Here, have a handful of feathers. It’s certainly better than another pic of Bella and Edward avoiding eye contact and then making eye contact. Director Bill Condon tweeted the above pic from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 yesterday as a special Thanksgiving treat. I bet many of you are so incredibly thankful. I don’t know the Breaking Dawn story, and I won’t go into why because I’m trying to be less snarky about things that aren’t produced for my personal liking, but apparently feathers happen while Bella and Edward consummate their marriage…by finally banging. Yay, sex! Now that’s something I can get behind. (ComingSoon)

_{Someone tell this girl how chairs work.}

Take off your press-ons, ladies. Things are about to get rowdy. Taken takee Maggie Grace has been cast as Bella’s nemesis Irina in Twilight: Breaking Dawn. My girlfriend hasn’t updated me yet on the next installment so I’ll let Deadline do the honors:

Irina is a member of the Denali coven, considered cousins to the Cullen clan as the only other "vegetarian" vampire group. When Irina blames the Cullens for the death of her lover, her actions set in motion a terrifying chain of events.

And by terrifying they mean sparkly. The film is being directed by Bill Condon and released in two parts because that means more money. The first part comes out November 18, 2011 and the second part November 16, 2012. After that, Twihards dismember a highly populated metropolis.

In news that doesn’t really come as a surprise, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn will be pressed against the kitchen counter and split into two parts like those popsicles that are double-popsicles (you know the ones). This move has been speculated for some time but was officially announced by Summit today, now that the contract negotiations have finalized.

Bill Condon will direct the final chapters of the series back-to-back with the first seeing release in November 2011 and the second installment premiering some time in 2012. This decision is obviously cash-fueled and so typical of Hollywood. It shows a blatant disrespect to Edward and Bella and Werewolf Guy and red-haired vampire. Shameful. **logs on to eTrade and buys shares in Summit**

CHECK OUT SUMMIT’S PRESS RELEASE AFTER THE JUMP…

SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT ANNOUNCES
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN
TO BE RELEASED AS TWO SEPARATE FILMS

First Film to Arrive in Theatres November 18, 2011

Los Angeles, CA, June 10, 2010 – Summit Entertainment confirmed today that THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN will be released as two separate films with the first of the two slated to be released in theatres on November 18, 2011.  Academy Award® winner Bill Condon will direct both films starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner along with Billy Burke as Charlie Swan as well as returning members of the Cullen Family including Peter Facinelli as Carlisle, Elizabeth Reaser as Esme, Jackson Rathbone as Jasper, Nikki Reed as Rosalie, Ashley Greene as Alice and Kellan Lutz as Emmett.

The project, based on the fourth novel in author Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series, is currently being written by Melissa Rosenberg with Wyck Godfrey, Karen Rosenfelt and Stephenie Meyer producing.  The TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN will start production in the Fall.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN illuminates the secrets and mysteries of this spellbinding romantic epic that has entranced millions.

The third film in the franchise, THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE is due in theaters on June 30, 2010.

^{"Follow me, Edward. Onto a project far gayer."}

Oscar-winner Bill Condon (Kinsey, Dreamgirls, Gods and Monsters, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh) is ready to swell the hearts of weepy teenaged girls everywhere. Just like Cinn-a-bon.

Summit has announced that they have tasked him with directing the spell-binding romance and shirtless dudefest that is Twilight: Breaking Dawn. “I’m very excited to get the chance to bring the climax of this saga to life on-screen," said Condon. Which is fine, as long as he doesn’t bring it on my Edward Man-Pillow.

The Wayan Brothers are said to already be accepting breakdancing werewolf applicants for Twilte: To The Break-a Break-a Dawn. I’m kidding, of course. But how soon until this actually goes into production?

^{Blog. Fap. Repeat.}

HBO is cranking it up to ten with a series about the exciting world of movie blogging. The show, entitled Cheetos For Lunch Tilda, is being developed with hopes of going to pilot by Bill Condon (Dreamgirls, Kinsey) and Cynthia Mort (Tell Me You Love Me). It focuses on a tough female entertainment journalist with a "no-holds-barred style." HBO seems like the perfect home for a project like this. There’s no way you could get away with the requisite blogger-pantslessness on regular networks. Also, the Entourage crossovers seem like a given. Here’s an excerpt:

JOHNNY DRAMA: Oh no! My sex tape leaked and now all of Hollywood knows I have a small donger!

TILDA: (adjusts camel toe) TOLDJA!

Comparisons were drawn immediately to Deadline Hollywood’s Nikki Finke. Yet she hasn’t responded to this at all. Weird. I hope that she’s okay. Somebody pleas drive by her place to make sure she’s not concussed while I call all the morgues. (THR)