But no.

They’re back at it again, this time with talk of a Muppets Broadway musical which would probably make a trillion dollars no matter how bad or good it was because Muppets. However, if it gets Statler and Waldorf two box seats to shout criticisms at the dump little puppets performing, then I think we’ll all be in pretty good shape here.

At the very least, let’s se if we can’t find a copycat production of Fraggle Rock in Branson, Missouri.

Del Toro has co-authored the book that will serve as the source material for the project. I’m at a bit of a loss as to why someone who’s produced a movie (with a script and everything!) needs to write a book in order to turn a movie with a script into a musical, but maybe “book” is the phrase that musical theater people use for the script-y music-y thing that tells the acting, singing people what to act/say/sing. I’m unfamiliar with this world, in case you couldn’t tell.

No word on further details, but one can expect Nathan Lane to pop up as either Pan, the fascist antagonist, or, with the right prosthetics, the little girl.

Before you get all up in arms, note that Myer’s will not play the lead role in this musical. He’ll be much too busy with bringing another sequel to the screen. Besides, The Love Guru was first developed as a stage show and look how good that turned out. Eeesh. (THR)

The actor has teamed with boxing siblings Wladimir and Vitali Klitschko to bring Rocky to Broadway. The brothers will train the musical’s lead to ensure the boxing is realistic and to avoid any Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark injuries. Stallone says of the project, “At the end of the day, Rocky is a love story and he could never have reached the final bell without Adrian. To see this story coming to life on a musical stage makes me proud. And it would make Rocky proud.”

Before you get all excited to see a tremendous trainwreck, take note that Stallone has assembled an impressive team of Broadway veterans. Thomas Meehan (The Producers) will write the script. Ragtime’s lyricist Lynn Ahrens and composer Stephen Flaherty will re-team for the music, which will include songs from the Rocky films, among them “Eye of the Tiger.” Tony Award-nominated Alex Timbers will direct. Sadly, Stallone will not be singing or dancing in this one. We’ll have to hold out that hope for Cobra: The Musical. (THR)

Finding Neverland, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Cinema Paradiso, and Chocolat are all properties that the Weinsteins are hoping to shoehorn a little razzmatazz into. Finding Neverland is the furthest along with a book by Grey Gardens team Scott Frankel and Michael Korie. But what other Weinstein films deserve to be told via the inspirational power of jazz hands?

It would be cool to see Clerks or Scream or Kill Bill adapted for the stage, but I think the Weinstein property that’s really crying out to be sung  is Who’s Your Caddy? Get Lil Wayne working on the songs and you’ve got a hit on your hands, my friend. (NY Observer)

The first name to sign on, Cruise will play rock god and Arsenal front man Stacee Jaxx. His big number in the film will be Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead Or Alive.” I can’t say speak to his singing ability but I’ve always enjoyed Cruise in his villain roles. So to see him play the sneering, egotistical rock star should be fun. At the very least, he’s sure to have ridiculous 80′s hair. And screen-grabs of that will make my job fun for at least six more months. (THR)

Whether or not they are, Cruise has to know that roles like this are what have garnered him the most acclaim in the past few years, as star turns in conventional movies like Knight and Day come and go with little fanfare. There’s even a Les Grossman movie in the works, so perhaps the age of quirky Cruise is upon us. Maybe a weird buddy movie between he and Nicholas Cage could be in our future. That’s a double dose of crazy in one convenient package. Let’s do this, Hollywood! (Deadline)

King Kong, the world’s most iconic ape, is climbing off the silver screen and onto the Great White Way. Global Creatures, an Australian company currently producing "Walking With Dinosaurs," is working on a stage adaptation of the classic Hollywood film complete with a “20-foot-tall, animatronic incarnation” of Kong.

Unlike the ending to the classic film, the proposed robot Kong will most likely no break free of its chains and run amok in downtown New York. However, the state-of-the-art special effects may not be enough to carry the play. “Lennon,” a 2005 musical based on the life of the iconic Beatle, failed to draw an audience despite having a 15-foot-tall laser-wielding Ringo Star. (Variety)

He’s conquered television, starred on the silver screen, and surfed the internet. Now, comedian extraordinaire Jerry Seinfeld has set his sites on Broadway….off Broadway, to be exact.

Seinfeld will direct "Long Story Short," a comedic monologue by SNL alum Colin Quinn. The play explores "2,000 years of human civilization and the rise and fall of its great empires, stretching from ancient Rome to Walmart." It is hoped that Seinfeld’s name recognition will translate to ticket sales. Most Off Broadway shows close after only a week, sending the vanquished cast members back home to flyover country with their pathetic hopes of stardom dashed.

This is not Seinfeld’s first encounter with the Great White Way. In 1998, he closed out his old stand-up routine with a limited run entitled, "I’m Telling You For The Last Time." In addition, Monk‘s Coffee Shop, the fictitious hangout for the "Seinfeld" characters, is located at West 112th Street and Broadway. Not too bad for a guy whose only knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons. (Variety)

See video of Jerry Seinfeld’s Broadway debut after the jump.