has superhuman strength as well as enhanced stamina and speed. Neo Terminator, anyone?

Zombie Spider-Man

Zombie Spider-Man attacking a fellow ghoul

The Marvel Zombie Universe is an alternate Marvel reality where most of the world’s super-powered individuals and regular folk have been devoured or turned into flesh-eating zombies. Unfortunately for us, the great Spider-Man has been zombified and teams up with most of the former heroes who have also been turned into to a rampaging horde of ravenous creatures. With their powers and abilities still intact, thi unstoppable army of the undead have the upper hand and systematically pick off the planet’s remaining survivors. The Marvel Zombie Universe effectively combines super-heroics with the time-tested zombie genre for some slam-bang action and intense terror. While the Spider-Man movies were great, a Zombie Spider-Man would indubitably be even better.

Legendary will also be bringing Jeff Bridges, Ben Barnes, and the rest of the Seventh Son crew to the shindig, so try not to piss those guys off or they will cast a spell on you. (The cast are honorary wizards until the film officially opens.)

Taylor Lautner will be in attendance not only with the Twilight crew, but to promote his new film Abduction. So if you want to know the tricks of one of the greatest actors of our generation, go do that, then go see Taylor Lautner. 

'Captain America' Trailer: Still No Sympathy For Nazis

Tom Hardy will be posting up with Joel Edgerton to promote Warrior, so that’s the perfect time to bug him with Dark Knight rises questions.

SyFy network will bring their Eureka, Warehouse 13, Being Human, and Alphas cast and crews down for discussions as well, so swing on by and say hi. They might be lonely if they’re up against the del Toro gang.

Captain America will be at Comic-Con as well, which makes more sense than most, with him being a comic book character and everything. Since that’s the opening weekend, they won’t have everyone there for a panel, but Chris Evans is expected to sign some autographs and do some promotional stuff with soldiers stationed in SD. THR reports that there might also be a screening of the film, so everyone assume that’s definitely going to happen and flip out RIGHT NOW!

'Captain America' Trailer Reps The Red, White And Blue

This Fourth of July, I suggest you get your family all huddled in the house (or, let’s face it, studio apartment), draw the curtains, and watch this Captain America trailer on a loop. Over and over and over until you are ready to drop-kick the next German you meet.

Before you argue with me, claiming “the Fourth of July is about being outside” or “I lost my job and can’t afford an Internet connection anymore,” check out the trailer and try to say with a straight face that you don’t love America 6% more than before you watched it.

The theatrical trailer plays up the characteristics (beyond the physique) that make Captain America “Cap’n ‘merica.” Namely, his eagerness to jump on grenades, and not in a metaphorical sense. Balancing out the more emotional qualities here is a catchy little number by Tool, that reminds us that Captain America is a complete and total badass. But if you needed reminding of that, you’re probably a communist.

Check out the poster below, and come back tonight at 7:30E/4:30P to see the new trailer.

(Yahoo)

Captain America hits theaters July 22. Check out the poster below.

Super 8:

Cowboys and Aliens:

Rise of the Planet of the Apes:

The Change-Up:

Captain America:

If I may paraphrase all of Mr Feige’s responses, “We’re Marvel. We will make a movie out of anything we own in which people exhibit the slightest modicum of interest.”

Of course, we could have figured all this. He divulged that Captain America would be set in the present, which was not considered even a few days ago, when the studio publicly weighed how much would be set in the past and how much would jump forward to modern times.

Marvel’s reign doesn’t seem likely to end, though the marketing campaign behind the film seems to be shaky at best. Feige will likely punish the Thor crew by only greenlighting one sequel before the original comes out. Otherwise they’ll never learn. (D23)

It’s a little bothersome that around the 1:50 mark, they underutilize Captain ‘Merica by only arming him with a pistol. A prototypical government killing machine should get flame thrower or higher.

The production design looks tight. (Think The Rocketeer, but good) The Nazi’s are scary, as they were in real life, and it ends with a dumb little one-liner, as big budget action movies are required to by federal law. Enjoy your first look.

Click these links if you love America:

A Short History of the Muppets at the Grammies (MovieLine)

Local Smokeshow of the Day (BarstoolSports)

President Mubarak’s Letter of Resignation (HolyTaco)

Here Comes Another Highlander Movie (FilmDrunk)

Mila Kunis is Super Artsy (CelebJihad)

Steampunk Star Wars (Unreality)

Weekend Movie Preview (MovieFone)

Britney Spears Said Some Stuff (PopEater)

20 Celebs Who Should Rock Bieber Hair (Smosh)

Bill O’Reilly’s Top Eight Science Fails (Ranker)

Guy Jumps From 40-Foot Platform Into Kiddie Pool (BroBible)

Today’s Girl: Odette Yustman (Maxim)

An Open Letter to Valentine’s Day (Pajiba)

A History of Bieber Hair In Hollywood (NextMovie)

Cage Potato Power Punch – The Game (CagePotato)

How to Shave Your Lady’s Legs (MadeMan)

Diablo As a Console Game? (GameFront)

There Will Never Be an Accordion Hero (TuVez)

There’s also a new look at Captain America online via Empire. Here we see Chris Evans again. Suited up like Captain America again. Holding a shield again. That’s great. So, how’s about just showing us the trailer already?

"Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta go!"

As was done by Delirious-era Eddie Murphy before him, Chris Evans‘s Captain America is intent on showing the world how comfortable and mobile a leather bodysuit truly is. Here Cap glides effortlessly along the catwalk of a military base as he races to the men’s room. Will he make it back before his favorite show returns from commercial? Well, I’m not going to spoil it for you. You’ll have to buy a ticket this summer if you want to find out, friend.

It should be noted that while flexible enough for a full range of movements, leather doesn’t breathe that well. That’s why Captain America recommends carrying some Gold Bond Powder in your little brown utility belt. Gold Bond: Because when you’re protecting the free world from the red skeleton of a Nazi, you can’t let moisture stand in the way. (LA Times)

First, we have Thor gritting his God teeth in anger before giving someone the business end of that hammer of his. Not sure what’s going on with the really ornate scenery behind him. He’s either in Asgard or an NBA players bathroom. I haven’t seen enough episodes of “Cribs” to be able to identify which player.

Then we have a snapshot of Chris Evans suited as the Star-Spangled Avenger himself. The leatherhead style costume is pretty cool. It’s a great blend of old-timey and modern day. Plus you can see his abs through leather. That’s how you know he’s seriously good at thwarting Nazis. It’s also nice to see that wall of Iron Men behind him. I’m not sure how functional those suits are but they look intimidating. New rule: the CEO of Marvel is now in charge of all of our wars. Get on that, Pentagon. (via Entertainment Weekly)

UPDATE: The X-Men trailer will not screen before The Green Hornet. Fox hasn’t decided on a roll-out date just yet. In time, my pretties. In time.

Last week “Entertainment Tonight” teased their exclusive first look at Captain America: The First Avenger. And then nothing. Well, where the hell is it? You can’t just give us four seconds and no pay-off. Are you trying to make us sympathize with our prom dates?

Word on the street is that the footage isn’t up to par yet. Whatever. I’m holding Billy Bush personally accountable.

The rumor began via a tweet from branding consultant Gregory Littley. He tweeted:

“Not good news…I’m hearing that the ‘Captain America: The First Avenger‘ trailer is being delayed. Footage isn’t ‘Amazing’.”

This shouldn’t cause too much alarm in the fan community just yet. After the negative response to the Thor footage leak, Marvel and Joe Johnston want to make sure they only share the best look possible. Especially with The Avengers partially riding on this. Whatever. I still choose to hold Billy Bush personally accountable. You’ll pay for this Billy!

Luckily, we won’t have that same problem with x-Men: First Class. That trailer is slated to arrive this Friday in front of Green Hornet. (via Movie Web and /Film)

_{Dat ass.}

This morning I posted Chris Evans as Captain America: The First Avenger looking all stoic on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. Now I have more pictures for your eyeballs. The above pic focuses on Captain America‘s ass, or shield if you’d prefer. After the jump, check out Hugo Weaving as the early incarnation of Red Skull and Chris Evans shirtless **splashes glass of water on face**

(/Film)

That’s not morning wood you’re sporting. It’s an excitement boner from laying eyes on this first official pic of Chris Evans in his tight, slick Captain America costume from the new issue of EW. Look at him with his star and shield and strappy thingies. He’s like a cigar store Indian without the headdress, and more patriotic rags. I’m sure we’ll see a teaser trailer soon, as the movie hits theaters July 22, 2011, but for now you’ll have to do with just the pic, like old school Internet porn days.

Captain America: The First Avenger is busy shooting on the streets of Manchester, and the Internet has gone mad over this exciting behind-the-scenes video. In the clip, director Joe Johnston demonstrates why he is considered a master, expertly guiding his actor, Chris Evans, as they film a pivotal scene.

No need for me to oversell it. Sit back and enjoy this rare glimpse of movie magic. (/Film)

Watch Captain America director Joe Johnston make movie magic after the jump...

Sensational! This thing has blockbuster written all over it. If it looks this awesome now, can you imagine what it will be like once post-production get’s a hold of it? All I can say is hang on, Captain America fans, cause you’re in for the ride of your lives!

ScreenJunkies caught up with Stanley Tucci at the press junket for Easy A. When not answering questions about the works of Nathaniel Hawthorne or how good Emma Stone smells, the Tooch talked a bit about his role as Dr. Erskine in Marvel’s Captain America.

Yeah, I don’t look like that character as drawn originally. The character as drawn originally is a very big, sort of square-headed, square-shouldered guy with a big white moustache and a huge thing of hair. I don’t look like that. We chose to, I have a scruffy beard that we grayed even more than mine is gray, and like white hair here [above the ears], sort of longish and then glasses and a German accent.

In other words, something like this:

If you listen closely, you can hear Christopher Lloyd firing his agent off in the distance.

So basically the Comic-Con teaser posters for Captain America and Thor are awesome. If the films are half as awesome as these gritty, realistic conceptual depictions by artist Ryan Meinerding we’re in for an awesome treat.

Look at Captain America up there, deflecting those bullets with his massive patriotic shield. He looks furious and hungry enough to eat a Nazi’s face for lunch. Please Joe Johnston, dangle this poster in front of your face for inspiration as you direct the film. If Joel Schumacher would have done such a thing, the bat suit never would have been altered with nipples.

Check out larger versions of the posters after the jump…

It’s official: Dominic Cooper will play Howard Stark in the upcoming ‘Captain America‘ film. Although rumors have been circulating about Cooper’s involvement since May, Marvel did not send the official press release until yesterday. It’s kind of like how you know your girlfriend is going to leave you for that guy at the gym, but she hasn’t yet packed up her stuff.

As I wrote in May, Howard Stark is a Howard Hughes-esq inventor and the founder of Stark Industries, the company later inherited by his son Tony (a.k.a. Iron Man). Assuming no one has changed the Wikipedia page from which I grabbed it, that information should still be accurate. (Collider)

^{"Not now, ScreenJunkies."}

News broke today that Stanley Tucci will break out the ol’ mustache and wear an Albert Einstein costume and appear in Captain America: The First Avenger. In the film he will play Dr. Abraham Erskine, Captain America‘s dad. Well, not his biological dad but the scientist who creates him. Like Pinnochio’s Geppetto or Megaman’s Dr. Light or Johnny Five’s Steve Guttenberg.

He’ll be joining the previously-cast Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Tommy Lee Jones, Hayley Atwell, Dominic Cooper, Toby Jones, Sebastian Stan and Neal McDonough. (THR)

YAAAH-HAAWWW!!!! Pull yerselves up a rock and knock back some apple jack. We’ve got usselves a casting round-up, and it’s gonna be a hog killin’ good time.

JEREMY RENNER – is in talks to play Hawkeye in Joss Whedon‘s Avengers. He’s previously denied his involvement with the project, but he’s ready to talk now that the pieces are falling into place. Will this disclude him from appearing in PT Anderson‘s The Master? Let’s see? Dress up as the Marvel Universe’s archery guy or piss off all the Scientologists in Hollywood? Here’s a pile of cash and a brochure for archery lessons. (THR)

NEAL McDONOUGH – is in talks to play Dum Dum Dugan in Joe Johnston‘s Captain America. Dugan is a member of the Howling Commandos and Nick Fury‘s second-in-command. I’d report further but looking at McDonough hurts my eyes. He should really be required to wear a hat in trenchcoat when out in public. Like a ninja turtle. (Deadline)

AICN snagged some very official looking concept images of what Chris Evans could maybe possibly look like as Captain America. Marvel has not yet confirmed their authenticity, so basically they could be you or me, probably you, jerking around on the computer in a basement, surrounded by American flags and Nazi scalps. In which case, I commend you. That’s an impressive collection of Nazi scalps.

More unofficially official images of Captain America after the jump.

We’re getting late word tonight that Captain America: The First Avenger has picked up actor Tommy Lee Jones. The pickup allegedly took place in the bathroom stall of a "superhero bar" where Captain America was trolling for actors.

During a recent interview, Actress Hayley Atwell, who co-stars in the film, confirmed that Jones is on board with the project. Although his actual role has not been announced, experts (i.e. my 28-year-old cousin who still lives in my aunt’s basement) speculate that Jones will star as General Chester Phillips, the officer who chooses Steve Rogers for the super soldier program. Dork-a-licious! (Coming Soon)