Your story checks out, James. Let's hope you were wrong about Skynet.
If there's one thing I love in this world, it's eating a nice big meal and then heading home to drop a deuce. If there's a second thing I love, it's Avatar. That's why my head almost exploded when I saw this picture. It manages to combine my love of Avatar and my love of defecation in a humorous and timely manner.
For those of you who don't know, the photo is from Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, the Rolls-Royce of bathroom periodicals. This particular page from back in 1999 confirms James Cameron's long held assertion that he had to wait so long to make Avatar because technology had to catch up to his vision. I guess he isn't a pompous windbag after all, at least not in this instance.
Although, as someone on a comment board pointed out, this is James Cameron. He could have easily sent one of his robots back in time to add that page. (Film Drunk)
Yo James! Time to get my blue ass paid again, bitch!James Cameron spent all of his money on hookers and underwater robots. The rest he just squandered. But those robots gotta eat, and now that the famed director is officially out of cash, he needs a way to make a quick buck before he has a full-blown cyborg uprising on his hands. Enter Avatar Special Edition. For roughly $15 dollars, you can see a movie that you paid to see less than a year ago. As if that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is not enough, there are also eight minutes of never before seen footage. That's only about $2 per minute. Compare that to your average 90's phone sex hot-line, and you'll find it's a bargain. Rumor has it that all they did was add five extra steps to every running scene. That might not sound like much, but remember, it's in 3D! See the TV trailer for Avatar Special Edition after the jump…
Clappin' all night in this bitch.Thanks to better than expected DVD sales, richy-richerson James Cameron is set to earn $350 million dollars from Avatar. That's a record breaking number for a director to make from one film, and well over a thousand times more than what a blogger can earn annually for writing pithy articles about movie-making on the Internet. But that doesn't matter to me. It's really my passion for Photoshop that keeps me going.The $350 million figure far outpaces the $97 million that Cameron earned for Titanic. That number will climb, of course, when he re-releases a 3D version of Titanic later this year (after re-releasing Avatar). We need a new term to accurately describe that amount of money. It's not f*ck you money, it's f*ck the continent of Asia money. (Deadline)
Awwwwe, not again! I got greedy!In what might as well be billed as the Please Give Us $12 More Dollars Tour, James Cameron's Avatar is returning to 3D and IMAX 3D theaters on August 27th. For those of you who are skeptical about paying for the "re-release" of a film that was still in theaters six months ago, 20th Century Fox has upped the ante by adding more than eight minutes of never before seen footage! If you're paying $12 or more for a 3D ticket, that comes out to well over a dollar-per-minute of new footage.The only way I'll pay to see Avatar again is if the new material consists of Jake Sully injuring himself to the point where his Avatar is confined to a wheelchair, just like his human body. Now that's irony! (Coming Soon)
We're through the looking glass here, people. Hustler has announced that their upcoming sexxed-up take on Avatar, entitled This Ain't Avatar XXX will be jamming more than ponytails into orifices in pants-swelling 3D. Though it's not the world's first porno (that distinction belongs to Octopussy 3D: A XXX Parody and Whorrie Potter and the Sorcerer's Balls), it will be Hustler's most expensive.This idea scares the crap out of me. I really don't want to be naked except for a pair of 3D glasses. That's a rule that I've set for my life and one that I don't intend to break. It's on my bucket list of things not to do. And what would happen if you cross your eyes while wearing those things?!! I don't know and don't want to know!! (Huffington Post)
In an effort to cap the massive BP oil spill, the federal government has called in none other than director James Cameron. Because of his expertise with "underwater filming and remote vehicle technology," Cameron, along with scientists and other experts, met with officials from the Environmental Protection Agency to discuss ways of stopping the colossal leak.Suggestions included sending a remote-controled robot back in time to kill the President of BP's mother before he was conceived and creating genetically engineered oil-human hybrid bodies which could then be used to interact with the spill and gain its trust.The federal government hasn't been this desperate since they sent that team of oil riggers into space to blow up that asteroid. But hey, I guess it worked out in the end. (HitFix)
What does it take for Hollywood to start giving back? About $2.7 billion. By the time Avatar arrived on DVD and Blu Ray, 20th Century Fox took a special Earth Day initiative. James Cameron himself got his hands dirty to help plant a real tree. This tree won’t have any psychic powers, but it has some real significance to Avatar’s environmental message:Cameron, actress CCH Pounder and Fox Executives planted the first of 1,000,000 trees that will be planted in 15 different countries throughout the year. If you like, you can visit the James Cameron tree on the 20th Century Fox backlot. Just tell security I said it was aight.More story and pics after the jump…
He's oozing sense of humor. James Cameron has weighed in on the decision to cancel a Sacha Baron Cohen Avatar skit from Sunday's Oscars in order to spare the director's feelings. He tells E!:"I don't know anything about that … I don't produce the Oscars. If they want to poke fun at 'Avatar' Sunday, that's okay by me." Show co-producer Bill Mechanic denies the allegations and comments:"It was a little too MTV for everyone."Oh right. This year's Oscars are about respect and gravitas and not fun party vibes. I forgot about that. I guess that means awards DJ Joel Madden won't be playing Diddy's "I'll Be Missing You" over the celebrity death montage. (Vulture)
All my ladies in the house with they real hair, who don't need welfare… Make some noise!!!Looks like the makers of Sony's Spider-Man reboot are taking steps to ensure they don't completely mess it all up. Avatar producer John Landau announced that Marc Webb met with alpha-director James Cameron last week to discuss shooting in 3D. However, talks broke down with an abrupt cold-cock when Webb asked Cameron if he was sad that he never got to make his Spider-Man. Just kidding. The playdate seemed to go well and both Cameron and Webb enjoyed a lolly after the two finished playing trucks.From Landau:"Last [week] we met the director of [the next 'Spider-Man' film]. [Webb] wants to do the next one in 3D, which they've announced that they want to do. So, we want to try to support that as much as possible."He then went on to address the films that don't do 3D correctly:"Clash of The Titans is coming out in 3D; they're converting it very hastily into 3D. I'm not in favor if that. If you want to shoot a 3D movie, shoot it in 3D."Daaaamn, Landau. Dems be fightin' words. Though, I'd have to agree with him on this. Dude knows what he's talking about. Yet I'm torn given his position on pterodactyl rape. (MTV)
BEST DIRECTOR SHOWDOWN This year’s Oscar nominations have been announced, which means it’s time to take the frontrunners from each category and throw them into the Thunderdome where they’ll wage…
We found a McDonald's Ireland site that lets you Avatarize yourself, so of course we turned celebrities into Na'vi. Enjoy the fruits of our stupidity.Whoopi GoldbergWillem DeFoeTilda SwintonMichael JacksonCarrot Top
The "Reverse Na'vi-girl" has already been perfected. Someone over at Hustler had the brilliant idea to turn the second (soon maybe first) most profitable movie of all time into a porno. Give that man a promotion! In addition to Hustler, he must have an endless subscription to DUH!!!!!! Magazine.The nakey, sweaty, blue-smeary version of Avatar will be called This Ain't Avatar XXX, and it's just one of a few forthcoming porn parodies from Hustler. They also plan to "produce" This Ain't Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX, This Ain't Glee XXX, and This Ain't CSI XXX: Chatsworth. Another genius must by scribbling these names down feverishly in the titling department.In fact, the titles are confusing and misleading altogether. Is this NOT Avatar XXX? Does that mean it's just the Avatar without all the moaning and thrusting? If I'm browsing the shelves of my favorite adult bookstore for the latest Avatar porn why would I want to buy the one called This AIN'T Avatar XXX? I want This IS Avatar XXX. I want the IS! All of the blue, long-tailed, pointy-earred filthy IS they can crame into one poorly executed film! Just don't give it to me in 3D. My senses aren't prepared for that onslaught… (Empire)
"Maybe swinging by Taco Bell before the show was a mistake on my part."Last night at the 2010 Golden Globe Awards, host Ricky Gervais talked about his penis and helped hand out some statues. Avatar won for Best Motion Picture Drama and Best Director. Michael C. Hall and John Lithgow dominated for their work on Dexter. The Hurt Locker walked away empty-handed. Maybe the film will have better luck at The Academy Awards where the winners are based on merit, not studio checkbooks. *almost keeps a straight face*CHECK OUT THE FULL LIST OF WINNERS AFTER THE JUMP…
"I duddits!!"We warned you that it would take over the world but you but you didn't listen. Had you shuttered up your windows, none of us would be in this mess. James Cameron's Avatar dominated the box office for a third weekend in a row, easily outpacing every other release and all of Tiger Woods' mistresses combined. And on a global level, the film has passed the $1 billion mark. Think of how many of these hats that kind of money can buy.There are only four other films in the billion dollar club. They are Cameron's own Titanic ($1.843 billion), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King ($1.119 billion), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest ($1.066 billion), and The Dark Knight ($1.001 billion). With a $1.022 billion take after only 21 days, expect Avatar to give Titanic a run for its money.With this surge of wealth, you can also expect James Cameron to spend the next ten years developing a new technology in order to make it rain more realistically on them hoes. (THR)
It's one thing to work years creating a breakthrough technology that will revolutionize cinema as we know it, and it's another thing to work years figuring out how to ilegally record the aforementioned breakthrough. Bootlegging is an art, and bootlegging Avatar is a bootlegging artist's Mona Lisa. (via IWatchStuff)We give credit where credit is due with these links.25 Hottest Women of 2009 (HolyTaco) Top 10 Embarrassing Sports Moments of 2009 (TotalProSports) Millenium Falcon Bed Guarantees Zero Sex (TheChive) 100 Twitter Accounts for Guys (Maxim) James Cameron Tells Fan to F**k Off (FilmDrunk) 20 Amazing Cheese Sculptures (SuperTremendous) Most Painful Movie-Going Experiences of the Aughts (Pajiba) Pics of Olivia Wilde's Booty (CelebJihad) Really Creepy Real Children's Books (Unreality) Sexiest Magazine Covers of 2009 (Asylum) 35 Hot Girls Wearing Santa Hats (RegretfulMorning) 2009 Chickipedia Hot 100 (MadeMan) Top 10 NASCAR Women of 2009 (AllLeftTurns) Massive Soccer Hooligan Brawl (NothingToxic) Atom's Best of 2009 (Atom)
Thanks to a focus on gimmicky tactics to get butts into theater seats, 3-D cinema is in the middle of its biggest success since its inception. You may not believe this, but 3-D has been around almost as long as movies themselves. But, feature-length theatrical 3-D movies have only been around for about the past 50 years. 3-D has had its ups and downs, but every few years it pops up again, either trying to build on previous successes in the market, or finding a new way to exploit the technology. Sometimes, it's even used to exploit kids' fandom of Michael Jackson (see "Captain EO").I decided to look at a few of the features that have proved important creating 3-D cinematic history – sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes very bad.
Posted below are six new clips from a small indie movie called Avatar that comes out December 18th. Like most other bloggers, I refuse to watch them because I want to get the most out of my expensive-ass IMAX ticket. Plus I like wearing shades when I see movies. You know, so the stuff jumps out at you and stuff, like Captain EO. If you like to experience your epic action-adventure movies on a much smaller, 2D screen, then by all means click play below.
The comedy troupe The Landline posted a new video on their YouTube page that doesn't shed the best light on Avatar director, Mr. James Cameron. Apparently, Cameron is really jonesing for some new effects to see his blue mutant cat people fully realized in gorgeous CG, and he's willing to go to extreme lengths to secure funding. The Landline members include Tim Martin, Charlie Todd, Michael Dubin, Jonathan Fernandez, Jill Donnelly, Jared Neumark, Ben Rodgers and Mike Antonucci. You can check out their YouTube page, and a slew of other funny videos here. James Cameron is Jonesing for Effects – Watch more Funny Videos
Avatar – Thanator Chase Clip – Watch more Funny VideosHey guess what, there's more Avatar news. But I gotta admit the above clip is pretty baaaaad aaaaass. When I catch the whole chase scene in glorious, mind bending Cameron-ized 3D I'll probably crap my pantaloons. I have to say, I'm getting used to the blue mutant cat people. Getting used to them indeed… (via IGN)
There's been some question whether HMFIC James Cameron's Avatar will turn a profit at the box office. Many speculate that the most expensive movie ever costs a whopping $500 million, but Fox Filmed Entertainment chairman Jim Gianopolous has scoffed at that figure. Though he won't admit final costs, he did say that number has no relationship to the actual cost of the movie. "I have no doubt about that," was his response when asked if the rumble in the jungle will turn a profit. Considering that Cameron's last film Titanic raked in $1,853,300,000 worldwide, I'm sure Avatar will do fine. However to ensure success, they may want to add a CGI Robert Pattinson. Just for good measure. (Reuters)
In an attempt to convince people over the age of 50 that it's okay if they go see a movie with blue mutant cat people in it, James Cameron appeared on 60 Minutes over the weekend. Cameron spoke with Morley Safer, the target demographic for the show (people on the cusp of death), and discussed Avatar, showed behind the scenes footage, and proclaimed that he indeed can be a real b*tch on set. There's even mention of an Avatar 10. Cameron most likely intends to complete this after he perfects cryonics and rises from a frozen state in 100 years, when technology can meet his demands for Smell-O-Vision. Watch CBS News Videos Online
150 minutes. That's the final number for Avatar's running time, not 7 hours like some of us expected. Of course when you add credits, trailers, commercials, and, since it's the holidays, a campaign for some charity you won't donate to, we COULD be looking at around 7 hours.Cameron has said that one of the contraints on his decision about running time was the Imax runs, which only allow a movie that's using the system to run 170 minutes at the longest. Of course, if Cameron really wanted a version longer than 170 minutes I believe he would have just invented a new Imax system. Cameron doesn't work with Imax, Imax works with him.(via THR)
"That's a huuuge bitch!!!!"There are conflicting reports about Avatar's final pricetag. Cameron and crew insist that the film cost $230 million but the New York Times guesses that it will top out around $500 million after marketing costs. At any rate, that's a lot of scratch. Is it even possible for the film to make back its money? Even if you factor in die-hard Cameron fans, the Christmas crowd, and Michelle Rodriguez's relatives, it still seems like kind of a stretch.But don't worry. FOX has a plan. The studio is going to release Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeekquel (because chipmunks squeek?) one week after Avatar's release. Sound plan FOX. If at first you don't succeed, show them your sh*t-eating chipmunks. (io9)
Avatar Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos Literally five minutes after we posted the international trailer for Avatar, Yahoo went and posted the domestic one in HD like a bunch of cocky biatches. I apologize for the name calling, Yahoo. You are not cocky biatches… I'm just a lazy biatch. If you like versions of trailers that are sharper, louder, and have less Elvish subtitles in them, than you're sure to prefer this one over the grainy one the foreigners have to watch. And don't you dare call me xenophobic. In Pandora, the blue cat Rastafarians think of xenophobia as a synonym for love. Ride these links like a hybrid pterodactyl dragon! Letters to Annoying People on Halloween (HolyTaco) Yankees Fan and His Crazy Motorized Wheelchair (TotalProSports) You Can Order This Hot Bride Online (TheChive) Marty Krofft is Puffin' Stuff (FilmDrunk) Kitten Eats with Chopsticks (SuperTremendous) Ten Most Badass Jesuses (Pajiba) Kanye West Interrupts Taylor Swift Being a Nazi (CelebJihad) What Disney Taught Us Growing Up (Unreality) Sasha Grey is Wonder Woman for Halloween (Asylum) Susan Was Just Jerkin' Around About Sex for Tickets (BustedCoverage) 25 NSFW Vampire Babes (RegretfulMorning) The Art of Fantasy Football (MadeMan) Kyle Busch is a Bitch Costume (AllLeftTurns)
The Internet has been subsisting on a grainy bootleg version of the full-length Avatar trailer for nearly a week. Well, those days are behind us. Though the domestic trailer is not due to debut online until tomorrow, America has, much like the evil Marines in the film, raped Thailand of their international trailer. Are we sure this is Thai? The subtitles look more like Elvish or the frosting trim on a gingerbread house.Anyway, Avatar opens on December 18th and is about dinosaurs eating army men. What are your thoughts? Do you plan on seeing Jim Cameron's 3D Rumble in the Jungle??
Sorry for the crappy bootleg version, but it's the best quality that exists online right now. You'll have to go to the theaters this weekend to see a better version of this three-minute Cliff's Notes epic on the big screen. Then… AND ONLY THEN… can we fairly judge the film's entire worth.
Finally the long national wait for the actually good Avatar trailer is over. Coming Soon (tee-hee) reports that a 3 minute and 30 second trailer featuring a hefty amount of story will premiere in theaters this Friday. No word yet on which film it will be attached to but this is said to be THE trailer. The most epic, shart-inducing, nipple-tingling visual feat ever rendered. The film is set to open in less than two months so expect a huge marketing push for this one. In other words, it's about to get Avatarded in here.Shut-ins and bubble people sadly will have to wait until Thursday, October 29th to view the trailer online. Damn! That's not nearly enough time to hone and perfect the intricacies of my CCH Pounder Halloween costume.
CLICK ON PHOTO TO SEE COMICPlayboy and Quentin Tarantino have teamed up to create a comic strip adaptation of a scene from Inglourious Basterds with reports that the director hand-picked and edited the piece. Here's the scene in the director's own words, "Okay, so. The Basterds come upon this Nazi and he's like this real bad Von Trapp-hating motherf&*%er, y'know? So. And then Brad Pitt's all like, 'Listen David Hasslehoff. I's Aldo Raines and I didn't come all the way to Germany for the strudel. We's in the Natzi-killin' business and we's here for your scalp. Today the hills ain't alive with the sound of music, Colonel Clink-looking motherf%$^ker. They's alive with the sound of killin'.' So. Y'know? (*pause; grows quiet*) May I have another Orangina please, Scott?"SIDENOTE: It wasn't until just now that I realized comic book Brad Pitt closely resembles loveable drunkard Andy Capp. And enjoy these glourious morning links…Get your tickets for Avatar's sneak peek. (THR)Brett Ratner directing Youngblood, wants Robert Pattinson. (MTV)Zombieland poster, err.. posted. (Empire)Saw scribes return to television. (/Film)Hottie Abbie Cornish talks Sucker Punch. (First Showing)Build your own Batman tumbler. (Cinematical)
Fellow Junkies, Comic-Con has come and gone, as has Screen Junkies from San Diego. It was our first ever trip down to Comic-Con and it will not be our last, but we learned a lot. Mostly, we learned that you have to surrender to the fact that you can't cover EVERYTHING at Comic-Con. Here's everything we DID cover: AVATAR Video clips of James Cameron speaking about AVATAR just moments after having unveiled 25-minutes of the film to Hall H @ Comic-Con.