This gritty look at the inside world of college football did very little to associate itself with realism or the rules of the game. This is blatantly on display when hotshot quarterback Joe Kane is able to score a game-winning touchdown despite the fact that he throws an incomplete pass.

The Dark Knight Rises – Field Crumbles

The film isn’t in theaters yet but from what we saw in the trailer, we have some pretty ridiculous events ahead of us. The scene in question concerns a professional football game literally crashed by Bane. The villian rigs the field for demolition and blows it up during game play. However, instead of multiple explosions sending dirt and athlete everywhere, the field actually caves in with the players falling to their doom. That’s one way to fix a game, but pretty unbelievable.

You probably don’t realize it, but a lot of work goes into Girl Scout Cookies. Savannah Smile won the top honor this year but it had some really tough competition. Here are the seven cookies that The Girl Scouts of America chose to reject.

Sources have now informed us that Warner Bros. has sent out a new audio mix for the Dark Knight Rises prologue to IMAX theaters, and Bane’s dialogue is now much easier to understand.

According to these “sources” who are no doubt risking their very lives to bring us this important information, the dialogue itself remains the same, but other background noise, including that of a plane, have been lowered, making Bane much more comprehensible. Also, there are rumors that Michael Caine‘s dialogue is now less cockney thanks to a 30% reduction in glottal stops. (Collider)

Who Is Bane?

No, not these dudes.

Bane is from a fictional country in the Caribbean, Santa Prisca. He has some stupid background story about how he grew up in prison because a corrupt government made him serve out his father’s sentence. Whatever.

Anyway, supposedly his childhood spent in the joint is what makes him this extra diesel bad ass with crazy martial arts skills. While in jail, he not only learned to fight, but also became a man of letters when not hitting the iron. The Jesui Brothers taught him everything he needed to know about the fine arts and humanities, enabling him to become a career super criminal. Gee, now I’m wishing I had grown up in prison.

But it wasn’t all pumping iron and reading books. While in prison, Bane was also used as a guinea pig in an experiment with a substance called Venom, which is sadly not the totally rad black costume that takes over Spiderman. It’s a fictional steroid that makes him ginormous. The down side is, he has to have it pumped directly into his brain every 12 hours, or else he dies. It’s a trade off.

After the prison experiment makes him even tougher, he breaks out and sets out for Gotham. Why? Because he thinks that Batman has been haunting him in his dreams since childhood, which is, y’know, totally normal and stuff. When he gets to Gotham, he busts out all the wacky villains who live inside Arkham Asylum. He eventually breaks Batman’s back leading to a super lame story arc where a character named Azrael becomes Batman and gets some ill battle armor.

What Is Bane?

RAGDOLL IST KRIEG!

Bane is kind of like a monster heel from professional wrestling. For those of you unaware, monster heels are the dudes who don’t feel any pain because they aren’t human and can’t be reasoned with. Examples include The Undertaker before he became a dead biker and Brock Lesnar before he became a total joke. Much like most monster heels, after the initial shock wore off, he was relegated to being a third-tier villain in the DC Comics Universe. He is now part of the Secret Six alongside such epic winners as Catman, Rag Doll and Deadshot. I mean, come on! The dude almost killed Batman, and now he hangs out with some fool in a mask whose power is bending his arms in weird directions. Yeah, Don Didio isn’t totally killing DC or anything.