Whichever side you stand on with this issue, there is one thing that should unify us. Celebrities don’t have rights. That’s why we should promptly lock away a few and throw away the key. Nine possible threats to the free world are listed below, along with some sound reasoning as to why they should spend the rest of their days in a dark hole at an undisclosed location.

Russell Brand

Though totally enjoyable under the right conditions, Russell Brand has to be stopped. And it seems like he realizes this. He’s seem more chilled out as of late and focused more on career and family rather than being a total queef. But there’s always potential for a slide-back, or worse, a poorly handled Peter Sellers reboot. It’s best to bring him in until his risk to the public can be assessed. Besides, he’s not even a citizen.

Betty White

This menace to society has to be stopped. On the surface she seems like a sweet, elderly comedienne who loves people and animals alike. What are you hiding, Betty? Nobody is as awesome as you. It’s not scientifically possible. We don’t know what nefarious plot you’re planning to hatch on an unsuspecting America, but we know that we don’t like it. Whatever it is.

Julie Taymor

Did you know that in the last few years, Julie Taymor was personally responsible for 865% of all actor injuries on the planet? You didn’t? Just trust, in that case. Much like the super-villains she brought to life for Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, Ms. Taymor draws her power from a sinister source — broken collarbones and the music of U2. We can’t have a threat like this marching up Broadway.

(Editors note: By posting this gallery we are in no way suggesting that you go see Breaking Dawn.)

6 photosKeep Looking At New Pics From 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' Forever

“After their wedding, Bella and Edward travel to Rio de Janeiro for their honeymoon, where they finally give in to their passions. Bella soon discovers she is pregnant, and during a nearly fatal childbirth, Edward finally fulfills her wish to become immortal.  But the arrival of their remarkable daughter, Renesmee, sets in motion a perilous chain of events that pits the Cullens and their allies against the Volturi, the fearsome council of vampire leaders, setting the stage for an all-out battle.”

Huh. Here’s hoping the fearsome council of vampire leaders forgot to bring their magic swords or whatever. The movie’s coming out on November 18, so try not to run afoul of any sexy vampires and/or werewolves before then.

“Gold dust, Dancing Girls, and Long-haired Indians will all collide with this family in search of redemption, salvation and each other. A fairytale world provides the landscape and THE BOOM BOOM ROOM with a heartbeat.  A story of miracles, love and the belief in all that is good gives hope to all who journey into this magical world of wonderment.”

I don’t know what this means, but I cannot wait to see how Christopher Walken fits in. Please let him be playing a “long-haired Indian,” please please please. (via The Playlist)

The unfairly hot Ashley Greene and The Punisher Thomas Jane are in talks to join the Miley Cyrus film ‘LOL’. Yes, we’ve come to the point where movies are being named after text message abbreviations. According to THR, "the story centers on a teenage girl (Cyrus) who is dumped by her more sexually experienced boyfriend while her divorcee mother (Demi Moore) struggles to move on with her life."

Greene will play high school bad girl, and Jane will be Cyrus‘ father. One problem. The movie stars Miley Cyrus, which means Disney will have a double padlock chastity belt secured on it. So Ashley Greene is playing a bad girl, but we won’t get to see her do anything really bad. Such as seducing Demi Moore into some surprisingly graphic girl-on-girl action. …And now I apply the stand-by ice pack.

^{Watch out, Emma Roberts! A chubby, masked killer is in that photography studio with you!!}

Uh-oh. Looks like Scream 4 won’t be that much fun to look at afterall. Somehow or another Ashley Greene won’t be taking the lead. That role will instead go to Emma Roberts. EW has the penis-deflating news. **Slide whistle**:

Young upstart Emma Roberts is set to join the ensemble team of Courteney Cox, David Arquette, and Neve Campbell. And while the script from Kevin Williamson is being kept under wraps, sources tell EW.com that Roberts is expected to play Jill, one of the film’s primary heroines.

Details for this project are really murky right now, so it may be possible that Greene is joining up. If so, that information is being guarded right now. All in all, I can be happy with this casting news. Sadly, it’s probably the closest we’ll ever come to seeing Julia Roberts chased with a knife.

^{Photos courtesy of ‘Twilight New Moon‘ premiere and the day Hayden ate Webster}

I wasn’t sure if I should be looking forward to Scream 4 or not, but today comes news that at the very least, it will be fun to look at. Wes Craven has offered the lead to Ashley Greene as well as supporting roles to some other familiar faces.

Greene has been approached to play Jill, the cousin to Neve Campbell‘s Sidney. Hayden Panettiere has also been approached to play a film geek and best friend to Jill. The newest Culkin clone, Rory, may sign on as a love interest, and Lake Bell is in negotiations to play a police officer who knows Sidney from high school. Due to the secrecy of the project, the actors aren’t being told much about the film beyond their character descriptions. This is making it difficult for them to decide if they want the shoot this July, but I would think they’d be eager for the chance to work with David Arquette.

I really feel for poor Hayden, always being type-cast. But in all fairness, look at this nerdlinger:

God, I would kick so much sand in her face. (THR)

The decision to split Twilight: breaking Dawn into two movies is causing some money woes for Summit Entertainment. Or for the supporting cast, depending on your perspective. Professional erection and herection causers, Ashley Greene and Kellen Lutz are looking for bigger paydays now that their careers are beginnng to break out. They’re all like, "F*ck you! Pay me!!" And Summit’s all like, "No. YOU, f*ck you!!" Or something along those lines:

"We may have a situation where one of them is thrown out on the street to make a point," says a source close to the dealmaking.

There is precedent. After the success of the first film, Summit axed Rachelle Lefevre, who played Victoria, in part because her reps played hardball on money. (Bryce Dallas Howard got the job instead.)  But sources say the offers from Summit — which are said to be at least 10 times what the actors made on the first movie — were deemed "offensive" given the mega-money the franchise has generated.

This is a tough call. One the one hand, yeah f*ck those guys. But on the other, they DO have abdominal muscles and I’m pretty sure that’s what matters nowadays. That’s wh the American Gladiators are so well off and most artists die penniless. Honestly though, just replace him with Paul Walker. Same diff. (Yahoo)

I’d rather stop writing about casting news for the satirical comedy Butter, but they keep landing hot chicks so I must oblige. Last week Jennifer Garner) who attempts to win a butter-carving title formerly held by her husband (Ty Burrell), only to be thwarted by a young black girl (Yara Ahahidi). In mirrors the themes of the 2008 Democratic primary, but with butter. If I had one gripe about that particular primary, it was that it didn’t have enough butter, even with Bill Clinton there. (Movieline)

Ashley Greene enjoys butter so much she’s signed on to co-star in a movie about it. The film centers on an Iowa woman (played by Jennifer Garner) who attempts to win a butter-carving title formerly held by her husband (Ty Burrell), only to be thwarted by a young black girl (Yara Ahahidi). Wait, where’s the part about Greene slathered in hydrogenated oil? This has been one big tease! 

Greene will play a rebellious high schooler named Kaitlen Pickler in the film directed by Jim Field Smith, who also directed hottie Alice Eve in She’s Out of My League. Just a suggestion, but a movie starring Ashley Greene, Alice Eve, butter, and absolutely no premise sounds like box office gold. Mainly because I would personally see it 250,000,000 times. (THR)

Ashley Greene has starred in TV shows such as Crossing Jordan and Shark, but her big break came when she was cast as Alice Cullen in Twilight. Now she’s reprising that role in New Moon, and I’m guessing that trend will continue for two more movies.

A word from Ashley: “I think I’d like to play one of the villain vampires!“

Be grateful for the role you were given!

And YOU be grateful for the pics after the jump.

Twilight hottie Ashley Greene has signed on to star in The Apparition. In the supernatural thriller, Greene portrays one half of a young couple who are terrorized by an evil spirit that is unleashed after a college experiment goes awry. Typically college experimentation means turning ordinary household items into bongs and a little girl-on-girl so it should be interesting to see how either of those activities conjures a ghost.

The film will be produced under Joel Silver‘s Dark Castle banner and is said to be based on real events. Now, is this based on true events in the bullpoop way that Milla Jovovich‘s The Fourth Kind is allegedly a true story? Or is it true like the time I once ate 74 King Crab legs in one sitting? Nobody believed I could do it but I proved the skeptics wrong. The truth is out there. (Empire)