In an effort to establish a tenuous connection between popular Google search terms and the appearance of entertainment journalism, we’ve got a list of Victoria’s Secret models who have gone on to “acting careers.” Take a gander and try to keep it in your pants.

(The numbers by the names is a rating I have assigned each girl based on their acting talent, in which “1” is “bad” and “300” is “model-turned-actress-bad.”

Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Christopher Cheney, a 35 year-old Florida man, has been arrested on a whole mess of charges, but the only ones we really care about are the hackings of cell phones belonging to Mila Kunis, Christina Aguilera, and, most fruitfully, Scarlett Johansson.

Other charges levied against him include wiretapping, fraud, and identity theft, which when summed up, could mean up to 121 years in jail for Mr. Cheney. Yikes. This would be the Tower Heist to the Blake Lively Ocean’s Eleven.

Well, I felt a little guilty that this guy is going to jail considering he kept me vaguely interested in Johansson’s nude body some Tuesday morning a month ago, but then I found out that he stole someone’s identity. That’s crappy behavior no matter whose tits you show me.

Since you’ve already come this far, you might as well take a look at this gallery of sexy Scarlett Johansson photos. Click a picture to begin.

As usual, this list’s contentions are final and non-negotiable. Anyone caught discussing or arguing with the findings here or anywhere else online will have their comments deleted and their Internet privileges suspended.

Hayden Panettiere

Standing only 5’2”, Panattiere serves as this list’s “Shetland hottie.” She might not have Rihanna’s tall grace, but she more than makes up for it by looking like a cute tiny teenager while wearing a cheerleading outfit. She would have appeared higher on this list, but she was romantically involved with boxer Vladimir Klitschko which upsets me for a number of reasons, none of which I’m going to get into in this forum.

Yaya DeCosta

This Tron: Legacy actress finished 3rd in America’s Next Top Model, which springboarded her into acting. She stole a handful of scenes in The Kids Are All Right as Mark Ruffalo’s coworker/eff buddy and appears in the upcoming Justin Timberlake sci-fi crime thriller In Time.

I can’t speak to whether or not whips and chains excite Yaya the way they do Rihanna, but I’m comfortable assuming they do until I hear otherwise.

Minka Kelly

The star of Friday Night Lights and the soon-to-be cancelled (I’m guessing) Charlie’s Angels on ABC can not only face-off against Ms. Umbrella, but emerge victorious. Realizing I know next-to-nothing about Ms. Kelly, I looked her up to find that she was last year’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” winner. How ‘bout that!

She recently broke up with Derek Jeter, so if you think your game is on par with the likes of him, by all means, call her up. I don’t have her phone number, but I’m sure she’s listed.

Lively has been flirting with the A-list for the past year or so, having gone “ugly” in The Town, cleverly disseminated nude pictures of herself to the masses (What the hell. It’s Friday. Here’s a link to the smoking-hot pics.), and jumped on board Oliver Stone‘s The Savages in her highest-profile role to date. Will this nascent project be the one that catapults her to superstardom? It’s hard to tell as this project has seemed to lose steam over the past year or so, but they could do a lot worse than Blake Lively. Ke$ha, for instance.

Lively would play Elizabeth, the star of the film, a Victorian young lady who enjoys impalin the walking dead as much as she does playing coy to Mr. Darcy.

While I don’t think Lively is a bad choice here, the selection doesn’t seem terribly inspired, as they are probably just going for the biggest name they can get. However, if attaching her gets production rolling on this film, good. Great. Splendid. She’s the best actress for the job, etc.

Now please start making the film.

Click ‘Next Page’ for more girls…

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Germany‘s acceptance of causal nudity almost makes up for World War I and II, but will never make up for Uwe Boll.

God bless Disney!

(In honor of Scarlett Johansson, check out 5 Nude Cell Phone Pics That Need To Be Hacked.)

Natalie Portman – Your Highness

Much hoopla was made over Natalie Portman’s revealing thong scene in Your Highness. As it turns out, it was much ado about nothing, and Portman was in fact using a body double. It was also alleged that Portman used a body double for most of the dance scenes in Black Swan. But as long as that was really her making out with Mila Kunis, I don’t really give a damn. Speaking of Mila Kunis…

I’ve seen a life-sized R2D2, Mr. Hulk Hogan, and a guy in a homemade minotaur outfit. And while I could post pictures of all of these things, the fact of the matter is you don’t give a damn. The only Comic-Con related galleries you care to look at involve scantly-clad cosplay girls. Don’t deny it. But don’t worry, the rest will come later.

Well, give the people what they want, that’s what I say. Here’s a gallery of the hottest cosplay babes we’ve seen so far.

Given our love of movies and our love of strippers, it makes sense that we’re big fans of putting the two things together. Like chocolate and peanut butter, movies and strippers are a natural fit. That’s why we spent the past eight months compiling this list of the sexiest cinematic strippers of all time. God bless these girls. And god bless you, dear reader. Your page views pay my salary, which in turn pays for my stripper habit. I owe you.

Elizabeth Berkley – Showgirls (1995)

A lot of people would have placed this film further down on the list. But damn it, I’m not playing that game. The “so bad it’s good” card can only take you so far. And the truth is, it’s not bad enough to warrant the ironic praise it gets. Even so, Elizabeth Berkley on the pole is not hard to watch.

Julie Andrews – Darling Lili (1970)

I bet you weren’t expecting to see Maria from The Sound of Music on this list. Well, too bad. She played at burlesque dancer in Darling Lili, and burlesque dancer is just another way of saying stripper. If you freeze frame the strip scene, you can actually see her nipples. Something tells me you’re not impressed by that. Well neither was her costar, Rock Hudson.

Gillian Jacobs – choke (2008)

If you think Gillian Jacobs is great on “Community,” you’ll love her in Choke. I’m basing that entirely off the fact that she shows her cans. It has nothing to do with her performance.

Kobe Tai – Very Bad Things (1998)

Granted, a dead stripper isn’t the sexiest thing in the world, but when it’s pornstar Kobe Tai, it’s still pretty hot. And she’s not dead for the whole film, so that’s a plus.

The cool kids are following us on Twitter.

When it comes to famous assassins, what names come to mind? Probably Oswald, Booth, Princip, just to name a few. And you probably think of troubled loaners or psychopathic revolutionaries, as opposed to hot babes in leather jumpsuits or tweenage school girls. But as far as Hollywood is concerned, there’s nothing deadlier than a self-empowered female, and in the new film Hanna, Hanna, is no exception. With that in mind, take a look at this list of ferocious female assassins and see for yourself.

Xenia Sergeyevna Onatopp – Golden Eye

Ms. Onatopp might be the least noteworthy entry on this list, but in the world of assassins, that’s supposed to be a good thing. And while she might not be as well known as her counterparts on this list, she’s just as deadly. Rather than shoot or poison her marks, as a normal killer would, Onatopp lures her victims to bed and then crushes them between her legs. Pain aside, that’s not a bad way to go.

Charlie Baltimore – The Long Kiss Goodnight

Charlie Baltimore (a.k.a. Samantha Caine) is a spy for the CIA. The catch is she doesn’t even know it. After a bout of amnesia, she settled down into a quiet life in rural Pennsylvania. But when her past catches up to her, she is forced to return to her old ways. It’s a lot like A History of Violence, without all the violent sex.

O-Ren Ishii – Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2

If you’re a member of The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, chances are you know a thing or two about assassinations. O-Ren Ishii learned to kill at an early age, avenging the death of her parents at the hands of a Yakuza boss. After her stint with the squad, she went on to become head of the Yakuza herself, before being assassinated. Live by the sword, yada yada, yada.

Georgia Sykes – Smokin’ Aces

Georgia Sykes is part of a two-man (or two-woman) hit team. In the film, her partner, Sharice Watters, is a closeted lesbian with a crush on Georgia. Lesbianism, even if it’s only hinted at, gets you bumped up on my lists.

Hit-Girl – Kick Ass

Hit-Girl might be the youngest female on the list, but that doesn’t stop her from keeping up with the big girls, at least when it comes to killing. Trained by her father to be a remorseles fighting machine, Mindy McCready (her real name) believes she and her father are on a quest to avenge the death of her mother, and longs for the day when she can return to a normal life.

Jane Smith – Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Angelina Jolie has played several different female assassins, but I decided on using her character, Jane Smith. Why? Why not. In the film, Jane and her husband John are both assassins, although neither one of them knows the truth. As you’d imagine, once their true identities are discovered, things get a little harry, and the couple ends up destroying their home while trying to kill one another. But this is an action-comedy, so things work out in the end, unlike most marriages.

Maggie Hayward – Point of No Return

I went with this film rather than the French original, La Femme Nikita, for one simple reason: Bridget Fonda’s breasts make me happy. In the film, Fonda plays a death-row inmate who is spared her sentence in order to become a government sanctioned assassin, which makes total sense, since drug addicts are so trustworthy and reliable.

T-X – Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

Technically, the T-X isn’t really a female, since it’s a machine. Just like “technically,” my real doll isn’t a woman. But in both cases, it works out a lot better if you just suspend disbelief.

The Bride – Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2

Was there any doubt that The Bride would be at the top of the list? Not only was she a member of the most talented assassination squad in the world, but she also managed to kill off all of the other members in her quest for sweet, sweet revenge. That pretty much sums it up.

We’ve covered topless scenes, bikini scenes, and even pigtails, so the next logical step in our devolution toward becoming a softcore porn site is the 29 greatest thong scenes in cinema history. Inspired by Natalie Portman‘s upcoming thong scene in Your Highness, we spent hours combing the Internet in order to bring you the best of the best in thong-related cinema. This was no easy task, and came at great personal expense. As a result of compiling this list, I’ve been desensitized to the point where my penis didn’t even budge while watching the three-way scene from Wild Things. I hope you’re happy. Enjoy the thongs.

(If like thongs, you’ll love our twitter account. Follow us @screenjunkies)

Note: We included one-piece bathing suits that floss in the back. If you don’t like it, write your friggen congressman.

Melanie Griffith – Fear City (1984)

There was a time where Melanie Griffith in a thong was something people would pay to see. That time was 1984, and it was every bit as chilling as Owell’s dystopian tale.

Click here for the full video (NSFW).

Linda Kozlowski – Crocodile Dundee (1986)

Remember when Australian crap was all the rage? If not, you were probably born after 1990. There’s no shame in that, but you did miss out on same great thong scenes. But you also missed out on hyper-color shirts, so I guess you take the good with the bad.

Goldie Hawn – Overboard (1987)

If you’ve ever wondered where Kate Hudson gets her good looks, look no further than Goldie Hawn in this scene from Overboard. I’d make a joke about those stupid glasses, but chances are, you didn’t even notice she was wearing them.

Kelly Lynch – Cocktail (1988)

Kelly Lynch looks great in this thong scene from the Tom Crusie classic, Cocktail. But I’ll always remember her as Patrick Swayze‘s girl in Roadhouse. Rest in peace, Dalton.

Eloise Broady – Weekend at Bernies (1989)

I’d never heard of Eloise Broad until I looked her name up today, but her performance in Weekend at Bernie’s has stuck with me for over 20 years. Now that’s what I call great acting. Please note that I didn’t make a joke about her ass getting a dead man aroused. Even though it was perfect for the film, I took the high road.

Nicolette Scorsese – Christmas Vacation (1989)

You don’t actually see the thong in this Chevy Chase holiday comedy, but we had to include it. Screw you if you don’t like it. It’s a god damn classic.

Loryn Locklin – Taking Care of Business (1990)

If you actually want to watch this film, you’ll have to deal with 120 minutes of Jim Beliushi. Luckily, the author of this Youtube video has edited out “the Belush,” leaving only the good parts (the “good parts” being Loryn Locklin’s ass).

Katherine Heigl – My Father the Hero (1994)

If you watched the clip above and liked it, you are a pedophile. That is all.

Jamie Lee Curtis – True Lies (1994)

I heard a rumor about Jamie Lee Curtis. Apparently, before she was selling yogurt that makes you shit, she used to be hot.

Click ‘Next Page’ To Continue…

When I was told to write an article about sexy female movie characters in pigtails, I thought it was going to be a walk in the park. After all, I have Google, so how hard could it be? I was sure I’d be able to easily pull up countless examples of hot women in film wearing the Lolita-like hairstyle. Turns out I was only half right. While it was easy to find hundreds, if not thousands of pics, it was like pulling teeth to find those that weren’t “adult” in nature. I’m not saying that there aren’t a lot of examples in mainstream movies, but searching for them is damn near impossible because all of the search results are overwhelmed by porn. I suppose that at the end of the day, sifting through a bunch of porn stars in pigtails in search of hot mainstream actresses is at the low end of the annoyance scale. But it was a challenging endeavor, none the less.

If you have a great example I left off, leave it in the comment section, and I’ll add it on our honorable mention list. Otherwise, enjoy 15 sexy movie characters sporting pigtails.

Jennifer Schwalbach Smith as Missy – Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Jennifer Schwalbach (now Jennifer Schwalbach Smith) isn’t really that hot by Hollywood standards. She’s not bad looking by any means, and I’m sure she wouldn’t give my ugly ass the time of day. But the fact remains that if she wasn’t banging Kevin Smith, she probably wouldn’t have been in this film. That being said, when you throw a semi-attractive woman in a black-leather bodysuit and put her in pigtails, it instantly ups her hotness level.

Marcy Rylan as Winnie – Bring It On: All or Nothing (2006)

I’m not going to lie to you and pretend I actually saw this film. In fact, before today, I had never heard of Marcy Rylan. But while sifting through a sea of barley-legal girls in pigtails, I came across this photo, and I was so happy to have found something mainstream that she instantly made the list. As an added bonus, she’s hot.

Anna Faris as Shelley Darlingson – The House Bunny (2008)

In the house bunny, Anna Faris plays a Playboy Playmate who is kicked out of the mansion and forced to live in the real world. Fortunately for her, the “real world” turns out to be a sorority house in desperate need of a makeover. Fortunately for us, she dresses like a slut and wears pigtails.

A few weeks ago, I brought you the greatest topless scenes from HBO’s original programing, and today I’m doing the same for Showtime. While HBO used to have a monopoly on quality original series (topless or otherwise), Showtime has come into its own with shows like”Weeds,”"Dexter,” and “Califronication,” just to name a few. And like HBO, the network isn’t afraid to show some skin.

As with our last outing, keep in mind that I tried to spread the love around. I could have made a list entirely off of “Californication,” but instead, I went for variety. So, my apologies in advance if your favorite girl was left off (although, check our honorable mentions to be sure). That being said, deal with it. You’re still about to look at breasts, so all and all, you have nothing to complain about.

And I shouldn’t have to say this, but the video links are NSFW.

Melissa Stephens – “Californication”

Aside from playing Peggy on “Californication,” Melissa Stephens also plays Ashlynn on “Outsourced.” But something tells me her breasts aren’t utilized nearly as much on “Outsourced,” which is a shame. If they were, I might give it a shot.

Click Here For The Video

Jessica Jaymes and Kirsten Price – “Weeds“

The show is already about illicit drugs, so who’s going to complain if you throw in a subplot about pornography for good measure? Not me, that’s for sure. Jessica Jaymes and Kirsten Price briefly crossed over to the mainstream with this guest spot on “Weeds,” but were then quickly returned to cages in the San Fenando Valley by their trainers.

Click Here For The Video

Courtney Ford – “Dexter“

Courtney Ford’s character on “Dexter” had some real daddy issues. This was compounded by the fact that her daddy was a serial killer played by John Litgow. At any rate, like most girls who have unresolved issues with their fathers, this character loved to get naked, and for that, I was grateful. Realism is important.

Click Here For The Video

Charlotte Salt – “The Tudors”

British history can be a pretty boring subject. Not many people care about a bunch of dead kings and queens. But throw a topless Charlotte Salt into the mix, and all of the sudden, I feel like reading the god damn Magna Carta.

Click Here For The Video

Jaime Murray – “Dexter”

Jaime Murray played a psychotic bitch on “Dexter.” Luckily, the character happened to be a psychotic bitch who loved to walk around topless, which made her 1000 times more tolerable. (Spoiler Alert) Topless or not, I’m glad she’s dead.

Click Here For The Video

Natalie Dormer – “The Tudors”

As evidenced by Natalie Dormer’s flat, pancake-like breasts, the producers of “The Tudors” went for realism. Despite what I said earlier, sometimes, realism is overrated. Even so, she still looks great.

Click Here For The Video

Shanola Hampton – “Shameless“

Shanola Hampton is also big fan of getting topless. I expected a show called “Shamless” to involve some nudity, but the fact that Hampton is one of three topless women form the series really says something, considering it hasn’t even finished its first season.

Click Here For The Video

Mia Kirshner and Kate French – “The ‘L’ Word”

I never liked “The ‘L’ Word.” The first time I watched it, I thought I was in for a treat. But then, the first naked breast I saw was being diagnosed with cancer. Talk about a boner killer. However, after watching this girl-on-girl scene, maybe I need to go back and give it another look.

Click Here For The Video

Marie Louise Parker – “Weeds”

Do you like breasts? Do you like “Saved by the Bell?” Then you’ll love this scene where Marie Louise Parker from “Weeds” gets railed by the Zack from “Saved by the Bell.” Do the math.

Click Here For The Video

Emmy Rossum – “Shameless”

Emmy Rossum is my new favorite actress. That’s due, in no small part, to her willingness to get topless. In fact, it’s due entirely to that fact. Please note that the picture above does not correspond to the video. It’s not that I was too lazy to fix it, it’s just that I really, really love the picture.

Click Here For The Video

Christina Ulloa – “Californication”

Christina Ulloa is only in one episode of “Californication.” But in that episode, her character (Elizabeth) gets topless. So as far as I’m concerned, she had one of the most memorable roles on the show.

Click Here For The Video

Laura Wiggins – “Shameless”

Our third and final entry from “Shameless” is Laura Wiggins. I have not actually seen her in the show, as I’m still catching up. But this shot of her topless in a bathtub completely justifies my decision to order Showtime.

Click Here For The Video

Eva Amurri – “Californication”

For those of you who don’t watch “Californication,” Hank Moody is one lucky son of a bitch. Need proof? Look no further than Jackie, his stripper/girlfriend, played by Eva Amurri. My friend recently commented that Amurri looks like her mother, Susan Sarandon. I never noticed that. In fact, I didn’t even notice she had a face.

Click Here For The Video

Honorable Mention – Check Them Out

We didn’t have room for all the girls. Click on the picture above to see who barely missed the list.

Click Here to See Honorable Mention Pics

Why are we writing about the 25 greatest bikini scenes in cinema history? I’m glad you asked. As it happens, March is Women’s History Month, so I’ve decided to celebrate the occasion the only way I know how: by sitting around in my underwear and objectifying females. In all fairness, these women objectified themselves, and I’m simply compiling the list.

25. Tara Reid – The Big Lebowski

Tara Reid’s role as Bunny Lebowski occurred when she was still hot, well before the whole “Franken-Nipple” incident. And the fact that The Big Lebowski is such an iconic film ensured this scene would make the list. How can we turn down a character who utters the line “I’ll suck your c*ck for a thousand dollars.”

24. Angelina Jolie – Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life

As hot as Angelina Jolie is, she’s appeared in very few Bikini scenes. Luckily, Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life is an exception, or else the film would have no redeeming value.

23. Bridget Fonda – Jackie Brown

Jackie Brown is an often overlooked film. But there’s no overlooking Bridget Fonda in this bikini. (You see what I did there?). The fact that she never takes off her jean shorts is more than made up for by the awesomeness of her bikini top. Unfortunately, her character gets shot to death. What a waste.

22. Jessica Biel – Stealth

I hate to use the film Stealth in a list of “greatest” anything. This Jamie Fox turd is beyond horrible. But at the end of the day, those titties don’t lie.

21. Eliza Dushku – Bring It On

Eliza Dushku is really hot in Bring It On, but I feel creepy watching since it’s about high school cheerleaders. Maybe I’d feel better if I tried watching with my pants on.

20. Demi Moore – Charlie’s Angels 2

Demi Moore is a testament to the power of modern medical science. Nowhere is this more apparent than in “Charlie’s Angels 2,” where the then 39-year-old actress looked better than costars that were less than twice her age. Normally I think plastic surgery is cheating, but I can’t argue with Demi’s results.

19. Virginie Ledoyen – The Beach

The Beach is an awful film, but Virginie Ledoyen almost makes up for it. Her breasts were much more entertaining than Leo’s infamous “Videogame Scene.”

18. Victoria Silvstedt – Boat Trip

Only breasts could possible portray the film Boat Trip in a positive light. Thanks to Victoria Silvstedt, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Horatio Sanz weren’t the two biggest boobs in the film.

17. Kate Bosworth – Blue Crush

Do you like surfers? Do you like tits? Then you’ll love Blue Crush…well, parts of it, anyway. Specifically, Kate Bosworth in a bikini. And once you’re done “enjoying” that aspect of the film, the plot itself will help lull you to sleep for a nice post-masturbatory nap.

16. Kelly Brook – Piranha 3-D

Piranha 3D is a great film, provided you enjoy violence and breasts. When a group of prehistoric piranha are released into an Arizona lake popular among college students on sprin break, bikini clad vixens like Brook end up as lunch.

15. Riley Steele – Piranha 3-D

We can’t mention Kelly Brook without including Riley Steele. She’s one of the few (although ever increasing) adult-film stars who have made the leap to the mainstream. Of course, by mainstream, I mean borderline softcore porn like Piranha 3-D. But even so, great job.

14. Cameron Diaz – Charlie’s Angels 2

I hear Cameron Diaz doesn’t look that great in person. Luckily, she looks just fine in this bikini scene from Charlie’s Angels 2.

13. Nicollette Sheridan – The Sure Thing

I’ve never seen “The Sure Thing,” so I can’t really comment on it. Deal with it.

12. Jessica Alba – Into the Blue

There are better shots of Jessica Alba in a bikini, but none from an actual film. Therefore, this scene from Into the Blue will have to suffice. The film features shipwrecks, sharks, and cocaine. Too bad Alba’s ass is still the most memorable part.

11. Denise Richards – Wild Things

I’m sure the lesbianism that takes place in this scene makes the bikini seem even hotter, as well it should. Richards played a high-school girl involved with a three-way love triangle with her teacher and a fellow student. Is it any wonder she ended up married to Charlie Sheen?

10. Ali Larter – Varsity Blues

I owe this high-school football drama a bit of gratitude. God bless Ali Larter for introducing the phrase “whip-cream bikini” into my vocabulary. Not that I will ever get a chance to experience one, but a boy can dream.

9. Halle Barry – Die Another Day

Halle Barry’s turn as a Bond Girl was hot, but it’s basically a carbon copy of another entry on this list. Even so, watching her come out of the water is a site to behold.

8. Jessica Simpson – Dukes of Hazzard

Remember when Jessica Simpson was hot? This will jog your memory. Simspon took the classic role of Daisy Duke and made it her own. And while the role is usually associated with short jean shorts, Jessica might be better remembered for he bikini.

7. Brooklyn Decker – Go With It

This Brooklyn Decker bikini scene from Go With It is the most recent entry on the list. But truth be told, it has to be one of the hottest. Too bad this Adam Sandler film is garbage, or a few years from now it could have ranked at the top of this list.

6. Brigitte Bardot – And God Created Woman

And God Created Woman helped bring bikinis into the mainstream. In the film, Brigitte Bardot is so hot, you probably didn’t even notice that the picture is in black and white. Oh, you did notice? That’s cool. There’s no shame in being gay.

5. Phoebe Cates – Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Phoebe Cates famous bikini scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High is also one of the funniest parts of the film. Much more so than that abortion scene toward the end.

4. Salma Hayek – From Dusk Till Dawn

Salma Hayek’s breasts are damn near perfect. But back when she was younger, they were perfect! God bless you, From Dusk Till Dawn. Vampire or not, I’d take a chance with Salma. It’s worth the risk.

3. Raquel Welch – One Million Years B.C.

Raquel Welch in a bikini is hot enough. Seeing her in a bikini made out of some sort of dead, prehistoric animal is even better.

2. Ursula Andress – Doctor No

This iconic Bond girl set the standard for bikinis in cinema. Her beach scene in Dr. No paved the way for all the Bond Girls to follow, including the aforementioned Halle Barry.

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She’s not the hottest woman on the list, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing more iconic than ######## in a ###### bikini. If you disagree, go screw a ########.