Hold on to your fig leaves, folks, this is gonna get sinful. Walden Media and Paramount have seen the light, and the light told them the Book of Genesis would make a totally rad 3D movie with the potential of bringing in sh*t buckets full of money. The film shall be titled In The Beginning, and Cary Granat will work with Real Fx to make a 3D snake so frightening you’ll be digging up your real King James Bibles.

Naturally, they got John Fusco, the guy who wrote the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, to offer his take on creation. How does one go from telling a tale of abominations such as teenage mutant ninja turtles to interpreting The Bible? It’s my hope he puts a fresh spin on that tired Old Testament story. Temptation comes in the form of pizza, not apples/vajayjay. Am I right, Michelangelo?

They’re still just in the planning stages, so hopefully this project won’t come to FRUITition (rim shot, fart noise). A mighty hand will come down from the heavens and bitch slap everyone involved. This hand, of course, belonging to Mel Gibson. If you’re going to exploit The Bible let’s be serious and get the best. (Deadline)