Skeptical, he replied, “I’d like to see you try!” And with a six syllable pitch, I effectively shot holes in his disbelief. Thus, I proudly present to you Seven Movie Characters Attacked By Lions.

Supporting Cast – Savage Harvest

When Tom Skerrit and Michelle Phillips take their children to Africa, it’s supposed to be the perfect getaway. However, the family is soon attacked by a pride of lions driven crazy by drought. Seeing that this is Tom F***ing Skerritt we’re talking about here, the family is able to survive multiple attacks. They’re colleagues however aren’t as fortunate, which is just all the more reason for them to wish they were Tom Skerritt.

Charles Remington – The Ghost and the Darkness

After using superior stealth and speed to kill off workers building the African Uganda-Mombasa Railway, two lions find themselves on the sh*t-list of a military engineer and the famous hunter, Charles Remington. But these are particularly clever lions who are perpetually one step ahead of their pursuers. Eventually, one is killed while trying to eat Val Kilmer and a baboon. It’s vengeful counterpart drags Remington from his tent and kills him before later dying itself in a final battle with the camp’s sole survivor.

In the spectrum of animal cruelty in film production, Luck doesn’t even come close. HERE are the worst offenders. Not cool, Hollywood.

Heaven’s Gate

"This is my seat!"

It’s fair to say that director Michael Cimino isn’t an animal lover. While filming his bleak anti-western, he allegedly killed chickens and bled horses in order to collect their blood and smear it all over his actors. In addition, he also allegedly BLEW. UP. A. HORSE. with dynamite during a battle sequence. And the scene made it into the final cut of the movie! That’s insane. To think what animal actors had to go through before Steve Jobs invented computers.

Reds

Reds director and leading man, Warren Beatty, apologized to the public when horses were harmed during the film’s production. While Beatty was away from set, the Spanish crew used tripwire to make horses fall during a battle sequence. In their defense, have you ever tried to get a horse really drunk?

And Gary Wiles, a biologist for the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife, wants the world to know that.

In the film, which hits theaters today, Liam Neeson‘s character must survive in the Alaskan wilderness, staving off feral wolves. Despite the presence of over 60,000 wolves in the US, only two wolf-related deaths are on record, which is probably like only 20% of the wolf-related deaths featured in The Grey.

From Spokesman.com:

“The facts are so much different than what I suspect is portrayed in the movie,” said Wiles, who helped write Washington’s recently adopted wolf management and conservation plan. “I always say show me the evidence that people are being attacked.”

And before you contradict Mr. Wiles, let me remind you that he has crafted at least one wolf management plan. How many wolf management plans have you written and enacted? None, probably.

Screen Junkies is going to take a stand here. We side with Mr. Gary Wiles, but will allow and possibly even enjoy the fictitious portrayal of angry, evil wolves, much as we enjoyed the portrayal of Zach Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper, and Ed Helms as a “wolfpack,” though we are aware that they are human actors, and not actual wolves.

*boom goes the gavel*

The competition is required to chug down a big mug of donkey semen and then follow that up with a glass of urine. Contestants must empty both glasses. NBC has been nervous about airing the segment, but seeing as they are in last place behind Telemundo, they figured, ‘Eh, f*** it.”

Kind of sad actually. Donkey semen.  They’re totally yanking from Jackass. (TMZ)

We can’t really hold a conversation about delicious horse meat without discussing which horses from stage and screen we would most like to eat. It’s hard, because there a lot of movies out there with succulent horses. It’s also nice because horses in movies generally die of trauma, which may sound terrible, but if you’re going to eat a horse, you’d much rather eat one that died from a bullet than from a cocktail of euthanizing chemicals. Trust me.

With that in mind, here are seven movie horses that we would be absolutely delighted to slaughter and eat.

Seabiscuit – Seabiscuit

The name alone makes my mouth water. Seabiscuit. Yum. As a rule, I try not to eat things that Tobey Maguire has sat on, but with this horse, I’m happy to make an exception.

I would make a dish called Seabiscuits and Gravy. Yum.

Spirit – Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron

I have stared at that title for about five minutes, and I’m still not convinced that last word isn’t “cinnamon.” I’ve never had a horse with cinnamon before, but I’m hazarding a guess that the horse is a bit gamey, as it comes for the West. But a few shakes of cinnamon should play nicely off its earthy, earthy meat.

Note: This is the second of many horses that have delicious names.

Cause of death in unknown at this time, and the release of the animals remains clouded in mystery. The only fact we have is that there is a town in Ohio being besieged by several aggressive animals. It’s awesome. Just like a movie. As such, Ohio should check out these nine movie animal escapes. What they learn might just save their lives.

12 Monkeys

Are far as radical terrorist groups go, The Army of the Twelve Monkeys kind of suck at what they do. Yeah, sure, they’re revered by citizens in the future because of the release of a killer virus. But, in truth, they weren’t responsible for its release. That was just lucky timing. All they really did was f*ck up traffic in Philly by releasing a bunch of zoo animals.

Free Willy

When his life in captivity is threatened by Michael Ironside’s greedy amusement park owner hoping to cash in a huge insurance settlement, Willy the Orca has no choice but to escape. Along with the help of a young boy, he escapes his tank and leaps to his freedom without crushing his savior. Suck it, Michael Ironside!!

Homeward Bound

Believing they’ve been abandoned by their vacationing owners, two dogs and a cat escape their pet-sitter and begin their trek home. These idiots fall in rivers, fight mountain lions, get attacked by porcupines, and then later, run away from their saviors. Nothing like this would have happened had they been crated.

Don’t worry, when there’s no more heathens these saved survivors will take care of your pets. I just hope it’s a single animal to a cage. Fraternizing gives my dog the runs. (Videogum)

These links guarantee access to heaven.

_{Hollywood’s 10 Most Eeeeevil Actors (Moviefone)}

_{Traveling at Light Speed Will Kill You (Asylum)}

_{Epic Beard Man’s Doodles (HolyTaco)}

_{Kevin Smith Won’t Shut Up About Southwest (FilmDrunk)}

_{Shaq Turned Down by Shakira (TotalProSports)}

_{Most Random Superwoman Picture Ever (Unreality)}

_{Interview: Ben Rothwell Talks Cro Cop (CagePotato)}

_{California NASCAR Babes (Maxim)}

_{Justin Bieber Torments 3 Year Old Girl (CelebJihad)}

_{The Best Snow Movies (Pajiba)}

_{It’s Really Hard to Tell a Girl You Love Her (Atom)}

_{How to Decode a Restaurant Menu (MadeMan)}

_{Auto Club 500 Odds (AllLeftTurns)}