Screen Junkies » austin powers

In Honor Of State Senator Ralph Shortey, Here Are 7 Notorious Hollywood Baby Eaters

Wookie Johnson — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:00:42 +0000

Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey has gone on record to say that baby eating is wrong. Last week he introduced a bill in his state that would ban “the manufacture or sale of food or products which use aborted human fetuses.” They have those? No. No they don’t. But it’s good to know that someone is standing vigilant in the case that food manufacturers do decide to start making taste treats from aborted human fetuses. Thanks, bro.

Here are a few film characters who should never set foot in Oklahoma. Check out these baby eaters. In the meantime, I’ll have a salad.

Vampire – Stake Land

In Stake Land, the United States is decimated when a plague of vampirism sweeps through, turning the population into either bloodthirsty monsters or food. The film was well received by horror fans for it’s willingness to go there. “There” in this case being a scene where a vampire feeds on a still crying baby. Other films and television shows in the genre would have you believe that babies are a delicacy for the undead. I’m not sure he reasoning behind this, but I am a big fan of mini-bagels. I guess it’s the same logic.

Fat Bastard – Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

You surely have friends that will still yell “I ate a baby!!!” in Fat Bastard’s Scottish brogue. Get better friends. Moving on.

9 90’s Movies We Need To Stop Quoting In 2012

Penn Collins — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:59:19 +0000

New Years resolution time, kiddos. Let’s start off with something manageable and attainable. If you fancy yourself somewhat grown-up and witty, perhaps you would be interested in weaning yourself off of so many trite movie quotes. Now, I’m not saying you should go cold turkey, but perhaps you could just lessen your dependence, showcasing your rapier’s wit. If that’s too much, just try quoting other movies.

Because no one’s really impressed or amused by your heavy-handed Austin Powers impression anyway.

The Big Lebowski

360“>

It’s a terrific film. Is it as transcendent as everyone makes it out to be? Probably not, but it’s damn funny and irreverent. However, you are not “The Jesus.” Those men are not cowards, and your filthy rug probably doesn’t tie the room together.

Most of the films on this list are very funny, but they don’t need to be a part of your day-to-day lexicon. If you spend much time quoting Big Lebowski, you probably don’t need to try to sound like any more of a stoner.

Acceptable holdouts: It’s hard to pick one, but I like, “I hate the fucking Eagles, man.” On account of The Eagles sucking so much.

Happy Gilmore

This film doesn’t hold up quite so well. It’s not that the years haven’t been that kind to it. It’s as relevant as it was when it was released. It’s just that we’re not 12 anymore, so jokes about an old man beating up a younger slob with anger issues isn’t that intriguing. Also, when you think about it, eating pieces of shit for breakfast is pretty foul.

Acceptable holdout: Anything Chubbs-related. “You’re acting like a damn fool,” especially.

Dumb and Dumber

You know what? I made a mistake. This one should stay. I was thinking about usable quotes, and there are just too many. This film offers wonderful lines about Aspen, John Denver being full of shit, being statistically more likely to die on the way to the airport, and dead pet parakeets.

Acceptable holdout: Eh, pretty much all of them, as long as that fella over there is Sea Bass.

Mike Myers To Milk ‘Austin Powers’ For Sweet, Sweet Broadway Money

Wookie Johnson — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 18:21:21 +0000

Not one to be outdone by Sylvester Stallone, Mike Myers is also planning to bring one of his iconic characters to the stage. In addition to a fourth Austin Powers film, the comedian is planning a musical adaptation based on the swinging 60′s super-spy. The musical stage show will be helmed by Book of Mormon co-director Casey Nicholaw, and will serve as a prequel to the Powers movies. The origin tale’s focus will center on how Austin first acquired his mojo.

Before you get all up in arms, note that Myer’s will not play the lead role in this musical. He’ll be much too busy with bringing another sequel to the screen. Besides, The Love Guru was first developed as a stage show and look how good that turned out. Eeesh. (THR)

‘Austin Powers’ Actor Suspected Of Killing His Cellmate

Wookie Johnson — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 22:41:32 +0000

An Austin Powers actor and UFC fighter currently serving time for rape is suspected of killing his cell mate. Joe Son, who played Random Task in 1997′s Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, was found alone in his cell with the seemingly slain prisoner.

Ex UFC fighter, Joe Son has murdered his cellmate. While serving a life sentence for gang rape, Joe Son has been attacked several times by other inmates who do not tolerate rapists in prison. It has not yet been determined why he killed his cellmate or how.

No troll. Fact: celly found dead. Joe and dead guy only ones in cell together. Guard doing count, sees celly is unresponsive, medical arrives. CPR performed. Celly has trauma to chest area. Pronounced dead. Innocent until proven guilty but looks like he did it. These are the only facts that I have right now. Investigation still in progress since it just happened on Monday around 5:00 pm.”

It’s unclear whether or not a shoe was used in the attack. You do have to wonder though, if Joe Son had a choice, do you think he’d prefer to be in prison or The Love Guru? (Cage Potato)