As any self-respecting stalker of Helen Mirren can tell you, Hollywood's sexiest old lady has teamed up with Bruce Willis for the upcoming action-thriller type movie, Red. But what they might not know unless they have a Google Alert set up for "hot geriatric ass" is that an excerpt from the film was just released. Luckily, I do, and I'm more than willing to keep you posted on such matters.
In the clip, Mirren and Willis discuss life after retirement. Of course, the pair are retired spies, which makes it a much more interesting conversation than it would be if they had been insurance salesmen, postal employees, etc.
Keep in mind I'm stealing this synopsis from Collider since I can't get the damn video to load on my connection. Up yours, Iola, Kansas public library.
Watch Bruce Willis and Helen Mirren talk some sh*t out after the jump…
Twentieth Century Fox is putting together a cast for their latest version of the Fantastic Four, and Bruce Willis is reportedly at the top of their list to play the Thing. But Screen Rant is reporting that Kiefer Sutherland is also in contention for the role.
Since the character will be completely CGI, whoever is cast will be utilized primarily for voice over work. However, the actor will also make an appearance early on in the film as Ben Grimm, the Thing's identity before he was transformed into a rock monster.
Personally, I'm torn between the two actors. Both are more than qualified to play a pile of rocks. However, I give the slight edge to Kiefer since he's spent a good portion of his life "stoned."
Sorry. It's been a rough weekend.
Paramount Pictures has purchased the rights to Last Man Standing, SlashFilm is reporting. No, not the 1996 Bruce Willis flop, but rather the upcoming graphic novel by Daniel LuVisi.
The comic, which isn't due out until September, was purchased from Heavy Metal Publishing, which is owned by Kevin Eastman, co-creator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The story chronicles the adventures of Gabriel, a genetically modified super-soldier who is framed as a mass murderer by a terrorist organization.
I don't blame you if your natural inclination is to draw parallels between this story and the current Mel Gibson frame-up we're watching unfold, but the book predates the Gibson incident, so any similarities are purely coincidental.
Who wouldn't want to be Bruce Willis for a day? The man both on screen and off kicks ass, takes names, beds beautiful women, and even plays the harmonica. Ok, I'm willing to look past his Bruno days because he has us given such cool mofos over the years, from John McClane, Corbin Dallas, Joe Hallenback, and yes, even Hudson Hawk is a true favorite of mine.
Highly Debatable Best Role: John McClane in Die Hard
Appointed by President George W. Bush as national spokesman for Children in Foster Care.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Between spreading Die Hard 5 rumors and answering questions about the kid who is nailing his ex-wife, Bruce Willis had some time in his Comic-Con schedule to talk about the possibility for Unbreakable 2. Unfortunately, anyone holding out hope for the sequel is probably going to be disappointed. While Willis wants the movie to be made, director M. Night Shyamalan isn't so hot on the idea.
"I think we'd have to hip-check M. Night (Shyamalan) into doing it," Willis said.
I'm not sure why M. Night would be against making the sequel. He's had a lot of bombs lately, and a sequel of a popular film might be just the slump buster he needs. After all, Kevin Smith wasn't doing so well, and then he won an Oscar for Clerks 2. Now he's on top of the world. (The Playlist)
The Machete red band trailer is awesome, but not one that you can share with your grandmother. Unless your grandmother is awesome. Thankfully, we have the new trailer for RED to appease Nans.
This second trailer gives us a much better idea of what's going on, and the film seems legitimately fun. C'mon. It's got Helen Mirren and bazookas. You'll never see that again until we successfully engineer that Stephen Frears-Michael Bay hybrid moster. And the funding drives for that have been an abject failure so far.
Watch a batsh*t Malkovich after the jump…
Someone finally made a song about the awesomeness that is Bruce Willis. The music video for Jeep Cherokee's catchy little diddy plays out like a montage of cinematic bad-assery. They even included Striking Distance and The Color of Night. Now that's what I call comprehensive. Check out I'm Bruce Willis after the jump…
Robert Schwentke's film adaptation of the Warren Ellis graphic novel Red looks like The Losers recast for a CBS audience. It stars Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich (going full-Nugent), and Mary-Louise Parker as former CIA assassins forced into retirement. But old habits die hard and the boredom of retired life sets in, causing them to venture out on their own to murder-for-hire. And then when their old bosses try to have them killed, they reunite to take the fight to the CIA's front door. Why is the CIA always trying to kill its former employees? That hardly happens with any other profession. Better off safe than sorry though. That's why I've been systematically eliminating the customers from my boyhood paper route. That, and because of their ethnicities. HELEN MIRREN POPS A CAP AFTER THE JUMP…
"Now you put your fingers between my fingers…"Believe it or not, M. Night Shyamalan has a secret film project in the works that's so revolutionary it would kill you if you knew anything about it. Literally (probably not literally). It's reported today that Shyamalan is attempting to drum up funding for a new project before his latest starts air-bending in theaters on July 1st. It's also said that his muse Bruce Willis, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Bradley Cooper are attached to the mystery project.No details are known about it at this time (because it would kill you). In fact, the project is so hush-hush that only a few executives have read it while under the supervision of Shyamalan's assistant, which must have been awkward. If it was anything like his recent slate of masterworks, the execs probably skeptically rolled their eyes upon finishing and exclaimed, "GAAAYYY!!!!" (THR)
Latest Hollywood fashion trend: The Bruce Willis MaskIt looks like F. Gary Gray might be breaking Bruce Willis and Jamie Foxx out of movie jail for Kane & Lynch. Gray has topped the list of potential directors for the videogame adaptation that sees two death row inmates sprung from the klink to retrieve a stolen microchip. No official offer has been made yet but Gray has quite a bargaining chip, given the unexpected success of Law Abiding Citizen. And I can't think of better casting for this project. Look at these characters from the game:Bruce Willis and Jamie Foxx ARE these characters. Though, we'll need to break Jamie Foxx's nose for this. Line forms to the left. (THR)
Antoine Fuqua has announced that his next project will be a biopic focusing on the life of rapper Tupac Shakur. Last week it was believed that Fuqua would reunite with Bruce Willis for The Tomb as his next project, but now Fuqua describes that project as "a conversation I've been having with Bruce." Another recent conversation between Fuqua and Willis regards Doritos Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger Flavored Tortilla Chips. How do they make those things taste exactly like a cheeseburger???Fuqua kept things real with Digital Spy:"It looks like we're doing Tupac Shakur's movie next in September, that's what I've been starting up and working on now. I've been working on that for a while with Morgan Creek and Jim Robinson. I just got the greenlight from him and we're going in September. I've just started to prep that."The director doesn't have any casting choices in mind yet, but hopes to find an unknown for the role. Before he even asks, I officially take myself out of the running. I tried to do the Tupac verse from "California Love" at karaoke recently and failed miserably. And my head was way too big for the bandana. On account of my intellect and all.
One of these men has an enlarged prostate. No you're not looking at a pharmaceutical campaign, that's the new Legends Poster for The Expendables. It's about a bunch of men who do mercenary work in between trips to the bathroom for wee wee. I kid, I kid, don't stroke out. In fact, in the new sneak peak of the movie, the guys are bruising more ass than whippersnappers one-third their age. "The Boys Are Back in Town" by Thin Lizzy also helps with the playful tone of the footage. If they used Linkin' Park for the backing track, then we'd know shit is about to get real. Check out the sneak peak after the jump. The Expendables works its way into theaters August 13, 2010.
Bruce Willis is in early talks to star in prison escape drama The Tomb, with Antoine Fuqua (Training Day) casing the scene to direct. Willis would play Ray Breslin, the world's foremost authority on structural security. Seems like the kind of character that should be incarcerated in a master prison he designed himself, but Deadline has the solid details:After analyzing every high security prison and learning a vast array of survival skills so he can design escape-proof prisons, his skills are put to the test. He's framed and incarcerated in a master prison he designed himself. He needs to escape and find the person who put him behind bars.Nailed it! It's my hope that Breslin is put to the test, defies all the odds, cheats his own system, dodges burly black men with shivs, and finally arrives at the exit to discover the prison…is an island! It's always the macro details you forget.
It looks like John McClane won't retire from the murdering people in ridiculous ways business anytime soon. The super cop, who was last seen surfing on a jet, is being given another go-'round by 20th Century Fox. The studio is in talks with A-Team screenwriter Skip Woods to pen a fifth adventure for Bruce Willis's iconic ass-kicker.Woods is the only appropriate choice to write this film. McClane has already killed terrorists with icicles, giant fans, and gravity on a few occasions. Not to mention the time he killed a helicopter by launching a car at it. Who better to team him with than the writer responsible for a tank fighting a jet miles above the earth? I'm going to be sorely disappointed if this film doesn't have Bruce Willis tie the muzzle of a rifle into a bow so that it explodes in the gunman's hands. That's clearly the direction Fox wants to go in. (THR)
The trailer for the powerhouse action film The Expendables has hammer-punched its way on to the Internetz. It stars Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Terry Crews, Bruce Willis, Randy Couture, Dolph Lundgren, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Governator himself. Until now I was unaware that celluloid could contain that much raw power. Add a theme song by the guy from Godsmack and the package is complete. I don't know about you, but I feel like wrestling a Minotaur! Check out the trailer below. The Expendables busts into theaters August 13, 2010. ROAAAAR!!!!
He's battled terrorists of the German, mercenary, cyber, and hot Asian persuasion. Now it looks like he's ready to go another round. With a string of recent duds behind him, Bruce Willis announced he'll be reprising the role of John McClane while promoting his upcoming dud Cop Out. According to Willis, this time around will see McClane stamp his passport and terrorism in one fell swoop."I think we're going to do a 'Die Hard 5' next year. It's got to go worldwide."He then lamented the plight of the action star."But I like so much more making fun of it, taking the piss out of it and not making it a big deal. Not making the fact that I've acted in a lot of movies a big deal. It's all illusion and it's all bullsh*t and it's a great job for me to have, but everything else you can set on fire. Making people laugh is the real deal."The ghost of Chris Farley commented "F*********ck you," while pouring over pictures of Willis's hot wife. (MTV)
DOUBLE nut shot? BAHhahahaha! Tracy Morgan gets it right in between the legs and then he gives it to a 10-year-old. My vivid description really doesn't do the scene justice. And that is mainly what the Cop Out red band trailer is all about. I'll admit, it's funnier than the first oral-sex-conversationless trailer, but I fear I still can't get behind this movie. Tracy Morgan has grown on me in 30 Rock, I just don't know if I can tolerate his unique line delivery for 90 minutes. It always sounds like his throat is seizing up and he's choking out words seconds before his death. Check out the trailer below. It has a crude drawing in it. (Hint: It's a penis…with balls.)
Grooooooaaaaaan. The trailer for Kevin Smith's new "comedy" Cop Out, formerly know as A Couple of Cops, formerly know as A Couple of Dicks (yes! funnier!), has hit, and it's about as amusing as tweezing someone else's pubes. I can't even tell what the movie is about, except that Tracy Morgan's character (I'm guessing a mentally challenged volunteer?) is teamed up with Bruce Willis's character (a "doin' it for the paycheck" grizzled veteran who's simply getting too old for this sh*t?). Oh Kevin Smith, what has happened to you. I don't doubt that movie making by committee impeded on your ultimate vision for this film, but I honestly don't know if your ultimate vision would have been much better even if you were given free reign. Maybe if Jay and Silent Bob were hanging outside of every convenience store Morgan and Willis will inevitably go in to. After all, you gotta get product placement in their somehow. My ideal sponsors for this film would be Chiquita Bananas and KY Jelly. Cop Out rips one in theaters on February 2nd, 2010. Check out the trailer after the jump. Or if you'd like to be more entertained, just watch the opening credits of Panic Room.
Here's a newly released still from Kevin Smith's upcoming Untitled Cop Movie (formerly known as A Couple Of Dicks). It's not official yet but it looks like the film will be given the watered-down title A Couple Of Cops. Buzz on this movie is that it is hilarious and I don't doubt that. Barring The Whole Nine Yards, Willis has turned in some funny performances in his career. And to see him and Tracy Morgan square off against gangsters should be entertaining. I am frightened by the thought of Tracy Morgan wielding the power of a gun and badge though. Frightened for our women. "Excuse me, ma'am. You have the right to remain silent and I have the right to make you pregnant. My d*ck is going to frisk your uterus." (via First Showing)
Director: Kevin SmithCast: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Seann William Scott, Adam Brody, Ana De La RegueraSynopsis: A comedy about two cops whose adventures include locating a stolen baseball card, rescuing a woman, and dealing with gangsters and their laundered money.
Director: Jonathan MostowCast: Bruce Willis, Ving Rhames, Radha Mitchell, Rosamund Pike, Boris KodjoeSynopsis: Set in a futuristic world where humans live in isolation and interact through surrogate robots, a cop (Willis) is forced to leave his home for the first time in years in order to investigate the murders of others’ surrogates.Genre: Sci-Fi & Fantasy
Director: Russell Mulcahy Cast: Bruce Willis Synopsis: The new chief of police of a small Massachusetts town investigates a series of mysterious deaths that resemble the stories made famous in Grimm's Fairy Tales. Genre: Horror/Adventure Release Date: 2009